Thou Shall Not Covet, 15NOV
I am up, 2:30am… Why Lord?
I need sleep, I slept all five hours really well, so if I write this all out, will you let me go back to sleep, Lord?
I will write this backlogged thought… My great sin right now is a basic one – a ten commandments basic one: “Thou shall not covet”…
See, my old greatest sin used to be NOT believing in Jesus as the Son of God (minor point, huh? oops). But now, I know am truly NEW in CHRIST, just like 2nd Corinthians states, and I know I am blessed to have been made new… I do feel new, I am new, I am SO different… But there are many NOT so different aspects of my life, still rough spots to iron out, hmmmm…
So God had been taking care of a lot of those things that started changing life for me for the better – God changed them in rapid fashion – and God always would like to hear some appreciation Hallelujahs from me to praise HIM, so YES, Lord, “Thank You and Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah”)….
The things that changed were rapid – but now in my accelerated time frame of expectations, I am not sure if I am allowed to say “what’s next God?” Am I allowed to make a laundry list of improvements I would like to see? What’s the next moving mountain, Lord? Do I push God? Do I let it be? Do I instead try to change me and not the situation? Am I simply being impatient? Am I asking too many questions because this is ALL new to me???
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT”
God wants me to focus on HIM, of course, and we all desire Jesus to grow in the most intense way in our hearts, so why should I want even the slightest bit more? I know God wants us HAPPY, happy enough to do HIS work – and He wants us content. So I ask Lord, why am I still tinged with jealousy and want for even more than you already gave me? There are small scale wants and large scale wants… I want more sleep, sure, but that’s small scale – no biggie – and I know I might catch a nap later today after church… But large scale wants? are we allowed to want? Hmmmm…. !!!!
See I know it is NOT always jealousy over things… NO, for me it’s coveting the LIFE THAT I THINK I COULD HAVE… !!!! God gives real commandments warning about jealousy. I don’t have a quick fool-proof answer or solution for this perplexing issue of how not to be jealous, but I do know I want to be content – But perhaps God doesn’t ALWAYS want me to be content, otherwise how would I’ve stayed motivated? I don’t know the answers here – And just like when we put on a sweater when we are cold, we seek out others when we are lonely, and we strive to be the best we can be… perhaps God says “OK, I will give you free will enough to motivate you to improve your lot in life as long as you are doing it for the right reasons… TO PLEASE ME…”
His Grace IS sufficient and it’s my job to show and to tell others that too… And if you improve your lot in life enough to help that cause, perhaps God says OK… Good works won’t get you into heaven, so since we are IN already (we hope), it’s time to spend time instead working the rest of HIS WILL – which is spreading the Good News, and improving the lot of the masses.
So I ask you Lord… if I strive for my desired plan and I pursue it, am I a sinner? Well, yeah, I am already a sinner; we all are sinners… that’s why Jesus came!!! But OK, but do I become an even GREATER sinner then?… So can I pick and choose my sin?
I don’t especially expect any answers here Lord… I don’t have wisdom that deep, but I do appreciate Your PEACE when you give it to me… So, I will try to be at peace at being a sinner, and I will use this burning sin question of mine to depend on Jesus even more…. I WILL depend on asking YOU each time I become jealous of what I THINK I could be and what I THINK I deserve… If I decide to improve “my lot in life”, I will pray to ask “am I doing it soulfully for You and YOUR ultimate goal? Or am I doing it solely for me?”
I pray Lord, that sometimes we can get our goals to align, just like stars… I will pray to contribute greater to further YOUR will… and if it pleases YOU, then please make our desires mutual… Please let Us agree sometimes…
I LOVE you Lord, You know I do.
Thanks, and let’s get some more sleep, ok? Thanks for the chat, Lord… You rest up too ok?
Your growing child.