Autopsy Openness, Let’s Roll, 29APR
I know that my reading of Jarius’ daughter at the sunrise Easter service was perfect for me – my pastor sure knows how to pick’em – this was a speech by a girl raised from the dead by Jesus – and the first line is “I was not surprised that the man who brought me back to life rose from the dead three days after his crucifixion. I was proof that he had power over death.”
Yup Yup Yup…. that’s me in a nutshell… I am not surprised at hardly anything that God/Jesus/The Holy Spirit do anymore – not surprised at all… sometimes I do question the timing though and say “Really God?” but I don’t question the motive.
And I still say “Really God? – little me?” So much time and energy that God has spent just for me? – unreal… but He is doing this for EVERYONE and not just me – YOU TOO – I just am blessed to notice it more and more.
I so realize now that I am not the one who this “corrective action” was for. Sure, it happened to me and I get to benefit in the glorious happenings – but really, I have to say that God chose me as a servant – which is not a surprise. For my whole life, my family has raised me as a servant to serve others – I get the greatest joy from seeing others happy – I am just happy to be me and to make others smile…. So yeah, it is not a surprise to me that God took me and said: “OK girl, let’s fix you and put your head on straight and focus you on what you are supposed to be here for” – and now He says: “Let’s Roll!”
So – it is/was the strangest experience to have been “awakened” – in Jesus’ eyes I (as Jairus’ daughter) was simply sleeping – but if this were those biblical people’s eyes I (as Jairus’ daughter) was completely dead and they were too late and there was nothing they could do and why even bother… well, at least someone DID bother – and for me that somebody was God Himself… God not just bothered to think of me – He took action – even with “everything he holds in His hands” (as the praise song “Unfailling Love” goes: “And everything You hold in Your hand – Still you make time for me – I can’t understand – Praise You God of Earth and sky – How beautiful is Your unfailing love “).
I now see in this very recent stage (now three months after my awakening) that I am in a new phase – which I am calling the “SELF-AUTOPSY” phase – I am dissecting and examining every aspect of self – to the detriment of time sure, but hopefully to the glorification of God, so that at the bare minimum it is to figure out how I got here and how can I sustain where I am – one would hate to fall back asleep – I vow to NOT let that happen to me – and I doubt God would ever let that happen anyway, He’s got plans, I can plainly see… He even made my sins clearer to see – and when the Devil is creeping up in old or strange new ways, it has become so much more easy for me to spot it. Even the mundane sins are still sins and its a binary 0/1 or on/off designation – we are all sinners doesn’t matter if you did something “light” as a sin – it still darkens – still sins in God’s eyes…
Yes, this self-autopsy has me WIDE open – and I don’t mind – as Jarius’s daughter (in the play) says: “It’s not been a terrible sacrifice.” – which is true – I have been easily telling me tale now – not a problem God, it’s OK, if you are guiding me I will follow. Does it matter what others see, no it doesn’t matter to me…. BUT – it does matter to those people who see it. they either don’t want to see it – or don’t even notice – or they are at least curious and want to see it – and in that case I am happy to share. I have not yet had to scare people with it – but I wonder if that will happen – probably.
SO, there are some SQUEAMISH people out there – they don’t want to see my spiritual blood and guts – they might get tired of seeing my sins and/or my saintly moments strewn out for display – think about some carefully preserved glass jars of formaldehyde with my parts preserved for eternity… BUT, there are also some JADED people out there – it doesn’t even phase them to see what is going on with me – they just keep walking – don’t pay any attention to someone that God has opened their whole heart and soul for the world to see… nope, that doesn’t even register with those people. This is EXACTLY like the times when I can walk down a hallway with a red clown nose on – or Easter eggs glued to the top of my car – and they don’t even crack a smile (I love it when the people are trying to hold back and be serious – but it gets them and they fight the smile – they just don’t want to be moved – but it starts to creep out of them)…. BUT – there are tons of those curious people – well, it doesn’t matter whether they are ambulance chaser folks or just super interested in how this happened to me or curious or scared how and IF this might happen to them….
So, this strangest experience to have been “awakened” – it was sprit-led, like I said, no one knew where I was spiritually in Jesus’ eyes I (as Jairus’ daughter) was simply sleeping – in people’s eyes I (as Jairus’ daughter) was completely dead and they were too late and there was nothing they could do and why even bother… well, at least someone DID bother – and for me that somebody was God… God bothered to think of me – even with everything he holds in his hands (as the song lyric goes) still He makes time for me, I can’t understand…
Jarius’s daughter says (in the play version):” I must give my life to the one who has given it back to me. I have to surrender my desires and follow his teachings instead.” – and this I know: there are going to be some more painful trials ahead and yet I won’t have to endure any of them with God’s reassurances, Jesus’s hugs, and the Holy Spirit’s lifting presence.
OK God, Let’s Roll!
35 While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?”
36 Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”
37 He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. 38 When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. 39 He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.”40 But they laughed at him.