email to women’s retreat organizing folks – to L.H. whom I wanted to share my journey with, 31JAN
OH L.H.! I am so so sorry – I know it must be terrible to be in such pain and also to not be able to do all the things that you want to do – having thrown out my back a few times…
I have to tell you now – by email – writing – that I have been called by God to write out this whole last month of my experiences, so it totally doesn’t surprise me that I have to write this all out to you… and it is likely the best thing for me to write this because my words are not there when I speak – but boy do they flow when I type… so – you may want to have a tissue nearby 😉
Of course I want lunch together with everyone so badly – but honestly it was really my enthusiasm that I could not wait to tell you, personally, with my words of the most amazing journey that I have been on last year and acutely this past month… I thought I would tell you directly first – but as I have been sharing more and more – this is coming out in God’s terms and in God’s time… which is pretty darn fast at the moment…
So – I knew/know that you will be happy – I wanted to tell you so much that I finally get it —- I finally, finally, finally accept Jesus……
I have been so blessed – I have finally had this flood of emotions coupled with my brain getting in sync with my heart and whoosh – a journey I wouldn’t trade for anything – it took me 45 years – but I am here.
I wanted to tell you in person and then tell everyone else – and yet I know that writing is my method… I probably couldn’t have gotten through the conversation anyway – without the tears – I just now finished a good 5 minutes of tears at my sorrow that I couldn’t give you the biggest hug – because Lord knows that you won’t want that for your bad back!!!!!, I am so so happy now and humbled that I HAVE FOUND AND ACCEPTED JESUS TO BE REAL FOR ME! yes I feel like SCREAMING it – but I so want to make sure my words are right – and I want the Holy Spirit to guide my words and not my Blarney-Stone-induced gift of gab… and this has been the case – my opening of speaking it has been with people who already saw it in me – wow…
With our retreat women, I have been blessed to have real wonderful conversations – and the women’s retreat was so needed in my mental therapy for peace after a busy year each year and before a busy Christmas season each year… the first one I attended was the 10th anniversary one and sure, I saw it as a chance to get out of the house of a one year old and four year old – who wouldn’t want the break – and I said “If I sit on a rock all weekend, I will be happy” and I didn’t do that I was like “wow – I already know these women – they aren’t scary bible-thumping women that I feared – they are the most gently and God-loving and people-loving … and at the end of the retreat, I had such the best cry with Pastor S – when I was able to let down and release the bottled up stress of life….
LH – you have been the most gentle soul – my canoe partner – my roomie… With you, I realized that one doesn’t have to be a bible thumper – excuse the term – but one can be the witness to the power of God and Jesus – to live the life – to walk the walk and not just talk the talk – you certainly have and live Jesus’s words everyday – and to be human – i know you put that cockroach on wheels in my shoe in the bathroom which I proudly displayed afterwords on the shoe because it filled the crack and everyone took notice… yup – fits with a sermon Pastor J preached (jan11) about filling cracked Japanese pottery with beautiful gold – Kintsukuroi – God fills in our broken cracks beautifully with golden repair so others can see where we were healed…well God has filled my cracks with gold and beautiful plastic cockroaches on wheels… smiles…
So – I have been sharing my story with writing – with first “A”, then “Pastor S” and my friend-counselor-ace-in-my-pocket “K”… truly blessed to have this as a digital release valve for my thoughts and prayers…. then I was able to open up my pieces to a few more and a few more – very specific pieces for very specific people… and that list now includes Pastor and a couple others just today… when GOD walks the person into my path I know it is time to tell of my journey… I must tell you that it has been a LONG process in a short amount of time – easing into what is right to share – and I am getting there still – small openings, telling of where I am – rather than where I have been – and I feel so blessed!
ah….. so I will now send you some of my writing – again I have been writing to therapy-myself through this – I actually have over 40 pieces now – and I have been so blessed to have three initial and now about a dozen people on my journey with me… I had not an eureka moment – but a snap in my brain (I wrote about this in the second essay that I will send you- my LEGO Christianity essay) I had this aha moment when I was teaching my sunday school class and made up my own lesson using a well know experiment using hydrogen peroxide, dish soap and yeast – where yeast acts as a catalyst and brings about a change in the hydrogen peroxide – causing fun oozing warm bubbling of oxygen… I called the yeast Jesus – acting as a catalyst to bring change to people more quickly than had been taking place – an “oooohhh – maybe I can now see that is the reason for Jesus” and that became my mediation for my questioning – for about a year ? maybe more? I can’t remember – but then my “Christmas Flood” came…
LOVE YOU – and thanks for letting me share like this 😉
I pray for your back – for others to come around you and for God’s hands and His breathe to blow that back back into place… for others to pick up your heavy pans of life and lighten your load – and most of all for your continued health – for the doctors to do the right things to help you and I pray and sing this with words from a song that ring truer to me now than ever before: “Jesus, may you receive the honor that you are due” Amen
On Sat, Jan 31, at 6:01 PM, LH wrote:
I am also looking forward to our lunch date, BUT if I don’t show up at church tomorrow it is because: On Tues. I fell in our big kitchen, wrenching my back. On Friday morning, after a nearly sleepless night, I told my husband to take me to the emergency room. Well, I have a compression fracture in my lower back, and am on pain meds. My husband could drive me tomorrow, but I won’t know until morning if I feel up to the ride. I am waiting for an appointment to see an orthopedist; hopefully they call with a time on Monday. Pray for me. This is a very busy time at our campus, with our new candidates in training, and the kitchen opening (only for two nights a week, as our volunteer cooks cancelled out the day they were to arrive. sad. I can do some supervisory work, but not lifting the pans, etc.
On Sat, Jan 31, at 6:22 AM, debbie wrote:
So looking forward to our lunch!!!!!