26

Strike, 10 Jan

If God were a bowler, he’s rolling a pretty good game right now. Not a perfect 300 score, but I think he might put in some extra frames on me, just because he can, he’s GOD for God’s sake…not a perfect score because I have successfully blocked many a shot, kept a pin or two standing (hot glued them to the lane), and maybe even fudged the score, which I knew He had actually earned….and yes, I took a couple of fallen pins and snuck them back up to standing position.

See the pins are my disbelief system, and lately God’s been rolling quite a few strikes…loud, smashing, pin-splintering strikes. A spare in there on occasion… but that awe-achieving sound of all the pins dispatched… all SMASHING with such force against the lane walls that even the people and pins in the lanes to my right and left are starting to notice.

Some of my pins were not really standing strong…I do have a tremendous belief in the Almighty Power of God… I know He is the maker, the mover and shaker, and he likes to tweak the system in this sandbox experiment He calls Earth….

And God has such a sense of humor… “God never gives you more then you can handle”, the saying goes… “well thanks God, but haven’t I had enough now?” is what many people probably say when they are in the grips of tragedies, uncertainties, and just plain bad luck. Do you believe in fate? Or is life a pop-up round of game show questions? Do we determine our own fate? I think so… God gives us freedom or does God give us just enough rope to…?…… Well, maybe for some people… but if so, then I see him loosening those ropes, cutting them from time to time, throwing an angel in there for corrective action and yes, rolling strikes in our disbelief systems all the time. Strike and collect the pins… bring you back to Godly ways. Maybe it isn’t rope that God has given me… perhaps it is elastic… let’s see how far you can go before I reel you back in… sew you down and correct your belief system….

So why have I kept some disbelief pins up? Why do I re-rack some of them intentionally or innocently? It is not my intention to taunt God. I just like to know things, I want to bring a checklist to heaven and say: “what about that healing? What about that meteor crashing into earth? What about that flood? How’s your angel count? And could you tell me all the rest of your secrets too?” Did you ever wonder what heaven looks like? The thought that it is seven or more layers…and is there a holding pen for babies who didn’t get baptized? Can you refute or prove those things my sixth grade nun teacher told me?… What is the real answer for those times I had to say “that seems like you are making that up”.?. Imperfect man trying to describe a perfect system… Yeah, I don’t buy it all… my shaken belief in man-made religions.

I accidentally, uninformed-ly, mixed up the terms religious and spiritual leader when introducing a now good friend at a women’s retreat… I get it now… and I am more and more a spiritual being too… lifting away from worldly religious trappings, not forgetting my foundations, but building on them, snapping in new spiritual Lego pieces.

Yes, your belief system has to start somewhere, you can’t learn about God in a vacuum. You need religious rigidity at times to click you in, obligate you, to surround yourself with believers and teachers. I am confident that some who disbelieve in religions still believe in God, because of their religious foundations. I felt compassion for one of my grad school advisors who stood strong against the belief in God. I think he might still be at the gates right now saying “oops”. I pray that God let’s him in anyway… a friend once told me that his religious training as a shaman included a belief that when you die, you have to wrap up loose ends and that is why you shouldn’t be cremated…that your soul is tied to your human body for as long as it takes to repent, repair… not exactly like Jacob Marley in Scrooge… but you might have some fixing up to do.  Whether that is true or not, it behooves us to make our peace with people now on earth, not wait to ask for forgiveness, not wait to repair old relationship rifts, etc… Either way I don’t want to be cremated (and I want balloons at my funeral too)… I will try to repair my rifts now. And I will let those people, who are God-sightings in my own life, know how much I appreciate them, right then and not wait. I will try to hug and kiss my parents and my kids physically or mentally each time I say goodbye just in case I or they meet an untimely death. I will try to live and love in the present.

Back to bowling… I don’t know God’s plan but I know it involves me… I don’t know why, when, where he will strike down disbelief or put up new pins for me to follow, to become pillars in my soul… I don’t know how many frames are in this game, how many more strikes I am going to see… either way, I am sure He will keep trying until He and I can faithfully record a perfect score when it’s my time to meet Him.