31 (make sure to read #32 after this one)

Rock Climbing and Life Lessons, 17Jan

Tonight I failed, twice. Everyone is fine, but rock climbing fails can be fatal. We are fine and having fun rock climbing with the girl scouts. But I failed my belaying test…was I over confident? Or just a beginner’s mistake? I got my hand caught in the mechanism and I was stuck and in pain…I was testing so the trainer had the rope too he had my back and the person wouldn’t have fallen (this time) but still I was in pain and I twice lifted my hand off…he failed me right there…says it happens all the time, he will retest me in the morning…I was and am  upset at myself, for over confidence, for not working thru the pain…for taking my eyes off the climber and my hands off the rope…now, I know this was a common mistake the first time doing it…but I hate to fail…and worse I interpret everything that happens these days as God trying to tell me something..and I relate this to my helping people…what if I extend my hand, my ear, my compassion, and then let go of the rope?… what if I take my eye off the climber…if I am going to stand for something and offer to help and be bold in what I do…how am I going to handle if the person falls?….I try to watch out for people…I feel pride sometimes in helping people whereas I should feel prayer not pride…I should feel humble that God showed me someone hurting …chose me to help…

I ask myself, what if I can’t stay consistent…I will so try try try! There is no easy answer…my tears…I had to remove myself from the fun scout event in this overwhelming sorrow and stress. I was so blessed to have my troop leader, my silly sister,  come up beside me… comfort me and tell me what I would tell anyone else…these things happen..and you can’t always prevent the crashes…you can’t always stop the pain…

Tomorrow I will take that test  again…I am going to put myself out there again…and I am going to pray and keep my eye steady and my hands moving, listen and watch…it’s too important to me to not help people, it’s too important for me to not trust God…
My second fail tonight was my lack of trust and my motions on the rope may have caused my belayer to slip with her hand too…she will be ok, but more painful than mine…her hand was stuck…I didn’t trust when I saw too much slack in the rope…I didn’t trust and she got hurt…I found I was next to a fenced wall and scaled it as fast as I could… Sometimes God closes a door but opens a window… I scaled myself to safety.
So how can I trust God unfailingly? I am weak and only God can help me learn how to trust Him 100%. I have to trust… I have to get out of the way and just put 100% of my trust in Him,….otherwise it is going to cause someone pain and I will come crashing down.