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Well, today has been one of those days…  and I have so much to do…  but I have to write – I have no choice – it is my therapy…Thanks for being on this journey – i never  intend to burden anyone – there are just about 40 on this email – maybe it’s because I am almost at day 40 of being 100%. hmmm…

God Therapy, Tears and Re-Confirmation (Soubirous-Subaru-style), 10MAR

God has been my “All in All”.

The Holy Spirit fills me – and moves me – taking me to places unknown – the path is narrow but it is sure.

Jesus shows me the way – keeps me humanly possible to achieve who I am meant to be.

Music has been my muse and therapy.

The writing has been my spiritual-flood therapy, as well as the way I am sharing my journey.

I have been feeding on Scripture, Sermons and Song.

…and the Subaru?  That brings it all together – I find my rest – my temple – my quiet still place – my salvation all came in the Subaru.  It “unites” all these things together – a fitting translation of the Japanese word “Subaru”.  All these things while I am not standing still but constantly moving on my journey!

So today’s music therapy confirmed a thought about my eventual confirmation service.  No, I don’t need to be baptized again – I don’t need to be called “born again” – I will accept the term “awakened”. I will call this “corrective action by God”. And every day has been confirmation – God throwing mountains in my way and telling me to climb – God showing me more miracles and signs than I deserve to see – God has my back…  He comforts me with friends and faith – with GRACE – he aligns the stars, planets, the moon, and the sun – and the SON – to shine upon me…  He makes me notice all these things with praise – and forces me to process my thoughts to prose.

Today’s music therapy comes from Paul Simon – always one of my favorite artists – maybe my favorite – both as solo and as Simon and Garfunkel…  these are my favorites as well: Sting, Joni Mitchell, Billy Joel and Warren Zevon…  there are others too – like the Beatles, the Moody Blues, the Greatful Dead, Tom Petty…..  But Paul SImon has sustained me from my youth – my favorite song “Scarborough Fair” – i have all the albums – another set of resources for my ongoing life therapy.

Today’s songs included a couple songs that moved me this morning – moved me to write…  But this song – “Cool Cool River” this morning – in the Subaru – while I was thinking of the way i want to be confirmed again… this song is the one that moved me to tears – “Cool Cool River”  the lyric “I believe in the future …I may live in my car…My radio tuned to… The voice of a star”

Yeah – I so want to go through re-confirmation for my own selfish reasons – I know God confirms with me everyday – visions? well not to the level of my confirmation name St. Bernadette Soubirous – the Lady of Lourdes –  I have a whole lot to write about her – about me….I grabbed her name for confirmation class as a teen from a favorite movie… NO, I am not seeing her vision – and I don’t expect miracle healings from my words – but my experience feels like i am seeing miracles everyday – that is until you realize that this is the “new normal” for me and miracles are EVERYWHERE – just like GOD is EVERYWHERE…  Please believe me when i tell you that i did not chose to take up this journey by my own doing… to have this path – it was chosen for me – and i accepted it when God moved the mountain path right in front of me and told me to climb…  and he reminds me every day to continue to take his path –  don’t stray – even though i don’t always see where I am going…

You know – it is not lost on me that the pronunciation of  the last name of French St. Bernadette Soubirous sounds EXACTLY as it is written – Subaru – sigh…..been thinking about that for at least a week … I wonder, God, have YOU been planning that since the early 1980’s when I was confirmed? or when I was born?  How long do you tinker for fun and faith in this sandbox called Earth? How do you have time for me and for everyone?  Tell me, please, when i get to Heaven, OK? I am dying to know how YOU do it all…. Please tell St. Peter to give me a golden ticket to see how YOU do it all…

So – Yes – after I go through some more study – and i am not ready yet – i will plan a personal confirmation service – but not in church…. sure, i will re-confirm verbally (without being called out) when the teen confirmands take their oaths of faith in the late spring – but I actually want to take my re-confirmation – my REAL confirmation – in my Subaru – with my “core 4” inside and maybe (just maybe) I will invite a couple more – this is not a public confirmation show – it is a private personal journey – a personal confirmation – to “Unite me” – to “Subaru-me” to God’s plan for the rest of my life….to help me find Peace.

——–

Cool Cool River – Paul Simon

http://youtu.be/7LUyp34g3p8

Moves like a fist through traffic

Anger and no one can heal it

Shoves a little bump into the momentum

It’s just a little lump

But you feel it

In the creases and the shadows

With a rattling, deep emotion

The cool, cool river

Sweeps the wild, white ocean

Yes, Boss–the government handshake

Yes, Boss–the crusher of language

Yes, Boss–Mr. Stillwater

The face at the edge of the banquet

The cool, the cool river

The cool, the cool river

I believe in the future

I may live in my car

My radio tuned to

The voice of a star

Song dogs barking at the break of dawn

Lightning pushes the edge of a thunderstorm

And these old hopes and fears

Still at my side

 

Anger and no one can heal it

Slides through the metal detector

Lives like a mole in a motel

A slide in a slide projector

The cool, cool river

Sweeps the wild, white ocean

The rage, the rage of love turns inward

To become prayers of devotion

And these prayers are

The constant road across the wilderness

These prayers are

These prayers are the memory of God

The memory of God

And I believe in the future

We shall suffer no more

Maybe not in my lifetime

But in yours, I feel sure

Song dogs barking at the break of dawn

Lightning pushes the edges of a thunderstorm

And these streets

Quiet as a sleeping army

Send their battered dreams to heaven, to heaven

For the mother’s restless son

Who is a witness to, who is a warrior

Who denies his urge to break and run

Who says, “Hard times?

I’m used to them

The speeding planet burns

I’m used to that

My life’s so common it disappears”

And sometimes even music

Cannot substitute for tears

———

 

the whole Paul Simon Greatest Hits album will be my therapy today…typing as i listen…

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1T0hHFDjgDEsdJmnvTbE0eZpHgzWMxGc

 

– from “Graceland” –

There is a girl in New York City

Who calls herself the human trampoline

And sometimes when I’m falling, flying

Or tumbling in turmoil I say

Oh, so this is what she means

She means we’re bouncing into Graceland

 

 

– from “You can call me Al”

He looks around, around

He sees angels in the architecture

Spinning in infinity

He says Amen! and Hallelujah!

 

 

– from “The Obvious Child”

I’ve been waking up at sunrise

I’ve been following the light across my room

I watch the night receive the room of my day

Some people say the sky is just the sky

But I say

Why deny the obvious child?

 

The way we look to a distant constellation

That’s dying in a corner of the sky

These are the days of miracle and wonder

And don’t cry baby don’t cry

Don’t cry

 

 

– from “Take me to the Mardi Gras”

And I will lay my burden down

Rest my head upon that shore

And when I wear that starry crown

I won’t be wanting anymore.

Take your burdens to the Mardi Gras

Let the music wash your soul

 

 

– from “Hearts and Bones”

Easy time will determine if these consolations

Will be their reward

The arc of a love affair

Waiting to be restored

You take two bodies and you twirl them into one

Their hearts and their bones

And they won’t come undone

Hearts and bones

 

 

– from “Bernadette” –  oh! my confirmation namesake!  – yeah the whole song speaks to me – i am not going to post this whole song – but it brings a smile to my face 😉

Come with me

There’s a place I want you to see

When the leaves are dark

I’ve got a hiding place in Central Park

And the sky is a coat of diamonds

 

 

– from “Slip Sliding Away” –

God only knows

God makes his plan

The information’s unavailable

To the mortal man

We work our jobs

Collect our pay

Believe we’re gliding down the highway

When in fact we’re slip slidin’ away

Slip slidin’ away

Slip slidin’ away

You know the nearer your destination

The more you’re slip slidin’ away

Slip slidin’ away

You know the nearer your destination

The more you’re slip slidin’ away

Mmm…

 

– from “Still crazy after all these years” –

– YES – I AM – Still crazy after all these years!