I was Saved, now I Beam, 12JAN2020
Five years now, since God got my head on straight, This time span has brought me into some dear sentimental moments as I revisit some of my awakening amazement…
I felt my tears flow as I drove in to see the 911 steel sculpture yesterday, at the Garden of Reflection. I knew my tears would fall. Yes fallen tears for fallen lives who were prayerfully heavenly found. But this day my tears gush for me, because without Jesus I would never have been found. Never found is the worst thing I could ever imagine… oh my tears if I had missed Jesus yet again… I didn’t know that Jesus existed as the Word in me, I didn’t – I do now. Two years after a crucial Sunday school science class, God made His moves on me, Dec 10, 2014 thru Jan 2015, it was 2 months of intense processing and writing, scriptures and sermons, and crucial conversations with God and God’s helpers. Then that day, on Feb 1st, 2015, standing at the garden of reflection, I knew that I grew. I was lost in my driving that day, only to have been found that I had been led.
I was Saved. Jesus became and is my Lord and Savior. One cannot say that without knowing the truth of Jesus. I learned the truth, God’s Way. God relentlessly hunted me down until I was found.
Jesus finally got me. It took Him 45 years. This was not the end of a journey, but the beginning of a NEW walk with Him EVERYDAY. I pray you all continue your walk with Him.
Feb 1st, I confirmed that I would never go back to being iffy on Jesus. I asked: “Do I really believe in You Jesus? – Yes, YES I DO.” That Feb 1st day, Superbowl Sunday, I flipped over a coin nestled in the steel I-beam, it was a token of John 3:16, how fitting: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” So today I left a little of encouragement to give back – a card that says: “God loves you. Jesus saves you. The Spirit moves you.”
I have been made an observer and scribe of my own intense mental rewiring 5 years ago, where I thought I was going crazy. Some early days I just sat all day and thought about God. I was being led and molded, and God let me know that He was the one doing it. With everything timed just so, the Lord Himself changed me. No one ever knew where my faith was or wasn’t. God knew. It is funny how prideful I was not knowing I was lost, but surely I can tell you humbly that I knew when I was found. Peace is from where I met Jesus in me. The eye of my hurricane. The peace in my life. The Savior for later, and the Savior for now.
Why me? Why? God gently regrafted me to the Vine. Unlike some blockbuster cases, I didn’t feel crisis or angst. But God knew I needed to feel loved and peace. I had pride, ignorance, self-righteousness, I was half-blind. Lost without ever knowing how lost. And now I know we are sealed together, that JESUS DOES NOT LOSE ANYONE THE LORD GIVES HIM (John 6). SO WHY ME? Probably so that I can tell you to look for Jesus too, because Jesus is looking for you.
So where do I walk now? Lord only knows.
I am His, and He reminds me of this daily. My Psalm 139 existence.
If you well up with tears, you can feel Jesus tears for the lost.
If you feel warm JOY, you are being washed in Jesus’s LOVE.
If you need to shed tears, no tears are as healing as the tears of God’s LOVE.
If you listen to the Lord long enough, He says – trade your tears for tasks, get moving.
Here’s a simple devotion poem, mentally written as I walked in tears thru the garden, how classic of the Lord to make my tears absorb back in, and instead to let these words flow out:
I see you thru my tears.
I came back to touch you.
You are cold. Jesus is warm.
I believe You Lord.
You came to get me.
No one knew I was lost.
I became aware of You, and You in me.
Jesus, You saved me. I was there.
Jesus You BEAMED and I saw You.
Jesus You SHINE, You’re forever mine.
I am commissioned Lord, lead me.
You want all to know You.
Jesus, I BEAM for You.
“All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life”… John 6
“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2nd Peter 3