Wasted? 18Oct – #284



Don’t worry about this mini diatribe post, it’s just me checking in with God… Thanks for letting me write this one out, I do feel much better now.. Luv ya all!

Pauses and praises for God.

Wasted? 18Oct

So, my son broke his video game screen, ugh, and since he forgot his kindle charger at a friend’s, it left him with NO ELECTRONIC DEVICES!!! YIKES! So guess what he brought out tonight?? His guitar, YAY, hasn’t played it for four months…. And even he asked his Dad to tune it for him, so double yay, and guess what he found in his guitar case lost since June? his glasses… Found… LOL, geez after four months, wow…. but it was just another reminder of more wasted money, because I got him new ones… Oh the endless examples of wasted money fleeing out of my hands this week/month, ugh….

And that time too… Time that he could be doing something else…. Grrr….. and then just think of all that time and money WE ALL waste, how wasteful… And I probably shouldn’t even be writing THIS, am I wasting my time? I am also choosing precious moments away from family time to process my head… Yes, should I even write this out? because I SHOULD be doing five thousand other things in my path… so WHY GOD? I know why, I am upset I don’t have control, from a great morning things went downhill, nothing horrible and still bright spots tonight, but still…. And I am now stilled, forced to write it out… I just don’t know why things get out of my control, probable because it’s not even my control, is it? Too many independent variables… Accumulated little things… And just now I blew my top at another just stopped working item…. Grrr…

I guess I could either complain to Facebook or complain to God….But I like to keep my Facebook posts cheery…. I should do that for God too, be cheery, but HE already knows my angst before I angst write it…. Sigh… So, yes, we do tend to waste our time, why? And waste our resources? Or are they wasted out of our control?

So let me ask YOU, God, this related question about Your resources…. What happens with non-believers? Today I had a discussion on purgatory as a myth, yesterday a friend asked for my take on whether everyone (all religions and not) goes to heaven or if JUST Christians do… And I thought: hmmm, well that is sad, isn’t that a waste? All those precious people God had created and only a few get thru the narrow path to get back to the garden ? Hmmm…. What happens to them God? Straight to hell? Compost their bodies and souls? Are there “get out of hell free” coupons? Of course I know Jesus IS the way… I live in Jesus’s lighted path because of God driving me gently right into Jesus’s loving arms… I understand now my place in the world as a child of God ONLY because of direct intervention by God… Lord knows I write only because of God pushing me. And I will make my way to heaven ONLY because I have to beg forgiveness for my past and future sins and 100% rely on ONLY Jesus to take me there… I KNOW I can’t get there by myself…

So, I really really don’t know if and when there is hope for the rest of the world who doesn’t get an opportunity to discover Jesus… If they don’t, are they wasted? Hmmm… Is it their fault? No it’s not their fault always… What happens to them, Lord? But I think we are left knowing that it IS an unknown… It really is… I don’t know what happens in those last few brief moments before death… Does Jesus show up in the nick of time in a death vision? Yes, I wish everyone could catch the Jesus train early, but many don’t. So does God have many rooms in his house so that people are in a “waiting room setting” until they get Jesus? I KNOW the bible says a day could be a thousand years? Yes, I KNOW, I KNOW, Jesus says only a few get thru… The path is narrow but it IS sure… But REALLY, is there ANY hope for those lost souls? I HOPE SO!

If God answers prayers, wouldn’t and shouldn’t my first and most deep intimate prayer be that ALL lost souls find Jesus? If I pray this, is that prayer like kinda cheating on the magic genie by asking for more wishes…. And yet, I do ask YOU God, can I still add a sticky note of names to Your long list in order to save each atheist that I love dearly? Can you save them a spot too, God? Maybe it won’t matter to me when I get to heaven? But it DOES matter to me now God, so what am I going to do???… What am I to do with such a short time myself here on earth with so many demands on my time? How Lord can I be most efficient in your commission?…  or am I JUST being a realist? Is it just normal for us who feel your saving grace to just be ok with being normal? I don’t know God, but it’s not my business to know, I do appreciate YOU letting me ask though…

I surely am not the first or last that a story would be repeated to make everyone saved… I thought WOW, God did this, I just want people to believe HIS power… But I know Lord, shake the sand off, shake the sand off… It’s a personal journey, there is fire that each soul needs to kindle itself… Shake your sandals so that you can keep walking… Grab your waking stick, grab your co-travellers and your sticky notes, get extra seeds from God’s pocket to keep planting along the way…

I may never know how efficient I am supposed to be, God knows my skill set and I ask him to let it grow. God knows where I am supposed to go. It’s not wasted time to think of my path… JUST checking in God… Ten months since my “Christmas Flood”, my birthday coming up soon, my first real Christmas just around the bend… I am just checking in… I know you are still holding me tighter than ever…

I know tomorrow it’s time to prepare for rain again, I best not delay… it’s time to go back out there, start walking, and LOVE…

Thanks for the pep talk Lord… Thanks, Luv Ya!


PS – This was an over bubbling of angst and fear after little but big stressors of life – so much eating at me… I see the turn in my writing when God took my angst away and then changed what I was writing about! I didn’t mean to go where I went in this piece, but God refocused my mind away from my troubles, and thought about HIS troubles and I appreciate that refocus… It was a therapeutic cry, “downtime” in my hyperspeed faith journey… We did not have a Women’s Retreat this year and I missed it – but instead I have been blessed with mini-segments of the retreat that God lined up for me over the past month… From an extra hour of yapping after the UMW meeting last week, the evening with another friend couple weekends ago, the beautiful cross stitch devotion that a friend gave me, this camping trip Fri night with trusted friends – all true blessings… So much LOVE for me to soak in… I am HIS child rejuvenated; my cup was refilled with LOVE poured from others cups into mine…

So, yeah, remember to do the best that you can and just accept that you did the best that you could…. And take solace in praying for God’s help with everything you CAN do. ENJOY what you CAN do – don’t worry about what you can’t…

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