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Christmas Decompression, 25DEC – an email letter to that first trusted friend…

I am starting to decompress from this whirlwind month/year. But I am not planning to scale back my journey – it has just begun. I have so much work to do figuring out where the Lord is leading me…I really am looking forward when we can sit down for a solid chunk of time to talk.

I have been wondering if this recent flood of Christmas spiritual gifts will continue. You asked on Tuesday – “what is going on with you?” and yeah – there is something so unmistakably real going on with me…  Once I dumped my diatribe of issues down and later shared them with you – the flood gate waters opened in my parched desert and wow… my heart overloaded, overflowed, I got Christmas coming out all over!   It almost wants me to forget about those nagging questions and just go with it hook line and sinker… almost… but I am still wanting to catch my brain up – I am wanting to research – to consult the biblical scholars – I don’t know where this will take me…  or maybe I will never figure it out – but my heart is so filled with the spirit that never in my life have I ever felt so ready to accept/justify/believe what the Lord is showing me is truth.

As much as I am ready – I have to say though that today’s God sighting was unexpected…  I opened a gift from my cousin (he and I share our birthdays one day apart in the same year – he always picks out or makes the most amazing gift for me – he is the one who puts the most effort into my gift every year.  we have a super special bond and I always love his gift)…  and today I opened his present – and wow – I have attached a photo – this beautiful cross necklace and matching earrings that he made specially with me in mind…  my heart skipped a beat because he wouldn’t have known about my recent journey (I have told only five or six trusted souls I have had a flood of spiritual growth – without telling even them what the spiritual growth was/is) … my heart skipped a beat because I don’t yet feel worthy to wear this in all truth and spirit – I want to be – I so so want to be, more than anything – but not yet, I am still journeying – I am still too questioning – ugh – I’ve never been so ready and yet – I have my work cut out for me – actually I should say that God has His work cut out for Himself with me…  please pray me some luck…whether it is a sign or not – I take it as a sign that God is pushing me harder than ever…

That said – I do have a tremendous blessing coming – I am ready to open that VBS shipment in the next week – I guess there is no need to worry about the Christmas let down – a blessing in a box is waiting for me!

Thanks for listening – allowing my mind to speak confidentially while setting it down on “paper”. I have so slowly found been given the right words to share what is on my heart about my spiritual journey… you think it is funny that I am questioning Jesus but believe 99.44% in the holy spirit?  hmmm….

I sat with one of our mutual friends and I was wondering if the words would come that time – but they didn’t -and I knew that my journey was/is still too private to share with most of the world. It’s actually easier to tell strangers than those closest to me.  I have found it easier and easier to open up and share – and I pray that I will eventually be able to share my revelations in real, meaningful ways and I will not off-handedly want to blast them to the world…there is no eureka here and why should there be – everyone’s path is uniquely their own.  I found, with the exception of Sunday school, that my words have come in short private one-on-one conversations. Maybe that is why God is having me write this journey down…