#17

I can see that this writing was strong mental processing when I jotted down ideas then had to write them out. I had written over the course of nearly one month and this was #17 – wow. I never asked to write these – but felt compelled – a new way of therapy for me and my questions..  16 items written – I printed, folded them and dated them and have them in a now special box – I don’t know what to do with them – but I know what they have done for me – so I am grateful… and I am gladly out of this vacuum – I only shared with a few to start thinking someday maybe I will find the right audience – one piece and one person a time.

An Epiphany, 05JAN

It’s epiphany, the three wise men are coming. It’s AN epiphany and THE epiphany. The three kings – the scholars – the astronomers – they see the star – not just any star – but THE star. History would say it might be a comet, but regardless it was something in the sky that they knew was new, it was different, it was a sign… The wisemen found a star to a new king – finding that king that has been a personal epiphany for many.  But by the time the kings arrived, this baby was perhaps three years old (that’s the trouble with history, we try to force our Hallmark-guided, rigid, mathematical calendars to describe a tremendous amount of unwritten history – that which was passed by word of mouth. We have to remember that if it wasn’t written down then who are we to say what exactly happened and what time it happened…).

I long to be one of the Kings,  well not exactly a king – and not exactly a queen – but I certainly would like to be a wiseman –  a wise woman that is (sometimes I’m even a wiseguy). I try to be very learnered, I try to seek the truth, to understand the science, to get it, to establish why and how. I try to bring the universe into my sphere of understanding.

After bestowing their gifts, the wisemen left the child to return home. An angel came to them, gave advice to return by another route to their homeland, skip King Herod – don’t tell him where the child was –  spare the child’s life. Wise as they were, they probably never saw an angel before… but this angel must have been beyond disbelief. unexplainable by science, divine intervention, the Word of God. Luckily the wise men were wise enough to listen… and traveled home in a new direction.

I wonder… Perhaps I am not wise but just full of factual info – without the wisdom to apply it.  Have I seen the star? maybe… but have I actually followed it? Am I still looking? Perhaps…

Perhaps I have seen the star and perhaps I have followed it.

Perhaps I am just not sure of the way home yet.

Perhaps I am not sure of the direction to take.

Perhaps I am still depending on my learnered state without applying the wisdom and perhaps I want the easy way out and am waiting for an angel to make it clear for me –  to show me the way.

Perhaps I am waiting for an epiphany – a “EUREKA” moment – perhaps I will not get that moment…

Perhaps I am waiting for an angel rather than simply taking in the spirit of Christmas here and now – I know I should not wait for this baby epiphany – but I should take heed of the child before the baby is grown.

Christmas is like an “open enrollment” for Christians – get in while there is a 12 day open window – get in to Christianity while it is easy to love and seek a baby – and there is a big ole star shining your way, you can’t miss it…  Perhaps it is not a problem for many Christians to get “into” Christmas – but perhaps it is harder for them to find their way home afterwards – they are waiting for that angel to tell them their path – when really they need to chart it for themselves.

As much as I want it to happen, it is not going to be an angel who is going to tell me how to act – where to go – or to tell me who to share my new found beliefs with – and who NOT to share them with… just as the wise man had to avoid telling King Herod, who would have done the baby harm, I have to pick and choose who is open to my tale of my spiritual Christmas gift – I have to discern what are the Holy Spirit’s words and what are just leftover words from this Christmas’ flood of emotions…

Yes I/we must discern how we share our faith, those blessings of God’s effects on our lives. we must find the right audience, must find the people who will believe us, who can consider us “genuine”.  We need to find the people who don’t think we’re spouting blasphemy – we need to find the people whom we already have a personal relationship with – and to whom we can connect.  When we are bold enough to speak, we pray the Holy Spirit will gives us the right words for the right audience at the right time.

So – it’s epiphany – its baby Jesus revelation to the world – hoping Christians will stop by, and be wise enough to find their way home with grown up Jesus in their hearts and in their minds. I hope for an epiphany that lasts – for the wisdom of the wise – for the wisdom to take the baby home.