Prologue (written mid 2015):
So, I have been having private conversations with God – but writing them – I have no idea why God chose this method of therapy for me, but from December to January I have written over 30 pieces…. My biggest realization is that I was not feeding myself spiritually enough…even though I have been working so hard to feed my fellow church family, I was only taking tiny bites on the run… I love teaching Sunday school because it is a way to learn the material and the perspective of a child learning it for the first time. I had a break through teaching Sunday school and this Christmas flood (the first essay) happened to me. And this first devotional told me to save the Christmas rain and use it all year – and I have been writing and writing almost every day – just about 30 pieces now in just one month… some pieces are good for certain people in their situations and others for others… and the writing has been my drainage ditch for the flood waters – and I can dip back into them when needed…and send the right one to the right person. Little did I know that I made a prophetic statement when I posted on facebook in early December that I needed to 1) go to see a favorite annual Christmas house display and 2) go to our church Christmas band concert the first Sunday of December – both I needed to prepare myself for Christmas – as you would put on an oxygen mask on an airplane – put it on you first before you put the masks on others… SO – little did I know that it was CHRISTMAS that would be my oxygen mask for the rest of my life forward…
I have reached out to others to help me in this journey – I could not do it alone – but my fear was being laughed at or judgmentally scoffed at. The most Christ-like quality I have experienced in my conversations with my spiritual guides has been their sincere non-judgmental support…
Because my brain and my heart haven’t been in sync about God and Jesus…I have been a combination of ignorant and skeptical questioning…and for me to have these beliefs while I have been in the leadership positions that I am in… wow … I think people would freak. But I am certain now that God has been putting some corrective action on me in order for me to pull in people like myself…and help others who like me have to “get themselves out of the way” and just believe, just have Faith…and I have the best church family…when I have approached the table, I have been feed so much… I am now a sincere seeker. I have been asking to learn to “walk humbly with God” and prayed for the right words – to have the Holy Spirit give me the right words at the right time.
I realize that the best way to share these revelations would be in person, chatting with you individually…. but I feel that I have been writing for a reason – to share this growth with a wider audience – I really think that at some point I am going to share these more publically – but for now – I have been sharing them with a few people – some to some folks, others to others… and the writing has been so good – allowed me to dump my brain and keep going… actually had over 30 pieces in just a month – yeah – I can’t believe it either… [editor note – it is over 300 pieces for a whole year]
After a slow start of sharing with individuals – one then three then five then seven then twelve, it is getting so much easier and easier…and even now I am so looking forward to individual people whom I am going to share my journey with – I am looking each and every day for the right opportunities – and God has opened the conversations up. Sometimes the conversation wasn’t right – it was not the time…but most have been so amazing and so encouraging… One that made me shake – was the most amazing discussion with my Pastor – about a month after the Christmas Flood – it was time to have this discussion –and after a dinner, I saw an open opportunity and I just tried to find the words to describe this profound spiritual growth… and HE ALREADY KNEW – HE SAW IT- that blew me away… and then like a flood gate opening – everything I have been going through came out and it is was GOOD. And the gate is open now.
So now I share with YOU – MY FRIENDS – MY DEAR FRIENDS – whether you know me or not, I hope and pray that you can listen to your heart – get your brain in the right place and listen to the phrase: “BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD” Christianity is a journey – sometimes it rolls faster than others – sometimes you climb and sometimes you coast… I can see God has put me on a track and I am climbing a mountain for a reason – and I hope to encourage those around me to climb too… And in all of it – THANK GOD!