191

Calm with Christ, 19JUN
A very emotional day with church shootings and life happening… I’m just reflecting on stress tonight… I usually stay calm… Why? How? from 1) training my heart to wait until I evaluate the situation before I respond with emotion… And 2) from just having Faith… being sure things will work out….

Whew…

Calmness, I try to know which battles to pick… Which ones to stop…

I have trained in calmness, due to life circumstances… 1) I learned to stifle emotional feedback to grief-rich situations when knocked down repeatedly, humbling tends to strengthen us… it’s NOT fun… It’s where I learned to retract, not to cry…. I trained successfully, hardened my heart, grew thick skin, there is part of a tom petty song that fits this, but too salty for this… But this is not a unique situation; you make the best of life stresses…

For a light example: I was at my uncle’s yard sale, something dumped over and he jumped and screeched, and I realized I didn’t even move a muscle…. not even a finch… I am not oblivious, quite opposite, I knew instantly something had happened, I just waited a golden peaceful second to process how I was going to react..

Calm, yet in this awakening I let God THAW my heart ALOT… He melted it, but I am/was the one who decided whether to let down my walls or not…. And I am the only one who can apply the armor of God for myself, no one else…. When they say weep with those who weep, and laugh with those who rejoice, yeah…. my melted heart allows me to show more depth in my emotional state… It was there always, I already felt deeply… but what to display…. Now I feel released to cry more, to laugh deeper, to extra bubble over and over and over…

As I re-learn emotional release… I appreciate the re-practice… I have such JOY in the Lord, and I do cry when I bubble over in sadness now, when I pre-project into the future about the sadness of things beyond my control… But I take comfort with Faith in the One true God who will see me thru. And I tear up with the overflowing realization of how blessed I am…why me now…SO loved…. Overwhelming love….

So readjust I must…Calm with Christ…