178
07JUN
Never used to find this such relief, but now…Yeah…. Faith release…. Just like yesterday my neighbor was so happy to see my cross around my neck, the special one my special cousin made for me as a Christmas gift and I first wore on Easter… She was happy and I asked her about her cross necklace – she was happy to tell me that her mom brought it for her from their homeland… And then I showed her a photo of the one my family in Europe gave me… We both have “Joy in the Lord!”

A little while later I saw this sign at the house where my son went for a sleepover… I pointed it out that I liked it, liked the scripture, and said she didn’t realize it had a scripture on the bottom of it. Hmmm… Interesting… bet she will now…hmmmm….

Here’s the piece I wrote…

Faith release, 07 JUN
I LOVE IT when I walk onto a house and I see a wall hanging like this… and it frees you up to speak more deeply about your faith…. it’s not that you can’t do that with everyone you come across, but it’s like a relief valve to bubble over that the “JOY in the Lord is my strength ” conversation with a fellow open faith sharer… Sometimes you show your faith in your acts, sometimes you show your faith in your words, and sometimes you get to dissect and tease apart your faith with those whom you are blessed to know are right alongside – next to you, – walking too….

177

Yeah, I am trying to finish up another one of the four pieces that flooded me last Sunday, was 80% done… I am not sure this one is 100% done now, but it’s about the future, so it will have follow up verses, obviously, someday…. anyway none of us are done in our journeys… Keep moving, keep Vine-ing

When I googled the moody blues line “darker days draw near”  from the song “Forever Autumn”… I came up instead with a poetry book by Hilda Doolittle, a poem where two pages earlier on page 60 it talks about the Pleiades, yeah, the Vine is fine, keeping me aligned…. Sigh…. Here is the “finished” essay…

Bernadette….What’s the future?, 31MAY

It’s so true that everyone is different, everyone is on their own journey, we should not look to those like us for our future, we need to ask God for HIS guidance… He will light the path, so keep looking for the light…. If it’s dark, reach for the Vine and hold on…. You can feel for Jesus’s guidance even when it’s dark.

My confirmation namesake, Bernadette, has a vision in the grotto in Lourdes. She accepts her path, her uncertain future, she says “I don’t need a little corner to hide in”… But accepting her fate at that time was still so dependent on what others expected of her in that day and age (1800s). At least in the movie version (Song of Bernadette) this meant the acceptance of giving up her normal home life, her possibly normal future and potential husband… She enters a convent, where she eventually is diagnosed and suffers and then dies early from a terrible disease…. “the lady said ‘I cannot promise you happiness in this world, only the next’ “… Well, she bore the burden and pain of it all so bravely

So, I am not Bernadette Soubirous (although I do drive a Suburu), but I have truly felt the HOLY SPIRIT blowing me and others, yeah that is most definite. But I am no miracle-worker, I have not seen an actual miracle physical vision of God or Jesus or “the immaculate conception” or caused a healing grotto spring to miraculously appear like Bernadette…. In contrast, I get to see God in everyday life….

And this is why I am less scared to give up my mind and life to the will of God… Because I DON’T believe God wants to take away our normal lives. I don’t have to enter a convent, don’t have to stifle and be quiet about the pain in my life. These “times are a changing”, as Bob Dylan would sing. Giving it up to God means you get a “new normal”…. Sure, if you are like me, you will find God wills you to change to move in directions you didn’t intend… Always for his greater good… Making me more fruitful… But what’s normally good in life – if it already glorifies God – well you’re probably going be able to keep doing it …. “Everything good in moderation” became “Everything God in everything”… That’s a new normal you can probably accept..

I am accepting that and I have been blessed greatly, and please realize that I know I am not alone… Yes what I’ve seen so far in this new Christ-Vined-God-Centered life of mine is amazing!!! …. but guess what? It’s so NOT out if the ordinary… I am not special above others because we are ALL special… We all get to share in this joy if we learn to tap into the true source.

The everyday miracles – they are thoughtful gestures that God sends, everything from smiles to favorite memories that pop into your head out of the blue… On and on I could tell you about mine, but just know that when you prepare yourself to receive these blessings, God will not disappoint!

So, what’s the future, what’s my future?
Even vined, with a future that God holds in His hands, I am still scared… Well, I am confident God will give me the tools, the people, and the resources… for the unknown… possible a future travesty, perhaps not a travesty but heartache for sure… God is not taking away our normal lives, so life will still happen…

‘I cannot promise you happiness in this world, only the next’ “… Well, yes, prayerfully I will bear future burdens and pain with hope, face them bravely and Vinely… That’s why I will take the time now, while the light is shining, to joyfully strengthen my connection to the Vine, shore it up, and then keep it close, so I can find it by feel when “darker days draw near”…

“I don’t need a little corner to hide in”…That’s where Bernadette and I are the same… I should be and will be happy to show my Vine connection while there is LIGHT…and it shows as “plain as day”… new normal…

176
Affirmations, 05JUN

Sweet… my best friend just called me out of the blue, to say how much he loves me…. He has been the best of one of my best friends for nearly 25 years – we talk about EVERYTHING

speaking from the heart, he thought that of all the people he sees and hears that I was always (for the whole time we have known each other) the person who epitomizes God the most… because of my friendliness, good nature, helpfulness…. sigh – this brought tears to my eyes...

love the love… love the affirmations…. Sweet…

175
Box of Secrets NO MORE! 05JUN

Came across my box of secret letters, the first twenty emails/writings crucial to the start of my awakening… Thoughts dumped to free up room for new thoughts… Random access memory (RAM) processed A LOT in those first twenty pieces….hidden in my car… but they are hidden NO more…. I am NOT embarrassed anymore, as to where I was… But I am instead appreciative of the HOLY SPIRIT blowing the flame my way, and lighting the birthday candle on Jesus’s birth within me.

The first twenty writings… The first one is gone from the box, still on my computer, but shredded from the box, given up and away… It was five pages of diatribe, where I was… No use for it now, it doesn’t apply except for a gawk-type look… Not negated, not disproved thoughts, but just not needed in the box!

174
Continue, 05JUN
Yeah – well – of course I came across a fitting poem and fitting peanuts pix… just after a text conversation this morning with Pastor about humbly falling at His feet for guidance in being able to know ourselves, so that we can help others…

The poem titled “Continue” came via my favorite poet Maya Angelo’s Facebook page – “Continue To dare to love deeply And risk everything For the good thing”

Yeah- so true –

When I Googled for the whole poem, I found this Christmas advent devotional writing from this church pastor: http://www.stpaulsfay.org/id437.html Yeah – it’s Christmas all year this year for me – and i was even listening to some christmas music from Sting this morning –

It all fits together – God blesses me so much with guidance… yeah… yeah… yeah…

Here is the whole poem

“Continue”
Maya Angelo

My wish for you
Is that you continue

Continue

To be who and how you are
To astonish a mean world
With your acts of kindness

Continue

To allow humor to lighten the burden
Of your tender heart

Continue

In a society dark with cruelty
To let the people hear the grandeur
Of God in the peals of your laughter

Continue

To let your eloquence
Elevate the people to heights
They had only imagined

Continue

To remind the people that
Each is as good as the other
And the no one is beneath
Nor above you

Continue

To remember your own young years
And look with favor upon the lost
And the least and the lonely

Continue

To put the mantel of your protection
Around the bodies of
The young and defenseless

Continue

To take the hand of the despised
And diseased and walk proudly with them
In the high street
Some might see you and
Be encouraged to do likewise

Continue

To plant a public kiss of concern
On the cheek of the sick
And the aged and infirm
And count that as a
Natural action to be expected

Continue

To let gratitude be the pillow
Upon which you kneel to
Say your nightly prayer
And let faith be the bridge
You build to overcome evil
And welcome good

Continue

To ignore no vision
Which comes to enlarge your range
And increase your spirit

Continue

To dare to love deeply
And risk everything
For the good thing

Continue

To float
Happily in the sea of infinite substance
Which set aside riches for you
Before you had a name

Continue

And by doing so
You and your work
Will be able to continue
Eternally

173
Love your Brothers and Sisters, 04JUN
The rarest of Subaru Forester colors today – five of them – from egg shell off white – to mauve – to the coolest light brown color… I have never seen these 5 colors before on Foresters. I know it sounds silly to be watching Subaru Forester colors, but it reminds me that God is everywhere, but that God IS responsible for us to be able to see everything with our own eyes and feel with our own outlook on life…That’s the God within! When our own minds are focused and our own hearts are open to the amazing world we feel God’s touch everywhere! That’s the God within!

Share the Love – Share the God within!

And for some reason I felt that this is related to the duplicate scripture I heard today: 1st John chapter four verse 20-21, about loving your brother and sister… that if you don’t love your brother and sister then you don’t love God… This doesn’t mean you have to condone/agree with everything else in the world and all the things that some of your brothers and sisters do, but you STILL have to love them… That’s what AGAPE LOVE is all about, right? Jesus hung out with all the sinners – and still LOVED them.

1st John 4: “20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.”

So this is a duplicate occurrence of scripture within the whole chapter, which I read early today and then showed up in a discussion about Christians shunning certain groups of people… That we shouldn’t judge/shun our brothers and sisters… same…

Earlier in that 1st John chapter: 4: “12 No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. 13 By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.”

So, when we look to love God, we have to look everywhere, in the open, hidden under rocks, hidden inside people, places some may not want to look… Places some couldn’t even imagine could have God…. But He’s there… He’s everywhere… We have to abide in His LOVE to feel His LOVE.. We feel His LOVE, by sharing OUR love… By loving OUR brothers and sisters…And remember, they are also looking to share the love to us too… to you! Subaru – “Share the Love” – So show them the best in you! Show them all the colors of your life – show them God.

Share the Love!  Share the God within!

172
A Gentle Answer, 03Jun

Proverbs 15:1    “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Yep I think this scripture is 100% true and witness to that too because of an incident of terrible road rage…. I had someone in my blindspot driving and although I didn’t cause an accident, I incited some fierce road rage from a man who followed me, cut me off – screamed at me and even took a punch at me through my window….
People at work said I should have pulled out my phone take a picture of him take a picture of the license plate, others said I should have been packing heat to protect myself…. but all I said in the moment was “I’m sorry I’m so sorry” … it was all I could say too – I felt no need to incite more rage – and there was also a gun-owners club bumper sticker on his car – yeah – I locked the door and prayed…

So gentle words probably did turn away the wrath… Gentle words, God and a strong Subaru window… 🙂

Turn the other cheek – or in my case – the other Subaru window…

171
Forgive My Words, 01JUN
Twice this weekend I think I hurt the feelings of some people with my use of the term “Recovering Catholic”. It’s a good term, but only in the right context… it truly means that I have had to shed my shackling thoughts that were shoved down my throat as a child about Catholic being “the only way”… I have to regroup… and to start again as Christ-centered, not religion-centered…. I am what I am because of the good in the world and what I have seen corrupt in the world, but regardless, I need to be better. I need to strive for what God wants me to be and how HE wants me to encourage, always…

We discuss all the time that religions and churches need to teach how to mirror Christ’s LOVE – to VINE towards that LOVE… I do have hope that God is pushing the church in the right direction of being ONE with God… It may take a while… But the JOY we share is in the HOPE.

So with my use of the term “Recovering Catholic” to actual Catholics this past weekend, I realized it came off as a “put down”, which is terrible!!! I didn’t mean it that way… I will pray to choose my words better in the right context. One person was one of my neighbors while we were at Dunkin Donuts and one man I was joking with at a yard sale… He faked funny tears and said “it’s not my fault, I was raised that way” I laughed, he laughed, but hmmm….. he is right-on… being Catholic is tough these days. The people in all religions, whom we should encourage in their spirituality, are bearing the brunt of the negativity. Not only is the world down on religion but the world is down on Catholicism more and more recently because of past grievances, cover-ups, and abuse of power. And especially us Christians have to remember that although we are right to challenge the injustices we see, we must only criticize the organizations and NOT the spirit of other folks working on their Christianity too.

One global united church is needed, is what Christ wanted, but how we get there is not nitpicking and tearing down the people in the religions, but instead lifting then up higher above their religions….and spread understanding to others and especially to ourselves that there are many rooms in God’s house, we need to HELP everyone find the Jesus key that fits their life…lift up their branches and vine towards God (John 14 and 15)

I ask forgiveness for my words, to think thru my thoughts, and to encourage always…

John 17:  Jesus Prays for All Believers

170
Seven – 31MAY

I love my little “seven” he has grown so well…I can’t wait to see him in full resurrected glory….Sigh….caterpillars to butterflies always symbol of Christ and rebirth… But also the most fun to watch…. We did this all the time as kids with monarch caterpillars at my grandparents farm…

Also like those confirmation kids today, they are in their butterfly chrysalis stage too, I can’t wait to see how they all come out…

169
Christmas Present, 29MAY

This year, ever since my spiritual awakening started with the Christmas season, I have taken even MORE time for myself to think about my spiritual growth… Think it all out… I sit and think… I work and think… and I write to process… I have tons to do, but no, I sit still and think more than ever… hmmm… I do get some of my life busyness in too, because when God took my brain, He blessedly lends it back to me to get work done when I beg hard enough…

I am sure if I keep my focus right on God and focus on the gifts handed me everyday, that I will be fine…. I pray for discernment always…. a few extra hours in the day would be nice too – but God already moved a mountain for me – I don’t expect him to move the clocks as well – just because I have so much I WANT to get done!

It’s HIS will, not ours…yeah… God wants the best for me, yes, but why did God take over my mind so much to achieve that? What’s the plan? I know, I know, the plan is not mine to know….Yet where is my discernment between God thoughts and my thoughts?….where is my God-stillness?… Because You are cranking thoughts thru my head, God, I would have to say that You Yourself are NOT still… God swirls in my head, I am getting used to it, I am just trying to keep up!!! But yes, God, apparently YOU have a plan, so go ahead… fill my mind… Ask me and I will follow… “This ship is ready to sail, so to speak…”

Anyway, I have to say that I feel blessed that this year God apparently picked me to be the “Ghost of Christmas Present”…. all year… Yup even now in early summer… It’s probably because I was not 100% in the birth of Jesus last Christmas…. so now that I am, it’s Christmas all year this year! In “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens – we see the ghost of Christmas Present with jovial larger than life bursting Christmas joy. He says “Look at me, you have never seen the like of me before!” Yes that is so true for me… I am very unique….always have been… but aren’t we all? I used to want to fade into the background when I was growing up, but not anymore… Christmas Present, I am here now and I love to stir up the mix, lend elbow grease to situations, pour water on stick in the mud people like Ebenezer Scrooges, encourage people already light years ahead of me, by trying to make difference and show my strength by my enthusiasm and my smile. I always did. I always will. I do appreciate this hand that God has dealt me.

But the MOST important aspect to me being this unique ghost of Christmas Present is that I get to SEE JESUS in people everyday! Because, I now know and appreciate what Jesus-like qualities are, I get to look for them everyday in ordinary people! Yes, even go out looking for Him wherever I am. And yes, who knows, maybe I will take a couple of those Ebeneezer Scrooges along for the rides off their life…

Perhaps my spirited life-look with this intensity will change based on the season’s of my life, the tragedies I know I must face in the future. I still FEEL young in spirit years…. Who knows… only God knows! In the meantime, I’ll just keep being Christmas Present today… not Ghost of Past, not Ghost of Future… Just be Christmas Present... Yes, that’s the eternal Christmas present to myself…. Actually, that’s God’s eternal Christ-present to me… to all of us!!! That’s why God took over my mind, told me to look for Jesus and to follow Jesus….eyes and ears open.

Merry Christmas!
Jesus came, Jesus is coming, Jesus is here – right now.
Going to go look for HIM today and everyday.
Amen

168
“But a Day to Live”, 30MAY
I love this little “Windows to God” book I found in the church closet, good God tidbits….. This one about living like it was your last day on Earth….. I pray to live more like this…..
but I hope it’s not my last day today, I want to sneak in a couple of yard sales today, lol…. 
I just now got a text message to go over to a friend’s yard sale, go figure…. God loves yard sales too… Reusing and re-teaching Jesus’s life stories, God is good!

167
Bull, 29MAY
LOL, just the other day I called myself “A bull in a China shop”…. The rapid awareness of full Christianity, 0-60 in seconds flat…

So I laughed (outloud) when I saw this quote this morning:
“Jesus is the original “bull in a china shop.” Is Jesus nice? Yes, of course, but when He is, He’s scandalously nice. He’s nice to all the wrong people, and He’s offensive to all the wrong people.”
— Rick Lawrence

So yesterday someone asked me what they should do for a birthday for a not so popular person… She thought to herself “I will ask Debbie”… I said just be nice… This person was relieved…. She felt the guilt because the rest of her folks were just being resentful towards that person… I said: “Why not just be nice? Just be nice”… I reminded her that one should always “take high road”, and if anything she would feel better about being nice to this person…

“Is Jesus nice? Yes, of course…. ”

Is Jesus a bull in a china shop?

Yes.  I can hear His crashes still, 2000 years later…. Loud and clear!

Scandalously nice. Nice to the wrong people. Offensive to the wrong people. Real.

 

 

164
A Glittery God, 27MAY

I united the sparkly lanyard I bought on our beach girls mini-retreat trip with the glittery cross my cousin gave me on my trip… I will keep them in my car for the blessed memories and blessed journeys… It sparkles in the Sun and we ALL sparkle in the Son, the biggest star of all!

How truly blessed I am to have a glittery life, amazing family and friends, and 100% a faithful and often glittery God…. Amen and thanks be to God for all of you. You glitter God to me endlessly!

——————–

165
Diamond Day, 27MAY

Tom Petty is so important to me (I remember vividly being in such tears and broken down state sitting in the car at a pizza place one evening, about twenty years ago, and listening to “Walls” over and over… I would say that the song gave me strength, and I pulled myself out of the worst down state…. So with the seriously amazing counselling of both my friends and going to my old church where the sermons touched my heart and brought me to tears) all those things brought me back up…. And how things improved from there…. Whew…. And I never looked back but kept building and building…

It IS nice to not look backwards but to reflect on how I awakened…. God must have made me write these for a reason… “Supernatural Radio” – I had always enjoyed the song but it never spoke to me like it did when I was awakening… Thanks Tom Petty!

The same cords as Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin” are used in ‘Only LOVE……. Only they LOVE of MY Jesus…’ Wow I couldn’t have said that a mere five months ago, but it warms my heart so now… I can’t wait until this Christmas, it will be my first REAL Christmas, oh my how awesome is that!!!!!

Today was one of those diamond days.

————————————

166
Praise God for putting my head on straight – and then working on the rest of me! 28MAY

Happy to go to doctors today, Doctor was thrilled, 26lbs lost from six months ago! And still losing. Blood work is awesome!!!

I so have to praise God for giving me focus on health eating and exercise, taking away/identifying the stress eating, making it easy (really) to knock out the carbs and junk and giving me something else to hunger for!!!! Amen!!!!

163

Moving Mountains? What’s the Limit? 24MAY

I wonder. I wonder many things but I wonder why I wonder if God puts limits on the number of mountains he will move for you – probably not – but it’s a valid question…

I wonder if collective prayers work better than single prayers – and I wonder why sometimes we get caught up in praying for OUR will, and instead pray for GOD’S will…  even Jesus had to admit that his future was up to God –  Matt 26:39 “But do what YOU want, not what I want.”…

So, “Everything is possible if you believe”  my new bumper sticker says… “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Mark 19:26

An unusual occurrence for me this past Sunday,  and I wondered about the limit of moving mountains because someone visiting our church was asking everyone to pray for a very unusual occurrence…  Hmmm…  she really asked and asked for prayers – was probably there for at least an hour… moving person to person… she kept asking and asking….

I had genuine concern – but also I couldn’t help but wonder about my own motivation as I assessed the situation and my time schedule…  My brain was balancing her concerns and my concerns about how do I deal with this situation.  In this instance I could have easily said: “I got to run” but that was not what my responsibility was at that moment …it was a REAL request for help in the form of prayer… I was mixed on what to do but I decided to stay and rally the troops for a big prayer…   Were my prayers directed ok?  Were they on target or confused since I was still thinking about my time crunch?  Was God going to get mixed messages from me? or were my mixed prayers (some for her, some for us, some for me) enough? that sounds terrible to say – of course ALL prayers are what God listens to…and He knew my motivations while I was mixed up in my own head…

But that’s the crux of the issue…  are prayers enough?… We might say it but do we REALLY believe that ALL things are possible?  All those gathered there are dear friends of mine and have been crucial in my own faith journey – one afterwords sent me this scripture from Mark 11: 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours…”  This scripture and this unusual situation brings up an age old question: Do I truly believe – in a specific manner –  that God can move the mountains in HER life which were really unknown to me – but seemed insurmountable at that moment – Would this be possible from JUST from my belief? Why would I doubt? Did I spoil the whole cart with my doubt? I will never know.

People say that God answers all prayers and sometimes he says “No” – so that seems a valid thought… Normal questions are like “what’s your plan God? why now?  why is this person/situation in my path today? why do I get to choose to either ignore the situation or pay attention to it?”  What am I supposed to do when I have hundreds of these requests filling my plate?  This was actually the second person who asked me that day to ask to pray for them… and the first time I had to acknowledge, pray quickly and move on because I was running late…. hmmm….

So – how many mountains can you move for me, God?  is there a limit per day?   she asked me to pray for her everyday, do I roll her prayer up with everyone else I pray for – a big group prayer???…

God knows better than I do where to draw the line…  praying to God for discernment has been my prayer throughout time…  still praying that…

———————-

Mark 11:22-24New International Version (NIV)

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly[a] I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

162
24MAY Pentecost
Pastor R today was our guest preacher – and he spoke of the Holy Spirit being “the person-hood of the Holy Spirit’ – Here is my “sermon-report” kinda like a book report – I didn’t mean to take notes but when he said the Holy Spirit was not an “IT” I thought I should write down what the Holy Spirit was… cool….

After the service I shared with him and his wife that I was grateful for a training he shared approximately 10 years prior, of how to share communion during home visitations… that even after training I still did not feel ready to give communion… But fast forward and when the Holy Spirit got a hold of me, the Holy Spirit brought me up to speed. The Pastor was so pleased to hear that – and I was so very pleased to tell him, especially since of all days, it was Pentecost!

In the sermon (I took notes) he spoke of the 5 main events – Incarnation (Birth of Christ), Atonement (Crucifixion), Resurrection, Ascension, and Pentecost – and he reminded everyone that the Pentecost season is the longest season in the church calendar – (the sixth main event will be the 2nd coming).

Pastor spoke of the Holy Spirit not being “an IT” – but being a person of intellect and emotion, and WILL… the Holy Spirit acts not ONLY as a divine force but also as a person… that the Holy Spirit, just like people, can be blasphemed, grieved, etc…. that the Holy Spirit is also divine and has the attributes of God – eternal, all powerful, everywhere, all knowing, present at work, home, everywhere…

He said “The Holy Spirit moves us – convicts and convinces us that Jesus is the Way the Truth and the Life. the Holy Spirit primary purpose is to build the faith in you – we are called to believe. The Holy Spirit keeps life from truly becoming “Hell on Earth”. We need to put on the full armor of God everyday… Evil is really pulling so many people away from God these days. God dwells in us – we should be more careful about how we live our lives and take care of ourselves and the God within us. Although Pentecost will not come again, just like Christ’s Death and Resurrection were one time events, we should expect the “blessings of Pentecost” to continually happen – we are to be filled with Holy Spirit forever…”

John 14 – Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—

 

161

Joni and friends blog, 23MAY
Thanks to a friend for the below blog, I have these hints of heaven, so awesome…. My heart feels so warm right now!!!! And awesome, after a parade, just got a blue flower, not a poppy, but a blue forget-me-not, which is my favorite flower!!! We are now on an outing as a family!! Yay! That really warms my heart!!!

—————————————
here’s the “Joni and friends” blog forwarded from a friend “You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” Psalm 16:11

‘Will heaven’s ecstasy go on forever? Is it true we will never become bored? Will it really be as glorious as the Bible insists? God sprinkles hints of heaven on earth to give us an inkling–just a small glimpse–of how pleasurable heaven will be. I catch hints of heaven in magnificent sunsets that leave me breathless. I hear it in the haunting strains of Dvorak’s New World Symphony. I recognize it in the soft gaze of someone I love. I smell it in the ocean air when dark, gray clouds brew in the distance. If these are mere glimpses and hints of heaven, what will the real thing be like?

C. S. Lewis wrote, “The faint, far-off results of those energies which God’s creative rapture implanted in matter when he made the worlds, are what we now call physical pleasures; and even thus filtered, they are too much for our present management. What would it be to taste at the fountain-head that stream of which even these lower reaches prove so intoxicating? Yet that, I believe, is what lies before us [in heaven]. The whole man is to drink joy from the fountain of joy. In the light of our depraved appetites we cannot imagine this.”[1]

Every beautiful sunset, breathtaking symphony, or exhilarating taste of salt air at the ocean is not merely for your present inspiration. It is a God-sent gift to whet your appetite for your true home in heaven. Earthly pleasures never quite satisfy; God wants you to sing “This world is not my home; I’m just a-passin’ through.” In heaven we will keep getting smarter, wiser, younger, and happier. The unfolding of the story of redemption will have us taking one gasp after another, with our joy and amazement ever-increasing.

Oh God, open my eyes and heart that I might recognize “heaven” here on earth!

[1] C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1949), 14.

Blessings,

Joni and Friends

 

160
Romans, Yup Yup Yup, 23MAY and 
Complaining, 22MAY (email chain start at bottom)

Yup, bible gateway verse of the day today is Romans 2…. About passing judgment, perfect duplicate verse this week (yes there were five duplicates this week too, sigh…) to drive the point home about complaining… I am so grateful for frank honest discussions with a handful of friends, like the one below, with a little humor thrown in…. (see bottom email)

But trusting God, I know that verse “that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance” is the truth, God blessed me (big time) to helps me repent… I take notice… I evaluate why I have the thoughts I do… I praise before the rocks call out… I look to God to repent big or small while I praise…

Last night thinking over these things, I saw a beautiful shooting star, I am not surprised, I had been looking to the heavens for quite a while last night and forever… I believe that if you look for God’s signs long enough, you will see them in multitudes… And I believe I won’t need to count the duplicate verses anymore (notice them but not count), because I look to God’s Word constantly. I believe that if you look for God’s signs long enough, you will see them in multitudes.. Yup yup yup……AMEN AMEN AMEN
—————
Romans 2 New International Version – UK (NIVUK)
God’s righteous judgment
2 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. 2 Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. 3 So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? 4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realising that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

5 But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. 6 God ‘will repay each person according to what they have done.’[a] 7 To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honour and immortality, he will give eternal life. 8 But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. 9 There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; 10 but glory, honour and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 11 For God does not show favouritism.

12 All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law. 13 For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous. 14 (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law. 15 They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them.) 16 This will take place on the day when God judges people’s secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.

—————————————-
email to a friend…
I like this set of verse… Both for advice of how to live, and also it’s so wonderful that Christ gave the gift of teachers… I am so blessed to learn, and to have teachings pour out from so many sources…. Thanks

Ephesians 4 New International Version – UK (NIVUK)

Unity and maturity in the body of Christ
4 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8 This is why it says: ‘When he ascended on high, he took many captives and gave gifts to his people.’
9 (What does ‘he ascended’ mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? 10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Instructions for Christian living
17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbour, for we are all members of one body. 26 ‘In your anger do not sin’[d]: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
———————————————————————————-
On May 22, debbie wrote:
>
> I love the honeymooners – 
> I always try not to complain for there are so many worse off…. My grandmother was in a nursing home for 10 years from a stroke and diabetes and leg amputation – I visited her every other day with my mom or my dad – he visited her everyday… she NEVER complained – EVER! he roommate was the loudest screamer – I don’t know how my grandmother did it…
>
> When I do complain it is out of wanting something better for that person or our situation – and sure, of needing more help for myself… I don’t know how to remedy past perceptions of my complaining… I wish I had found the right way to motivate instead of complain… I have to discern now what I level of happiness I am entitled to – and what I just have to let go of…. I hope my motivation is always or the improvement of the situation to bring glory to what God wants – to vocalize what I visualize… and yet

I can not change the perception that others have… either way I have to pray on it…
>
> thank you for listening… 
————————————————————————————-
> On Fri, May 22 xxxxxx wrote:
>>
>> I think it depends on what you’re complaining about & why you’re complaining kiddo. If you’re complaining about say a lack of effort by a colleague at work or by your kids that can help to motivate. If you’re complaining about everyday irritations such as traffic, an allergy attack, being sick, etc. just remember Jesus suffered through worse & He knows what human suffering is because He dealt with it too. Lately I’ve been experiencing pain/numbness. I can either complain which doesn’t help the situation, or I can take a muscle relaxer to help me sleep. If my boss complains because I didn’t do something the way he demonstrated I usually learn something useful. It’s the motivation for the complaining that can get us into trouble & disappoint God at times. The following Honeymooners skit demonstrates the worst kind of complaining on the part of the mother-in-law & it’s absolutely hilarious! Enjoy (& don’t complain!):https://youtu.be/92YQbNLnh_Q
>> 
>> 
>> ________________________________
>> From: debbie 
>> To: 
>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 
>> Subject: What does the Bible say? About complaining
>>
>> Well, I have two people telling me, in this last few days, that I have the right to complain about life things, I wonder what the bible says…..
>>
>> A pursuit of excellence or nitpicking????….take that log out of your own eye, don’t throw the first stone (those were more of the repeat verses this week…but they gets repeated alot lately anyway) hmmmm……
>>
>> Romans 12:2 ESV
>> Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
>>
>> Philippians 2:14-16 ESV
>> Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.

159 Autocorrect, Sin Trials, and Spring Pruning, 20MAY

I am so re-convicted almost everyday of complaining or doing something not in the right Christ-centered mode and then find myself in the exact wrong position I complained about!!!! You should have seen my terrible autocorrect to a former professor of mine and then on top of that – I pocket called him three times and send a gibberish text and even a photo – of a poinsettia (luckily not something else) – whew – God laughs at me – at least it was not to someone who would think less of me – this person already knows I am crazy… sometimes a friend says: “there goes Debbie trying to save the world again!”…

These thoughts are so fitting with last week’s conversation with my professor about not pointing out the sins in others first. That’s because I think this phase of my new Christianity is just that – I am being convicted on all the sins that I picked apart in other people – the sin of rushing – the sin of accusing people – the sin of a few other things I can’t mention in an email – none of them to a terrible level – but still I am being shown how painful they are to be burdened with… Like a cliff-note version of sin instead of the whole book and WOW, God is whipping through these lessons so fast on me – I can’t even imagine what next months lessons will be!!!! (But actually I think it is the Devil trying to grasp at straws and making a last ditch effort to see what he can catch me on… And when I just show him my Jesus card he retreats and he says “rats, foiled again.. “…

I really want to pause time and just sit down on a rock for a bit – I am so blessed that my friend sent this encouraging email today – and sent a visual youtube video today of the book of John – wow – it is awesome and I randomly picked a place in the three hour movie – and it was where Jesus went out into the desert to retreat himself – I am so in need of that – just retreat myself for a short time – (actually I want to catch up on work first – then retreat) – I think that being recent trials meant being pruned in the spring time – and that has been very painful compared to when I had been regrafted painlessly in the winter. These trials, although are not earth-shattering, are still painful…. and so that phrase “You did not choose me -but I chose you so that you would bear fruit – well – little snippets coming off me in this spring pruning is tough…but it will cause me to bear more fruit – I know this because I believe it….

Last week I was reminded the possibilities of “if you are hated – remember that I was hated first” – whew…. and I was reminded of my Bernadette confirmation name – in the movie the nun (who tends to Bernadette in the convent) is so harsh on her because she was never pained and because she was seemingly naive and had not been through enough teachings, enough endurance, enough pain, enough trials to be worthy in this nun’s eyes to claim to have seen a divine site – “That there is no promises of a good life in this world, only in the next one” – and the nun is ticked that Bernadette hasn’t seen this pain – and then a few months later she is noticed limping in prayer walking and although she has never complained, turns out she has this terrible diseased leg – and dies soon after – and the nun has been convicted of that statement – the nun totally believes – because Bernadette must have been so saintly to have endured that pain… and never complained…

So – where am I going with this thought? Well, I am not being pushed down into the depth of the great pain and suffering – but I am tasting a little of this and a little of that to get more appreciation of the pain/temptations/distractions of everyone else – enough but while still being able to be focused on Jesus and saying – “oh yeah – that happened because I said that” or “oh yeah – that happened because I did that” – well – painful springtime pruning ! Lord knows what kind of fruit is going to come out of this situation – but whew – God is good and in control…. overwhelming and I better stock up on those pen caps – because I am going to need them – going to be a stressful chewing time while I spin through these minI trials… maybe I need to match them up with the 7 deadly sins to see what score I have so far…and what is coming next….

 

158 God knows us… Christmas happens, 20May

I have always been a visual learner, God knows that and has blessed me greatly because of it….I remember the beauty, the symmetry and of course the colors of life.

I am also an emotional learner, God knows that and has blessed me greatly because of it. I will remember not all of the actual text in a conversation from years back, but the emotions in the room, who was sitting where, and the gist of the conversation and end result….

I am also a fast processor, my brain zips faster than my mouth… I have already made it to the end of a conversation before the other person had spoken it… Drives everyone crazy!!!

So of course, GOD just uses HIS knowledge of me to HIS advantage… the right time, the right people, the right places, the right visuals, the right emotion, everything right….. And that’s how he pulled me into being 100% with Jesus… I get it now, Jesus is 100% real to me… I see HIM and feel HIM.

I get to visualize HIM everyday because I look sideways to the people around me. Visually I look up, as well as around me, to see and praise God as a whole. The stars, our moon, the planets, our everything…

I get to feel HIM everyday because I reach sideways to the people around me. Emotionally I reach up, as well as around me, to feel and praise God as a whole. The smiles, our laughs, the tears, our everything.

ALL in ALL – God is God – and we get to tap into that unbelievable power when we put Jesus into our hearts our minds and our souls.

Today’s visual learning reminds me of emotional learning that causes people to become Christians – to give their lives over completely to God and His power. I have two poinsettias, one at work and one at home, they are still beautiful months after Christmas. They are both over 2 years old and they both turned red this year, but for different reasons. One sat peacefully in a windowsill on my desk and the changing seasonal light durations translated into physiological growth changes, inducing the mechanism to grow red leaves… It’s a response of phytochrome sensors reading the “red” to “far red” light wavelengths…

So you could say this poinsettias saw the light – and Christmas happened…

The other poinsettia was outside growing beautifully in the shade all summer. When it was time to bring it inside for the winter, one of the two plants together had root damage, and not long after that side recovered it started growing red leaves, while the non-stressed side remained growing green leaves…

This was not a photo induced changed ( both saw the same light) so you could say this poinsettia saw the stress – and Christmas happened…

So what does this mean when people become Christians?

It means some people SEE the LIGHT… visual learners… It happens when they realize God is in control… The visual clues are too difficult to ignore anymore… It changes them, and they call out and find peace and release in the powerful saving of Jesus … Christmas happens… Christ comes into them.

It means some people FEEL the STRESS…. emotional learners… It happens when they have to give God control… The stress is too difficult to ignore anymore… It changes them they call out and find peace and release in the powerful saving of Jesus… Christmas happens… Christ comes into them.

What kind of learner are you? probably a mixture of both… well God’s got the plan, has you figured out, knows what kind of teaching will help YOU learn that Jesus is the Way the Truth and the Life.

John 14:6-7
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

Christmas happens….let it happen….listen and watch for God, everyday.

Amen

157

Article “spiritual not religious” re-building the church and Revisiting my Lego faith to Zipper faith’ transition, 19 May

“Whenever anyone asks you to speak of your hope,” the Bible reads, “be ready to defend it.” (1 Peter 3:15). “

This web article (see the link below) is freaky God, (LOL – I just wrote “really good”, but autocorrect made it “freaky God”…. So I just had to leave it…. That’s great!!!!)

Anyway, just like the conference Pastor and I attended, this article talks about spiritual but not religious people… And about the need too educate deeply in theology… And that is so true… If you don’t know the word, then how can you live it? And it is EXACTLY the same discussion for science… People are afraid of Frankenstein science, uneducated about the advancements, and scoff at basic research…. Just try to explain the similarities of genetically modified foods and plant breeding to someone and you will get challenged (but maybe some genuine interest, if you cultivate it)….

So, religious affiliations or not, the need to educate people is key… It’s the need for people who belong to something to get MORE educated… Only then can they begin the see that the churches are not trying to hold up smoke and mirrors… That there is meat in the bible lessons, that there are stories (lots of them) to be told… That when you LOVE the LORD long enough, he becomes more real than the velveteen rabbit.

The article states how bible education is key for churches to offer… And I would add that we need to find the deep, not often talked about stories, because there is some story for everyone to be touched by. It’s a foundation, as well as a set of building blocks… Legos, I wrote “Lego Christianity” on Dec 18, one of my earliest writings of where I acknowledged that my faith was in a changing phase… a change orchestrated by God, worked by the Holy Spirit, causing a little Christmas baby to grow in my soul, regraft me to the True Vine, thus enabling me to eventually reach my hand up for Jesus to raise me, like Jarius’ daughter, and to give me peace.

And that’s EXACTLY where my base education paid off, my base biblical education where I learned the bible stories for years and years IN religious school, church services, church meetings, teaching Sunday school, attending an awesome bible study class about the archeology of the Old Testament sites, and by reading the REAL word…

You see, now I describe my faith journey like a zipper, there was a peg not seated right I the middle where I wasn’t 100% with Jesus…. Once that peg was seated properly by patient nudging from God (see my Dec to Jan writings), the rest of the zipper was already intact and fairly smooth, because I knew and was educated for years on the BIBLE… And honestly it felt like that zipper was a big slide at the playground… And I know others have heard me squeal “Wheeeeee!!!!” As I quickly flew down the section of zipper I had already intact….. So much fun that I continually go back up for another ride…. If friction catches me, then it is a place to pause, catch up on a bible story and lesson I either didn’t know or most likely forgot, and a time to get the sandpaper out and smooth the rough spot on the slide for a better ride.

Trust me when I tell you that rereading the bible in a new 100% accepting Jesus mindset is like being a kid in a spiritual candy store… My hunger for food has truly been replaced by a hunger for scripture, for interpretations and pondering… “It’s the strangest thing” I find myself saying a lot, a fitting quote from a passage I read from a play about a girl raised from the dead….And that is the 100% truth, it is the strangest feeling to walk with Jesus everyday, every hour, every minute…. It’s the strangest thing to wonder if I will ever get used to this new life! My first Easter I walked into a dollar store and saw Jesus stickers and squeaked “oooh! I believe now…these stickers are for me too!!!!”. It’s the strangest feeling to have dropped two pant sizes (so far) from hunger-ing for the Lord instead of the stress eating…and having to actually remind myself to eat something… It’s the strangest feeling to feel and see God working inside of you, yeah that’s”freaky God” alright! And then to see the faces of those who see the change in me, to hear the words that I “exude the joy”… But it’s true, I think you can see the JOY all over my face….

It spills out…. I can’t help it…

God’s got some plan… He is busy lining up the players, getting them to go out of the building and build a new stronger church from the remnants of the old…rebuild Trust….

Trust God and go build the faith back up in those drifting. Trust God and go educate the masses. Trust God and stand up for faith so that they too can see the fruits of HIS labor….

Trust God, HE will most certainly support you, and keep your cup filled so that you can draw upon it daily…

Trust God’s plan.

It’s Freaky Awesome God! THANKS for stirring it up….

———————-

Here’s the article:

http://eecp.umc.org/…/lessons-for-church-from-the-spiritual…

“Whenever anyone asks you to speak of your hope,” the Bible reads, “be ready to defend it.” (1 Peter 3:15). “

 

156, email with my professor (read bottom up)

I love having a professor and a whole church family – wow, do they ever nourish me!!!
———————————————————————
To: Professor

Ahhh… How often everyone throws that first stone!!! Sometimes they take a giant bolder to roll over others – so big that they can hide behind it to prevent themselves from being seen, lest they get a stone tossed at them for their sins!

————————————————————————–
On Mon, May 18, Professor wrote:

Jesus puts such a big emphasis on examining and dealing with our OWN sins before pointing out the sins of others! So important.

————–Original Message—–

To: Professor

Subject: Romans 7 and Judas

This Romans scripture is such a key verse to match a conversation that I had about Judas – when Jesus said “it would be better if you were never born…”

– it is still up in the air whether people sin of their own doing and that makes it the most frustrating when you want to be mad as H-E-double toothpicks at someone and you just don’t know if they are really doing it against you or not – and of course I HATE the phrase “The Devil made me do it”- because this speaks to the fact that you certainly do have a choice to sin or not to sin and I pray that you choose to not sin… but in the case of Judas, it clearly states that “Satan entered into him” (John 13:27) – so yeah – Satan is real and tricky and working every angle…

154

Repeating scripture #1 this week

ah ha – another good example of repeating verse #1 for this week:
⁶² Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:61-62)

matches the web article that said “if we are yoked to Jesus and then let God do the plowing the lines will be straight – instead of worrying about us taking our plows every which way and that… “

this is the triple showing for this verse – last week a discussion about not looking back to your old life, a great discussion I had yesterday, and this blog post that showed up this morning…  it’s one of those weeks again – replicate scriptures – be on the look out!  IThere were 5 replicate scriptures last week – so cool!

 

155

Repeating scripture #2 this week – or is it #7 total between last week and this week?

Of course this could be number seven fun too… Seven is the number I received for my Facebook blog name for my writings… Five plus two for the five plus two repeat scriptures equals 7, my address numbers total 7. My parents address numbers also total 7. My father’s graveyard  pre-purchaed plot  is the same number as their house number – well… Today I named my caterpillar “seven” based on his shape… What other sevens I am not thinking of, hmmm….

Oh my…  my friend just now texted me Jeremiah 29:11, which I email discussed this morning with my other friend.  Oh, and my eyes filled with tears… Second repeat scripture for this week so far (after five repeat scriptures last week)….sigh… So blown away with God smiling on me, on us… Every day a blessing…. I wonder what else is coming this week…

Yesterday I told our sermonist friend about the five repeat scriptures last week, and he stopped to say his company is called “five” something (I didn’t catch the full name, and he pulled a five dollar bill out of his pocket that he found his dog eating that morning… And I said I lost a five dollar bill last week….just blew out of my hand…

Now God wouldn’t be pulling my leg would he? Well maybe…. Hmmm…

Peace… Enjoy God’s plans, I certainly am!
Tonight I have been pondering those plans….

I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU DECLARES THE LORD (JEREMIAH 29:11 NIV)

153

The Joy of Ministering, 18 May

LOL, God convicted me of my statement the other day about being able to sleep in now instead of early morning wake up calls to write…. Oh well…Thanks for writing on my heart God…even if it is back at 4AM

The Joy of Ministering, 18 May
I am so glad when I hear about small groups, because truly that is where faith discussions are the most meaningful… The potential for growth in ALL those folks is huge… To get them (all of them) to feel value :in their stories (I mean God’s stories) will translate into a higher spirit of praise in their lives and then perhaps they will feel comfortable to demonstrate how much the spirit has touched their hearts.   Now that is the wonderful position God had moved ministers/teachers/leaders into…. You get to minister and be fed by the spirit at the same time. Give praise for how much growth and contentment you see in your flocks.
ALL in ALL, everyone who reaches out are blessed to get to set up the cups inside the people, stop them from being so wobbly by supporting their cups with firm foundations, and then let the SPIRIT pour into them, not spilling a precious drop… Isn’t that the joy in the ministering life? Cool…. Good job everyone, keep up the good work…

Smiles, have a great day setting up those cups. God bless you. Thanks and praise always.

152

Pollyanna, 12-14May

I have been called Pollyanna, often…. I forget the hard times I remember the good times, I have no idea why. I just know that I have very little right to complain, especially with how much God has blessed me.

Last time I was called a Pollyanna…. My thought was “good for me, sorry you’re not one too”, “sorry for your downer attitude”… I have to say that I should pull back my Pollyanna now and be more pensive.

From 8th grade on, when I turned into an outward-facing person, I walked away from my shyness, left it behind, I have been an enthusiastic person ever since (annoying yes, sorry)… do I choose to show my dark places? no, I choose not to dwell there too long…. just like this book passage states (photos attached) from a book my Pastor gave me, the writer talks about a man who looks on the bright side even in tragedy. I know someone in real life who does this, he is an amazing 87yr old retired coach, a greeter at my children’s school….if I could be half as enlightened as he is at 87yrs of age, well that would be awesome….

I think that while I still am in my Samaritan woman “screaming through the streets” phase, my friends who truly know who I am, will just smile. They worry about me sure, but I believe they will understand until I settle down. So maybe people should get some earplugs… Let’s just say God figured out how to make my enthusiasm knob turn up to 11…. and plug it into the right channel.

I will figure it out…. Pollyanna or not, a friend of mine said: “at the bare minimum you have now found your spiritual voice.” – and for that I am truly grateful….

150, 15May

I had to laugh when I drove by the theatre company near my work and saw this sign…. I think I might have to go see this play…. “How to write a new book for the Bible”.

I wonder what that’s all about!

———————–

151

15May

Apparently we moved from duplicating scriptures to duplicated books today…
What’s duplicating for you these days?

ONE book I saw this morning and then a random book at the dollar store had the same author, sigh….
This second book about dealing with anger and  understanding people with anger issues. It’s a ready good read so far (and I don’t even like to read, lol)…. and it has a good chapter on forgiveness, which I know angry people have a hard time doing….

Well worth the dollar, especially this  week where someone’s old anger took me by surprise….good pensive read…turn the other cheek…

149

Email thank you to songwriter for “Come to the Cradle”

Thank you Michael Card!!
I am 100% Christian now, 100% with Jesus with your musical help.

Your song “Come to the Cradle – Come and Find PEACE” was instrumental (vocal too) in drawing me closer to Jesus. My church’s praise band played it during our christmas concert and then again during regular worship as an extra piece which our praise band leader, Anthony, wonderfully fit into your “The Promise” …  He added it special in a wonderful arrangement and I appreciate it – because listening to it as well as your version over and over again has been a comfort to me while God moved me from being about 50:50 with Jesus to 100% within the timeframe of mid December to Feb. It was a swift pruning and re-grafting of my spirit to the True Vine. 

There was no lightning strike, no miraculous life turn around – it was truly a simple but overwhelmingly powerful calling that God wanted to do some corrective action on my brain… and THANK GOD that Jesus was there to comfort me – to help me find peace in the form of a small baby…  

I felt compelled to resolve my questions and I actually reached out to our praise band leader NOT because of the song but because of his amazing touching guest sermons. He always said at the end of those four guest sermons, which I had on CD, ‘If you are having any questions – or if you have doubts – please come after the service and I will pray with you’. So one day I got over my embarrassment and I decided to take him up on that offer.

My Subaru had/has become my tabernacle and I listened to his sermons (and the music) in my car during my hour commute – since I never had a chance to actually get into the service as I was running around the church teaching sunday school, chasing after my kids etc…   I could always hear the praise band playing thru the walls of the church – it was always a great sound penetrating the rest of the church….  but I was convicted of not feeding myself spiritually (even though I am our women’s group president, the leader of our vacation bible school). Now I religiously get myself into contemporary praise service (even set an alarm to leave sunday school in time) because it means so much to me to re-feed myself some praise time with song…  and thankfully I can praise sing all week long in my long commutes.

I had to process this overwhelming time in my life by writing it out and I have written over 200 pages (both process and devotional praise) – not by choice – but by the need to say “OMG – I can’t believe what is happening to me!”  – and truly I know that “MY story” is not mine at all – it is God’s story, because He told me to give my life to HIM – He continues to move me in His sandbox he calls Earth –  and Lord knows where I am headed – but it is fun to ride along! I so look forward to next Christmas which will be my first 100% and hear that song played by our praise band again.

This overwhelming change that was occurring in me caused me to reach out to both former pastors and spiritual advisers and they were so awesome in coming alongside of me when they could see that I was building a new faith. And then when I was really really close to 100% ( I like to say I was 99.44% like ivory soap) I reached out to my own Pastor and wow – was he and I overwhelmed with joy! We are journeying together now – what a fruitful journey it will be!  I am no longer ashamed of where I was – I do question why this transformation didn’t take place before I was 45 yrs old – but only God knows… and I am praising that I get to tell my story both in person and in text…  

Anyway – please just know that your music was and is “Prevenient Grace” for me and of course for millions of people – it must have been God’s almighty hand guiding you to write and perform that song – I truly appreciate it! 

God Bless You!!! God Bless your amazing faith and skills!!

In 100% Jesus, I found the Prince of Peace…

Thank you,

Debbie  

148

Coincidences NOPE, 14MAY

What I wrote about God’s Winter Pruning (22APR) was the best example of no coincidence but God’s timing instead… I understand how God picked winter for my pruning and regrafting to the vine

I praise God’s timing BEFORE I was to jump into a busier church/VBS/life schedule this spring… and I praise God’s timing for having this happen when I was not in a crisis mode – I count my blessings for my health and that I still have my parents and my family – and I don’t want to predict the future but I know that my parents are not going to be around forever….  who knows I could get hit by a bus tomorrow…

And honestly, if nothing more, I praise God’s timing for getting my head straight while my kids are just entering the teenage phase – cause you know that that is going to be a WILD RIDE!!!!

and I question God’s timing, but I praise God’s strength that he gave me the ARMOR OF GOD which enabled me to survive (so far) this week where I had not one but 4 MAJOR relationship …these 4 people situations/events have been spinning my head like crazy his week and yet I was still able to get some work work done! – AMAZING TIMING!

and I praise God now for back to solid sleep-filled nights and no 3am wake up calls….  10 to 5:30 like clockwork, THANKS GOD!!!!!

147

Object Lesson, 14May

I am in constant thoughts with God… it’s the strangest thing but has given me such peace… an even peace thru ups and downs these last few months…

That peace was/is so powerful, and the song “come to the cradle, come and find peace” was instrumental in my journey… I listened to it probably 500 times… you know, as awesome as this past Easter was, being my first real Easter, next Christmas is going to be awesome too, since it will be my first one as a 100% believer in Jesus.

I had some stress this week, but I will think of it like big grit sandpaper, knocking off some of my dead branch parts…

Have a peace filled day.

146

Email with my Professor, 14MAY

Question to Professor, 7AM:

So, why did Elijah say “go back” to Elisha? Was he giving him permission to say “Goodbye” to his parents?

Why did he say “what have I done to you?”
Was be questioning Elisha’s faith????

The call of Elisha
19 So Elijah went from there and found Elisha son of Shaphat. He was ploughing with twelve yoke of oxen, and he himself was driving the twelfth pair. Elijah went up to him and threw his cloak around him. 20 Elisha then left his oxen and ran after Elijah. ‘Let me kiss my father and mother goodbye,’ he said, ‘and then I will come with you.’

‘Go back,’ Elijah replied. ‘What have I done to you?’

21 So Elisha left him and went back. He took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He burned the ploughing equipment to cook the meat and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he set out to follow Elijah and became his servant.

——————–

On May 14, 8:53 PM, Professor wrote:

Yes. He was giving permission for Elijah to say goodbye. In ancient Israel, family ties were extremely important and it would have been disrespectful and dishonorable to the max for Elisha to just ditch his family without saying goodbye.

HOWEVER- Contrast this with a similar story in the gospels-

 

⁶¹ Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”

⁶² Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:61-62)

Notice the resonances with the Elijah/Elisha passage you quoted- including the request of the disciple in each to say goodbye, and even the mention of the plow. But look how Jesus’ response to the same request is different from Elijah’s. Elijah permits Elisha to go say goodbye, Jesus does not. What kind of shift in priorities does that suggest to you?

 

——————-

Reply to Professor, 9pm:

Thanks,
It is consistent with the shift from a mere (but mighty) prophet to the actual son of God…. Elijah was of the old covanent, Jesus represents the new covanent. (And Jesus was on a tight time schedule too) plus Jesus preached for when he sent out the 72, that if you are welcomed into a home then stay with the people, if you are not welcomed then move on…. I guess you can try but keep moving if you dont succeed, and try again.

I believe this now, that Jesus is the son of God, not must another prophet…. and I bet if you truly believed that 2000 yrs ago (and apparently the ones who interacted with Jesus knew and believed the predictions from the prophets’ stories), then you probably would have dropped everything easily… probably a mixture of true believers, and some ambulance chasers mixed in….

I twisted my ankle and fell tonight, and I am ok, but as I laid there I  said “really God? What’s the blessing in this?” But in that few minutes laid out in the parking lot, I did have to praise God that I wasn’t really badly hurt, I fell well, especially since I have been working out so much and my ankle is strong, and no one saw me…. So when I got back into the car, I reread Psalm 121… knowing that I was paying attention to this cool car color, wanting to take a photo and not paying attention to my footing on the uneven payment…

So in extension, if I take my eyes off the Lord I will stumble too…(or sink like Peter)…. and if I keep looking back at the old life I had, I will not plow straight either….

I need to be grateful for this new life…. I AM grateful. Amen

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains –
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip –
he who watches over you will not slumber;

 

 

142

Email with Pastor – repeat scripture #2

Oh my….. oh how I prayed that verse yesterday and today!!!! I posted that verse to you last night in a message, set my phone down and realized it didn’t send so I reposted it this morning to you I can’t believe it…. well I can believe it and I think I must have gotten that scripture verse from a church email I just can’t put my finger on it right now

I so pray for the anguish caused by the strife. I’m sad to say it is just the latest version of centuries of strife. it just plain sucks….
“Dear Friends,

Please pray sincerely for the deliverance of the people of Northern Iraq from the terrible advancement of ISIS and its extreme Islamic goals for mass conversion or death for Christians across this region.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.Philippians 4:6”

———-

143

Email – repeat scripture #3

The other scripture that came up twice today was 2nd Peter: 5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Yup…. one of those days….

————–

144

Email – repeat scripture #4

OK – been a pensive few days…  now I have another scriptures which I ran into repeatedly from different places between last night and now – hmmm….  after the third time I saw this one (Matthew 5) I had to email…

let your light shine before others  and don’t put the light under the bushel basket – yeah… I am not putting any light of mine away….

15 No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”   –Matthew 5:14-16 (NRSV)

You know – it is the random spots where God naturally comes up in conversation which make me smile – where I didn’t force the conversation – yeah…  this morning at the food pantry when I was dropping off stuff a lady down on her luck and I got to talk about her faith and mine – in front of about 10 people in line – very natural, not forced…

Yesterday morning I stopped to trash pick a shovel and plastic bin and had a good conversation about vacation bible school and how God sees things vs us – mountains into molehills with a gentleman who was a climber….

Yeah – organic and not flashy – nice….  and not under a bushel basket…..

———-

145

Email – repeat scripture #5

Well today’s duplicate scripture (after the four duplicated/triplicated ones earlier this week) is Psalm 121. I am not making this up.
I was thinking about that last night from the Sound of Music, when Mother Superior says it to Maria…. I googled the line, found the psalm and texted it to pj.  …..  then this morning that little devotion book, I found in the church closet, I opened to a page and there it was, seriously not making this up (photo attached)….. I guess a noble woman is supposed to hide scripture away in her heart, so forgive me for spilling the beans (there are just 6 of you on this email).

Of course I think it is cool that Maria says, ” when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window….” this book is called “Window to God”, shhhh…. so cool…..
Thanks God, you are so cool!!!!

Psalm 121
A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains –
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip –
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you –
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm –
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and for evermore.

141

email with a friend, Zipper Faith,12MAY

I appreciate our discussions, and those I have with Pastor, because we can discuss and I am not criticized for not knowing some bible stories…. because I did have many years (schooling and teaching) of bible learning, and I did take the stories to heart….always…. even if I was 50:50 on whether the bible writers stretched the truth (maybe Jesus was just a prophet with a good publicist) I still listened and believed in the messages of the stories… I never doubted God…. the life lessons were and are always valid.

I do see similarities between me and Peter, I know his stories the best, but I didn’t deny Jesus AFTER knowing him, I pray I don’t ever… I really don’t think I will… I trust God 100%, I even believed in the holy spirit 99.44% before this….now I am 100% on everything God…

My faith was kinda a zipper that is smooth at the beginning, had a peg out of place in the middle, but then was smooth again at the end…..why, I don’t know… but seeing the corruption of man had to be the reason in hindsight… and why I was awakened in the time frame I was?, I have no clue….  there is no reason why I should know that. It’s like when I found the perfect present for our sermonist friend, some crystal grapes, for his “I am the vine” sermon…. I couldn’t find a gift I wanted to give and decided to give it up to God and literally I just turned around and they were there! God picked that gift for me to give; all I got to do was pick out the colors….which is the fun part.

I try not to question God’s motives anymore, I appreciate when I get to do HIS work, I do question His timing, but God is used to my questions by now….

I was challenged recently with a questions if I felt I was “saved” before this awakening, and I don’t think in my situation that is a valid question…. Because the answer depends on the faith of the speaker and the questioner…..  I feel saved now, 100%, but did I feel left out before? No, of course not…. God had been talking good care of me…. I never doubted that forgiveness was the way to heaven… and did I ask Jesus for forgiveness when I finally believed in him? You better believe I did! You can’t ask for forgiveness of someone who doesn’t exist for you for real.. he is REAL to me now…. me is my lifeline, I believe in him 100%  and I was ready to fall in love with HIM instantly since that was the smooth part of that zipper… those pieces were already in place, and it was like a smooth ride after I got over the hump.

Thanks for letting me babble…

Have a great vine connected day….

140

Email with Pastor – repeat scripture #1

this was the first of seven scriptures which repeated two times within a day or two….  geez….

of course you I love that line:

“and when it snows……”

 

Psalm 31: The Wife of Noble Character

 

10 A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax

and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still night;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her female servants.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

———————————————-

double geez when I read today’s Maya Angelo post (below):

“Fall gently, snowflakes   Cover me with white   Cold icy kisses and    Let me rest tonight.”

And in psalm31, the snow references and today guess what color I decided to put on?  purple – with purple earrings of purple grapes…  sigh….

 

Woman Work – Maya Angelo

The clothes to mend

The floor to mop

The food to shop

Then the chicken to fry

The baby to dry

I got company to feed

The garden to weed

I’ve got shirts to press

The tots to dress

The cane to be cut

I gotta clean up this hut

Then see about the sick

And the cotton to pick.

 

Shine on me, sunshine

Rain on me, rain

Fall softly, dewdrops

And cool my brow again.

 

Storm, blow me from here

With your fiercest wind

Let me float across the sky

‘Til I can rest again.

 

Fall gently, snowflakes

Cover me with white

Cold icy kisses and

Let me rest tonight.

 

Sun, rain, curving sky

Mountain, oceans, leaf and stone

Star shine, moon glow

You’re all that I can call my own.

139

My writing – My identity is not important, 11MAY

Two great sermons yesterday, I listened in the car, old ones from 5 yrs ago,  both giving me scripture which helped me with my pondering… I love it when a scripture finds me…  especially this one John 21:15-25…    the surmonist said it wasn’t our identity that was important, plus in life all we need to know is the fact that Jesus loves us and that’s ALL we need to know..  we are not here to be compared to other disciples…. Everyone will have their own path to discipleship which of course means their own way of processing.

Yup, John 21:25… so at least I realize from this pondering that the way to publish my awakening story will be anonymously… when I’m ready…. I will still tell others I meet, enthusiastically tell then that God changed me, others didn’t change me, but God himself took it upon himself to corrective action my faith… moved my faith mountain right in front of me and told me to climb…. no great fanfare, no devastating punch, no lightning…. God found the right tools (bible teachings, contemplative text, sermon recordings, music, drive time, social media, writing, and of course people), He told me it was time to get myself out of the way and believe…. He sliced and regrafted my connection to the vine, swift, gentle and precise….

When scripture finds me I take notice, and when I find me in Scripture I best to follow the advice… I knew the fish story, I knew Peter had to affirm three times, but had not heard that last verse before, about writing it all down….

Even though I didn’t want or mean to write my journey down, I did – I found that when I wrote I kept my mind open and my mouth shut – and I wrote to think – and I want to share it because it is true – I didn’t make it up – I was there – I guess I shared this story because I am like my confirmation name, Bernadette Soubirous, I just want people to believe me …  not look to me, not look up to me  – just believe me….  if I want to touch people out there, in the world, people I don’t know, who don’t know me, then of course my identity means nothing… they wouldn’t know me anyway.  Actually I want people to believe my story, not believe me, if it is truly a story worth telling, then it will stand on its own…

God is just setting me in his chess set in the right position now… I am not the queen , the jester likely…And the jester doesn’t even get a square, the jester is free to hop on and off the board… to go where no other can go… this totally NOT about me…. it is about how I can make a difference in my own (?) special way… NO, in God’s special way….

Sigh… Thanks Jesus and beloved disciple for the pep talk. 😉 I am listening.

John 21:24 This is the disciple who testifies to these things and who wrote them down. We know that his testimony is true.   25 Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.

———————

Jesus Reinstates Peter (from John 21)

15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

20 Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) 21 When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”

22 Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” 23 Because of this, the rumor spread among the believers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”

24 This is the disciple who testifies to these things and who wrote them down. We know that his testimony is true.

25 Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.

THE BEATLES

“All You Need Is Love”

Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It’s easy

Nothing you can make that can’t be made
No one you can save that can’t be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time
It’s easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Nothing you can know that isn’t known
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown
Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be
It’s easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

138

JOY, 10MAY

Figures this web bible interpretation of joy would come my way today http://www.gotquestions.org/joy-of-the-Lord.html    “… for the believer in Christ, the joy of the Lord comes as naturally as grapes on a vine. As we abide in Christ, the True Vine, we the branches are full of His strength and vitality, and the fruit we produce, including joy, is His doing (John 15:5).”   YUP – that “I am the Vine scripture” –  grew so fast and encircled me – got caught in my branches like, um, grapevine…

I am SO grateful for the re-grafting that God did – he picked up my branch and decided to prune some – but most importantly, found the flaw in my connection and decided to expertly re-graft my branch to Jesus’s life-giving xylem and phloem – AMEN!

Smiles

137

Another tractor trailer, 06MAY

I can’t believe it, same frigging spot on the highway just now, tractor-trailer with turn signal on, weaving in traffic, only going 50 miles an hour, with somebody in a Subaru tailing on his bumper…. but this one is from my hometown (5 hours away), a farm 2 miles from my house up home, ugh, this time my horn honked to “come to the cradle come and find peace”…. I’m like really God? another tractor trailer to wake up? In the same frigging spot as that gas tanker before? And from my hometown? really what the H#LL !!!!!???!!!!

Subaru power activate, I guess…. whew….

this time I honked then drive next to him and smiled, he looked at me, then I passed him… and exited… Maybe he was.not sleeping but just daydreaming of our home….

 

135  Emails about an amazing chance to witness Jesus’s love

#1 in the chain

On Fri, May 1, at 6:09 PM, debbie wrote:

HI Pastor P – I got to be you yesterday morning!  – I am calling it one of my first “got to pull a Pierre” moments – and I got to pray I  well as encourage in the most random of places – to the most random of people… But not 100% random, as I was in my Subaru, of course. SO, it was definitely the Holy Spirit who moved me there at that moment!

I’m was and am so excited!

I had to take an early morning conference call so I did so from home – then dediced to run lots of errands and then I got my oil changed and my brake light replaced before heading to work .  So, it wasn’t until late morning that I am zipping down the random road to the turnpike…  And holding part of those unfinished errands, I was holding a duplicated copy of a photo from my trip to a cathedral, of Jesus, for a friend who liked the photo when I showed him last week …  I thought – maybe I should just pull over and fihish this card so I don’t have to keep holding it..  So I stopped the car on the side of the road near the top of a long strange driveway and started to grab my pen to write. So. wouldn’t you know it, but someone wanted to pull into the driveway like 3 minutes later – and I backed up and he didn’t looked pleased…  of all the places, why was I there?…

Well, I backed up and was preparing to put the letter away to get out of there – but the guy was walking up to my car and staring me down – oops..  I could have just pulled out but I thought I should say something so he didn’t worry – so I rolled down my passenger window and said  “no worries – I was just writing a letter – sorry”. And then he said in a challenging voice – “What do you mean you were just stopped to write a letter” – its true – that was a strange thing to stop randomly to do that… but I am random and always will be…  So, I showed him – this rough and tumble guy with his cigarette in hand – I said, innocently, “see – I have this card and this photo of Jesus that I took on a trip and I wanted to send it to my friend who is going through a rough time – and I just wanted to lift his spirits!” – well – that’s true – and I wanted to be open and honest.

He says: “Well, that Jesus is doing some awful ‘explitive’ to me right now” – and I said in a friendly but correcting voice: “Its not Jesus doing that – maybe the devil but not Jesus – you know Jesus? he wouldn’t do that”…  well, this guy (his initials are S.J.) started telling me his whole massive awful battle with his wife about custody of a 2yr old, a 5 yr old and a 13 yr old… and divorce fees and visitation issues, and then his car was totaled and he was supposed to get a breathalizer engine starter (that he didn’t need because it was a medication-caused DUI he shouldn’t have gotten) and it was supposed to be installed that day and they gave him hassle that it wasn’t the right car – beause he scrambled and was able to land a new car, title etc in like three days…  and whew – life story vent in five minutes! makes everyone elses’ life look like easy street… whew…  so we talked for like ten minutes and I tried to encourage him and I wanted to give him the photo – but he said no – he had a photographic memory and he would remember it – just like he remembers seeing strange lights come out of the statue of the virgin mary at a church down the road one day he wandered in…  and so I said: (ala Pierre-style) “Can I pray for you?” He said yes – so I grabbed his hand and prayed a short but passionate prayer for him, his kids, his wife… his everything.

… and we then went on our ways…  whew! – thanks Holy Spirit – thanks for freeing up my morning – moving me – using me – whatever your tricks are – keep them up – and thanks for making a strange situation into a blessed one!!!

and thanks Pierre – for the witnessing style you have- and for your most awesome enthusiasm for the salvation of Jesus keep up the good work!

—————-

#2 in the chain)

On May 3, 4:32 PM, “Pastor P > wrote:

Debbie,

This is phenomenal!  I love the way you casually “disarmed” this gentleman with God’s love.  God’s love can untangle the craziest of all situations.  Way to Go!  You gave that man an encounter with Jesus!  The first and not the last! (For him or for you…you have many more prayers to pray for others!)

Blessings!

P

——————

#3 in the chain)

On Sun, May 3, at 9:02 PM, debbie wrote:

Thanks Pastor P,

This guy didn’t know that I am a random weird soul, who thinks nothing of stopping to write a letter or having Easter eggs glued to the top of my car…. (actually I changed my car to red poppies now, see attached photo).

It was just me being honest and certainly I usually do talk to anyone and I certainly speak my mind! (my parents taught me that people are just people), so I would have to say that GOD is using my talents to HIS favor, which makes sense for God, but catches us off guard at times!!!!

It’s one thing to be looking for an open opportunity, but I have been getting used to God plunking opportunities right on my path!

The prayer I have is for discernment.  It’s easy to act when God plunks you down and you have no choice, but to know whether you should act or not, that is always the question…. luckily I always try to act, when I feel I can make a difference… it’s not a worry about over extending myself, it’s more a worry about being overbearing…

I wonder where God will take me next?

Can’t wait to find out!

Thanks.
Smiles…

———————-

#4 in the chain)

here is that photo I was holding – the one of jesus alone – and also a photo of us together – from St. Vitas Cathedral at Prague Castle

have a great day

134

Autopsy Openness, Let’s Roll, 29APR

I know that my reading of Jarius’ daughter at the sunrise Easter service was perfect for me – my pastor sure knows how to pick’em – this was a speech by a girl raised from the dead by Jesus –  and the first line is “I was not surprised that the man who brought me back to life rose from the dead three days after his crucifixion. I was proof that he had power over death.”

Yup Yup Yup….  that’s me in a nutshell…  I am not surprised at hardly anything that God/Jesus/The Holy Spirit do anymore – not surprised at all… sometimes I do question the timing though and say “Really God?” but I don’t question the motive.
And I still say “Really God? – little me?”  So much time and energy that God has spent just for me? – unreal… but He is doing this for EVERYONE and not just me – YOU TOO – I just am blessed to notice it more and more.

I so realize now that I am not the one who this “corrective action” was for.  Sure, it happened to me and I get to benefit in the glorious happenings – but really, I have to say that God chose me as a servant – which is not a surprise. For my whole life, my family has raised me as a servant to serve others – I get the greatest joy from seeing others happy – I am just happy to be me and to make others smile….  So yeah, it is not a surprise to me that God took me and said: “OK girl, let’s fix you and put your head on straight and focus you on what you are supposed to be here for” – and now He says: “Let’s Roll!”

So – it is/was the strangest experience to have been “awakened” – in Jesus’ eyes I (as Jairus’ daughter) was simply sleeping – but if this were those biblical people’s eyes I (as Jairus’ daughter)  was completely dead and they were too late and there was nothing they could do and why even bother…  well, at least someone DID bother – and for me that somebody was God Himself…  God not just bothered to think of me – He took action – even with “everything he holds in His hands” (as the praise song “Unfailling Love” goes: “And everything You hold in Your hand – Still you make time for me – I can’t understand – Praise You God of Earth and sky – How beautiful is Your unfailing love “).

I now see in this very recent stage (now three months after my awakening) that I am in a new phase – which I am calling the “SELF-AUTOPSY” phase – I am dissecting and examining every aspect of self – to the detriment of time sure,  but hopefully to the glorification of God, so that at the bare minimum it is to figure out how I got here and how can I sustain where I am – one would hate to fall back asleep –  I vow to NOT let that happen to me – and I doubt God would ever let that happen anyway, He’s got plans, I can plainly see…  He even made my sins clearer to see – and when the Devil is creeping up in old or strange new ways, it has become so much more easy for me to spot it. Even the mundane sins are still sins and its a binary 0/1 or on/off designation – we are all sinners doesn’t matter if you did something “light” as a sin – it still darkens – still sins in God’s eyes…

Yes, this self-autopsy has me WIDE open – and I don’t mind – as Jarius’s daughter (in the play) says: “It’s not been a terrible sacrifice.” – which is true – I have been easily telling me tale now – not a problem God, it’s OK, if you are guiding me I will follow. Does it matter what others see, no it doesn’t matter to me…. BUT – it does matter to those people who see it.  they either don’t want to see it – or don’t even notice – or they are at least curious and want to see it – and in that case I am happy to share. I have not yet had to scare people with it – but I wonder if that will happen – probably.

SO, there are some SQUEAMISH people out there – they don’t want to see my spiritual blood and guts – they might get tired of seeing my sins and/or my saintly moments strewn out for display – think about some carefully preserved glass jars of formaldehyde with my parts preserved for eternity…  BUT, there are also some JADED people out there – it doesn’t even phase them to see what is going on with me – they just keep walking – don’t pay any attention to someone that God has opened their whole heart and soul for the world to see…  nope, that doesn’t even register with those people. This is EXACTLY like the times when I can walk down a hallway with a red clown nose on – or Easter eggs glued to the top of my car – and they don’t even crack a smile (I love it when the people are trying to hold back and be serious – but it gets them and they fight the smile – they just don’t want to be moved – but it starts to creep out of them)….  BUT – there are tons of those curious people – well, it doesn’t matter whether they are ambulance chaser folks or just super interested in how this happened to me or curious or scared how and IF this might happen to them….

So, this strangest experience to have been “awakened” – it was sprit-led, like I said, no one knew where I was spiritually in Jesus’ eyes I (as Jairus’ daughter) was simply sleeping – in people’s eyes I (as Jairus’ daughter)  was completely dead and they were too late and there was nothing they could do and why even bother…  well, at least someone DID bother – and for me that somebody was God…  God bothered to think of me – even with everything he holds in his hands (as the song lyric goes) still He makes time for me, I can’t understand…

Jarius’s daughter says (in the play version):” I must give my life to the one who has given it back to me. I have to surrender my desires and follow his teachings instead.” – and this I know: there are going to be some more painful trials ahead and yet I won’t have to endure any of them with God’s reassurances, Jesus’s hugs, and the Holy Spirit’s lifting presence.

OK God, Let’s Roll!

————
35 While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?”
36 Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”
37 He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. 38 When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. 39 He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.”40 But they laughed at him.

131

Well, awesome movie I just saw, A Winter Tale, a great movie and it mentions the Pleiades…. I will tell you about the God/devil filled movie about miracles later… and wow, it was moving beyond belief…. but I want to tell you about how it sent me looking up something about the Pleiades..and then how I came across this tale of the favorite constellation of the an Indian nation  near where some of my family grew up… . Their favorite constellation? you guessed it…. the Pleiades…..  and you know what? It’s a winter constellation, just like my winter window of God’s chosen time for my awakening…. and also winter is when vinedressers do the best pruning off the branches of the vine (according to a sermon I heard)…. hmmmm…. good God….

 

132 Music Therapy – Joni Mitchell – I Think I Understand, Apr

Another good song about Fear and Journeying – and as I was finishing an email about fear, of course a good song came on in the background – so fitting!!!

I posted the lyrics below – but Joni calls fear “stepping stones” or “sinking sand” – I just told someone else about sinking sand when you don’t trust in the Lord… so – yeah, i hope that we can all trust in the lord –  all our fear can be stepping stones to what is next and we can take time to prepare… and we can taste the sunlight… sigh…  life is for learning you know…  (youtube https://youtu.be/vnVeeUAWkSE)

I Think I Understand

by Joni Mitchell

Daylight falls upon the path
The forest falls behind
Today I am not prey to dark uncertainty
The shadow trembles in its wrath
I’ve robbed its blackness blind
And tasted sunlight as my fear came clear to me

I think I understand
Fear is like a wilderland
Stepping stones or sinking sand

Now the way leads to the hills
Above the steeple’s chime
Below me sleepy rooftops round the harbor
It’s there I’ll take my thirsty fill
Of friendship over wine
Forgetting fear but never disregarding her

Oh, I think I understand
Fear is like a wilderland
Stepping stones or sinking sand

Sometimes voices in the night
Will call me back again
Back along the pathway of a troubled mind
When forests rise to block the light
That keeps a traveler sane
I’ll challenge them with flashes from a brighter time

Oh, I think I understand
Fear is like a wilderland
Stepping stones and sinking sand

 

 

133

email to Pastor for recent sermon about Pondering, 26APR

Wow…. your pondering made such a powerfully wonderful sermon… I am only half thru and wow, I had to stop to say you hit EXACTLY my calling out about the green beans and I KNEW God would answer since I trusted God so much, and how faithful He was to me, I knew, I knew to trust 100%… And how did he reply? He moved a mountain twice with the author to read my emails and I pray she is pondering herself more about God, and wow he gave me both a visual comfort in the height differences between my beans and theirs, and he gave me fuel to share my faith at the meeting….  soul on fire is easy when God creates the spark…

Now about being STILL,  I have processed, pondered and praised so much not being still .. not even including my car time,  I am reminded that we are never still because the earth is moving.. if you watch a sunrise which I’ve done three times this year, or track the stars, it will blow you away at how amazingly fast the earth is moving and we don’t feel it… this is EXACTLY how amazingly fast God is working in our lives, even when we are ignorant or trying to not feel it. And so when we do feel God working, wow it’s fast!! Thanks

 

130

Evolution is a verb, not a noun

Too many people pigeon hole God…. I try not to… all things are possible… God would not leave us scientists hanging…We are blessed to understand the bare surface of how God allows an amazing evolutionary plan continue thru present day… Evolution is a verb and evidence is all around…  God smiles and allows diversity to be the most amazing active cascade of events…  God’s time is just that – God’s – there is no reason why time should be completely understood by us – we are blessed to visualize it – to feel it – to see life and be life.  Lest we forget that God thought of us before we were born… God loves us and I am pretty sure He is pleased that we want to study Him and His ways.

“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.”

2 Peter 3 (NIV)

The Day of the Lord

3 Dear friends, this is now my second letter to you. I have written both of them as reminders to stimulate you to wholesome thinking. ² I want you to recall the words spoken in the past by the holy prophets and the command given by our Lord and Savior through your apostles.

³ Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. ⁴ They will say, “Where is this ‘coming’ he promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation.” ⁵ But they deliberately forget that long ago by God’s word the heavens came into being and the earth was formed out of water and by water. ⁶ By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. ⁷ By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly.

⁸ But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. ⁹ The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

¹⁰ But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.

¹¹ Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives ¹² as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. ¹³ But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.

¹⁴ So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him.¹⁵ Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him.16 He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction.

¹⁷ Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position. ¹⁸ But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.

129

Email with my professor about Henry VIII, 22APR

Q? I heard a very profound statement today at the doctor’s office from a goofball but God loving gentleman and his wife… he said that Henry the eighth was highly responsible for the spreading of the Gutenberg Bible – he handed it out to everybody or something like that and look how this man who was killing his wife and was a terrible person was being used by God to do the most amazing thing because the english-translation of the Bible had a major impact in the spread of Christianity…. hmmmm… Have you ever heard of this aspect of Henry the 8th?
I had a very profound morning –  it’s amazing when you have one when you least expect it, but wow we had awesome good God/spirituality/religion conversations there in the doctor’s office…

Later I saw a really funny billboard (such duplicate timing huh?)… “who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8”

Reply: I do know that despite being a ruthless megalomaniac, Henry was also very devout in his faith. Before he broke away and started the Church of England, he was given an award by the Pope for writing a very learned defense of the Eucharist over against the early Protestants.

128

Email:  a scripture from JOB – emails with a trusted soul

I am so lucky to have such great support and positive influences on everyside of my life…

The seven sister stars in the Pleiades watched over me tonight as always, while I used them in an astronomy and greek mythology badge lesson.   The sister moon too was my guide, walked with me to my home cabin along the frozen lake…breathtaking after an amazing day with my sister moms

Beautiful beyond words…..

Thanks …Pleiades and me…God only knows what’s in store for me, huh?

I have never read Job, ever…probably should read that whole book! Thanks for your help on the Greek gods and constellations…the thirteen 13-year olds were very interested and I teamed them up for constellation researching and finding them in the sky… it’s a bit scary to step outside my comfort zone to have taught them… but I have been out of my comfort zone a lot lately, huh?

Job 38 NIV

The LORD Speaks
1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said: 2 “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? 3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. 4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. 5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? 6 On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone– 7 while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? 8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, 9 when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, 10 when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, 11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’? 12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, 13 that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it? 14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment. 15 The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken. 16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? 17 Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death ? 18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this. 19 “What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? 20 Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings? 21 Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years! 22 “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of the hail, 23 which I reserve for times of trouble, for days of war and battle? 24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth? 25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, 26 to water a land where no man lives, a desert with no one in it, 27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass? 28 Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew? 29 From whose womb comes the ice? Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens 30 when the waters become hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is frozen? 31 “Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades? Can you loose the cords of Orion? 32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons or lead out the Bear with its cubs? 33 Do you know the laws of the heavens? Can you set up [God’s] dominion over the earth? 34 “Can you raise your voice to the clouds and cover yourself with a flood of water? 35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’? 36 Who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind ? 37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds? Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens 38 when the dust becomes hard and the clods of earth stick together? 39 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness and satisfy the hunger of the lions 40 when they crouch in their dens or lie in wait in a thicket? 41 Who provides food for the raven when its young cry out to God and wander about for lack of food?

124 – (see 124, 125, 126, 127)

Bean seeds, a true test of my faith, 08Apr

ugh… so I know it is said that being a Christian is hard… well being a Christian and a scientist worrying about bean seeds is not the trial I thought I would have as a major conflict…but I do… ugh…

I tried really hard to both defend my science AND my faith tonight at my neighbor’s book club – they waited until my return from my trip to do THIS experiment because they knew I didn’t believe in it…the experiment is to project my energy to one half of the green been seeds to grow faster than the other… wrong to me on so many levels…

One could say I have a golden opportunity to demonstrate real scientific knowledge base  (because the 1960’s quote in the book about plants having feelings was totally debunked by MY OWN professor mentors in grad school, a Science paper detailed the flaws..) but how to not offend my great neighbor? She really so wants me to do this experiment and prove that i have the power over the plants – if I had that I wouldn’t have been in grad school for 7 years….  ugh!!!!!   the experiment goes against every scientific bone in my body – and then all those spiritual juices too…

I know she knows I am both a scientist and a Christian  – and  I have shared this amazing spiritual growth with her and she also is a Christian – she (as well as me) could certainly be called “a bundle of energy”…   my best friend says I don’t give myself enough credit for being my own force in the universe… Cuz I really do think I am good force in the universe… and I know the power of positive thinking… but i have always credited my good energy, good upbeat personality and positive influences on an amazing combination of my parents and family upbringing and the pure Grace of God and my appreciation of the Grace of God… always…

and now ever since my amazing spiritual growth of accepting Jesus as 100% real, instead of being 50:50, I have seen an explosion of blessings…  I am trying to give everything up to God… I have seen small miracles, seen repair to my spiritual life, working on repairs to so many things, I have dropped at least one maybe two pants size losing weight in only three months…if that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is…I even fasted with NO problem Good Friday! Actually did about 36 hrs before I said, maybe I should eat something…my stress eating is practically gone, it creeped up lately, but I know the signs,  and reach out for gum or a pen top for my mouth to chew instead…

Sigh…. what am I going to do… these beans…  fruits…

I was planning on just laughing it off – but I think that is not good enough for me today – I have to act – hmmm… I will have to pray, definitely, how come I can’t give up this worry to God as easily as everything else? Why do I fear ruining a friendship? Or appearing to be ungrateful to a neighbor, when by worrying I’m really being disrespectful to God…

Will I tell them that i will plant the seeds, but leave the rest up to God….? Hmmm….Will I give it up to God, but then lie that I really did the experiment they asked? lie? Hmmm… Will I “accidentally” forget to water them? Hmmm… Will I purposefully send my “energy” towards their plants to make then all grow the same? Hehe… Will their dog eat the whole experiment? Science says this is a bioassay… there needs to be a HUGE sampling size, we don’t have that anyway, so not even a scientifically sound experiment…

The quote that goes with the experiment:
> “Don’t worry. Be happy.” Bobby McFerrin…  yeah I found that really annoying in the late eighties too… even if I believe it, sing it, it can still be annoyed right? Hmmm…
>
The author says “To change your life for the better, you simply connect with the power of the universe and then step back and allow it all to unfold with ease and grace.” Yeah, well I connected, and God said “stand your ground!”,  “You have a double reason to not throw your whole self to the trash…”,  “walk straight, be real, spirit and truth….” most importantly, trust God… I left the meeting to get my daughter from scouts, pulled up right behind this car, bumper sticker reads “in God we trust” yup… going to have to give it up to Him… I can’t turn my back on Him now…

I know they will not shun me for not doing the experiment, like them, I am being silly… but peer pressure is real, whether it has major consequences or not… and maybe just maybe they will feel MY dilemma when that look at their own beans… at least they protested when I said that my prayers would be wasted on beans when I should be praying for health healing for my friends… they say there are no wasted prayers… so maybe I am planting  seeds of faith not beans in this experiment???

I am giving it up… You got this one God? You got the biggest bioassay going anyway…

Maybe God will surprise us all… only God knows… It’s your experiment God, have fun…

————–

125 – emails about  Beans Experiment  (see 124, 125, 126, 127)

here is a cool conversation with a multi-million book seller author… go  figure!! Instead of stressing how l was going to tell my super nice neighbor that I didn’t do the green bean energy experiment, I decided to write the author instead to vent my concerns for science and for God.

… I have/had her ear… she did not address the scientific issues  (yet – she probably won’t) but we were having an interesting God conversation none the less… What God is up to I’ll never know but it certainly fun being part of the show… hey that rhymes 😉
have a great day! Start reading from the bottom. I emailed, she replied, I emailed again, she replied, and I don’t think she will reply to my 3rd, last, email….but who knows… her replies are a bit fluffy fur me, but oh well, at least I have a good story and a good witness to why I gave the whole experiment up to God…
>
> ———- Forwarded message ———-
> From: “debbie > Date: Apr 14,
> To: “P
>
>> Rome fell… and many religions are sadly failing to hold up to Jesus’ greatest commandments.  All roads should lead to God… There are good intentions in many church people, but that “not judging” aspect is hard for so many… Jesus’ greatest commandment was to LOVE. And even though by default, that means not judging… people do forget that, sadly. That’s what keeps people from coming into church, they don’t want to be judged (there is a really fitting seminar I attended about this : xxxxxxxxx)

I was just in the Czech Republic, King Charles the 4th, Holy Roman emperor in the 1300’s, would probably say all paths lead not to Rome but to Bohemia! But even with hundreds of gorgeous cathedrals, drawing millions of tourists to gauk at the gold, the czech people have mostly no religion.  My Czech relatives are half Christian and half atheist. (I had an epic journey to meet them after we reestablished connection after over 50 years of lost contact).

I would call myself a “recovering Catholic” having lost my religion when I married outside my faith to (God-forbid, LOL) a Methodist.  I do enjoy the Methodist church I attend, and religions are important to give structure and teaching in the basic principles of faith, but it is one’s spirituality that fulfills. It’s one’s own faith that will sustain you for your life.

And, it is in the one on one personal connections where two or three meet that I find God the most… in those wonderful intimate conversations about faith. When you compare the mega churches, were the people never even get to meet their pastor, to our small community churches – where not only does your congregation and pastor know you, they know how to connect with you individually…well it’s clear that connections are key. I myself (with this amazing recent spiritual growth) have about 12 pastors on speed dial… it’s awesome… but even so, it’s the simple small connections that I make to others, adults and children (and child-like souls of special needs individuals) which are the most fulfilling… where the joy amplifies… and where I see that being a child of God and a humble servant like Isaiah and especially Jesus is where it’s at!

I know you are so busy, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to answer my email. Your book, and my neighbor’s life improvement club,  have been true tests to my faith, showing me where to draw my faith lines and not fearing standing up for God (and for science too!), and opportunities to witness to them how God has enriched my life beyond my wildest dreams.
I hope and pray you have a good support system. I will continue to pray for your good fortunes and writings… I would love to see a book about YOUR faith journey some day… I will send you mine when I get it published… I would love to share a couple pieces with you if you would like.

Take care.
Blessings and God’s Grace always.
Debbie

>> On Apr 14, 3:30 AM, “P wrote:
>>>
>>> Hi again Debbie,
>>>
>>> I remember what a Catholic nun once told me. Only 2 things Jesus really said: “forgive” and “don’t judge.”
>>>
>>> All paths lead to Rome.
>>>
>>> Have a beautiful day,
>>>
>>> P

On Apr 13,, at 9:15 PM, debbie wrote:

Hello, when i saw that your website said that you have email pile the size of Mount Everest, I said “Really God?” Throw Mount Everest in there? How fitting…  because this year our Vacation Bible School theme is “Everest – Conquering Challenges with God’s Almighty Power!” Well I’m said, ” I know God can move mountains, as he certainly has done in my life, so, let’s see if my God of Mount Everest can reach her email Mount Everest!”  LOL – God came thru!

Thank you for the kind words of reassurance.  I am so glad that you realize that you are a God-led being – and I can easily see that you have been blessed immensely in your success. Truly i see that my neighbor Kim, who is a HUGE fan of yours, has already achieved a positive personality and her family and her friends have been blessed by her uplifting spirit and zest for life! She is extremely generous with her time and resources – and also has the desire to share that joy of life with others. And even though I don’t know you, I appreciate that you appear to intend to uplift your readers, so thank you for that.

As you can understand, I have not been thrilled with the “experiments”, looking for certain kinds of cars is ok,  and actually i have been doing that experiment for years, finding Subaru Foresters .. But specifically I was not able to do or believe in this green bean experiment, let alone the coat hanger one.  It never entered my mind that this was a proper outlet for my “energy”… and Yes, I did stress over how to approach this conversation with my neighbors,  both before the experiment and also in preparation to the explaination that I was planning to give next week – about my objections, but mostly concerned about their misguided faith. And I hate to appear rude or condescending… by criticizing mistrust in something that doesn’t seem God-led…  Of course I know they would easily accept my unwillingness to put myself into this experiment, they are nice people after all – no harm no foul – but still, i want to explain to them both the scientific and spirit-led reservations i have.. And i have been determined to tell them that i stopped stressing about the situation by giving that stress up to God.  Life is HIS experiment, not always ours…  God is not the co-piot – He is the pilot…
Scientifically, I am concerned about your use of a quote and the concepts of de-bunked “experimental results” that plants have ESP and feelings.  I still question this of you because you didn’t address it from my first email.  Either the lie detector test was a display of scientific control incompetence OR sensationalism (and i can even see now an image in my head of Uri Geller faking bending spoons on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson…). I believe it was the former, bad experimental design, so how much research, I curiously ask, did you do into this debunked set of work?

Spiritually, if i did try this “experiment”, i would be turning my back to not only my scientitfic upbringing, but also to my strong faith in God.  And i must tell you of this awesome spiritual growth i have had recently where i have a newly-expanded faith in  Jesus as real and in Jesus’s teachings about God… and WOW – i have been truly blessed since then!

Jesus and God give true hope…  As Jesus took on the role of a servant to bring people back to God, we too must try to give people real hope.

I only yesterday participated in a Sunday school lesson on 2nd Peter, warning about false prophets…and used Uri Geller as well as the green bean experiment as examples of a false prophet.  To put it plain and simple,  I feel the bean “experiment” gives false hope.

Another great example to live up to is the servant role taken on by Isaiah   I can see that the role of the servant to bring people back to God is a crucial one repeated in the bible  BUT, i see that one needs to be humble to be a servant, have energy yes, but one must appreciate where the true energy source comes from… this energy is from God.

So I hope you continue to turn to God for your future writing just as I have turned to God with an amplified result of great joy. I too have been writing…  I had begun this writing as my processing of how God is stirring people around me and working in my life.  At some point I’m sure I will publish them, but now i share with about 100 close friends. My writings (over 100) have been both meaningful to me as well as to others who can appreciate the corrective action God has placed on me to turn my head around.
>>>> So I will always try to humbly tell of the real hope that the true God had brought me as opposed to false hope that false prophets may throw your way.  It’s NOT gonna be easy…. I know that you can’t please all the people all the time, but you have to stay true to God’s word.

Good luck in all your future writings.
God bless
Debbie

Isaiah 50:4-9New International Version (NIV)
>>>> 4 The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue,
>>>>     to know the word that sustains the weary.
>>>> He wakens me morning by morning,
>>>>     wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed.
>>>> 5 The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears;
>>>>     I have not been rebellious,
>>>>     I have not turned away.
>>>> 6 I offered my back to those who beat me,
>>>>     my cheeks to those who pulled out my beard;
>>>> I did not hide my face
>>>>     from mocking and spitting.
>>>> 7 Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
>>>>     I will not be disgraced.
>>>> Therefore have I set my face like flint,
>>>>     and I know I will not be put to shame.

>>>> On Mon, Apr 13, at 11:09 AM, P  wrote:
>>>>> Dear Debbie,
>>>>>
Thanks for your thoughtful email. God is definitely my copilot, as well. I may use different terms (God doesn’t care–he’s definitely not the judgmental prick many believe) and I my see him differently. But my highest goal is to be connected always. I believe He (I’m using the masculine pronoun because that’s probably how you would see it, right?) created us to continue to create Himself. So I believe we are meant to use this energy that is of Him to his greater glory.
>>>>>
>>>>> I just follow His instructions.
>>>>>
>>>>> Hope this makes sense.
>>>>>
>>>>> But just so you know, God is my boo.
>>>>>
>>>>> Giant blessings,
>>>>> P

>>>>> On Apr 10, at 5:31 PM, Debbie  wrote:
>>>>> > Message: please let me comment in concern not total criticism… Please tell me your true spiritual feelings about God and his power. My favorite quote of the day is “if God is your co-pilot, you’re sitting in the wrong seat.”
>>>>> >
>>>>> > I have to wonder how you can sometimes talk about God in your book but much of the time have experiments which circumvent HIS power and replace it with personal power. I know I have energy but I also know it’s from my upbringing and God working through me… my neighbor, who is running our book club, loves your books and she truly is an energy source… but the coat hanger experiment which “worked” for her one time then failed to “work” the second time for many if us is indicative of false hope placed instead of true rigor.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > As for the green bean experiment, my PhD in plant biology scientifically will prevent me from believing that I could have power over the plants… if I did it wouldn’t have taken me so many years to get through grad school, haha. the lie detector test with the plants has been debunked years ago, please see science paper . So one doesn’t even have to bring God into this question but I will anyway and say “how do i turn my back on God and believe I have the power over the plants?”. Yes, I am already an energetic person and yes, I do think that my thoughts change the world… my world… but I will never negate the power of God in shaping me to be who I am. I am concerned about those people searching and being misled and then having great disappointment when their energies don’t fulfill their desires…
>>>>> > Thank you for your time… please contact me at the attached email.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > Refs: Kenneth Horowitz, Donald Lewis and Edgar Gasteiger. (1975). Plant Primary Perception: Electrophysiological Unresponsiveness to Brine Shrimp Killing. Science, 189. pp. 478-480.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > http://www.nytimes.com/news/the-lives-they-lived/2013/12/21/cleve-backster/
>>>>> > Time: April 10, at 5:31 pm
————————————————————-

126  (see 124, 125, 126, 127)

Thanks again, Pastor, not only for the UMW march presentation, but for how this scripture you taught at the meeting from mark 8 fits perfectly for the issue of the author who wants you to believe that you have power and energy over green beans…and making coat hangers move just by your mind… and wow, when my neighbors urged me by saying “you just are afraid to show yourself that you have the power to do this…” Well, that felt like the serpent tempting Eve!!!!… whew…!!!

“what good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul!!!!”

Wow, spot on advice then and especially now!
Thanks,
Debbie

———————————————-

127  (see 124, 125, 126, 127)

Beans in God’s Subaru, 16APR

Hmmm..guess which beans are mine in the photo… I gave them all no energy, or at least not differential energy took dune and not others… but the stress about explaining it to my neighbors I gave that it up to God…thank God…

They all did the energy vs no energy, and saw no difference….hmmm… not surprising to me. Sorry about that false hope folks…

The best was they all agreed they didn’t think I would actually do the experiment, cause I had already told them my science and faith…and I have been real honest about my faith to them, how could I not credit God for my high energy!

And yes they were suitably impressed that I wrote the author and she wrote back, twice…

But if you are as amazed as they were about how tall mine grew compare to theirs, don’t be…. as much as it made me smile, at the end I told him the real difference why my beans grew three times as tall as theirs… it was because I grew them in my Subaru 😉 it’s a greenhouse of warmth and good stuff happening in that Subaru.

God bless the Subaru 😉
God bless giving it up to God !
Amen!

Good Psalm:

Psalm 104

24 How many are your works,Lord!

In wisdom you made them all;

the earth is full of your creatures.

25 There is the sea, vast and spacious,

teeming with creatures beyond number—

living things both large and small.

26 There the ships go to and fro,

and Leviathan, which you formed to frolic there.

27 All creatures look to you

to give them their food at the proper time.

28 When you give it to them,

they gather it up;

when you open your hand,

they are satisfied with good things.

29 When you hide your face,

they are terrified;

when you take away their breath,

they die and return to the dust.

30 When you send your Spirit,

they are created,

and you renew the face of the ground.

31 May the glory of the Lord endure forever;

may the Lord rejoice in his works—

32 he who looks at the earth, and it trembles,

who touches the mountains, and they smoke.

33 I will sing to the Lord all my life;

I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

123
OOBLECK, Standing on Solid Ground, 12APR

Fun stuff, oobleck from cornstarch and water, a non-Newtonian solid, acts like a solid (squeeze it) and a liquid (let it ooze thru your hand)… it was one way we demonstrated that it is not good to stand on shaky ground, that it is better to stand on firm, solid ground, by knowing and following the words and wisdom of God and doing the right things, including those from second Peter: faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, mutual affection, love.

Unfortunately, shaky ground, like the oobleck or the foam blocks we tried to stand on… are like putting your trust in things/people other than God…

Here are the passages on false prophets:

Matthew 7:24-27 New Living Translation
Building on a Solid Foundation
24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
———–
2 Peter 1:
3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

10 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, 11 and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
——————–
2 Peter 2 New International Version (NIV)
False Teachers and Their Destruction
2 But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves. 2 Many will follow their depraved conduct and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. 3 In their greed these teachers will exploit you with fabricated stories. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.

4 For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment; 5 if he did not spare the ancient world when he brought the flood on its ungodly people, but protected Noah, a preacher of righteousness, and seven others;

121
This post-Easter week I checked back in with myself… see where I am going… hopped back on the “Christmas merry go round” (one I wrote about in the Easter roller coaster piece) for comfort after my extended Easter roast coaster… it was a week of remembering all this things I have been neglecting, trying to jump back into work, a week where I didn’t take good enough care of myself from a wicked cold, of pausing and thinking….”where am I going?”

Where am I going?, 11APR-12APR
I guess I wonder if a golden opportunity opened and is shutting, or will shut… a balance between whether I continue writing for me, or for an audience I think I could reach…. whether I did just pause for me and it is time to be less needy and greedy for conversations with God that take the form of writing… yet my corrective action never had anything to do with writing, that was just the way I could empty/dump my brain down, to let God keep filling it up…hmmm…

Perhaps I was granted the luxury of taking the last few months as “Me time” (corrective action by God from Christmas to Easter, convenient huh? Alpha and Omega?…)… and I certainly was on an accelerated growth spurt!!!… Is it because that was the only time God could fit it in with the hectic, but awesome, life that HE has picked for me?… and certainly HE leaves me with no doubt over tasks put in front of me, spring is crazy, good, busy!!! So there is no need for me to rush myself right now, I have got plenty to do! I am never bored, ever!… NO need to rush God… The best quote this past week, my husband shared with me: ” If you say God is your co-pilot, then you are in the wrong seat.”

So, timewise I need to focus over life things like family, work, VBS, UMW, finances, and those times that I am the only one who can fulfill the kids and my husband’s, and my extended family’s needs…

So, do I take less time, or smaller chunks, for just “me time”? am I just justifying it as “me plus God time”?… and yet the “me and God time” felt SO good…. made me feel like I could change the world… but I have to be realistic…. just like everything in life, I can’t do everything… I have to focus on what I can impact… and especially now focus on what it is in my own world that needs me for me, where there is no substitute…. sigh……

So why do I worry so much about stuff? But I do…. simply worrying about whether I take too much me time IS taking too much me time….. sigh… I know the scripture, don’t worry, just pray…

Taking “me time”…Look at the vacation I took for me, visiting my family in Europe, people said I deserved it… did I? Well, yeah I did… because I know was also for my family in Europe too…. the joy for thirty plus people amplified my joy… they say they miss me more than I miss them, and there are so many of them, and just one of me… So “me” time is not just for me, .I would have regretted not going so much much more, especially if my elderly cousin had passed before I was there, and it was not a hardship for anyone anyway, the money was a bonus, the kids were all right, epic journeys are just that…epic and worthy…. and worthy to be repeated…

As I was sad to leave the new family I met, I knew it was just a window of opportunity… So likewise, I am sad thinking about taking less writing and less me time….even if I question if it might be time to move on….and get over myself… I wonder if this feeling of “i can change the world!” will subside? Maybe not… but maybe fall back to realistic levels? Yet, I do change my worlds, everyday, by being me, by using my God-given talents to organize, to rally, to lead by example… of course by tuning into people who need me to listen, like my kids, sometimes by showing that I am not to proud to be picking recycling out of a trash can, sometimes by simply having plastic Easter eggs hot glued to my car and making people smile… “Think Globally, but Act Locally”, great bumper sticker… great philosophy…

Thanks for listening; there are no easy answers, just keep moving… others remind me… I remind myself… and I remind others, for years using the MASH episode where Father Mulcahy questions his impact, and says: “It doesn’t matter whether you feel useful or not when you’re moving from one disaster to another. The trick, I guess, is to just keep moving.” I can see him looking up – then moving into the night and the blessed snowflakes.

So, it’s ok for me to pause on occasion, praise that I move not from disaster to disaster but mostly from joy to joy….and praise that praying too can also be done while moving…

I will keep trying to give up these new questions to God just like before… praise Him like before that I DO have questions… questions are good…. that’s the only way to clear my mind… So God can fill it again…

OK, keep moving…

 

———

post email to a friend:

122
So, Mxxx, I really did appreciate your comment after the message…. about God providing… and Jesus saying “just do it”….. your message was spot on…. I needed to stop worrying about where I am going and just keep going… that reduction in stress of not worrying has been amazing… really knowing the Lord will provide…. that’s awesome….

Keep up the good messages

120 ( a long “babbling thought”)
People Watching, 10APR
One of the phrases my Mom always uses is that she “loves people watching”. Yes, before there were smartphones and noses buried in online posts, there was “people watching”… sitting at the mall, sitting at the doctor’s office, waiting in a restaurant, and yes, sitting in church….
Yes, I people watch… all the time… it’s my upbringing – I was told to watch people and react to them and take heed of how I effect them… These experiences even made me think of a potential career, being a psychologist… I always wanted to know: “what makes people the way they are?” “What makes the brain tink?” Yes, people make me think…

Another passion/hobby of mine (that could have been a career) is weather watching… a big thunderstorm is rolling in right now, while I write this… big cracks of lightning excite me, but would make others cowl… if nothing else in life I have learned to go with the flow and accept things… live the serenity prayer, or at least try to… Lightning, that you cannot change… you have to change your attitude towards it… “crappy weather” or “wow, exciting lightning! Our first spring storm!!! Spring is here!!”…. Yeah, it’s all in the attitude… Some folks are so strong and confident but wow, in a thunderstorm? WOW – a different person…scared to death! But me?…well, I would sit on the outside porch in college and watch the ball lightening roll in… yeah – I am that kind of person – watch and feel the awesome lightening from just a safe enough distance… It’s all in the attitude… like riding a rollercoaster… live is living for the thrill of it all…

Weather watching, People watching… yup, take a step back and watch and listen… you will learn volumes about life.

I recently revisited/relistened to the four sermons that made a big impact on me while growing through this burst of spiritual growth… they were on CD and about a year old when I heard them the first time… but talk about timing… no wonder they gave me food for thought, they were meaty and to the point and since my ears were opening, I really heard them…

The one sermon that talks about identifying yourself as a Christian, the sermonist (now a friend too) states: “once you identify yourself as a Christian, people will watch you”… YUP! That goes both ways – you watch people – and they watch you…

I have learned so much about people and about myself – good people and bad people – even good people who do bad and vice versa… What makes them tink? So, YES – I watch and YES, I have felt an amplification of people watching ME in my Christian role… And yet, this is not new, I always did have people watching me – I have been in leadership roles at the church and at work and in the community for years and years… Over fifteen years ago now, after I finished my degree, I became a member and then later secretary and president of my local service organization. This was and is my FATHER’S club, and after much strife with previous acceptance of women into this club, I seemed to have no problem becoming the first woman secretary and then the first woman president. See, I learned more about how to be a leader from WATCHING the leaders as well as from watching the followers… and they learned from watching me – they knew what kind of person I was – they appreciated my organizational skills and accepted my leadership and my leadership style… (see, I grew up in THAT club – it gave me about fifty extra doting uncles – to add to my nine blood family uncles)… I had NO problem slipping into a leadership role since I knew that my followers were also my leaders… I knew when to lead, and when to follow, and when I could pick on people, and when I could get other people to pick on others in fun… I really enjoyed that amplification of confidence/ego, and I appreciated all their support… I left the club when I moved away but I took them with me in spirit.

People always watched me, I know, and just like I wait on people to talk to, they wait on me too… to talk to me after church services, before and after church meetings… These are people who want to share something exciting or concerning… I need to take time for these people, because I am one of them too…. I too look for people I need to catch up with, and I go up to talk to people who finish lectures (just recently at a big event I connected with the presenters and email them regularly now), I like many go both to thank them and to connect with them on a more personal level…

It is great when people do this in all aspects of life… An example for myself was at a scientific meeting, I finished a 45 minute seminar presentation to about 300 fellow scientists then afterwards, I essentially “held court” like many speakers for at least another sixty minutes … a few people want to pick your brain for their science issues, a few want to say how excited they are that you have identified the same questions in your research as they have, and a few just want to hang out and listen to the answers you give others… it is really the best part of the presentation….the rehashing… you may have touched the thoughts of the hundreds in the seminar, but these people – you have really reached and they are SO MOTIVATED to reach back for more….

And now, I notice a new amplified volume of watching… in my new Christian role… having identified myself as 100% with Jesus. I notice that I catch more people’s direct eye contact now that I have stepped out in a big way… I am putting myself out there – slowly… I know it is still in easy, safe, incremental steps, but still I am getting out there – more and more people are watching… some watching in smiles, some watching in concern, some watching to see, God-forbid, if I fall… People watching… watch them watch you!

 

 

117
Email about Easter (3rd service – contemporary) to a friend:
So…
I got to stand up to share in front of the contemporary service, about it being my first REAL Easter… the smile on my friend’s face in the row right next to me, so reassuring… I said I praised the praise band for being a major part (and said I was thankful for you, and my whole church family), that it was awesome and would be happy to share with anyone who wanted to know more… And Pastor said, to the audience, a warning that you better carve out a big chunk of time, and bring a sandwich, and a cot for a nap….. LOL…. awesome….

———–

118
Email to a friend, Pxxx
thanks for that big smile you had – and I caught out of the corner of my eye – when I said it was my first REAL Easter in the service – I did have courage to be bold yesterday – but that smile helped me keep smiling and I tried to keep it short and sweet – especially since over half that room already knew my story (i have been kinda busy telling folks LOL) and i loved how pastor said bring a sandwich and a cot… LOL…. I do appreciate the time he has given me – as well as everyone and like the 12 pastors I have “on speed dial” – sweet – now I will return the favor and spend time with folks who would normally use Pastor’s time – my extension of concern will help buffer his time crunch, I hope,

but anyway, thanks for that reassuring smile yesterday… it gets easier and easier each day to share – i was able to catch up with like a dozen people yesterday to tell them – including someone who I had been meaning to chat with for a couple of months… it really is better to share individually with folks – and be able to listen to their stories too…one of these days I want to sit down and hear yours!!!

smiles!

———–

119
Apr8
I had a good catch up conversation with someone about my recent trip but also where I could mention ever so gently that I was appreciated by this branch of the family for not only being me, but also for being a Christian… My friend says he can tolerate my level of religion, lol…I tred lightly always, and he knows how super active I am in church, and he can appreciate the social aspects of it. I did get him to agree that it is the distaste of religions that is what ruins it for so many…And that there is a difference between religion and faith…

Later he said: “Thanks for catching up today! Don’t take my joke too much to heart. I respect your beliefs.”

116 APR

God Pruning and Reading Scriptures correctly!
Big oops, pays to read your bible, I apparently had a whole scripture wrong… John 15….

For some reason I thought Jesus was saying that God (as in all parts together) was the vine… but Jesus was saying the He (Jesus) was the vine, His father (God) was the vine dresser, with strong but loving hands… I love that scripture, so how did I get it wrong? Geez….

I want to teach a youth group lesson with it, I thought instead of reading it, I would first re-listen to a great sermon about it… I even listened three times while I was writing it down, but not until the third time did I hear it right, oops… I must have heard it at least half a dozen times total lately, but I had it wrong in my head… ugh… And then I really had to look it up (I love my smartphone bible gateway)…yup…oh well, life is for learning, hmmm…. either way, the gist is the same… you need to cling to the vine, abide in the vine, and let your branch be pruned by God, to bear much fruit… this is only from being Jesus’ disciple….no wonder Jesus said if they have ears let then hear…still cleaning mine out, sorry about that Jesus…

I have been corrected a couple times today…. Mostly because my cup runneth over and so does my mouth… the first time today was at the bank… I was at the bank for a couple reasons…one to deposit checks and two to take a 10 minute power nap because I’m so exhausted from a trip, a busy blessed weekend, little sleep with this time change and now, I came down with a lovely cold… so, I rested my eyes listening to the vine service and woke up fifteen minutes later to the praises from the congregation… a praise of a car rolling over this woman’s daughter’s chest and no injuries…wow… The praise of the reduction of stage 4 cancer…wow… What a very powerful God we have! We should all listen to those stories!

SO the rest of the day I was taught to give into listening… the timing of God at the bank caused a woman to overhear my conversation about yoga, and ask me about it. I said I had a DVD in the car she could have, it was a copy…she was thrilled… So I was about to say that it was God’s timing but instead I spilled my hot tea on my hand…. So was that me being careless, yeah, but was that God saying shut your trap and listen to the lady first! Yeah was probably that too… I have learned it is so much more about others than about me… everything points to the fact that it is more important to listen than to talk… I guess I better start pruning my overflowing mouth… But I can still write! haha, God hasn’t pruned that (yet)… Please don’t prune that yet God, I still have so much to write… so so much to process…

The rest of the day fell into God’s timing, too, after the bank I ran into my writing friend who has studied the book of John in great detail, and I just listened to his vast knowledge. Then did building laps with my work brother who spoke of where to find spirituality and I just listened. Then two people having issues and I just listened… then the dentist where I had no choice but to listen with my mouth full of instruments.. and that’s all any of those people really needed today… a listener, not a talker…

SO, Jesus says “you did not choose me, I choose you”… choose me to listen, sometimes to talk.. but today, it was to listen… listen to the people and listen (really listen) to Jesus’ story…

Thanks for choosing and correcting me today, Jesus.

John 15 New International Version (NIV)

The Vine and the Branches
15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.

115

Music Therapy – yes you can let LOVE – God’s LOVE make amends for you!
Steven Wilson – Drive Home: https://youtu.be/ycYewhiaVBk

“You need to clear away
All the jetsam in your brain
And face the truth
Well love can make amends”

114

email about possible I am the Vine skit, APR05 (fyi see the follow up at #116)

Wow, my youth group leader just last night asked me to substitute this sunday for him, and I just was thinking that I should teach this idea of mine as the lesson…. “I am the true vine, you are the branches”…. teach the bible scripture, spell out the idea for the skit and have the kids make the fruit and figure out how to run thru the skit…. yup….
I had decided this JUST before I got an email from a dear friend – here is my email reply with the skit idea – and I thank them for being such great mover of the Holy Spirit!!! Here is the email:

“I am the true vine”, yup, God putting more and more fruit on my branch… thanks holy spirit…. such a fast worker…. I love hearing God chuckle when he tinkers… such timing… I am so blessed…

I just thought of this great interactive demonstration for the “I am the vine, you are the branches” scripture, while I was listening to the Genesis song “one for the vine”

A person could be holding on with one hand to a vine (make a sign that says God/Jesus) and they (as the branch) face out away from the vine. Ask them to hold their arm into their body and ask them to catch a soft piece of fruit (perhaps foam of cloth fake fruit)… they can’t catch it… then ask them to tech out their arm, and pick up some pieces of fruit and see how much that can bear… they probably can hold onto a few pieces… then someone could hand then a small basket, and they could probably hold about a dozen pieces… This represents how we bear fruit when we are connected to God, but not turned towards him but instead looking out, away…

Now, have the person turn towards the vine, so now they are facing God – or even have a person portraying Jesus take their hand. Ask them to hold their free arm close to their attached arm…start handing them fruit…start pulling it up and you will see they can bear more…they use their whole upper bodies… then get out a HUGE basket of fruit which they can support holding with their outstretched arms together while holding onto the vine… This represents the many fold more fruit that they can hold when they look towards God… you could even have a tub of soft fruit and pour it over them to see the basket fill up.

I can’t wait to try this sometime soon.  Take care and God bless

111

Good Friday Service, Apr3
Well, if that wasn’t a spirit-led trip to a Good Friday Service, I don’t know what would be! I got lost coming home and I’m sitting in another God-led destination, a Veterans Cemetery, to write this, here, on Good Friday, with hundreds of gravestones… families stopping by with flowers… so sad what we’ve lost in death… oh but so blessed what we gained to live in America… by the lives of these soldiers… Just the image of the perfectly lined up gravestones – wow – powerful beyond words…

What was lost in Jesus’ death but oh, what we gained by that death and resurrection – wow – powerful beyond words…

It’s raining today, so not good for a cross walk in my own community, so I saw a good opportunity to hop up to a Good Friday service at another church, where my new faith penpal friend was preaching… Always wanted to meet him in person, so I thought “today is the day!”…

Wow, awesome doesn’t even describe it… read to the bottom of this piece and you will see why… Why I am so blessed? I have no clue… Why God tinkers with me? I don’t know… God’s got a plan though… this I know… and I know I’m just along for the ride….

Of course, his sermon was amazing as I expected, but I was more impressed with the amazing spirit running through the people there, they were hands up, young and old, praising in a feedback way with huge “Amens!”… thru the whole service, the music the liturgy, and I told him that I can see where he gets his Holy Spirit energy from… it’s from these people who really are absorbing it and bouncing it right back to him! Someone asked me if I was a visitor, but instead of saying “I don’t recognize you”, they said “Will you be joining us on Easter?” Now there, my friends, is a welcoming church. A nice way to welcome unknown people…

And the sermon, about the Power of the Cross  – that mirrored the love I saw, the love we should all spread each day…

“Receive forgiveness
Serve Inexplicably
Speak graciously
Forgive immediately
Reach out enthusiastically”

“The Power of the Cross is not to cleanse your sins, but to give you the power to LOVE…” – to love people who are different just like people who are the same as you.

No worries, I’m not leaving my church for this one, I love my church family, it’s where God put me for a reason… where God put me in leadership roles, did some awesome corrective action on me and said “Let’s Go!”. I do, however, see this as a challenge… for me to do everything in my power to get my church up and spirit-led like this church. If you build it, and fill it with spirit, they will come… just like in the movie.

But here’s the kicker for the day…. About whom is mentioned in this Pastor’s sermon…. Of COURSE, I expected a cool sermon from him, actually a HOT one, because if he isn’t a soul on fire I don’t know who is! I have been listening to a couple of his sermons from his church website, yeah he is super ON FIRE… filled with the Holy Spirit, moved by the Holy Spirit, and handing it out free of charge. He is a fellow alumnus from my small undergraduate institution – and I feel like a mother saying I’m so proud of him, but I am really, really proud of him. And he’s one of those people that God put in my path to help me with my spiritual growth, not with his new book, but with a piece of factual information about the canonization of the Bible that was embedded deep in his website, and of course, God led me right to it. So, it WAS exciting to see the excitement on his face when he recognized me in line for communion and said “You know who I was talking about in my sermon today right?” Well of course I did!!! No, it wasn’t me, but when he started out by talking about going late to a Dunkin Donuts to meet up with someone from another church, to try to sync up their men’s ministries together, I said “Holy Spirit!!!” He’s talking about someone i knew !!!!!”
And the crux of the whole sermon was the fact that the pastor was so late to their meeting together, and he felt so so bad… and expected the worst, but here the other guy greeted him with a smile and “it’s so nice to see you” and gave him the Grace of forgiveness from God… then the next day he gave that Grace of forgiveness right back to someone else… 300 plus people in this audience were moved by this story… About the power of giving forgiveness given… I smiled and smiled and smiled. Wow, Holy Spirit! God I knew YOU know me, but whew…

God, you remind me EVERYDAY how blessed I am… You picked my alma mater, my Subaru… you picked this sermonist pen-pal for me, you picked me to come today to this sermon, you picked me to go to my church last night, with only five hours sleep in two days, for a spirit-filled service, which I was called into duty for to run the PowerPoint to facilitate the spirit flowing and you certainly picked me as object lessons for your Divine love…. whew…

Where are we going from here, God? Only God knows…

I Trust You, God, 100%.

110
emails about sunrise service skit
Wow, yeah, thanks Pastor,
that’s a great part for me for the sunrise service… you nailed it! I am not surprised!

Jairus’ daughter, risen from the dead, says ‘I am not surprised that Jesus rose from the dead…’ the rest of the readings have surprise, but this part does not… just awe….

I like how she says ‘it’s NOT been a terrible sacrifice…’ to serve Jesus, cause it hasn’t…it may be time consuming and hard at times… but a sacrifice??? not a terrible one…and the positives outlast the negatives, always…

And she says ‘if not for Him, I would have nothing to give’ … she didn’t say I wouldn’t LIVE… she said nothing to GIVE… indicating that LIFE is for GIVING, not just for living…. COOL! I can relate to that… and certainly life is for both living and for giving… cool…

Can’t wait for Easter!
Arms up! It’s easier for Jesus to take your hand if it is already up!!!

On Mar 19, Pastor wrote:
Hey, I think I have a part for you to read in the sunrise skit.

109
Travelogue 31MAR
I am having an amazing time here in Europe … this is a long email, so it’s going to be my travelogue (spiritual version) for today…

… after four days on the countryside, I am now in the city, it is quiet in my cousin’s flat, we have retired for the evening, and I have no wifi.  I have been thinking about a recent sermon about making a difference and about looking over family history records and writing postcards… my Pastor’s sermon about how one can really be excited about telling people about God, who gives us the best deal in life and for eternity, for free…  Pastor’s sermon’s enthusiasm was awesome and I appreciated it because I really feel that way too… I can’t help but tell people how excited I am, how God blessed me in everything, and (when the opportunity presents itself) tell them about how this expanded belief in Jesus on top of my previous belief in God blew the roof off… so I appreciate in the message where Pastor’s said GOD salvation is free, and how can you not be excited and exclaim and boast (Romans…) about the good news…
And that we can do the obeying part about exclaiming the good news and let God take control over the rest with the people we meet… so the least we could do was tell folks how God has blessed us.

So God really blessed me for this trip… After the first half of my vacation staying with country cousins, they threw me such wonderful lunch in my honor, with relatives from ALL five branches of our extended family stemming from one set of parents five generations ago. They don’t normally get together, so I was so happy to enable the party… so blessed… After the party, I went bowling with my country dozen cousins, and we cried therapeutic tears of goodbye… They treat me like a sister as well as a cousin…

Actually, I cried buckets… They showered me with gifts from day one. I even lost sleep the night before because I was so sad to part ways… I wrote one piece about loss and holy week… but I got thru the goodbyes with their hugs and love… and I will visit again…and we have Facebook to catch up daily…

Now I am in the city with an older cousin, who lives alone after his wife passed two years now… he has a quiet solitary life…  I am glad to add some activity and have the most marvelous host to this new adventure.

Interesting contrast in these two portions of my trip… my first set with those country cousins had great grandma, grandma, grandpa, and moms to four twenty year old sons plus girlfriends, enjoying an active life… they were all devote Christians, and I got to share my amazing Grace tractor trailer gas tanker experience (where I honked my horn to amazing Grace and prayed, and he eventually woke up from swerving all over the road for at least five minutes)… so these country cousins even spoke of me being a good Christian to the whole group at the family reunion….

and this cousin now in my second part of my trip is an atheist (it’s not that he is against others spirituality, it just doesn’t matter to him) … And I worry that him not having God in his life!!!!!!!!!!!
So I am happy to be his guest on many levels…both because he is taking me everywhere, but also to keep him company… to know that he gets to chat with distant and near relatives on our travels too… (he did admit to me that although his wife dying was a tragedy, after fifty years of marriage, that he can really see others who have even more extreme tragedy in their lives.

He sees what an optimistic person I am… and I can tell him, slowly and organically, how God had blessed my life… and we talked about balancing science and God…

It’s an interesting trip/life huh?

PS – when I left for home he gave me an angel necklace for extra wings for my plane – i know a couple of atheists and i am pleasantly surprised that they both believe in angels, hmmm….  nice…

108
Easter eve sorrows, 28Mar

Ok, so I can’t sleep, I thought this European time zone was my golden match…not tonight…So going to write this one out…then go back to sleep…

GOD is Good, His timeline, His clock, not mine…

 

Easter Eve Sorrows, 28Mar

I wondered where my sorrows would come at Easter… I mean it is Lent reflection time, right? But the over exuberance I have felt in life these past two months has lifted me on cloud nine times nine… yes worried I am not humbling enough before the Lord…bubbling but not humbling…

My sorrowful reflective moments actually have been there, just not publicized like my joys… but all have been about loss. My sorrow paramount at this current moment (at this late quiet hour), is that I am in the midst, tomorrow, of the fact that I will have both an amazing family reunion, held in my honor, and an amazing feeling loss of leaving this side of family from this first half of my trip…it’s too short of a time, life’s too short!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, I know I am headed into an amazing second half of my trip with another set of relatives, but this set have been so wonderful and the ones responsible for golden repair to our two continent-separated families… Our 92yr old cousin, matriarch and strong woman, is truly an inspiration…this will possibly be my last time seeing her…as she is 92yrs… oh the joy of meeting, oh the sorrow of going… Yes, Jesus, I understand, you didn’t want to go either…I get that… but you had to… It was the plan all along, you didn’t like it, neither do I… I hang that sorrow up on your cross, my cross… hang it up, no choice….

The sorrow tonight was amplified in the stress that time moves too quickly… at least three generations and I will continue renewed relationships with renewed vigor… with Facebook posts, chats, and connections… the possibilities abound in our future meetings… I remember their laughter even before we part tomorrow. I feel their joy, connecting with me and each other, and I now feel their pains too… now I feel what I didn’t know before, about their losses too – their ups and downs, their sorrows now I place on my cross from their crosses… I get it Jesus, sorrows from others work on my cross too… I hang them up…

I guess we ask for peace of mind in life… I certainly did at Christmas, and it did come by February…. will I get it again at Easter? I don’t know… but if I know God, I am sure HE will send me all the help I need… in HIS time…. the friends, the family, the golden memories of the past, the joys of the present, and our hope for the future… HIS CROSS handed to me to pull me up… MY Cross, well that I will use to carry my past, present and future sorrows and my past, present and future joys…hang them out…a lever to lighten my life load…And use it as a walking stick now to continue my journey…

It’s Holy Week, catch up time, Lent condensed… God’s plan at hand… we get the most joyous Easter gift, everlasting joy – everlasting life, after the roughest time… So, hold onto to your crosses, and be ready… because at some point HE is going to say “Let’s go… Come with ME”.

107
Mountains into Molehills, Travelogue 26Mar
The best thing about being so high up into the heavens above earth is that IT IS CLEAR and you can see how God fills in the rough spots and only the tops of mountains are visible… (these are the Swiss Alps). And that is so true with my life and maybe yours. When we look at things from God’s vantage point, mountains are REALLY molehills, and we can climb them with HIS help… And HE gives us the power and energy to soar higher than we could have ever dreamed. Amen.

106 Know Thy Self, email from the Bishop, mid-March

Hello Debbie,
Blessings and thanks for sending along your writings. I will read them as time allows. Blessings.

On Mar 22,, debbie wrote:
Honestly, I feel my call is in a connections ministry… being who I already am, but expanding that and witnessing to others how awesome God is…

I don’t plan on giving up my day job (yet)…I am a scientist (which pays the bills) and I am known at my work as a Christian… so i pray to make a difference – planting seeds gently… I am the VBS director and UMW president, and newly in the contemporary praise band… I really want to help our church reach out to more folks… the sky’s the limit… so especially while my kids are young, I need to pray on this increased enthusiasm and use my time effectively… but who knows?… God knows… I pray on it all!

I will forward you my whole set of writings… don’t need to binge read them, LOL, it’s a lot to digest…
Debbie

On Mar 22, Bishop wrote:
Hello Debbie,
It was good to chat with you yesterday. You write very well and have a fresh approach to devotional thinking using illustrations like yeast and Legos. I hope you will publish. Have you also felt a call to ministry? Blessings.

105,

Know thy Pastor, mid-March
I have so much report about the conference i attended… but just one blessing to share tonight… I was sitting next to Pastor when they brought up mega churches…and how a lady had to go buy a book for a book signing just to meet her pastor… and here I am sitting next to my pastor whom I know journeyed in his own way… and in addition who personally placed a book in my hands which he inscribed to me…my Pastor “Subarus with me in Christ”… meaning he unites with Christ…awesome… a pastor trying “to reach”… not just “to teach” or just “to preach”… keeping it real…

Smiles

104

Deal with Yourself

After the best refreshing pain-free straight 5.5 hrs sleep, I woke up to Saturn in the sky over my shoulder and a clear viewing of some hooked constellation…unknown to me… when I pulled out the Google sky map app, I found out it was Scorpio… THAT’S ME! COOL!… I never saw it (well never noticed it) before…my zodiac sign… cool…

I find this sight as another affirmation that you yourself need to learn how to deal with yourself... that you should know HOW you deal with yourself better than anyone since you have been doing it your whole life… That was sage advice another friend gave me last Thursday…a rough day when I was overwhelmed with self…

After a brief awake time, I played some total awesome drift away music…got some extra sleep… only to wake up to the haunting “veneno para las hadas”, lyric: “When you’re young you’re sleeping” mmmm… good album – good lyric to wake up to – it IS good to wake up after sleeping…

103
Picking up pennies and people, face up, 22MAR

You ever pick up a penny face up? A lost penny that is now found? What if it is face-down? Bad luck? Hmmmmm…

I don’t pick up face-down pennies, but sometimes, when I have the opportunity, I kick the penny and maybe (50:50 shot) just maybe it will land face-up for the next person… and they will feel lucky. I don’t pick these flipped pennies up… I don’t need the luck, I have ALWAYS been lucky and I CERTAINLY am blessed.

What about people? You ever try to pick up people when they are blue? down in the dumps? Or even at the end of their ropes? You ever try and not prevail? Does that stop you from trying again? With a new person?

Maybe that person, down on their luck, eyes to the ground, is the face down penny… they can’t see you, your hand, your blessing… maybe they aren’t ready to get picked up…

But I don’t think one should give up hope completely… perhaps someone else has the right words at another time. Perhaps the person needs to be face up and looking for help in order to teach up when you come, maybe the person needs to reach their hand up before you can help them.
Perhaps that person like that penny might need a little kick.. just a little one… Maybe only in light touch –  maybe you’re supposed to just nudge them… Maybe a few people will have to nudge them… Then maybe down the road, at a time unknown to us, someone else can come along and find them face up.

Hope.

Hope and Prayer are the most powerful. Action helps sometimes, and the idea that you are willing to try to help speaks volumes…. but it’s important that they know that Grace is already there and free.

God also does some kicking of the pennies and the people… He is there to give hope. He sent Jesus for action. God knows you need to seek Him… you have to do it… So do those face-down people.

Keep hope and prayer alive for those folks, when they aren’t praying for themselves. Keep kicking and nudging those pennies. If you have hope, and reach out, maybe they will flip over and reach up too.

Keep praying… Keep hope…

102
Hmmmm…. Religions, 21MAR
Why do people adhere to religions? Why do people like rules? I have written about my Catholic youth and my lost religion… I have not regained a new religion that hems me or God in… don’t think I will… Now, don’t get me wrong, I like Methodism of what I have seen off it… but mostly I think I like the people… and that could be said of everything on my life – when I have ever left a workplace I haven’t missed the work a fraction of how I  certainly miss the people – I am a people person – always…

SO – why do people continue in their religions? sometimes we continue things in life for convenience – or rather to not have to do something else – for example I pay $1.99 a month for extra storage on my google account simply because i don’t have time to go search through 5 years of emails etc to remove large photo files – it’s convenient and I don’t feel like changing…

Anyway – life is for living you know… why do we choose a religion in life? or why don’t we re-choose – but so many of us do… i was raised catholic by default… and I know so many who didn’t like going to church – didn’t like the sermons – didn’t like the hypocrisy of religions? (definition: the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform) – yeah, i don’t know all what they didn’t like – but i can imagine…. if any of us weren’t following all the rules of the catholic church are we destined to burn in hell? – i would think not… but following the spiritual guidances the Bible shares with us – those are crucial!!!

Hmmmm…. Religions….

101

Sheds, Snow, Be Still and Know that I AM GOD, 20Mar

“Be still and know that I am God.”    I think about that scripture a lot… and yet I’ve always thought that doesn’t mean I have to be idle. I was thinking so much about God, about me, about the church, and about bringing people back into the church… and about the conference I’m going to tomorrow about why people leave church.

Maybe we should ask why people stay in church rather than why they leave church. Maybe people are not being fed with spiritual wholesomeness, maybe they just don’t have time for light church activities, maybe they stay when they really feel connected.

If I hadn’t reached out with my faith questions I wonder how long it would have taken for someone to ask me (in love): “Hey there, Debbie, where are you with your faith?”  You know, I think people really had already asked me that, perhaps I really didn’t hear them talking to me!  An early person to whom I told about my faith questioning said something like: “Oh, you are a church leader… we really are not doing a good job of tending to our own are were?”. But well, it’s OK – no one knew – I know that everybody’s busy… it’s not really anyone’s fault…it’s no one’s fault that we are so busy… there’s so many people to attend to….  If I felt the time in the place to question to vocalize my struggles years before, I wonder if I would have done it. It took me awhile to get over this embarrassment of my faith questions. So, who knows where I’d be now…. it was God’s timing – not mine and certainly not anyone elses…. It’s always God’s timing… God took the corrective action on me now, after I was already well established in my church community, so maybe I’m the one that is supposed to now ask you people, you friends, “Where are you in your faith?”

People say read your Bible everyday, I didn’t… I did certainly talk to God everyday and I had just said to myself:  ’well I get devotions emailed to me everyday… I see God everyday… the bible scriptures seem to come to me while I am moving asking on this life… do I really need to pause to read??? I really am only idle when I write…. “… Well it was JUST then, immediately, that God ANSWERED my question. See, I’ve been cleaning out the shed and talking to God….you know idle hands do the Devils work, right? and for me moving hands frees my brain to think, and to talk with myself, and to talk with God. I had just finished getting the shed ready for somebody who is currently homeless and we are going to store some of his stuff. It’s okay we have some room. But that’s NOT why God blessed me in His attentiveness. That’s not why you are blessed. It is not the good works that cause God to give us Grace… We have it already. God made us human to get work done – He gave us two hands, two feet, a brain and He certainly gave us a mouth.   Sometimes we are to use our mouths to comfort and sometimes to keep quiet….when we know that we could say something, but the fact that we don’t speaks more volumes… Maybe we are to ask somebody everyday “where are you in your faith?”  and then shut up and listen..  I had just finished these GOD thoughts when I walking back to the house… it starts SNOWING! I stopped – cold – dead in my tracks. God, I really stopped, I was truly shaken to a stop… for two maybe three minutes looking at the small precious unique snowflakes.

Stopped IDLE in my tracks… looked up in tears and said:  “Thank you God, for the snow….Thank you God, for listening to me… Why did you choose me to witness your glory? Thank you God… for making me still and know that YOU ARE GOD.

Be STILL and KNOW that I AM GOD.

100

Music therapy has been so profound for me this whole journey… this week alone probably three or four songs… this month probably 20 or more…. this last three months maybe 100 – or more – i won’t get to write about all of them – maybe I will start a separate chapter for them…

But today this song is me. WOODSTOCK

WOODSTOCK, Journey Back to the Garden, 19MAR

Joni Mitchell never made it Woodstock in 1969, she had to get on the Dick Cavett show, it was so important for her career so she could not risk getting stuck there with the millions and the mud.  But she wrote this song for her comrades in song, CSN, as well as for herself: “WOODSTOCK”.

Joni Mitchell is my favorite female artist my favorite female songwriter. I invoke not only my Joni Mitchell hair but I so feel myself in so many of her pieces. I didn’t make it to Woodstock, either, I was born the year of Woodstock, 1969. For the 25th anniversary I turned 25 and my friend Bruce (who was at Woodstock) felt so old…  but that is life – we all join this journey at different times of man.

As I am journeying – everything in this song calls out to me:   “I came upon a child of God he was walking along the road and I asked him where are you going?”   Please read ALL the lyrics below because they really pertain to me – they all so mean so much…

I have met so many “child of God” folks walking… journeying… making their way to Woodstock.. making their way back to the garden. I have connected with so many of them on so many levels…

So many references in this song: “a child of God in a rock and roll band” – yep I know him – I know her – (actually quite a few hims and hers);

“Trying to get my soul free” – we don’t achieve this – we have to actually openly receive this – yes this is Grace – but we have to accept it;

“Can I walk beside you?” – yes, I had to call out for help for prayer for discernment and for learning… the Holy Spirit moves in and thru me… a wild ride;

Getting ourselves “golden” –  yep that matches a Kintsukuroi pottery sermon piece from Pastor – about showing our flaws where God, our Potter, has repaired then with golden healing as an example to others – we are more beautiful because of these golden repairs;

The “butterflies” – yep that’s something my friend is looking for as a sign;

Being “stardust” –  so much stargazing in my life and my essays these days – and the comfort from the stars is amazing – and the dust? yup – for dust you are and to dust you will return;

“I don’t know who I am but life is for learning” –  me me me;

“bombers turning into butterflies” – that’s world peace –  always a prayer;

“getting back to the garden” – a devotional teaching piece that Pastor used this month for my UMW meeting – I thought he meant the garden of Gethsemane but no – the garden of Eden (see, I need education and reflection so much);

and are “WE caught in the devil’s bargain” ? –  you better believe we are!!!  That’s why we are all journeying –  walking along the road back to the garden.

I have always loved this song –  now I know it’s me..

Do you think you could come walk with me? I could use the company…

I think we will get back to the garden – just not in our time here on earth – but we will get there…in God’s time… if we keep walking…

———————–

“WOODSTOCK”

JONI MITCHELL

I came upon a child of God

He was walking along the road
And I asked him, where are you going
And this he told me…
I’m going on down to Yasgur’s farm
I’m going to join in a rock ‘n’ roll band
I’m going to camp out on the land
I’m gonna try and get my soul free

We are stardust
We are golden
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

Then can I walk beside you
I have come here to lose the smog
And I feel to be a cog in something turning
Well maybe it is just the time of year
Or maybe it’s the time of man
I don’t know who l am
But ya know life is for learning,

We are stardust
We are golden
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

By the time we got to Woodstock
We were half a million strong
And everywhere there was song and celebration
And I dreamed I saw the bombers
Riding shotgun in the sky
And they were turning into butterflies
Above our nation

We are stardust
Billion-year-old carbon
We are golden
Caught in the devil’s bargain
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

——–

I recommend: a 1970 live  https://youtu.be/cRjQCvfcXn0 version

and many years later  https://youtu.be/ZEaRuuTKvyM

99

OH LOVE, 19MAR

LOVE is the greatest commandment… Period. You can’t get around that one. Yelling is not the greatest commandment. Cajoling is not the greatest commandment. Teaching is not the greatest commandment. Praising is not the greatest commandment. Listening is not the greatest commandment.

No. There’s only one greatest commandment.

LOVE is the greatest commandment.

When I found the Holy Spirit working on me that’s when I had spurts of spiritual growth. A multi multi-faceted God means many levels of spiritual growth… achieved over the course of time… in God’s time… It’s God’s way for each person to find Him, not our way. Pray they will find their own way… Praise the people who demonstrate LOVE, for it is these people that demonstrate the Holy Spirit. You have no idea whether the Holy Spirit is being successful in already working on people.  Sometimes demonstrating LOVE can be very difficult because we want to shake them into realization that God is good.  But please remember that sometimes the Holy Spirit come in a whisper…. not always with flames and fierce winds… It’s the whisper that will open their hearts open their minds and save their souls. It’s God’s timing, combined with our LOVE.

98

This is going to be my first Easter as a Christian, in spirit and in truth… my truth … God’s truth… now that I truly believe. I want to be at that sunrise service and feel this… God heard this piece before I wrote it – but it is Easter – my first real one –  and I need to feel the profoundness of my first Easter.  Lots of three’s in this piece and I want to be at three services. Arise at the sunrise, mediate at the 9 and sing out in exuberant joyful praise at 11.

I am in such joy and feel so empowered  that I feel guilty that I don’t feel the pain of Jesus’ death – I see His pain – but I feel the joy in His rising…  but chatting this week with my friend who is piecing her life back together from a total crash, I can see her struggle and journey in picking up the pieces to learn how to rise again…  I can also see the pain in my cousin Mike’s life – not his death which was instant – but in the pain with which he struggled so much thru his life – and yet I know he was a good soul…. I can feel his smile in every southern drawl I have conversed with i the last 2 days…and  i know he is cracking up St Peter at the Gates right now…

I know the pain is there for so many in everyday life …..  I pray for them to rise…. but I know they have to rip their own curtains from their eyes and see the glory in life…

Let the Son Rise, 19MAR

I believe Jesus existed not only as a human but as a facet of God here on earth.

I believe Jesus came to save me from me. Why am I so lucky? Because I am blessed.

I believe that we are all so blessed.

Why are we so blessed?

Why did we need this human facet of God?

Why did we need His birth and then His death???

Time to ponder.

Time to believe.

Time for Jesus.

I Believe that I needed a catalyst of change, a Prince of Peace, a Savior..

Yes, I believe that WE needed a catalyst of change, a Prince of Peace, a Savior.

Was it a Savior to rescue us from the world? Was it a Savior to rescue us just from evil in others?  Well, in truth, Jesus came as a Savior to SAVE US from OURSELVES.

Jesus is our Savior from our misguided past, our boastful present, our uncertain future. We need Jesus as God to show us how to rip the curtains that we stitch ourselves, in our own lives, that we use to shield us from God’s plan for us. We mask our truth, we shield our eyes from the brilliance of the Son Jesus…we stitch that curtain right back up…We need to rip those stitches out and see the brilliance of the SON of GOD.

The brilliance of the sunshine rising in the east reminds us that every day is a new start, a new opportunity to do God’s divine work, to listen and feel the Holy Spirit move us, and to witness the power of the human Jesus rise. Three facets of God. Three days to rise. Three ways to affirm our belief.

A new day. Each day. EVERYDAY! Rip the curtains from our minds. Rip the curtains from covering our eyes. Rip the strings we tie our hearts down with. Let them all free to believe, to see, to feel.   Let yourself RISE with the Son. Let yourself free to believe that Jesus rises for you, to feel the empowerment of God over the burdens of self.

We have an opportunity to be of service to God’s will – to use Jesus as an example – to follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance.  We CAN rise!  We CAN rise AGAIN! WE CAN RISE EVERYDAY !!!

We have the opportunity EVERYDAY to say “Thank you God for the opportunity to be of service!”

Every new day a new chance to rise with the SUNRISE – to RISE with the SON.

Every new day a new chance to rise to our full potential and glory.

Every new day can be our Easter – we can believe – we can be Jesus – TODAY!

Amen, Amen and Amen

97

Such an important piece – I love the connection God put in my head about “Cousins in Christ”!!!

Cousins in Christ, Blood and Blood, 17MAR

Yesterday I felt so glad to get some “unfinished” writings out… Because I told myself that I was now going to fill my mind with things that I (with a capital I) wanted to fill it with….that I asked God to empty my mind – and yes He did…  and I did get about 3 hours of real work work done in the morning.

… and then God filled my brain, unexpectedly, in the afternoon with the thoughts HE wanted me to have – and HE filled my mind with actions and connections and LOVE.  Not my mind anymore is it? – it’s HIS…. sigh…  a new normal… I will try to remember this always… I am God’s instrument… tune Him in, not out… God… sigh….

So my beloved cousin Mike died on Saturday, he was mid 50’s… I learned via Facebook (of all places), someone posted on his wall RIP.  I said “wait what??”, I messaged that person and was trying to balance my fear with my disbelief – turns out Mike dropped dead instantly in a bank from a nearly 100% blockage from heart disease – with complications from diabetes and not taking care of himself – which very few of us do….  Heart disease and diabetes and stroke are our Irish destinies – our whole family struggles…

My flood of emotions – sorrow and questions – we hadn’t talked in years – couldn’t get a hold of him – but we loved each other – all my cousins – we love each other even if we don’t connect… we are connected by Grace and by our family tree.

Well, God filled me with sorrow first but then with so much action.  He chose ME to start spreading the news – I have the connections to the whole family – I had to get the word out, as my mother’s generation would have – it is now my generation’s job…    I spent the whole afternoon and into the evening on the phone, only to look up at 7:30pm, when the people locking up work said “it’s time to go”…  I spent the whole afternoon on the phone and email and texting with my cousins – there are 23 of us third generation Irish.  My cousin Mike was an only child – the first one to pass of our first cousin generation. We stem from 6 brothers and their amazing 6 wives (my father being the youngest) – the number of children are 23 AND then of course the marriages and children and grandchildren of our cousins – we have exploded across the US and are spreading family love and spiritness everywhere.  Yes, we are a family of Leprechauns if there ever was one!!!.   So God filled my mind with memories and the love of my cousins –  the best family gift ever!

If people ask where I draw my strength – that is an easy easy answer – I draw it from my family – and there is an overflow of strength…

Oh, I just made the biggest epiphany about my church family…not lightbulb epiphany but big fireworks going off epiphany…

My church family, I love them so much, I just realized they are NOT JUST my brothers and sisters in Christ they are my “Cousins in Christ” !!! God’s love is so reflected in the love of cousins. Just because I don’t know them all yet, and they come from different backgrounds (and I want to know them all more), doesn’t mean I don’t already love them. Our ancestors would tell us to love them even if we don’t know then.

Cousins. Some are distant and some are close. Some are lost. Some are found. Some are blind. Some can see.

Some of us as cousins don’t get connected until God Himself connects us… maybe WE are their connection… maybe they’ll find their own connection. Maybe we just need to remind them that we are all connected.

My mother’s family cousins are in the Czech Republic… I am SO longing to see them… I will see them next week. I will embrace them. I was the one that God picked to make the connection between the Old World and the New World.  God gave me the gifts to make this connection, I simply pulled on a string that God dangled in front of me.

God gave me a ministry of connection. A ministry of encouragement, someone once told me… of friendliness… actually I think it is a MINISTRY OF CONNECTIONS. I will make the connections. I will write about connections. I will connect to my words and thoughts and I will connect my people to their God and all that is good.

Blood relative cousins ….Blood cousins in Christ …

Life is good.
God is good.
God, Thank You for my cousins. All of them.
God, Thank You for connecting me to You.
I believe in making connections.
AMEN!

96

Well, I made it through the Ides of March – not that I really thought that something bad would happen but my thought process was ready – it’s just that i was not sure if i was Julius Caesar or was Brutus – so I tried to be extra careful in my interactions at church anyway…

I don’t think God woke me up this 3AM – but now that i am up, I have been thinking about these unfinished pieces,   from feb and march – i have to get these out and released (unfinished because I never try to force my writing – i didn’t choose to have to write these – but I do choose consciously to process my thoughts this way) – maybe I won’t ever finish these – maybe I don’t need too…  God already listened to the thoughts that i couldn’t get down on “paper” fast enough – so here they are mostly uncut and raw…

*****  this is a long email – don’t read it all at once – there are 4 essays here – I think almost 7 pages in text *******    AND these pieces are separate  – they are just lumped together as the “unfinished ones” ******* I trimmed my list of people…. there are “just” 20 of you trusted folks on this email… not the 70 of “normal” emails ….. *******

I’ve got to release these unfinished pieces because i need to put them out of my mind – i need clarity…  it is a brand new week and I have SO MUCH to do before i take a trip overseas to the Europe in a week’s time…   I need to get these thoughts out of my head  – stop the distractions – i need to finish the taxes (well to the accountant anyway), lots at work to do at work before vacation, and got to do those ten things that I keep re-writing on the back of my hand…  plus all those new things I want to do – like sew, pack, dream, and write…  oh and maybe get more than 6 hrs sleep at night…. I want my 8 hours back…

Well – when my cup overflows it means my mouth does too  – and my writings – and in addition, yesterday, i overflowed my sink – running water for probably ten minutes, oops.  I started cooling boiled eggs for deviled eggs and walked away – a frying pan at the bottom of the sink stoppered the drain and ten minutes later my kitchen was half covered in water – like 8 giant bath towels worth of water – one way to clean the floor – but also a reminder that distractions are going to be a downside of this spiritual growth….  I won’t mention all the distractions I have because my daughter was fuming yesterday that I would post too much info about my day to day life – including my water flood on the internet…  well, she has no idea…..  sorry kid…..  so – do me a favor and don’t mention that I email you folks all this stuff – don’t tell her that i have been releasing my “journaling” – she is living the ughs of teenager life already….. don’t need to add fuel to the fire….

These four collective unfinished vignettes are called “Distractions/Unfinished Pieces: Mud,  Discernment, The Devil, and Mad Man Moon, 16MAR”

1) Unfinished: Mud:  (written just after GC camping and muddy fun trails – and not finished due to a distraction – )

The Subaru, the Mud, and BEING a Christian, 16MAR

Stepping out in a Christian way takes patience, perseverance, and sometimes full throttle acceleration thru MUD.
If people wait on the Lord, if they are adhering to “Be Still” to know that God is God, then why should we come in as that clanging gong, an air horn trying to wake them up…  Although it is great to toot the horn of Jesus – you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar…

But sometimes you so have to step out in a big way… put that accelerator down…plow forward knowing that you will get splashed with mud…
Subaru Forester mud… LOVE IT
… That’s what that car was made for…  out in the forest… out in the mud….
That’s what Christians were made for…out in the world… out in the mud…

You don’t have to be physically still to hear God – nope – God loves Mud…  Driving, singing, in a room of screaming kids, doing dishes, yup – you can “Be Still” there –  God is there too – Just because you can’t feel the earth moving doesn’t mean that it isn’t – just watch the sunrise or the sun set or the moon rise and you can visually see that the earth is moving.

See how big the moon or sun size appears when it is closer to the horizon than when it is high in the sky? It is the trick of the horizon and the angles of the light waves that hit your eyes – the trick on your perception when you know that the sun and the moon are of only one size…  your perception will change everything – everything you see – everything you hear – and that means that everyone else has their own perception too…

Some will challenge you… both non-believers and believers will challenge your beliefs – both will test your mettle – both will want to see you in mud while they stay squeaky clean…

You can’t brow beat the Bible into someone – you can’t “stand” on the bible –  I don’t like that image of a Bible under your feet – I would rather have the image of people lifting the bible up with their hands with their mouths…   instead of standing on the Bible – you can stand on your experiences – tell of the blessings you have seen from God – you can stand on history and facts – and you can stand on your hope – all while lifting the bible up – lifting up the stories of redemption – the stories of perseverance – and extol the joys of Love and Grace – free to all.

Sometime you have to challenge yourself – and step out – and put your Christian mettle on display – and embrace your fear and just go for it… accelerate into that flooded, mucky territory that people are afraid to go…

MUD – you will get covered in it as a Christian – if you are doing it right… and you will LOVE IT!

---

2) Unfinished:

Compartmentalization and Discernment 16 MAR

How is Bill Murray funny?  How is he funny after one of his best buddies dies? Harold Ramis (Stripes, Ghostbusters, director of Groundhog Day) was brilliant, funny, and it’s seems so unfair for him to have died young…how does someone like Bill Murray get over his friends death and still continue to be funny. I bet he compartmentalizes.

Why do I sit I the edge of my chair, holding my tongue until the right opportunity arises too tell my story… I have to keep discernment… I have to wait for the right conversations, for the ebb and flow… I have to know my audience… I have to fit in with “normal” even when things don’t feel normal. And sometimes moments are just normal everyday moments and not special moments… sometimes a cloud that looks like a peace dove is just a cloud and not a miraculous sign that the whole world is supposed to take notice of…sometimes mopping the floor is just a task, not a miracle. Discernment…I pray for that everyday…

I think I always knew how to compartmentalize, separate sad thoughts from happy, tragedies from triumphs, put thoughts in my brain to draws upon but also to separate… right before I was “planning” to be inspiring and energetic at my UMW meeting, a friend told me of a terrible and yet swept under the rug tragedy… It WAS important for her to share that info –  and it WAS relevant to the situation, and it DID actually bring me down to a normal level instead of way off the diving board…which really I did need…I needed to compartmentalize my over-exuberance, store it for a bit, and address the issue at hand.

---

3) Unfinished:
The Devil, 16MAR

Just as I wrote in my Lego piece (18DEC) – I have gathered bits of the bible lessons – the parable of the sower is a great way to describe people I know – and it is a way for me to start this discussion that i need to have about the devil – I hesitate to even say the name  – and even though I agree that you can’t pick and choose the parts of  the bible that pertain to you – I am not sure I ever really understood the devil in the biblical way  – this parable talks of little birds stealing seeds – that might be the devil image of my choosing – that the devil is an opportunist – just taking what he can get when you aren’t paying attention – taking and stealing joy…  I feel though that i have fought the devil well in my own life and journey – I have put him down for years – chastised him – and stomped my foot down and said no to those little opportunistic birds – they scatter and I pick up the seeds from the sower and saved them for another day…
… I used to wonder what attracted me to the song “A Case of You”  Joni Mitchell – “Oh I am a lonely painter. I live in a box of paints. I’m frightened by the devil. And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid.”

I always interpreted that to be me – (and not just because I enjoy my Joni Mitchell hair) – but that is me being drawn to those fun rebel-rousers – those bad boys – those tantalizing adventures that might await….   BUT, no, I was also afraid of those folks too – and too much of a control freak to let myself go down those paths…  yeah – maybe a fun thought – but no…

well – I am changing my tune – I realize that I am now drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid – because these people I speak of now – in my new balance and my new appreciation – are the people who don’t fear the devil because they are wearing the armor of GOD. SO many people are so gifted – and the number of people who are so beautifully led by God’s Holiest of Spirits is an inspiration to me…
If the devil is in the eye of the beholder – then there is a vast difference in how people relate to him – I know of a few who are like the seeds sown in thorns and the thorns choke out the good – is this the devil too?  or not?   is it simply the bitterness due to self-absorbed thoughts?  I don’t know…  perhaps hell on earth is the lack of pruning away the thorns inside of us…  ask God to sharpen your shears…

In preparation for valentines, I saw too many Lucifer sun catchers at the dollar store compared to the cupids… the devil pieces were moving so fast – twice the speed of the cupids and that was so sad to me – and yet the devil pieces were only being powered by the sun – so they too are not even allowed to take the credit for their own movements……  it is the torment in our lives between the pull of the cupid pure love and the temptations of Lucifer – I never really believed in the devil much – but now I do – you can’t pick and choose what you believe out of the bible – you have to accept the devil if you accept Jesus…  and watch out – the devil can creep up on you…..  but if you can praise the multitudes of blessings from God, then you have less time to worry about and get distracted from the seeds of the devil in your head….

some scripture:

Mark 4:1-20 The Parable of the Sower

1 Corinthians 12 New International Version (NIV)
Concerning Spiritual Gifts
Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed. 2 You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. 3 Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 6:10-20. Spiritual battle.

2 Corinthians 11:13-15. Satan’s deceptive spiritual nature.

John 4:22-26. God is spirit.

—–
4) Unfinished:   Mad Man Moon – this Genesis song (full lyrics below) is my favorite on the Trick of the Tail album (I return to this album almost everyday for a snippet of relief and distraction from the hectic life) – I don’t know what this song really means  – I don’t know why it is my favorite – all these meaty 7 to 10 minutes genesis songs (pre-MTV generation and certainly before they worried about 3 minute airplay) are super cryptic and the authors doesn’t lend any official info – well, this song is a warning to me – about something – I don’t know…

Maybe Man Man Moon is about my worrying of my river flood of spiritual growth drying up – or someone or myself damming it up?  “Was it summer when the river ran dry, Or was it just another dam.”  Maybe it is worrying about taking off with the lack of discernment in a hubris display of excessive pride of defiance – this is what I pray for the most – discernment – between my holy spirit and blarney stone derived words and actions…  I see hubris creep up on me… I worry about conversations i am not ready to have – about forcing conversations and issues that should rest…  i wait for God’s timing but i am on such a speedy pace – I don’t know why….
….Well, “So I pretended to have wings for my arms, And took off in the air. I flew to places which the clouds never see, Too close to the deserts of sand, Where a thousand mirages, the shepherds of lies, Forced me to land and take a disguise. I would welcome a horse’s kick to send me back, If I could find a horse not made of sand.”
…It’s a warning- I know it is….  I pray for discernment and not to go here… “If this desert’s all there’ll ever be, Then tell me what becomes of me. “

“A fall of rain? Within the valley of shadowless death, They pray for thunderclouds and rain, But to the multitude who stand in the rain, Heaven is where the sun shines.”

whew – I hope I can prevent this  – I hope my mouth never causes my river to run dry….

Genesis – Mad Man Moon https://youtu.be/IQ_U4XkAarE
Mad Man Moon
Was it summer when the river ran dry,
Or was it just another dam.
When the evil of a snowflake in June
Could still be a source of relief.

O how I love you, I once cried long ago,
But I was the one who decided to go.
To search beyond the final crest,
Though I’d heard it said just birds could dwell so high.
…
So I pretended to have wings for my arms
And took off in the air.
I flew to places which the clouds never see,
Too close to the deserts of sand,
Where a thousand mirages, the shepherds of lies
Forced me to land and take a disguise.
I would welcome a horse’s kick to send me back
If I could find a horse not made of sand.
…

If this desert’s all there’ll ever be
Then tell me what becomes of me.
A fall of rain?
That must have been another of your dreams,
A dream of mad man moon.

…

Hey man,
I’m the sand man.
And boy have I news for you;
They’re gonna throw you in jail
And you know they can’t fail
’cause sand is thicker than blood.
But a prison in sand
Is a haven in hell,
For a jail can give you a goal
[and a] goal can find you a role
On a muddy pitch in Newcastle,
Where it rains so much
You can’t wait for a touch
Of sun and sand, sun and sand…
…

Within the valley of shadowless death
They pray for thunderclouds and rain,
But to the multitude who stand in the rain
Heaven is where the sun shines.
The grass will be greener till the stems turn to brown
And thoughts will fly higher till the earth brings them down.
Forever caught in desert lands one has to learn
To disbelieve the sea.
…

If this desert’s all there’ll ever be
Then tell me what becomes of me.
A fall of rain?
That must have been another of your dreams,
A dream of mad man moon.

95

Pi Day Eve, 13MAR

It’s not Friday the 13th, it’s “PI Day Eve”…. Tomorrow is Pi day of this 21st century….  .3 14 15, at 9:26 AM. Are you ready? I am will be ready but been kinda busy…. This year I have been so involved in God sighting and writings, and oh yeah….working full time an hour away and raising kids, being a wife, running a house, and helping the school play and girl scouts and running church committees and…. ? You name it…

See I have all my holidays mixed in together, not mixed up, but mixed in…. I am going to hang Easter eggs on my Christmas light outside…seems fitting…you wouldn’t have Easter without Christmas…  Pi Day – just an extra joy to add into the mix.

Ok PI Day for PI 3.1415926…..it’s a constant, a mathematical constant, the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter. IT”S COOL….no matter how geeky you are, you have to admire mathematical constants, they always are consistent and they always are right, and they always are cool….

Oh yeah, can you think of something else like that? Yes, I can!!!

That constant is God.

God’s a constant, a life constant…no matter how you divide God… God Jesus Holy Spirit…  God remains a constant in our lives…IT”S COOL….no matter how happy/sad you are, you have to admire God as a constant, always consistent and always right…

Thanks Be to God!

94

I AM the Experiment, 12Mar

It is becoming more and more clear to me every day that I am God’s experiment.

It’s not that I have to experiment with God. But, He is having fun experimenting with me and my friends. I think it is because i am taking all this in stride and in fun and that I am accepting that the signs I see are for my benefit and not for my distraction.

I have been trying to read this book (and I don’t like read for fun), called E squared by Pam Grout, for my neighbors “life improvement club”. Now I know it sounded a bit hokey to me, but you know when a neighbor opens the door, says walk right in, and she really helps me with my exercising, my diet, and has just a great life energy…. well, you know we should ALL be so lucky to be in this club and to have a open-door neighbor like that!…. So I’ve been trying to read this book and every week looking up the “experiment”. So, one experiment this week… with a wire in a clothes hanger and feeling energy… well I didn’t do that – not just because it sounds hokey – but because i didn’t like that the quote at the top of the page was from a debunked plant scientist whose experiment showing plants hooked up to polygraph tests have emotional energies when you do bad things to them… well, no… my professors for my Plant Biology PhD degree would talk of how that guy was debunked – bad controls – so there! silly book – really??…. That said – the experiment was to show “i have my own energy”. My own energy? – GEEZ- I actually got that one covered!. “show yourself that you are a force of energy… and then that energy will attract things and people to you …” “Well duh!!!” !!!! God’s been giving me energy beyond the already amazing energy I already had even before this great spiritual growth… even before I had so many people gravitate to me for some energy – my friend even rubbed my arm to see if she could transfer it. Well – it’s energy from God inside us!!! The light comes from God and we have to open ourselves to let it shine through! That’s where we get the energy, my friends! My friends call me a “Soul on Fire” and matched me to the new Third Day praise music song – two of these friends sent me the you tube link within 20 minutes of each other and when i sent it to a third friend, that friend has also had just purchased that whole album in the same time frame – wow – triple wow…. a fourth friend sent me the whole you tube play list yesterday – it’s energy flowing back and forth from all sides – music therapy is my theme this week anyway… so it fits….its energy not for our personal benefit – even though we certainly reap plenty of benefits from it – it is energy for the benefit of others who get to share in it!

Anyway – so i am that experiment – check the box – energy accepted and flowing….
The other experiment… I flipped to that page on my electronic smartphone version that speaks the book to me while i drive – ain’t that convenient?! I said okay I’m going to try this because i wasn’t going to do the other one and I hate looking unprepared at any meeting… My neighbor told us this one takes 2 days to do. You are supposed to pick something that you want to notice every day…. anyway the experiment for this chapter is that I am to notice something that you just haven’t been paying attention to… like look for a certain color car and then start counting how many you see. Because once you make the intention to look for something – you know all of a sudden your eyes are opened to amazing sights – umm……. “DUH!!”……. An activity I have enjoyed for years – that annoys my family – is that i call out EVERY Subaru Forester I see! Did I tell you that I love my Subaru Foresters? Yeah – unless your eyes and ears are welded shut, you should have picked up on that by now… Well, guess what? That experiment IS me… I have actually been doing a brand new version of this experiment for the last 3 months too – intentionally?!? I don’t know… I’ve been noticing box-shaped cars – cars that on back the end look like they are cubes with sharp ends. I think multiple reasons for this one is that 1) I love my boxy-shaped Subaru Forester EXCEPT what I don’t like is every model that comes out now is getting less and less box-like in the back…. 2) my then boyfriend and I while dating in college both admired the brand new Jeep Cherokees that had that very boxy look… 3) I’ve been noticing these Ford “Transit” trucks that are just so cute… same with the “cube” cars with boxy rounded edges and 4) it probably doesn’t hurt that a major god-sighting that happened to me three months ago involved a boxy car – after my initial contact to that first friend to discuss my faith issues, that friend said “let’s talk soon” and less than 10 hours later he was directly across the street when I was driving out of my section, he was getting his car repaired and I noticed his car…. And he said to himself: “I think that’s Deb’s car” – So – you see – perhaps it is not me noticing these God-sightings – perhaps it is my car… hmmm…..no, it’s me… Well anyway, in the last 3 months, I notice EVERY one of these boxy cars and i look for them – maybe a hundred or more – yeah this experiment was already in progress in me – BECAUSE THE EXPERIMENT IS ME!!!!

God must experiment with lots of people – probably everyone right? Just I got clued in on this – and probably because I am supposed to do something with this knowledge and observation right??? I was thinking about writing this piece while driving – and I saw this cool green colored CUBE car (green is the color of the month if you didn’t already catch that). I noticed the car in the right lane on the turnpike and it had a bumper sticker of the “Lady of Guadalupe”. This is my favorite version of artwork of Mary!!! I have a beat up card of her somewhere in my purse –

I am a recovering Catholic, OK? So i really miss having Mary- she disappears in the protestant church – except for at Christmas – even my mentor professor (who is Jewish) when I was an undergrad in my summers back home, had a gorgeous famous painting in his living room of Mary.

Yes when I saw that Lady of Guadalupe on that car I said “yep, I have to write this today” – I AM the experiment – and I couldn’t be more pleased. I think God picked me to be an experiment in this manner because I’m having so much fun being open to the way the Holy Spirit flows…

And my friends are having so much fun with it too! I see my friends also becoming souls on fire.

Of course – I am not naive enough to think that this is always going to be fun and games.. There is pain here too – just less fun to write about…. Today, I also saw a square box truck right in front of me – it was a casket manufacturer’s truck… When you see those trucks – or a funeral progression – it reminds you of your mortality. I think God has to remind us that it ain’t all fun and games here – but don’t worry after you are done on Earth, He has a better place… I drive thousands of miles each year – 13 years 90 miles round trip each day to work – I am so clear that driving is VERY dangerous. Sometimes I do wonder how will I meet my end… will it be in a
fiery crash? I’m not trying to get depressing here, but if I do meet an untimely
death – please have balloons at my funeral! i want to be remembered for happiness and cheer.

I do not want to be cremated because my friend told me soon as you die you have a few loose ends to tie up, so don’t get cremated. I would like Amazing Grace sung at my funeral (sang it at my wedding and I’ve been singing it ever since) and it is AMAZING all the GRACE the people of the world have. Also – i would like real silverware – paper plates are fine, but I want real silverware for the lunch afterwards. OK? That’s not too much to ask for, right? Anyway, I will steer clear of those casket trucks in the meantime – and I will continue to be God’s experiment
for his enjoyment… And I will continue to write, and to be a witness for my friends about how much fun it is to be an experimental soul on fire.

Have a Blessed day! I am certainly having one every day – we all are – we just don’t recognize it all the time…it’s fun when you do…

email about my awakening story presentation:

I wrote Pastor:

I poured some of the extra grape juice onto the soda bread from last night to moisten it up this morning and it didn’t soak in it for like a minute…. I said “holy you know what”….that bread unleavened by God is so dense, it doesn’t absorb Jesus blood…. oh…

Pastor wrote back: “Like some of us!”

92 My condensed story for presentation

Here is my text for telling my story to my first mixed audience …at umw… half who have been reading my story and the other half whom I haven’t had a chance to tell yet… Obviously still a safe audience for me to step out in, I always say I could just go up there and smile and these ladies would be happy, I am so blessed to have the support I have, just existing makes these ladies happy and proud … how could you ask for anything else. Makes it easy to stand there each month… And now I move from being a good meeting leader to being the spiritual leader I need to be, the spiritual leader God wants me to be.

> ———- Forwarded message ———-
> From: “debbie”
> Date: Mar 10, 5:28 PM

My Condensed Story for UMW Presentation, My Conversation from Soda Bread to Yeast-Leavened, 10MAR

While preparing for Communion this evening at UMW – i remembered back to a couple of years ago when i forgot to purchase the bread – oops – well luckily i had made irish soda bread for the snack that night (was a recipe from my non-Irish but east European-heritage mom) – luckily we still were able to break bread with Pastor. So, yesterday, preparing for today I thought – I wonder if I should make Irish soda bread?  I checked with Pastor and he said sure – if there was enough time to make it  – well I never have enough time for anything – but I have learned how to make time – so I made some bread this morning – couldn’t find the recipe – but i got one off the web that said  “on St. Patrick’s Day, save a spot on the table for Irish soda bread to remember how far the Irish have come from the days when it was the only thing on the table to today when our tables are filled with good things to eat and thoughts of the Famine years (An Gorta Mor) are long forgotten.”

Yes – we shouldn’t forget how far we have all come from our famine years – but for me that meant something different – it also means I forgot that yeast bread is traditional for communion

Yes – i remembered that I taught a Sunday school class not too long ago that used yeast as an example – used it for the living organism used to make bread and wine – and that Jesus was living and he was the one we are to remember when we break the communion bread –

The act of communion is to remember the last supper and the time just before Jesus was crucified, died and was risen – all for us – for each and every one of us…  see Jesus was sent by God to show us the way to Heaven and to show us the way to Peace here on Earth – by LOVE – the greatest commandment is LOVE

Well, I knew that – but I forgot that – and i forgot that until i was thinking about irish soda bread… i forgot that  Sunday school lesson of using yeast bread as an example of Jesus.  and baking soda is man-made – not alive…  Irish soda bread represents man-made leavening… not God-made leavening…

Well, I also taught you a bible timeline and used yeast as an example of Jesus as a catalyst – where the addition of yeast to hydrogen peroxide and dish soap caused it to foam and overflow – and that this related to the spread of Christianity – that God sent Jesus to be the catalyst for change – to make the reaction go faster…  and now I am going to tell you that when i taught that experiment about a year or more ago – that that experiment changed me – not just the chemicals – but it actually changed me –

Yes – that experiment is how I became a Christian…  now, please believe me that I always loved God – and I even believed in the Holy Spirit – but I had a mental hang-up on whether Jesus was real – yeah i know, your president of UMW – a Sunday school teacher – person in charge of vacation bible school – I didn’t know if Jesus was really real – i didn’t know if he existed – if he was just another prophet with a good publicist…  none of this cast doubt on God – but i doubted man-made stories – how could i really trust the new testament to be real..

Well – that yeast experiment opened my brain and I said – hmm…  maybe God did send Jesus to be the catalyst of change – and i meditated on that – I prayed – i started to ask questions of my own belief system – you see – I had most everything in my head – but i didn’t’ accept it – i had it in my heart – but I didn’t allow my brain to believe it – and I was stuck – I needed help – i questioned myself – and I questioned a few trusted souls…  and one day – three months ago today – Dec 10th – I wrote a 5 page diatribe out – I only shared it with one person – whom I asked to be non-judgmental- someone whom I listened to guest sermons from – in the safe sanctuary of my car – sermons that touched my heart AND my head – and made me think – and he always said at the end – “Don’t let this opportunity pass you by, to be changed by the Holy Spirit” – and offered at the end of the sermons to pray with you if you had any questions and movement in your heart…. so well, I took him up on that offer – and I sent him my 5 page diatribe – carried it out of embarrassment for a week hidden in my car and then I got up the nerve and sent it as well as two other pieces, Christmas Flood (Dec 17^th) and Lego Christianity (Dec 18^th), to him – and soon he replied that it was “very honest and intense in a good way” and that we would talk soon – and guess what? – literally the NEXT morning I pulled out of my section from a completely different entrance onto the main road and guess who was right across the street at the car repair shop – outside? Yup, our cars recognized each other -there he was… God placed him there I am sure… And in our 10 minute conversation, and in one a few days later…in those conversations I was able to be so honest about how I did not question God but I questioned what man may have made up… questioned what I believed in… that started a month of continued conversations with so many people from all sides of my life… including both scholars who showed me the data and the writings of the new testament…this led me down and up the narrow path…right into Jesus.

Yeah – that started a series of God-sightings, unexplained interventions in my spiritual life – Christmas – a flood of good things – i had so much going on that i had to figure out how to process this all – and I started to write – and guess what? I haven’t stopped writing since – I have written and written – I have over 150 pages – Dec/Jan is all processing and Feb is all praise…  March is more processing and praise.

I have listened in my car to so many sermons (both from our guest sermonist and from Pastor (whose sermons do speak to me now – so differnt than before because my ears were CLOSED) and now I listen to others sermons, and of course praise songs in my car – my Subaru, that is my temple – I have read and studied the bible in it – especially when a verse of a song points me there… I listen to all the clues God places in my path. I am in a feeding frenzy – I have shared with first one person and then three and then a dozen – and now 100. I must say that my biggest vocal pep band leader-cheerleader – you name it …to reply to EVERY single one of my early essays – all 150 pages – was/is Pastor S…she has encouraged me like no other. And “K”, my pocket counselor, had been the most carefully conscious and concerned for me…truly a great friend…

and then, finally, on Jan 25th- I finally got a quiet moment to talk to Pastor – and he said “I KNEW!!”  – you cannot imagine how blown away I was…  what a joy for both of us! And that joy continues … New conversations, about faith, science, relationships,  I am, we are, so blessed with an amazing Pastor!

With an original admission that was embarrassment and questioning – I grew into a sincere seeker – and GOD IS GOOD – He is so good – he has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams ever since – the small miracles and god-sightings i have seen – I have been a part of – well, I don’t’ have time to tell you everything now – but Praise the Lord, I have been writing them!

Yes, over 150 pages for this story. I would be glad to send the whole packet to anyone.

I am not embarrassed now to tell my story…I have been empowered to tell it- –

I have been put here for a reason – and I don’t know why this was God’s timing – – I am 45 years old… God said now is your time to shine, so let’s fix this, let’s throw so many God sightings your way that you have no choice but to believe, and no choice but to tell your story, which is really God’s story, not mine.

When God put a mountain right in front of me and told me it was time to climb – well I had no choice to go anywhere else – I had to start climbing – I had to accept that this is where God was taking me -from skeptical cynic to sincere seeker in just over 50 days…I got to 99.44% pure, like ivory soap.

Then, I FINALLY GOT IT – and Feb 1, – Superbowl Sunday – after I had lunch with the women’s retreat planning women – which was immediately after I was blessed to hear from a wonderful friend part of their story of becoming a Christian. So, after lunch (where we saw an American Bald Eagle in flight), “K” offered for me to come for a cup of hot cocoa and decompression at her house…  But I got lost and found my car near the 911 reflection garden – never been – that’s where I stopped and I went to hold the trade center steel beams – I held them and prayed for the 3000 lost, prayed they were found – and prayed for the evil doers in the world- I then went from 99.44% believer in Jesus to 100%. There were coins filling the inside of the beans and I flipped over a plastic gold coin that had John 3:16 on it – God so loved the world that he sent his only son – on superbowl Sunday – a scripture always tied to athletic events because of the signs people hold up – and for the first time ever – I KNEW I believed it – 100% . I was filled with warmth – I really believed it… first time ever…I became Christian 100%.

So – back to the soda bread story – I realized that I WAS the soda bread – leavened by man-made means and not risen to the level that GOD wanted me to be – I was not there – I am SO there now –

See I am half Irish but my other side is from a place I’m going to journey home to in only 2 weeks, over to Europe.  My mother’s maiden name is xxxxxx which means CROSS… this speaks to me that I am not complete without Jesus… BOTH  sides I need  to be myself.. I need the cross of Jesus to make me whole.

I am so humbled to have God work on me and send the Holy Spirit to me. I am now the yeast bread…leavened by Jesus as the yeast…created by God’s will…filled with the Holy Spirit…And ready to share wherever and whenever God’s good news.
I ask that we have communion with both breads…Have two pieces….yeast for those accepting, and soda bread for those who were like me, a few short month ago, pray that they become sincere seekers…Please pray for them to find their way.

I am in Pentecost – I am in thanksgiving – Christmas – a new year – Valentines – St. Patrick’s – lent – Easter and most definitely in Pentecost – the Holy Spirit is coming strong and sure – and blowing me to places unknown – and sending his energy and fire through me and into whomever I can see – I can talk to – and I can inspire – and yet – this is not any of my doing – I just let it happen – and all this is due to GOD… and if anyone is getting any ripple effect from this it is because they are just witnessing my witness, and then they themselves are allowing God’s Holy Spirit to work in them. It is not my doing….and I take no credit.

Praise God and may Jesus receive the honor He is due!!!

Amen

91

Well, today has been one of those days…  and I have so much to do…  but I have to write – I have no choice – it is my therapy…Thanks for being on this journey – i never  intend to burden anyone – there are just about 40 on this email – maybe it’s because I am almost at day 40 of being 100%. hmmm…

God Therapy, Tears and Re-Confirmation (Soubirous-Subaru-style), 10MAR

God has been my “All in All”.

The Holy Spirit fills me – and moves me – taking me to places unknown – the path is narrow but it is sure.

Jesus shows me the way – keeps me humanly possible to achieve who I am meant to be.

Music has been my muse and therapy.

The writing has been my spiritual-flood therapy, as well as the way I am sharing my journey.

I have been feeding on Scripture, Sermons and Song.

…and the Subaru?  That brings it all together – I find my rest – my temple – my quiet still place – my salvation all came in the Subaru.  It “unites” all these things together – a fitting translation of the Japanese word “Subaru”.  All these things while I am not standing still but constantly moving on my journey!

So today’s music therapy confirmed a thought about my eventual confirmation service.  No, I don’t need to be baptized again – I don’t need to be called “born again” – I will accept the term “awakened”. I will call this “corrective action by God”. And every day has been confirmation – God throwing mountains in my way and telling me to climb – God showing me more miracles and signs than I deserve to see – God has my back…  He comforts me with friends and faith – with GRACE – he aligns the stars, planets, the moon, and the sun – and the SON – to shine upon me…  He makes me notice all these things with praise – and forces me to process my thoughts to prose.

Today’s music therapy comes from Paul Simon – always one of my favorite artists – maybe my favorite – both as solo and as Simon and Garfunkel…  these are my favorites as well: Sting, Joni Mitchell, Billy Joel and Warren Zevon…  there are others too – like the Beatles, the Moody Blues, the Greatful Dead, Tom Petty…..  But Paul SImon has sustained me from my youth – my favorite song “Scarborough Fair” – i have all the albums – another set of resources for my ongoing life therapy.

Today’s songs included a couple songs that moved me this morning – moved me to write…  But this song – “Cool Cool River” this morning – in the Subaru – while I was thinking of the way i want to be confirmed again… this song is the one that moved me to tears – “Cool Cool River”  the lyric “I believe in the future …I may live in my car…My radio tuned to… The voice of a star”

Yeah – I so want to go through re-confirmation for my own selfish reasons – I know God confirms with me everyday – visions? well not to the level of my confirmation name St. Bernadette Soubirous – the Lady of Lourdes –  I have a whole lot to write about her – about me….I grabbed her name for confirmation class as a teen from a favorite movie… NO, I am not seeing her vision – and I don’t expect miracle healings from my words – but my experience feels like i am seeing miracles everyday – that is until you realize that this is the “new normal” for me and miracles are EVERYWHERE – just like GOD is EVERYWHERE…  Please believe me when i tell you that i did not chose to take up this journey by my own doing… to have this path – it was chosen for me – and i accepted it when God moved the mountain path right in front of me and told me to climb…  and he reminds me every day to continue to take his path –  don’t stray – even though i don’t always see where I am going…

You know – it is not lost on me that the pronunciation of  the last name of French St. Bernadette Soubirous sounds EXACTLY as it is written – Subaru – sigh…..been thinking about that for at least a week … I wonder, God, have YOU been planning that since the early 1980’s when I was confirmed? or when I was born?  How long do you tinker for fun and faith in this sandbox called Earth? How do you have time for me and for everyone?  Tell me, please, when i get to Heaven, OK? I am dying to know how YOU do it all…. Please tell St. Peter to give me a golden ticket to see how YOU do it all…

So – Yes – after I go through some more study – and i am not ready yet – i will plan a personal confirmation service – but not in church…. sure, i will re-confirm verbally (without being called out) when the teen confirmands take their oaths of faith in the late spring – but I actually want to take my re-confirmation – my REAL confirmation – in my Subaru – with my “core 4” inside and maybe (just maybe) I will invite a couple more – this is not a public confirmation show – it is a private personal journey – a personal confirmation – to “Unite me” – to “Subaru-me” to God’s plan for the rest of my life….to help me find Peace.

——–

Cool Cool River – Paul Simon

http://youtu.be/7LUyp34g3p8

Moves like a fist through traffic

Anger and no one can heal it

Shoves a little bump into the momentum

It’s just a little lump

But you feel it

In the creases and the shadows

With a rattling, deep emotion

The cool, cool river

Sweeps the wild, white ocean

Yes, Boss–the government handshake

Yes, Boss–the crusher of language

Yes, Boss–Mr. Stillwater

The face at the edge of the banquet

The cool, the cool river

The cool, the cool river

I believe in the future

I may live in my car

My radio tuned to

The voice of a star

Song dogs barking at the break of dawn

Lightning pushes the edge of a thunderstorm

And these old hopes and fears

Still at my side

 

Anger and no one can heal it

Slides through the metal detector

Lives like a mole in a motel

A slide in a slide projector

The cool, cool river

Sweeps the wild, white ocean

The rage, the rage of love turns inward

To become prayers of devotion

And these prayers are

The constant road across the wilderness

These prayers are

These prayers are the memory of God

The memory of God

And I believe in the future

We shall suffer no more

Maybe not in my lifetime

But in yours, I feel sure

Song dogs barking at the break of dawn

Lightning pushes the edges of a thunderstorm

And these streets

Quiet as a sleeping army

Send their battered dreams to heaven, to heaven

For the mother’s restless son

Who is a witness to, who is a warrior

Who denies his urge to break and run

Who says, “Hard times?

I’m used to them

The speeding planet burns

I’m used to that

My life’s so common it disappears”

And sometimes even music

Cannot substitute for tears

———

 

the whole Paul Simon Greatest Hits album will be my therapy today…typing as i listen…

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1T0hHFDjgDEsdJmnvTbE0eZpHgzWMxGc

 

– from “Graceland” –

There is a girl in New York City

Who calls herself the human trampoline

And sometimes when I’m falling, flying

Or tumbling in turmoil I say

Oh, so this is what she means

She means we’re bouncing into Graceland

 

 

– from “You can call me Al”

He looks around, around

He sees angels in the architecture

Spinning in infinity

He says Amen! and Hallelujah!

 

 

– from “The Obvious Child”

I’ve been waking up at sunrise

I’ve been following the light across my room

I watch the night receive the room of my day

Some people say the sky is just the sky

But I say

Why deny the obvious child?

 

The way we look to a distant constellation

That’s dying in a corner of the sky

These are the days of miracle and wonder

And don’t cry baby don’t cry

Don’t cry

 

 

– from “Take me to the Mardi Gras”

And I will lay my burden down

Rest my head upon that shore

And when I wear that starry crown

I won’t be wanting anymore.

Take your burdens to the Mardi Gras

Let the music wash your soul

 

 

– from “Hearts and Bones”

Easy time will determine if these consolations

Will be their reward

The arc of a love affair

Waiting to be restored

You take two bodies and you twirl them into one

Their hearts and their bones

And they won’t come undone

Hearts and bones

 

 

– from “Bernadette” –  oh! my confirmation namesake!  – yeah the whole song speaks to me – i am not going to post this whole song – but it brings a smile to my face 😉

Come with me

There’s a place I want you to see

When the leaves are dark

I’ve got a hiding place in Central Park

And the sky is a coat of diamonds

 

 

– from “Slip Sliding Away” –

God only knows

God makes his plan

The information’s unavailable

To the mortal man

We work our jobs

Collect our pay

Believe we’re gliding down the highway

When in fact we’re slip slidin’ away

Slip slidin’ away

Slip slidin’ away

You know the nearer your destination

The more you’re slip slidin’ away

Slip slidin’ away

You know the nearer your destination

The more you’re slip slidin’ away

Mmm…

 

– from “Still crazy after all these years” –

– YES – I AM – Still crazy after all these years!

90 EMAIL to Pastor and Music Therapy – Paul Simon “Senorita with a Necklace”

Pastor, I have been carrying this book in my car for probably 3 years now.. I don’t read but I knew I wanted to read it at some point … forgot I even had it.. till this morning God put it in my hand. I had emptied my car for camping … decided to bring my 4 cases of music cds back in because I’m looking for 1 particular paul simon song. And apparently this book came along in my arms with them… didn’t even know until I sat down in my car seat…I flipped my arms over and there it was…on top of the cds…ugh….God chuckles at me (that’s a good thing)…

Dalai Lama spirituality and science

Why God? Why show me so many signs? Why did you put that Paul Simon song in my head this morning to match the conversation I was having in my email? Which would force me to try to find it on cd? Why am I where I am? Why can’t I accept I stumble? Why I think because You want to remind me who I am. So blessed… Can You remind me any more than you and I are on a journey? Geez… Over and over again… whew… I am still in for a wild ride…

And I still haven’t found that song in my CDs yet…
“I know who I am, Lord knows who I will be”
…instead the first Paul Simon song that came on the greatest hits album is Graceland… “we’re all going to Graceland”…figures…

Here is the lyrics of the song in this cd collection somewhere, the one I was singing this morning:
“Senorita With a Necklace”
Words & music by paul simon
I have a wisdom tooth
Inside my crowed face
I have a friend who is born again
Found his savior’s grace
I was born before my father
And my children before me
We are born and born again
Like the waves in the sea
That’s the way it’s always been
And that’s how I want it to be

Nothing but good news
There is a frog in south america
Whose venom is a cure
For all the suffering that mankind
Must endure
More powerful than morphine
And soothing as the rain
A frog in south america
Has the antidote to pain
That’s the way it’s always been
And that’s the way I like it

Some people never say no
Some people never complain
Some folks have no idea
And others will never explain

That’s the way it’s always been
And that’s the way I like it
And that’s how I want it to be
That’s the way it’s always been
And that’s the way I like it
And that’s how I want it to be

If I could play all the memories
In the neck of my guitar
I’d write a song called
“senorita with a necklace of tears”
And every tear a sin I’d committed
Oh these many years
That’s who I was
That’s the way it’s always been

Some people always want more
Some people are what they lack
Some folks open a door
Walk away and never look back

I don’t want to be a judge
And I don’t want to be a jury

I know who I am
Lord knows who I will be

That’s the way it’s always been
And that’s the way I like it
And that’s how I want it to be
That’s the way it’s always been
And that’s the way I like it
And that’s how I want it to be

89) Music Therapy – IONA –  Divine Presence

I find it easy to sing with the Iona singer – especially for “Divine Presence”, a beautiful song…

“I wish this wind
Could carry words to me
To tell You what
Is in my mind
But deep within my soul
Your Spirit speaks
With words that I
Could never find”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gylRtwfh6p8

From Romans 8:26New International Version (NIV)  26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

I was having a conversation with someone and talking about “Be Still and Know that I am God” and he says he has a hard time being still – and I said that it doesn’t really mean you have to be physically still – obviously I hear God so much when I am not still physically but still mentally  – when I am in the car – I could be washing dishes and hear God – and you could be walking and hear God – i was talking to God while mopping two huge floors at camp – and that was really what I was feeling this weekend so much…  You can hear God in a room of 50 squealing kids…. yeah it’s easier to remove yourself from distractions – but it’s your mind that you have to still – not always your body…  besides, even if we were still, we are still moving – we are on the earth moving fairly fast when you watch the moon rise – you can’t feel it but you can see it – and it is pretty fast – astronomically-speaking  (wow astronomically is a real word?  it didn’t autocorrect it on me – wow – two new words today).  anyway – I explained that when I look at the moon I feel God and when I see Orion I feel God  and while I was walking the moon looked just like an eyeball – and then in the morning I was just walking to the lake to see the sunrise and just happened to look up and see the moon in the early morning – very comforting….

 

87, 88  emails

87A

Awesome!!!! I have so been wondering how everyone else feels with this awakening process!!!!!  I feel so overwhelmingly blessed….

You will have to tell me your story, I am so excited to hear…

On Mar 7, 7:40 AM, “Pastor” wrote:

AMEN!  Amazing!  This is so much my experience!  TRULY a kindred experience.  You are articulating/verbalizing/expressing for others. And they smile, their heads nod and they unknowingly say “Yes! That’s what I could have said. That’s what I meant or feel.”

Thanks & Blessings

Pastor

—–

87B

This whole experience is overwhelming and yet your advice of the “new normal” is really how I get thru the days…because God pauses me only long enough to write, otherwise he strives me forward to more and more amazing things…

Girl scout camp is awesome… gifted God’s Grace…

Smiles

Thanks for sharing not just the stories but your spiritual energy, Deb.

Love,

R

——

87C

On Mar 7,9:44 AM, “S”  wrote:

So glad the camping trip is going well and everything worked out. Enjoy God’s presence in nature.

—–

88A)

I am so lucky to have such great support and positive influences on everyside of my life…

The seven sister stars in the Pleiades watched over me tonight as always, while I used them in an astronomy and greek mythology badge lesson.   the sister moon too was my guide, walked with me to my home cabin along the frozen lake…breathtaking after an amazing day with my sister moms

Beautiful beyond words…..

Thanks …Pleiades and me…God only knows what’s in store for me, huh?

I have never read Job, ever…probably should read that whole book! Thanks for your help on the Greek gods and constellations…the 13 13 year olds were very interested and I teamed them up for constellation researching and finding them in the sky… it’s a bit scary to step outside my comfort zone to have taught them… but I have been out of my comfort zone a lot lately, huh?  

Job 38 NIV

The LORD Speaks
1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said: 2 “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? 3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. 4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. 5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? 6 On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone– 7 while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? 8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, 9 when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, 10 when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, 11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’? 12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, 13 that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it? 14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment. 15 The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken. 16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? 17 Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death ? 18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this. 19 “What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? 20 Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings? 21 Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years! 22 “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of the hail, 23 which I reserve for times of trouble, for days of war and battle? 24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth? 25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, 26 to water a land where no man lives, a desert with no one in it, 27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass? 28 Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew? 29 From whose womb comes the ice? Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens 30 when the waters become hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is frozen? 31 “Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades? Can you loose the cords of Orion? 32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons or lead out the Bear with its cubs? 33 Do you know the laws of the heavens? Can you set up [God’s] dominion over the earth? 34 “Can you raise your voice to the clouds and cover yourself with a flood of water? 35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’? 36 Who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind ? 37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds? Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens 38 when the dust becomes hard and the clods of earth stick together? 39 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness and satisfy the hunger of the lions 40 when they crouch in their dens or lie in wait in a thicket? 41 Who provides food for the raven when its young cry out to God and wander about for lack of food?

On Mar 710:02 PM, “D” wrote:
> See Job 38:31
> D

—–

88B)

If you need a good “pick me up” sermon on this bright sunny Monday – one that makes you laugh –  then this is a great one!  (xxx email me for the link) This is my fairly new friend  – Pastor P – whom we “stumbled upon” – meaning he was GIFTED at the right place at the right time – because it turns out he is an alumni from my undergraduate institution!  He has had a great story of coming to Christ and also life-changing/saving surgery – and he is in such an upbeat phase of ministry – he is a pastor at xxx – lives locally with his wife and kids – and he wrote a book!  He is one of the 2 ministers (he and another) who provided me the academic enrichment sources that helped me get my brain fed for how the new testament was written – and that got my heart and brain in sink – and the rest is history!

The story he tells in this sermon is of his praying for a guy holding one those furniture signs near a local  store – well the story is as heart warming as it is hilarious… He would be good for a guest speaker at a youth conference – or anywhere!

there are so many many ways to get the word in – and whether you are feeling a soulful song – or an upbeat VBS song – or a quiet reading of the gospel –  a contemplative heart pulling message or a laughter-filled upbeat heart pulling message – there is sure to be a style that hits you right at the right time…  just have to tap into what feels right at that right moment…

luckily all these social media sermons and messages are out there – it is an endless smorgasbord – so this is just one more course option – enjoy!  its the most recent march 8th one – i haven’t heard any of his others – but after he posted on facebook that he had a simple and profound message – i put it on my “to-do” list to listen…..

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: debbie <
Date: Mon, Mar 9, at 12:22 PM
Subject: “Can I pray for you” message – great!!!!
To: Pastor P

WOW – i love your style!  That March 8th sermon is the first one i listened to…

Really energetic!!!!  I can see you walking around that stage even though i am just listening on the computer –  i loved it when you said the soil was dry (the 4 soils parable is one of my favorites)  – again and again i am hearing the reiteration of us needing to pray for people to get God to soften their hearts! we can’t do it – but HE can…

I liked your use of the props, the numbers and the word letters – really a great style to connect with people who are there to listen more deeply when you draw them in with a bit (well a LOT) of humor – there are really so many different styles and yours is definitely a good you-tube – inspirational speaker style – that fits you so well!!!! Obviously everyone’s style is so different – and certain styles fit different situation – and i see/hear the excitement in your voice carries a long way in touching the people in the audience and they could tell that you are for real and are connected in realty – and you are also a regular guy too…   and you accept that you might be crazy too  … cool…. you love being you and there is nothing more real to others than that…

The part about praying with people – about how when you say that when you quote scripture you are talking to their brains – but when you pray FOR that person they really feel it in their heart…   that has been a really neat and satisfying aspect of this new spiritual growth i have had –  that chik fila story and that guy with the signs…  tears in my eyes from laughing so hard and from such a touching story!!!!

It is so true that prayer touches the heart – i am so praying for your continued excitement – its awesome!!!!  and for your continues heart health!  and for your family – life is awesome isn’t it!?!!!!!

The job of the Pastor is to get the body of the church to go out and do the work of the church – so true – so true!!!  love that saying that our Pastor says – “Be the church!!!”  just like your “Be that bridge” – I really know we have a strong faithful congregation here and it is so clear to me that my leadership roles, my experiences, my energy is really here to support our Pastor and our congregation – and of course the extending out into the world – the people i get to meet everyday is so inspiriting – well i wrote inspiring – but that is a word isn’t it?  Inspiriting – i wondered why autocorrect didn’t fix it – well it must be a word?!! yup – I just googled it – it is a word – to inspirit is a transitive verb to fill someone up with the spirit….  Well – i am going to take that word for myself!!  Talking to people and hearing their stories is truly IN-SPIRIT-ING – filling my soul and their soul with the HOLY SPIRIT…  cool….  i mean hot…..  fire hot…..  throw some fuel on the fire and re-inspirit – up!

So, – what can I pray for YOU?  give me a specific and i will pray it!

GOD BLESS !!!!!

86

Sister Moon and Faith will be My Guide, 06MAR

These last two nights, my increasingly normal wake up call, between 2 and 3 AM, have found me turning over to see the beautiful full moon in my face. Why am I so lucky, why do I see what I see and why do I appreciate it so much?

I saw a fireball at 7pm last night…thought it was a bit brighter than a normal meteor…I told one friend (via email), who then told me they had seen their first shooting star last year….I remarked later to another friend that I couldn’t believe someone of my age to have only JUST seen one…And guess what? This friend had NEVER seen a shooting star….EVER….wow…. Why am I so lucky, why do I see what I see and why do i appreciate it so much?

I have seen many many shooting stars, and even this was not my first fireball sighting…This was bright and sustained…the best shooting stars I have ever witnessed were when I wasn’t looking for them! Last time I purposefully went to look for a shooting star, I sat quietly outside, but instead of a sky show, I watched a skunk creep up around me, I sat as still as I have ever sat in my life…had to wait him out about five minutes…yeah, I don’t go purposefully looking for shooting stars anymore!!!

The time I “camped” in a lake house, located way out in the sticks, couple of years ago, I saw the most amazing display of the Milky Way and dozens of shooting stars, plus satellites moving across the sky…at my undergraduate school, we saw the Milky Way wherever it was a clear night. Last month, I had come out of a very moving women’s meeting at church and saw a brilliant meteor streak thru half the sky…Yes, seeing falling meteors are so cool (i mean hot) when you don’t expect them.

Yes, life’s most amazing moments are when you don’t expect them.

Tonight, the moon was awesome…I am girl scout camping, and brought a telescope… The girls were excited to see the moon thru it. We were ALL excited to be camping, because our original camp cancelled due to snow…And I scrambled with my troop leader yesterday and landed a new camp, just 24 hrs notice, tears into triumph… we (50 of us) lucked out. …wow…. Why am I so lucky?

No, it’s more than just luck…I have faith…blessed with the gift of faith…

I remarked after landing this camp, with the simple clicks of my smartphone, that “this a great lesson for the girls and moms and families about how to not give up, how to pull on all your resources…And most of all – to have faith, whatever the outcome if you try your hardest, you know you did everything you could…And even though “you don’t always get what you want, you try sometime and you just might find… you get what you need!” “… just like the Rolling Stones sing…”

This time we lucked out…but only because others were there for us… This camp tip came from a friend (who, like me, has faith, fortitude and follow-thru) and a Park Ranger who was/is doing us a big favor…And this camp? It’s gorgeous, it’s warm, and it’s a gift.

Seeing the moon, the stars and the planets are a gift. The colder the night, the clearer we see. The more faith we have, the more we receive…And the more we appreciate.

I have faith that the moon is there to comfort us, to tug on our tidal waves of the heart and remind us that we not alone, we are never alone. Especially on these clear nights, we can “Be Still, and Know that I AM GOD”‘

I have faith in that God has a plan… even though I am not privy to that plan. It’s not predetermined fate…it’s still us moving and being moved….it’s when we appreciate life and open our eyes…it’s God’s Timing…it’s God’s gift… it’s God’s Love.

Thanks for the Gift of Faith, God. And let me know if there is anything I could ever do for You. I know You will…That I am faithfully sure of…

😉 😉 😉

—————————–
Lyrics – Sister Moon – Sting
“Sister moon will be my guide.
In your blue blue shadows I would hide.
All good people asleep tonight
I’m all by myself in your silver light.
I would gaze at your face the whole night through.
I’d go out of my mind, but for you.”

85

Peas, Seeds, Snow as Rain Sustained, 04MAR

Using the 4 soils parable, I tend to wonder what soil everyone is in their faith journey. And I wonder what soil I am…or at least what soil I used to be…   See I am striving and striving to be the good soil – just enough of everything mixed in…  add the right nutrients, soil types…maybe with a few small stones thrown in to give drainage (decompression), strength and a little excitement…

So, what soil did I used to be? Well, it would certainly have been the DRY SOIL – because there were tidbits of the Word of God that I didn’t absorb, I got much of it, but not all… The dryness of my soil allowed the birds to eat some of the seeds – but NOT ALL the seeds, because the seeds of God and the Holy Spirit I absorbed and nourished, but most of the seeds about Jesus I DID SEE scattered along the path of life – although I didn’t partake in these seeds, I decided to protect them from the birds…. No I didn’t plant them in my soil – but instead I scooped them up and put them in my pocket… Whether I thought I would plant them or not later, I don’t know – but at least I had knowledge of these seeds of the Word of God – and I could certainly take them out of my pocket and show people these seeds and marvel at these Words of God…. Yes, the seeds I DIDN’T plant were the seeds of a real human Jesus – of a real Jesus in me as a savior…

But they were there in my pocket, some seeds dried up, I probably ate some too for nourishment… As I kept walking along the path of life, I noticed that the Holy Spirit swirled as a wind all around me….and then it started to sprinkle rain… and then I had a huge Christmas Flood. This flood of gifts from God forced me to take notice and dig some drainage ditches of retaining water – holding it until i could find all the seeds I had lost in my pocket. And I started to gather some more new seeds to replace the ones I let dry up… or ate…  or lost….  And then the Sun came up – and the Son too – yes, both were there to warm me and remind me to plant these seeds of Jesus in my brain and in my heart – and to keep them warm with God’s Love – and to share some with the other farmers of faith.

This year – these seeds are getting planted! Physically there are pea seeds going into the ground by St Patrick’s Day – it’s a much earlier a planting season then where I hale from (one whole month earlier – “get them in the ground by St Patrick’s Day” a carpenter friend told me).  Peas are one of my favorite fruits – and I always ate them right out of the garden. Even my grandfather (also a carpenter and a farmer) had his OWN garden – separate from the family garden, and he planted ONLY peas.  And he did share some with me.  When I planted peas in the past, I didn’t share them with hardly anyone – only family… I just ate most myself – except for those I forgot to pick… those went to the birds…

BUT this year, i am going to get these seeds into the ground on time, even if I have to shovel the snow to plant them safely down in the soil. See, the snow doesn’t bother me – the snow is a gift from God – it lets the soil rest – it is beautiful to cover the mud – it is “sustained rain”.

See, the Christmas flood and spring flooding rains are bad for the ground and can drown your seeds – in the ground and in your hearts… But the earth and these seeds – planted at St Patrick’s Day – will appreciate the slow-melting snow – a sustained rain – enough water to creep into the soil slowly – and replenish the earth for a wonderful spring.  The snow will cover the pea seeds and protect them from the birds – and the rabbits –  no stealing my seeds this year! And when/if I get a bountiful crop – I will plan on sharing them.

See, the seeds of a Savoir – of MY Savior – of MY carpenter –  have been and will be safely planted and nourished/protected in my heart this year – and every year.  If I lose a few to the rabbits instead of the birds, well, then I will just go get more seeds – I have a good source now….  I know exactly where to get the RIGHT seeds – they are free every year – every DAY – they are readily available and they are stored inside the right hand of the Father… And when I get a bountiful harvest of God’s Words this year, I will plan on sharing them with the Holy Spirit as my guide!

Amen!

Mark 4:1-20 (NIV)The Parable of the Sower

4 Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water’s edge. 2 He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: 3 “Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.”

9 Then Jesus said, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”

10 When he was alone, the Twelve and the others around him asked him about the parables. 11 He told them, “The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables 12 so that,

“‘they may be ever seeing but never perceiving,
and ever hearing but never understanding;
otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!’[a]”

13 Then Jesus said to them, “Don’t you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? 14 The farmer sows the word. 15 Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. 16 Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 18 Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19 but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. 20 Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.”

Luke 8 (NIV) The Parable of the Sower

8 After this, Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The Twelve were with him, ² and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out; ³ Joanna the wife of Chuza, the manager of Herod’s household; Susanna; and many others. These women were helping to support them out of their own means.

⁴ While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: ⁵ “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds ate it up. ⁶ Some fell on rocky ground, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture.⁷ Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. ⁸ Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.”

When he said this, he called out, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”

⁹ His disciples asked him what this parable meant. ¹⁰ He said, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you,but to others I speak in parables, so that,

“‘though seeing, they may not see;
though hearing, they may not understand.’

¹¹ “This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God.¹² Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. ¹³ Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. ¹⁴ The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. ¹⁵ But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

 

84
OK everyone I am bcc-ing on this email (about 30):
As I said, I am going to tell my UMW folks the whole back story next Tuesday…but it is fine now for you to start speaking about my awakening openly if it comes up on conversation…. I told “most” of those folks weighing on my mind…. I have so many more to tell of this amazing adventure… I will spend the rest of my life telling it… and I know a lot of people!!!!!
But feel free now… I am not saying this because I am worthy of major conversations, but if it comes up in conversation you don’t have to keep it quiet for me anymore….
It’s a new morning!!! You should see the beautiful sunrise that I’m looking at!
I am no longer embarrassed at where I was, I am striving to be as brave as I can telling people without freaking them out…
I found this great devotion about fear… “For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2nd Timothy 1:7
Thanks and God Bless

83

Ok OK – i know i was going to let the Lord lead me on what this devotion for the church newsletter – but i didn’t know it would come so quick, LOL …..

So – it is March and i have been writing now in a way that i can easily and freely share – not of where I was in my faith journey but of where I am now…

So this is about parables and reading the bible and spreading the word…  if you want to use it fine – if not – that is fine and i will likely be writing another one soon, haha…

Thanks and God Bless!

Jesus and His Parables, Just a Click Away

Click, Click, Click – I have been reading the Bible a lot lately – but not that one sitting next to me – instead I have been reading an electronic version even closer – one already in my hand – right on my smart phone – take it wherever I go. When Pastor preached earlier this year about Jesus promising “greater miracles than these” – the Bible on smartphones must have been one of those advances – because it really makes a difference.

The Stewardship committee gave us each an index card and a flyer about daily prayer – it’s a great idea – to challenge us to read the Bible and to share our favorite meaningful passages… and to be hones with you, I looked at that card and said: “How am I going to fit all these exciting Bible verses on it?” because I have been binge reading Bible verses on my smartphone….  Well, when Pastor asked me to write a devotional for the newsletter it took me a minute and then it clicked in my brain – and I want to tell you how easy it has been for me to read the Bible when I click click click….

Teaching Sunday School, we use the vast resource of Jesus’ Parables – these stories are so numerous in the Bible – and you can find so many to relate to you and your friends.  Jesus used parables to teach disciples and make disciples: “Whoever has ears, let them hear.” Jesus knew if they were true disciples they would understand the stories – but if those listening were confused and were sincere seekers, then they would take the time to ask Jesus and His disciples questions – YES ASK QUESTIONS!  Challenge your Faith – and see where you stand – Lent, Easter, Christmas are all excellent times to question your own faith and see where you stand.

One of my favorite parables to share with others is that of the Four Soils – three versions are in the Bible – Matthew 13:1-23; Mark 4:1-34; and Luke 8:4-18. This summation is from Mark, after the disciples asked Jesus for an explanation:

‘ 13 Then Jesus said to them, “Don’t you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? 14 The farmer sows the word. 15 Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. 16 Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 18 Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19 but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. 20 Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.”’

Click, click, click – into my brain – and then when you click forward or backward on your smartphone in the Biblegateway.com or other Bible online sources into the other chapters – you would be AMAZED at how chuck-full the Bible is with these great parables back to back – just the reading of the titles will bring you memories of favorite stories. Then there are many new stories you may have never heard of!  I was reading Luke and saw a reference to the beheading of John by Herod – and i had no idea what that meant – so I asked one of the trusted disciples I know and it led me to Mathew 14 – where John the Baptist was beheaded – oh! Then that led me to the next paragraph about Jesus Feeding the Five Thousand with Loaves and Fishes – then next to Jesus Walking on Water – and Pete doubting and sinking in the water – only to be rescued by reaching out his hand to Jesus who caught him. Jesus, the Fisher of Men, is truly found in that account…  Now, I clicked back into the previous chapter and found the Parable of the Net, of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl, of the Weeds, of the Mustard Seed and the Yeast, and then back to the Parable of the Soils…

Yes – we are able to work these parables into our daily lives  – with the ease of a click – and just be open to reading and listening.  Then, if we are able, we are to start working the yeast into the dough: “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty pounds of flour until it worked all through the dough.”

Enjoy the Parables in the Bible and Yes, ASK QUESTIONS! Then spread the Word of God as if you were trying to spread those tiny grains of yeast until everyone in the world has heard…  “Whoever has ears, let them hear.”

82 Music Therapy – Iona – Irish Day

Yeah, I didn’t have to read deep into the lyrics on this one IONA song… it’s all me…

“Here, I kneel upon this ground
Love can heal
When truth is found”

This glorious white snow still has beautiful green under it…it’s S.t Pats all year round for me… I wrote about the Green Lantern, I even copied a green poem from that tiny book I found (and still resides on the closet across from the copyroom) and dropped a copy in pastor’s mailbox… green green green…I so enjoyed both my trips to Ireland….I will tell you sometime about how I got to turn the page on a copy of the Book of Kells, and was saved from freezing to death when stranded in snow in Sally’s Gap in the mountains outside Dublin….

St Patrick brought Christianity to Ireland… “Christ be within me, Christ behind me, Christ before me, Christ beside me, Christ to win me, Christ to comfort and restore me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ inquired, Christ in danger, Christ in hearts of all that love me, Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

” http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/churchandministry/churchhistory/patricius_the_true_story_of_st_patrick.aspx

Iona – Irish Day Lyrics

Sand as white as snow
Swirls like smoke around my feet
And a sky that turns in a moment
From blue to gray
All these things I see on an Irish day

It is here that time has granted
That the light should still burn on
It was here a seed was planted
In the brave heart of an Irish son

Here before my time
Walked men of faith and truth
In a land that was dark
They followed the way
Bringing sweet light on an Irish day

It is here that time has granted
That the light should still burn on
It was here a seed was planted
In the brave heart of an Irish son

Here, I kneel upon this ground
Love can heal
When truth is found

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WCkAzLawBZo

81

The Holy Spirit and the Green Lantern, 01March

The Holy Spirit was moving in our midst today! A young man in the confirmation class (whom I call “the Green Lantern”) did an awesome job assisting Pastor with communion today. Just prior, he and I made up for last week’s missed pre-confirmation class (I was the substitute teacher). Our experiment produced a good amount of foam for our Holy Spirit demonstration…

Just before the experiment, I was comforting him with his mom out in the hallway…they had to put his favorite pet down the previous day. He had left the service upset because there was so much discussion about loss. Tough on a young kid, tough on an adult, no matter how strong you appear, these matters of the heart are powerful and overwhelming.

His Mom and I encouraged him that he did everything he could for his pet, and it was just like both his grandmother and my father-in-law where their cancer took over… Our words seem to help and he seemed able to pull himself together. Then after that we proceeded to go do our experiment.

In this experiment, Jesus is the living yeast that is warmed up in water just like we warm up Jesus in our hearts. We add this yeast as a catalyst to hydrogen peroxide and soap. The hydrogen peroxide chemically becomes oxygen and bubbles the soap which overflows the cup. The soap bubbles represent the Word of God and they are filled by the Holy Spirit which is the oxygen bubbles made by the hydrogen peroxide. The reaction is exothermic and is quite warm to the touch. The hydrogen peroxide does not react with the yeast but it’s just catalyzed to go through the process faster. This word of God spreads rapidly and overflows… when the catalyst, Jesus, was added… This is why God  sent Jesus to be a catalyst and teach us how to spread the word of God.

I shared with him that this was exactly the experiment that turned my brain around, and enabled me to accept Jesus – to stop my wondering (for years) why Jesus was sent, if Jesus was real as the Son of God. That Jesus as the catalyst was needed so badly in the world to save us – that Jesus was sent by God to spread God’s Word…

This young man is the “Green Lantern” to me because he was one of my #1 vacation bible school helpers a couple of years ago, and he is a great organizer and he organized all the other helpers and he named each of the other helpers including Batman, Superman, Spiderman and Iron Man, and even made them name tags and that made it so much easier for me to remember their names. The Green Lantern is a double checker, making sure he understands. And I appreciate that, because he REALLY wants to understand…And that’s me too. I really like to know if people understand!

To see his restored confidence after our talk and experiment was amazing to me, then to see Him walk back into church, just in time, up to Pastor to assist, He zoomed passed his older brother (who was going to help instead) – JUST IN TIME… that just took my breath away… I was truly stilled – as in “Be Still and Know that I AM GOD”.  Yes, really I got my confirmation today…  I witnessed that the Holy Spirit works in our lives EVERYDAY. EVERYDAY – WE JUST HAVE TO OPEN OUR EYES – we have to be willing to let the spirit move us. The Holy Spirit equipped me that day – I did not know my impact because it was the Holy Spirit. His mom looked at me and mouthed “What did you do?” not me mom, the Holy Spirit!

None of the words were my words this day, they came from the Holy Spirit at the right time…timing was EVERYTHING today… thank you Holy Spirit for using me!

I am so glad and so humbled to share in God’s word, God’s warmth, and God’s experiments.

80

Summing up February – a Wild Ride, Pride, and Being Honest, 28FEB

Summing up February as a Wild Ride, Pride, and Being Honest, 28FEB

Summing up February – it’s been a wild ride. A wild ride indeed! My feelings fill me with pride – and yet that pride is wrong…  I should be humble – and I am so grateful for what God has done for me…  Yet I am joyfully proud of how God has worked me into a spinning vortex of faith…  So far I have come, in mere 3 months… it makes my head spin – and that makes me humbled knowing that NONE of it was my doing…   I wonder what March will bring…. a new chapter in my book certainly…. continued chapters in my life, prayerfully.  Yes, only God knows where He will lead me and how I will follow. And as we march into March, it’s lent, it’s time to be honest with ourselves – I have to be honest with myself – pride or no pride – I’ve got to be honest and take stock of my faith – when the whirlwind is hopefully quieted down.

I am watching “The Nun’s Story” – Audrey Hepburn….a pivotal movie of my younger adult years… kinda sums up the struggles of the ways to worship Jesus, God and the Holy Ghost – the struggles of living to the Catholic rule. The Nun postulates are struggling to learn the controls of passions, the destruction of their love of self, and of course they are journal-ling to make confessions – all efforts to make their pride crumble – and not regain pride when they succeed in learning how to crush pride – a hard struggle – doesn’t seem that making 3 Hail Mary’s equated to each imperfection will truly help. But Sister Luke (the daughter of a prominent scientist/doctor), who seems to have endless doubts in her ability to be a nun,  pushes forward anyway and sees this life as a nun in a hospital as the way to the Belgium Congo in 1930s and to become the nurse that she always wanted to be.

Why? – why? – why such loss of self required to achieve such higher state of humility demanded of this nun-candidate – why? – such the contrast to where I am now – in a non-Catholic Christian church – no one here is stopping me from spinning my faith vortex…  The contrast between her spiritual health and my spiritual heath is interesting. See, I feel I am not supposed to forget my background – see I feel I AM supposed to use every last little bit of my background, all my history, all my experience to witness to the powers and gifts of God… to do God’s work…. I just don’t know…just like Sister Luke asks in the movie, “How do I know this is what God wants of me?”

So much to learn from this movie – if you have never seen it – I recommend it – very reflective of struggles – Sister Luke even was asked to fail her final examination (in the most specialized tropical medicine course that she could even teach) in order to allow another sister to pass – she tries but she can’t… too much pride.  Sister Luke asks “How do I know this is what God wants of me” – she doesn’t know – I don’t know…  she doesn’t take the fall – she can’t help herself but to shine in the exam…and because of that she is not sent to the Congo anyway, until she learns more humility.

She is sent instead to nurse at a horrific sanatorium – it is the worst place ever – and she is sent there to learn humility – and yet she finds herself with more pride – without another sister present she enters the room of a very mentally ill person who calls herself “the arch angel Gabriel” the most violent of patients…  she is tricked and she is over-confident – with a sense of heroism and yes, she gets what you could see was coming to her – she is overpowered and hurt…  her pride and disobedience get her.

Sister Luke wants all or nothing – she wants a resting place where humility and obedience are easy…  NOPE – no such place exists…. NOPE!  Now, there is where she and I are the same – we both want to find EASY peace. We both want to channel our overconfidence into the higher strength – we both want to get to that Congo – and make the most of our God-given talents…

So much for me to pray about – about overconfidence – about using talents and yet – taking care to not over-commit to what is not easy and should never be viewed as easy…

Last week my experience with an unknown person exemplifies this…  This kept me on that edge of friendliness and overconfidence…. watching out for those boundaries…  Thankfully I was told that this person had suffered a traumatic brain injury and he wouldn’t even remember me five minutes from then…  and yet – it was important and good for me to act as a friend –  but not be overconfident – it’s practice. He and I had a great conversation about Jesus – about staying clean and saying no to peer pressure – about his past wrongs – about mac and cheese – about life… yes – the whole gamut of conversation…. He certainly was a humorous fellow – he even propositioned me twice and he tried to be funny!   Yeah – you got to be careful – I have to be careful – he could easily have become my “arch angel Gabriel” and overpowered me if I was alone – he could have made me fall from grace by being overconfident – funny but not so funny…  Be careful – always be careful my mind keeps telling me – yes put yourself out there – use your God-given skills – but be careful.

Eventually Sister Luke sorrowfully is pulled out of the Congo – called to be an example for the incoming postulates – the reverend mother says: “the more we are looked to for example, the better example we will become….”

Eventually Sister Luke does break – she does decide she is more useful not as a nun – but as a rebel – part of the underground group fighting against Hitler. She has had too many struggles with her pride – she had even half fallen in love with the wild and brutally honest surgeon who calls her out – he tells her she will never be the nun she strives to be….  she knows that…she has tried – but her pride…. she finds being honest with herself is the best she can do – live life as it comes – day to day…

We all have to be honest with ourselves… pride or no pride – we might as well be honest since God already knows every thought we have …  Honestly, we have to pray for the strength we need  –  “the more we are looked to for example, the better example we will become….” I pray always for discernment….  let me know Lord what words come from You and what words come from me…. This post is probably 90% me  – the other posts are so spirit-led…  but this post is just me being honest…. God knows my inner thoughts – and I do ask God to move me forward as the best example I can be…. “the more we are looked to for example, the better example we will become….”

I pray to live to Your purpose – not mine!
Let’s march into March….
Praise God always.

79

I wrote this one this morning at 2:30 – had to get it out and get back to sleep – and then later in the morning (driving to work, after doing the turbo fire workout with my neighbor who I mention here)  I wrote the really important one about being in Pentecost.

This essay is about tapping into an energy stream that isn’t yours – but from God…  sounds like the Holy Spirit to me!

Rolling your R’s, Learning to Tap into energy, a NEW NORMAL, 27FEB

Learning self control is one of St Peters tips to bring a better Christian…

Can you learn it? Probably!’… If you can chill the nagging pesky thoughts and desires, if you can fill the void with something in replacement then yes…you can learn self control. At least I pray that I can.  “You can’t say ‘no’ until you say ‘yes’ to something”…that was from an awesome video I saw at a retreat.. so push out the nagging thoughts by filling four head with “yes!”.

My neighbor held a first life improvement club meeting…I was gifted with a spiritual awakening and empowerment which I thought I already had…apparently I was wrong…I REALLY was gifted with a burst of energy…was I gifted or did I learn this? Does that really matter? Either way I got it.. and I keep feeding from it.  I am thankful and I am prayerfully praising everything I can…and it keeps coming…  I can only wish for you to grab some energy too… grab it, tap into it, and say ‘yes’ to it!

My best friend says about winter: ” I think the cold  keeps us held back but then when you damn a river too long  then it will overflow.   Makes for some strange floods”   – so true – so true – makes for some strange floods! I have had the strangest flood… I could have never imagined.

My former pastor says: “The Awakening process is very intense. After a while it seems less intense because it seems like a new normal. The beauty is that you are facing your fear about it and “allowing” this energy to enhance and empower your life.”
R

My best friend also texted me: “I am thinking of you often.   I hope you are not on an unstable roller coaster   but  hope you are on a nice water slide with some bumpers  🙂 ” , A
Yup this roller coaster is very secure… but Easter slides….you are bound to get wet!

The woman sitting next to me at the life improvement event has tapped into an energy source…she and I found a truth on each of the statements relayed by the study book, E squared… She already started journaling…My neighbor too certainly has tapped into some amazing burst of energy…she was bouncing and bubbling like no one I have seen…made me look pensive and quiet…which of course I was… thinking  how “coincidental” this new club was… Here’s a house, less than fifty feet away, where the door is always open to me… she obviously tapped into a great energy source… she grabbed onto it and is riding the wild ride… She refuses to have her spirits dampened…a good way to say no to nagging thoughts. It’s a new normal….

Can you learn to roll your R’s? Yes, rather you can re-learn…since as a baby we all had the ability….you just have to practice and tap into that tiny tidbit lost in your brain…the woman next to me used this good example in her journaling.

Can you learn to roll things off your back? Yes…I believe you can learn… having a solid internal knowledge base comes with absorbing and assembling what you experience to be true..you can learn to move your feet as fast as Muhammad Ali… you can start to see the barbs hurled at you as last ditch efforts before the opposing side collapses…maybe you can anticipate them and catch then mid air…you have to practice…

Can you learn to tap into an energy source? You bet you can…just find the right examples and you can learn and you must practice…you MUST practice what you preach…you MUST practice what you teach…

Can you learn self control? You bet you can… …just find the right examples and you can learn and you must practice… you MUST practice what you preach… you MUST practice what you teach…

Say ‘YES’ to Second Peter One, make it a new normal.

Goodness
Knowledge
Self Control
Perseverance
Godliness
Brotherly kindness
Love

Making One’s Calling and Election Sure
3 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;

6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;

7 and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.

8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

9 But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

10 Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall,

11 and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

78

Psalm 104, 27FEB

Hi Pastor, another one of those OMG moments.

I just listened to one of your old sermons from 2013 that I randomly had on cd but hadn’t heard… I had asked for a couple specific dates and this one came along extra with them, so in my reflective nature (all the time now), I thought “well that’s probably a reason why I have it”.  oh yeah! When I heard the meat of the sermon I had to stop the car and write you…

You read Psalm 104 and spoke of God as a tinkerer and thinker-er   …. I had to pull over the car and write this email… Because of my thinker-er poem, that I wrote before and I will post below. Wow – amazing duplication…

You said inside the sermon:
“God offers everyone food in due season, we the people making sure what God has provided is available to those who need it …”

OMG…it was your Pentecost sermon, 5/19/13… I said holy “s” in my car but I should have said Holy Spirit! Wow wow wow God is good!

It’s Pentecost!  See I have all my holidays not “all mixed up” but I have them “all mixed in”!!  But that makes sense and I feel like I’m in Pentecost right now… Not by my own doing!!!  But I have accepted, I’ve been wearing red like crazy, I  already feel like Easter came and having to teach about the Holy Spirit to the pre-confirmation camp it all makes sense too … it’s Pentecost and it’s Easter and it’s Lent and it’s St. Patrick’s Day and it’s Valentine’s Day and it’s  Christmas … it is certainly a New Year! but most especially its Pentecost!!!!

Yes God is good…maybe my next subaru should be red…

Here’s that poem I wrote:

God made me a thinker-er, 02 jan

God made me a thinker-er.
I am not content at being.
God made me a do-er.
God made me a philosopher.
God made me a thinker-er.

I am not a doubter of God,
But a doubter of man,
Of man made realities,
Of twisted truths.

I am not a doubter who brushes aside the question at hand, “forget about that nonsense”.
No, I am a thinker-er. I am a tinkerer. I toy with ideas, I let them take root in my mind.

I am a teacher, a tinkerer who explores ways to teach, to expand concepts, to keep an open mind, to teach an open mind.

I am not just a thinker, I am a thinker-er, a rehash-er, a process-er. Its just who I am, It’s who God made me to be.

Now I have to think about why. Why can’t I just accept – hook, line and sinker.
God made me just the way I am, a thinker-er.
God give me a purpose,
To teach the other thinker-ers and help them find God too.

God made me a thinker-er.
God made me.

And here is the psalm:

Psalm 104
24How many are your works,Lord!

In wisdom you made them all;

the earth is full of your creatures.

25There is the sea, vast and spacious,

teeming with creatures beyond number—

living things both large and small.

26There the ships go to and fro,

and Leviathan, which you formed to frolic there.

27All creatures look to you

to give them their food at the proper time.

28When you give it to them,

they gather it up;

when you open your hand,

they are satisfied with good things.

29When you hide your face,

they are terrified;

when you take away their breath,

they die and return to the dust.

30When you send your Spirit,

they are created,

and you renew the face of the ground.

31May the glory of the Lord endure forever;

may the Lord rejoice in his works—

32he who looks at the earth, and it trembles,

who touches the mountains, and they smoke.

33I will sing to the Lord all my life;

I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

 

77

You are a Child of God, 25FEB

Yeah, did you hear God bowling a strike on me again tonight? Yes He did.

Yeah, my neighbor started this life improvement club, I thought well it might be uncomfortable for some, but she really is a positive person and she is helping me with my workouts and healthy eating… It couldn’t be more convenient because she is my next door neighbor and she’s trying to improve other people’s positive outlooks on life too, so why not join it and try to be an example of a positive outlook on life… The book we are reading of course touches on so many positive aspects of life, and of course there is a quote “Everyone who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that a spirit is manifest in the laws of the universe – a spirit vastly superior to that of man.” That was a quote from Einstein in the preface about science and the universe and the spirit… That’s something we’ve been talking about for the last month. And it was a very good meeting is very upbeat.

At the end, I heard the God-wink from God when she closed our meeting with this passage (from poet Marianne Anderson) that I posted below: “it is our light that frightens us”… yup that’s me! “You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world”… yup, I am no longer embarrassed, but I am certainly scared of the changes and the intensity in me – but –  it’s time to NOT be scared anymore…… that’s going to be hard….. But yes, that’s where I need to go! “Playing small does not serve the world!” Strike. God rolled a strike and humbly I must comply with Him.

Here is the full quote:  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson is a spiritual activist, author, lecturer and founder of The Peace Alliance, a grass roots campaign supporting legislation currently before Congress to establish a United States Department of Peace.

76

Quiet Time, 24FEB

…Be still, God speaks whispers more than clanging gongs…

It was an uneventful day driving yesterday, thank God, but as I got to the area where I encountered that tractor trailer yesterday (see writing #74), so guess what song came on my CD player next? Amazing Grace, of course… those silly little God sightings… yeah they’re cool too…sometimes God comes in a whisper… and sometimes they are not silly at all…

75

I think we should all “journal” to process – to dump our brains and to move forward…  whether you journal on paper or by telling a good friend over coffee – it is therapeutic…

Well – this was an eventful day to say the least – not just this morning with that tractor trailer swerving and me honking amazing grace. The stepping out in faith was that this event i shared with my bigger Facebook family – one of the first times i really took a big step out in faith and put my faith on display  – i know i credit God for so much in person – but not always on Facebook because I don’t want to alienate anyone by making them feel uncomfortable if they are not comfortable in their faith… and yet this was certainly one of those unmistakable God actions that I was participating in…  Today was also super busy at work – busiest day in months – workloads all hit at the same time – but it was great to accomplish so much today!

This morning, I was singing Amazing Grace (as I said in my previous piece)- and replaying it about 20 times in the car to get the lyrics down – and i was actually thinking of questions that pertained to my quest for knowledge of how someone in particular was doing…someone, I know I could learn so much from (well that’s more than just one person of course). I have been sharing with up to 70 people now –  but too much in one direction – it is time that I ask back – how are THEY doing? .. I had just about finished these questions in my head when that truck started swerving in front of me and God and/or something over-confident in me called me into action – I was the one that saw this…I felt I had no choice but to act… I know I was so blessed to be in the right place at the right time…  God’s Timing! Subaru sang Amazing Grace – How Sweet the Sound! Played it on repeat the whole hour the way home.

I have been journal-ling 2 months now – and yes – I do write an awful lot of how I am feeling – but I do actually include a lot about the questions I have about how others are feeling – and this is such a piece – it is a song of concern – it’s not for anyone in my direct family – so don’t over worry about this piece – and it is not for a particular person in crisis mode –  but I can see how these questions pertain to them too…but I am writing this out to reach out to someone… someone I should ask more questions of – someone i care about – in that AGAPE way… and yes, this is the love we should extend to ALL of God’s children – concern and wanting to embrace their burdens to help them carry them… reassuring them that God will take care of them – just as we should reassure ourselves that God will take care of us!

How are You?, 23FEB

> Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
> That saved a wretch like me!
> I once was lost, but now am found;
> Was blind, but now I see.

So – how are you?  I really haven’t talked to you face to face in a while – and I worry about how you are doing – I talk about myself all the time and I wonder how you are processing all the things in your life – I know you stressed over your past transgressions – but are you still wretching and stressing about that time? Have you truly forgiven yourself – God will forgive you – but can you get over it? There is Amazing Grace for you, always.

> ’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
> And grace my fears relieved;
> How precious did that grace appear
> The hour I first believed.

Tell me about that first hour you believed, I am so curious – I am so hanging on every bit of the story – tell me about you… what precious moments occurred that first hour? Have you held onto that golden hour…have you lost that precious feeling? Grace doesn’t just come once…welcome it again.

> Through many dangers, toils and snares,
> I have already come;
> ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
> And grace will lead me home.

You have made it amazingly far – I am so glad – I think of you each time I sing this song. What is next for you?  How do you handle your current dangers, toils and snares? Teach me the ways you deal with pain – with difficulty – I can see it on your face – I can see you wear your heart on your sleeve – can I help you? Are you still feeling at home?  or have you drifted away a bit?

> When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
> Bright shining as the sun,
> We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
> Than when we’d first begun.

Do you realize that you have so much ahead of you? Do you stress about your past and your lost time to an obsessive level? Are you willing to let it go? Can you shed your shame? to walk forward in grace and walk shining like the sun? Let me encourage you to walk again – to get up and walk again….  we have no less days…to praise…

How are you?

74

WOW, 23FEB

Oh my God… I am overwhelmed with the Grace of God… I have to share… I just witnessed a tractor trailer… a gas tanker… Swerving not paying attention.. turn signal on… cars passing him… and he still was swerving… Maybe he was texting… Maybe he was asleep… I don’t know… I was scared for the other cars passing… I started beeping my horn. I put my flashers on, he was going 10 miles less than the speed limit… I kept beeping,  I decided to zoom up closer, I was listening and singing to Amazing Grace on my CD player, I just beeped my horn to Amazing Grace for 30 seconds? Maybe… I was so close to my exit, I just kept honking that horn, hitting it, and praying that he would wake up. And as I exited he changed his turn signal and he pulled over to the side of the road. He woke up. Whew! Praise God! Thank You God for putting me in the right place at the right time… Whew.

God is Good!

73

This is the critical experiment for enabling me to open to God’s work in my brain – the experiment I found on the web and then taught with Jesus’ Parables in Sunday School just two years or so ago. Teaching this experiment opened my brain and allowed God to perform corrective action on it – which in turn enabled my heart to sing the praises of Jesus…. I am filling in for the confirmation class “boot camp” tomorrow. This class is continuing a discussion about the Holy Spirit – and the scripture lessons (pasted below) are treasured gems. So to make the process real in a bubbly chemistry experiment way – I am adding this experiment – yet again – showing how Jesus is the catalyst – whose presence enabled the Holy Spirit to come – to come to the disciples and – then spread to us in the gift of the Word of God… here is the devotion:

Soap, Hydrogen Peroxide, and Yeast – The Word of God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus, 21FEB

In this experiment, pretend dish soap is the Word of God…to make people peaceful…to give them hope in the form of soap.

Can we spread this Word of God? Yes!

Can the Holy Spirit help us and use us to spread the Word of God? Yes!

Catalysis is the increase in the rate of a chemical reaction due to the participation of an additional substance called a catalyst. With a catalyst, reactions occur faster and with less energy. Because catalysts are not consumed, they are recycled. Often only tiny amounts are required.

Let’s do this experiment: 1) The soap represents the Word of God.  2) The hydrogen peroxide H₂O₂ is changed by the catalyst into gas and liquid…The gas is O₂, life-giving oxygen… this experimentally-generated gas represents the Holy Spirit.  3) God so loved the world he budded his only son (yeast grows by budding) so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. Yeast represents Jesus. Yeast is alive! Yeast needs to be warmed in water to activate – Jesus needs to be warmed in our hearts to activate (well – actually the Grace of God is always there – God and The Holy Spirit and Jesus doesn’t need to be activated – but realized by us to be ALIVE in us).

Experiment: Pour a couple of inches of hydrogen peroxide into a cup or bottle, add food coloring for fun (household 3% is fine – the more concentrated the more explosive the reaction). Squirt some dish soap (just a little) into the hydrogen peroxide. Add a packet of dried yeast to about half a cup of warm water – just as you would make bread… let sit for a minute…Pour just a little of the yeast solution into the hydrogen peroxide/soap mixture and watch the foam come alive – spread up and out and pour outside the cup – it is warm – exothermic – and yes you can touch and feel it!

Yeast is the catalyst to make the reaction go faster… to reduce the activation energy of change… to get the chemical reaction over the hump… to enable the PROCESS OF TRANSFORMATION!

Jesus is the catalyst to make the reaction go faster… to enable the spreading of the Word of God… to reduce the activation energy of change… to get the chemical reaction over the hump…  to enable the PROCESS OF TRANSFORMATION!

Remember catalysts are not consumed, they remain intact. Often only tiny amounts are needed to make the reaction go.

The Holy Spirit fills the bubbles of the Word of God… it lifts the bubbles up and carries the Word of God up and out… the warmth of God’s Word spreads…the good news rises and spills out everywhere… watch the Holy Spirit come alive in you and pour out of you when you allow Jesus to act as a catalyst in your heart – and in your mind – and in your soul – yes, it is warm – it is exothermic – and yes, you can touch and feel it!

Even as soap bubbles pop and release their gas – they leave a residue – they are still there…   The bubbles might burst, but the Holy Spirit still exists, is released from the bubble and the Word of God is still the soap film that has been spread. Bubbles may burst – but they still delivered God’s Message. Blessed be the bubbles. Blessed be the Word of God.

Jesus had to come to earth – to bud off God… but then He had to go… to show us in a human way how carrying our own crosses, resurrecting, and rising will allow us to reach God in Heaven.  ALSO Jesus had to go in order to let the Power of the Holy Spirit come to HIS disciples (that’s Pentecost) – to let the disciples spread the Word of God…to teach US the Word of God…to teach US how to spread the Word of God.

Spread The Word of God….

… The Word of God IS God!

AMEN!

John 16:13 New International Version (NIV)

¹³ But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

–

Romans 8:26 New International Version (NIV)

²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

 

1 Corinthians 12:11New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.

–

2 Timothy 3:16New International Version (NIV)

¹⁶ All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,

–

Hebrews 9:14New International Version (NIV)

¹⁴ How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

 

72

Neighbors, Einstein, and the Science of God, 20FEB

So it’s funny of course – well not that funny – but when my neighbor asked me to join her brand new self help (positive outlook on life) group, I thought “I am good” and really wasn’t sure… But since she is a very good neighbor and is the one who is helping me exercise early mornings and giving me healthy food tips and since she wants to help her other friends become happier people too, then I said “why not?”… when someone offers to help you for free – when they open a door – it’s good to walk through it…

… Of course this was over a month ago …  so for next week’s first meeting she asked us to read this quick book – and so when I opened the book … I certainly didn’t expect a quote from Einstein on EXACTLY what my spiritual guides and I have been talking about these last couple weeks…science and spirituality:

“On the other hand, however, everyone who is seriously engaged in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that the laws of nature manifest the existence of a spirit vastly superior to that of men, and one in the face of which we with our modest powers must feel humble.” Einstein

So can you hear God chuckling?  I certainly can!  He has me pegged and He is playing with me – and it is more and more apparent that God-sightings are all around.

I am humbled that God has me down to a science!

Smiles

71

I emailed this to Pastor last night after a text message conversation with a friend…

“I was/am concerned about my bubble bursting – a bit concerned that my enthusiasm would carry me away – and of course I have always prayed for discernment – what is spirit-led and what is not…  a friend of mine said that the word enthusiasm meant “God from within” – which I thought was awesome of course…  and I wonder if my bubble will ever burst – or maybe I should take inventory of replacement bubbles – or maybe even deflate my bubble a little to make it stronger and less pop-able… you know my deliberate lowering of walls had to be replaced by the armor of God – and perhaps bubbles are not the right description of the enthusiasm I need for the future…”

So – yes – after prayerful meditation, I DO have a replacement for my bubble condition. It dawned on me (in the car of course) that even though I feel like this is a bubble of enthusiasm, that I truly know it is more than that  – it is not from me – it is God working me – molding me…  Yes, I am going to deflate my bubble a bit, but only to make it stronger, I am going to cut it open and stretch it up and open -and make the bubble into a cup – my cup overflows – my cup is what is filled with the love of God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit – my cup overflows…and when more bubbles come – I will do that again and again – open them and make an even stronger cup.

Here is my devotion:

Bubbles and Cups – Filling from God – NOT from Within, 19FEB

My cup overflows – my new enthusiastic take on Jesus and my appreciation of what God has done for me – these have made me bubble so much inside – it has lifted me higher than I ever thought possible – I laugh more deeply – I feel more strongly – I sing more loudly – and I speak more boldly than ever …  and most importantly I listen more clearly – I listen to subtle signs that clash like gongs in my ears – I listen to the people and where they are in life in their life struggles – and when I feel the thorns coming – I sing…  I actually break out in a song to cover my ears from the thorns…  my bubbles I do not want burst…by me or anyone…

But I realize the bubbles from within are actually filled with overflows of this enthusiasm – which have amplified from an already high level (ask anyone who knows me – I bubble with enthusiasm over EVERYTHING already – so – even I was surprised with this increased bubbling…)

A friend of mine said that the Greek word “enthusiasm” meant “God from within” – which I thought was awesome of course (in a self-centered way)…  and I wonder if my bubble will ever burst – or maybe I should take inventory of replacement bubbles just to re-inflate them……

No – it is NOT bubbles that we are to inflate – because our bubbles come from OUR own excessive enthusiasm….  it is CUPS that we need to fill with GOD’S enthusiastic LOVE – it is God that fills our cups… the cup metaphor is everywhere in our history of spirituality… lovingly used in the bible for the cup that gets filled by God – our cup overflows.

So – when you feel your bubble bursting – or are worried about sustaining joy – remember to know God is to know that JOY is sustained by HIS GRACE – when you can take your ever-inflating bubble – rip or cut it open and then stretch it wide – side to side – and make it into a cup – and then use your own hands to hold it up to the flooding rains of God – you will receive HIS glory. When you ask for HIM in prayers – and  stretch out your hands – HE will fill your cup.

God is Good – All the Time…

—

Three songs and psalms in my heart to sing these praises:

1) From the song “Ripples” by the Grateful Dead:

” Reach out your hand if your cup be empty
If your cup is full may it be again.
Let it be known there is a fountain
That was not made by the hands of men. ”

2) From the song “All in All”:

” When I am dry You fill my cup.  You are my all in all”

3) and of course, from the most beloved:

Psalm 23

A Psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

70

There are tremendous contrasts between beauty and pain, jubilant-splendor and despair.

Ash Wednesday and Lent are to force us to take notice of Jesus’s suffering….40 days for forty days in the desert…His suffering contrasted with the glorious resurrection and the gift of our eternal hope for life in heaven.

Images in my head and on photos I took on my recent trip to home are of medieval portraits of the jubilant birth of a pudgy adorable Christ child… CONTRAST with the sorrowful painful sculptures of Christ dying on the cross…both these were on display at the art museum where I went solely to take photos of the beautiful valley up top the building on the hill…but soulfully I placed myself in the medieval art wing on my way back down… GORGEOUS…CONTRASTS…opulent joy and excruciating pain…

Next, I drove to the bridge overlook…high on top of the falls looking down the breathtaking gorge (and yet so commonplace here)…the icy water… and snow encased hills… the bustling city below…a gorge carved by 12,000 plus years of water cutting deeper into the crack ripped by the glaciers retreat…CONTRAST with the suicide catch nets…installed below to both catch jumpers, to hopefully prevent jumpers… A sad reality in a competitive college town… Hundreds of lives lost, tossed themselves away, hundreds of recovery efforts, brave rescue crews scaling the rocky gorge walls, risking their own lives to bring back the loved ones, who didn’t feel loved….
…When I stopped to take photos, I parked up with the vehicles of a crew of safety net checkers….the team was tossing a rope tethered mannequin onto the nets… three or four sections on each side… testing the thermal cameras that detect people. Twelve degrees was balmy in the sunshine which made the views extra beautiful… and made it extra hard on the testing crew…physically tossing the body over…again and again… pulling the heavy weight up with the rope… but necessary work to prevent eternal tragedy.

The contrast extra stark, between standing on the bridge for beauty or standing on the bridge for despair… GORGES…CONTRASTS…opulent joy and excruciating pain…

The contrast extra stark, between the Christmas gifted Christ child and the despair on the cross… GORGEOUS…CONTRASTS…opulent joy and excruciating pain..

IT IS GORGES…  
Gorgeous contrasts…

I thanked the safety net crew as I left…said “God bless you for this work”

I thanked God for the gorges and gorgeous views.

I thank God for Jesus…Christmas…Cross…Easter…joy…pain…joy…all a gift…

Jesus, a safety net for our souls.

69

This might be part 1… I have tons more to write about my trip, but this just seemed to end naturally without extra fluff…so I will write later about more…this writing just feels my gratitude in life…

Home Pilgrimages and Holidays, 17Feb… maybe part 1

To say my pilgrimage to my hometown has been an amazing trip, totally cannot capture in words my experiences… It is home, it is my “mecca”, when I need an “home fix” there is no substitute. I have visits to waterfalls, to family, to nearest and dearest friends…
And it is a week of holidays! Including a school holiday, Saturday was St Valentine’s day, Sunday my Mom’s birthday, Monday President’s day, Tuesday my mom-in-laws birthday and Mardi Gras time Fat Tuesday. Ash Wednesday and Chinese New Year is Thursday…   And Christmas, it’s still Christmas in my heart, in the snow (over foot and a half), in my house, and at my friends’ house last night where I stopped for the most wonderful faith and family discussion… they are the most marvelous newly refreshed but long term couple…newly married after rediscovering love after years and years apart…these lovely folks still had their Christmas tree up, we spoke about Jesus’ love, God’s universe, and all the thorns in between. And they were pre-making St Patrick’s Day cookies. Now that’s my kind of holiday life…all at once.

St Patrick’s Day is every day for me, I am half Irish and half Bohemian…I cling to my fortunate life…I am truly blessed. And holidays are icing on the cake of life.

St Patrick’s Day does fit me for a connection that I just made, my good friend and I talked about how blessed we are that we lack the “demons”… How we are blessed and how we see others who struggle with the demons within. I have been gathering brainstorming stuff to write a major piece on the devil…but haven’t gotten there yet…I deny the devil any place in my heart…I see it in others…I questioned-question whether the devil existed-exists…I wondered-wonder if the devil is just the convenient scapegoat of peoples actions and flaws…BUT…if the scriptures are to be believed as a whole, then I can’t deny the devil’s existence…and yes, I see the devil in the world…and I see the self centered arrogance and selfishness of denying God, denying goodness….as evil forces… 
So yes, St Patrick in my heart year-round does fit me…but not just for my fair complexion, but because St Patrick is said to have driven the snakes out of Ireland…and God has driven the evil devil snakes out of my heart…I am naive to say this…I am likely blasphemous for denying the devil exists in me…I am childlike in my new acceptance of Jesus…but I am faithful to God…and if nothing else, I am to glorify the good works HE has done for me, to me, in me. I AM a child of God, He will mold me to be me.

68

Transfiguration, Tents, and Erasers, 15Feb

2nd Peter 1 13 “I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body”

I am refreshing my memory allot these days with a new appreciation of the Bible stories.

I hears it was transfiguration Sunday… but what does transfiguration really mean?

The wiki version (which you always have to be skeptical of…but gives a nice background) says Jesus was all aglow…lighted up…and Moses and Elijah appeared to Peter and two others…and God spoke…saying “This is my SON” … Before God spoke, Peter offered to pitch tents for them…some say he wanted to make shrines, but I read this as tents…wouldn’t it be cool to go camping with Moses and Elijah, sitting around the fire and hear them say to Jesus, “oh…so this is what God meant by that…”…. Yeah, it is in the discussion of the Word that we understand it…that it sticks…in our human heads.

But then Jesus told Peter not to say anything until everyone had seen that Jesus died and was resurrected….WAIT….WHAT? Don’t say ANYTHING?

How could he not bubble over in excitement? Not only did he get to be with Jesus, he HEARD God’s voice… I have seen God’s creations but to hear his voice? Now that would be a worthy tale to tell…

WAIT, this happened before the crucifixion and Peter still denied Jesus…wow…Peter is so human for his faults….

I read a passage in a little book called “Windows Towards God” by Charles Schmitz – about using a eraser when writing sermons…”[if God told you what to say in your sermons, then why would you need a pencil eraser (or now a computer backspace key and autocorrect) to erase it…to fix it…it’s because we are all humans…even Paul the apostle would use an eraser…]”

A different web author wrote that Jesus spoke in parables so that his disciples would understand, but if you didn’t understand them, then YOU would have to ask questions…the students asked and the answers were clearly given.

So, I see that I write and use my questions to understand, and I need to start using my erase key too…both to remove fluff and remove places where I am glorifying people and not God…and to also make the stories of people less intrusive and more teaching…I need to move from an exuberant Peter, wanting to spill the beans, to a more thoughtful person…finding the words when the person is ready to hear the good news…the God news (as my autocorrect would made good into God).

God spoke briefly and succinctly… Jesus spoke in parables, but we humans speak in REHASHING… we have to discuss, digest, digress, divulge, and dine on the word…sometimes we have to delete because we are humans and not divine.

thanks for listening…I appreciate being able to grow into new and improved writing…

From the King James version:
2^nd Peter  1 16-21 For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty. For he received from God the Father honour and glory, when there came such a voice to him from the excellent glory, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. And this voice which came from heaven we heard, when we were with him in the holy mount. We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts: Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost. KJV

And NIV
For we did not follow cleverly devised stories when we told you about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ in power, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain. We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.  Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation of things. For prophecy never had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

67

Emails, 12FEB

I love my church family…such good re-inforcement and strength they have given me… (like this email below).
The ears of the beholder are important for devotional writing…

Email received:

Good morning Debbie:
You are like a River overflowing —- the flood gate of words, thoughts, observations are pouring out.  Keep up the devotional writing  —- I am enjoying reading them.

Email received:
Wow Debbie I was just reading the email you sent about words flowing from you like a river, I believe someone sent that phrase to you in an email and I immediately thought of this song so I wanted to send you the lyrics to read, it’s beautiful isn’t it?  Of course it happens to be written by my favorite group, Third Day, I must try and reach them and let them know how God is using their music to speak to us.

Have a blessed day and keep a God watch on that special little girl you wrote about, God encounters have meaning, He’s using you to have an influence here, a word a gesture a story who knows in what way we touch others, the important thing is that we do, because of Him, we do.

Blessings,

THIRD DAY LYRICS    “Love Is Like A River”

Your love is like a river flowing from my heart

When this cruel world tears us apart
Your love is like a river flowing from my heart
When sharpened words have left their scars
Your love is like a river flowing from my heart
And it’s overflowing and showing us all
How deep and how wide is Your love
It never stops, it rages on
Your love is like a river flowing from my heart

When I am tired and so afraid
Your love is like a fire that will light my way
When darkness comes and my vision fades
Your love is like a fire that will light my way
And it’s always burning and stirring my soul
To know You and love You much more
It never stops or ever fades
Your love is like a fire that will light my way

IT’S NEVER GONNA STOP
IT’S FLOWING FROM MY HEART
IT’S NEVER GONNA FADE
YOUR LOVE WILL LIGHT MY WAY

When all my strength and hope is gone
Your love is like a rock that I am standing on

Your love is like a river flowing from my heart
Your love is like a fire that will light my way
Your love is like a rock that I am standing on
Your love is like a river flowing from my heart

66

Snowflake Kisses in the Sunshine, 12FEB

It’s snowing again those big fluffy flakes and the sun is shining behind the clouds… these flakes won’t last that long but it’s still a reassuring sign to me that God loves me and He likes it when I talk to him…

I was very good and kept my phone away while I was driving this morning… another new years resolution I’m going to try to stick to… you would think that at least one encounter with almost running into a giant FedEx truck would have cured me from texting while driving… steering out of his way with about 50 feet to go… yeah, well sometimes I just don’t get the message.

The snowflakes I get… I appreciate them… while driving I was just thinking about Pastor’s sermon about whom Jesus calls…Jesus called disciples whose transformation would be clearly be due to God working in their lives…not because of what they had already achieved…Jesus used them as “object lessons”…   …and I was thinking while driving about my chick-fil-a visit last night… I ran into a family who lives down the street from me. They had come to our contemporary Christmas music fest, as friends of the band leader. Their baby was one whom I wrote about in the Christmas Eve labor essay (around 21DEC), whom I got to hold during the song “Come to the cradle…come and find peace”. It was so very moving for me.
Of course since it was school spirit night, I was bound to run into tons of people that I knew… but this was a nice reminder of Christmas… that baby was cranky yet again… but what was really a treat is interacting with their other daughter, a second or third grader with a free spirit for sure and the happiest most inquisitive girl you would meet. When she saw me she asked me my name – she didn’t remember me – but she asked if I was Mrs. Claus (oh – my cover was blown, and I had to admit that indeed I WAS Mrs Claus…). She also asked me about all the writing I had on my hand, which is my reminder to-do list…my iPalm. She asked if  I would write on her hand too…she is too cute…
This is the same little girl with whom I got to share the Christmas story with as if she had never heard it, heard it for the FIRST TIME (that afternoon of dec 21st sitting with her after the service to keep her busy while her Mom talked with her friends). Yes – she knew who Jesus was – but she said she didn’t know Mary or Joseph or perhaps she just forgot…  but I was sure happy she knew who baby Jesus was 😉

At chick-fil-a – I told her mom that we would love to have her at vacation bible school this summer. I plan to keep an eye on that kid… It dawned on me today that perhaps she was the little kid a few years back whom I stopped my car for and urged her to get back away from the street – yes I do think this was the same girl – I said get away from the road – hey you never know…

Yup – going to keep an eye on this girl….she reminds me of God’s gift of putting us in the RIGHT place at the RIGHT time….like snowflakes.

Smiles

65

this was so quick I had to write in like 10 minutes – after a conversation by texting with someone very upset with something harsh that someone said about their life – or at least that’s how they perceived the conversation…  Unfortunately one never knows how the person hearing the words you say will take them…How many times have you said something as a praise and it comes out as a criticism to their ears? Well listening and hearing are different – hearing is different than what is spoken – because of the person hearing – the context taken and the tone it is received in.

so this devotional was written while I was driving to a meeting – and therefore I opened the meeting with it (in a draft version which I have been able to expand upon here)  When God wanted me to start being more spiritual at the meetings, I didn’t realize that I was the one He wanted to write it out… I also shared my piece on human trafficking and the lamb of God. it was a great meeting and I got to share afterwards with three pivotal people in this faith journey of mine – three who had the smallest of words but the biggest of impact.  Afterwards driving home I saw a shooting star – God IS Good.

“Nothing is more important, Debbie”

That’s what the headline said in my email from my phone company this afternoon…well what is SO important I asked? I doubted it was about church stuff and actually it was about connecting with people – yes that is important…  but what came to my mind was when, in a church sermon, I recently heard that “Nothing… nothing is more important than serving Jesus”. Well that I now believe with new rigor. We don’t serve ourselves or our family more importantly than loving the Lord and doing what Jesus taught us. Jesus taught us to be non-judgmental…to love as the most important commandment from the Prince of Peace. To love is the way to achieve peace.

Just yesterday, a friend of mine told me about her cool Sunday School lesson… she takes a hundred dollars out of the bank in small bills… she gives each student a tube of toothpaste tells them to squeeze it empty – they keep squeezing and squeezing until the last drop is out. When they have finished down to the last drop, she then tells them she will give them a hundred dollars if they can get the toothpaste back into the tube…  she waves the money at them and gives out spoons – she even has the second graders count the money to make sure it is really $100.  They try and try but no – there is no way anyone can get the toothpaste back into the tube – nobody earns $100 and they are sad but they realize that nobody was able to do it. After they all give up – she tell them that the toothpaste represents their words….  really it’s the harsh words, the painful and hurtful words – the insults – the words that you would pay $100 to take back. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could take those harsh words back?   I’ve been listening to a song  that says “ripples never come back – gone to the other side”. Yes ripples from our mouths only travel one way – out they go…  As the words drift away, the harsh words stick to there…. sometimes it isn’t the recipient of the words that the words hurt – sometimes it is the person standing next to them when THEY perceive what has been said.  The actions that we take and these words that come from our mouths are really important. Tearing down takes 100-fold more praise to repair – if it is even repairable.

Even though you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube you should try to model Jesus… we are all human and we say terrible things we wish we could take back.  We are human – so we constantly have to be reminded to keep the peace.   We are reminded to use our words wisely.

I got another Christmas card today, February 10th… I had already gotten one from this wonderful person in early December but they wanted to thank me for my card and for the family movie DVD I sent… They said sorry this card is late – but actually it’s not late – not just because they already sent one – but because it is still Christmas for me… This card says “Peace on earth”… “May your mind and heart be filled with the peace and joy of Christmas”. Yes – your heart AND YOUR MIND – you mind that speaks the words you say. Christmas has been all about peace and  love and Christ in my heart AND MY MIND.

Yes peace… to be Christ-like we must keep the peace… May we pray for peaceful words always… may we pause until something peaceful ripples out of our mouths. Peace is achieved through Love,

Peace be with you!

Amen.

64

Jesus Lamb of God and Human Trafficking, 10FEB

two complete separate thoughts united in my subaru and in my brain driving this morning in the beautiful sunshine –
when they fly out of my head this fast and into my phone microphone to capture the words it scares me  – it down right scares me…maybe it is because I got 7 1/2 hours sleep last night – the most in a while – I got 2.5 hrs, up for 2 hours, then 4hrs sleep  then 1 hour sleep… hmmm…

I was listening to a praise song that I was calling “Lamb of God, worthy is your name” (I subsequently found out the right name of it – “You are my all in all”)
Its lyrics are:  “Taking my sin, my cross, my shame, rising again I bless your name”…. “when I fall you lift me up – when I am dry you fill my cup….You are my all in all “.

I was thinking of the different Lamb of God” “Lamb of the Ages” song versions out there… but listening to the words today and thinking about my UMW meeting tonight and the human trafficking huddle we are going to do – and remembering that I want to bring up “Shores of Grace” ministry that Pastor showed me…  and thinking about the one child policy in china that my friend told me is causing human trafficking (I had no idea and found out in 2011 that 13,000 abducted children were rescued (and I can’t even imagine the number that weren’t rescued!) – and I was also thinking whether one of my essays or devotionals would be appropriate to read… but instead…”CLICK” – and this social action devotional came out of my head with a few tears that came out of my heart. I had to speak it into my phone while driving in the subaru in the sunshine… I will read it tonight at the umw meeting…

Jesus Lamb of God and Human Trafficking Devotional: 

“We think and we pray and we sing about Jesus being the “Lamb of God” – we acknowledge or yearn to accept how this “Lamb of God” made a sacrifice for us – he was humanly sacrificed to spare the life of a guilty man and we pray to understand that He was sacrificed to allow us sinners to enter the gates of heaven by God’s Grace. So long ago, the lambs were sacrificed – animal sacrifices and even people sacrifices were common – and we can not understand why – and we scoff at those people who sacrificed their own people – shame on them…  Well we are still THOSE people – no we don’t personally do the sacrificing – but we do unthinkingly sacrifice the weak people in the world – we do sacrifice them because we too often ignore all the terrible human trafficking that takes place.  NO, we don’t maliciously do this – we don’t always turn a blind eye – and Lord knows there are so so many who do reach out and try to prevent human trafficking.

One such example is a ministry team which now reaches out to the streets of the far away country of Brazil. This family-based mission team “Shores of Grace” www.shoresofgrace.com is ministering to the children and modeling Jesus’ life to the fellow villagers. They set up street music – attracting young children and their parents – embracing the children and trying to protect them from the human trafficking that is predetermined for them by their cultural circumstances. Yes people are ignoring these children… which mean they are sacrificing them today – in our day and age – similarly to ancient times – by not preventing the wasting of the innocent lives.  In China, the one child policy actually caused a hushed-up problem… people are still having multiple children and often the girls (especially if they are born first) are not documented – they are ignored by the system – they don’t receive health care benefits and sadly, in lieu of accepting them, these girls are often sold   they are then human trafficked like lambs to slaughter.

In America we do it too!  We turn our backs on the forgotten people – on the levels of people forced into prostitution, horrific working conditions and undocumented labor.  We turn our backs on the needs for mental health miracles to help people overcome drugs, alcohol, and all kinds of addictions… If Superbowl Sunday sees an uptick in human trafficking, then we have been too complacent in our acceptance of it.

We really don’t always know how to stop human trafficking.

We really don’t always know how to achieve peace.

We really don’t always know how to take action.

We DO know that we need to raise awareness.

We DO know that above all, we need to PRAY.

JESUS, Lamb of God…HOLY is your name.

We need to PRAY and we need to protect all the LAMBS OF GOD.

62

Christmas Today, Trust God Everyday,  08Feb

A truly blessed day…emotionally exhausting…but blessed day…

The powerful worship service and the personal prayers after moved so many today…the message of Jesus choosing his disciples…who were just like us…not perfect…plus the music and the mix of people…moved so many. In the pew in front of me was this candle…a Christmas eve candle forgotten…perhaps it was there for me… I did say at Christmas I burn my candle at both ends and chew on the middle for food…I took it… a refresher candle…and I will treasure it…as I treasure some healing steps this week…

…see I had Christmas just after Christmas, moved to Easter just last Sunday on Feb 1st (Superbowl Sunday) when I made that move from a 99.44% upto 100% commitment to believing in Jesus…I made this in the 911 Garden of Refection, holding the steel, when I picked up a coin with the scripture of John 3:16 and accepted 100%…

…and yesterday became Valentine’s day… today Christmas again…a true gift…

After the moving service we got to eat as family at cracker barrel…(parked near a blue Subaru Forester) … the long wait was fine because one of our children’s beloved daycare teachers was there with her newborn 6-week old son,…a Christmas baby, Dec 26…
…After lunch, I was waiting to pay the bill with a Christmas gift card…just behind me someone said “you have to trust God”….Huh? did I hear that right? In the middle of a store? I turned to the lady behind and asked: “Did I just hear someone’s say Trust God?’ “…she says “Yes that was my sister”… I didn’t know the context but I just had to reaffirm that you should always trust God… & the lady agreed…
… two minutes later we were in the parking lot and I walk by a car with the license plate “you have a friend in Jesus” … and that lady? She hops into yet a third blue Subaru Forester.

I shivered.

I will always Trust God, 100%. Amen

61

08feb..

Easter came early, so Valentines did too!!!

An Open Love Letter to God, on Valentine’s Day, thanks to that Subaru

A friend of ours had a car accident – he wrecked his truck… first I texted to make sure he was okay and then I texted:  “Look on the bright side now you can buy a Subaru…” 😉 I immediately texted another mutual friend (who was going to see this first friend in just 5 minutes from that moment) and said “Hey when you see him  – ask him when he’s going to buy a Subaru…”  hehe funny… 😉

It dawned on me just a couple days ago that my beloved Japanese Subaru had a true connection to the Japanese Kintsukuroi pottery – where gold is applied in the cracks of broken pieces – restoring them to beauty.  I have discussed this sermon from our pastor a few times because it so fits me and so many I know… it is my favorite sermon of his (so far).. when a piece of pottery is broken, the Japanese artists recreate the piece with the cracks filled in with gold. This makes its cracks and flaws look beautiful and it is even more artistic and beautiful after is repaired.  This is just like when God puts his golden repairs in our cracks and flaws and we are more beautiful because of them….we don’t need to hide our flaws – but we should show off our God-golden repairs.
… I wasn’t looking for that Kintsukuroi connection to my Subaru – I really wasn’t – until it dawned on me while driving this week, that the physical location where I have been repaired most by God, for my cracks and flaws, took place INSIDE my Subaru, which is Japanese,  just like the Kintsukuroi pottery….. and My Subaru has been MY temple – MY place of worship – in my hour commutes –  I have worshiped in it by listening to sermons on CD and I am able to sing with all my might … Christmas music and some divinely stirring praise music and mainstream artists whose songs strengthen me…and lately we have been kissed by the wispy snowflakes that make my Subaru Forrester dance and make me smile and appreciate the gifts from God.

While my Subaru is dancing in therapeutic ways, God’s messages have stuck in my soul. Some people hope the snow doesn’t stick …some people hope it does….no matter what, we should always hope that God’s corrective action sticks within us….  God’s golden repairs… I had no idea where this road would take me and as a extra bonus, I can see and appreciate God’s wanting to sending some golden repairs to improve the future.

Recently I have renewed a college connection in the form of a pastor, coincidentally or God-cidentally, a press release came out about his new book (he graduated about 6-8 years after us) and he lives super close to us… I don’t know why God chose him to inspire us and put him in the mix to unite us – but you have to take notice when God does those things!

At my college, the telescopes were/are amazing, some hand built and some purchased… All of these are easily accessible to the public and even freshmen can get their hands on them. It’s cold there…. Freezing temps would be nice and warm compared to the average temp, because at midnight in those barely insulated telescope domes… whew, that’s COLD!!!…. The remote location is ideal as there is very little light pollution… the only problem is… it does snow and rain there a lot… it’s often very cloudy… but when the skies are open they’re really open! You can look in wondrous amazement at the Milky Way any clear night.  Once I even saw a guest appearance of the Northern Lights… Head out of this one traffic light town into the way way outskirts…and the sky’s the limit….there is no limit to the amazement of the beauty in the sky!

So, in one astronomy class, a marvelous photography project showed a great telescope photo (think old school film developing – nothing digital back then) of the Pleiades, a star cluster – with blue stars, which is located near Orion in the winter sky… Orion is the most visible-distinguishable of winter constellations…and the Pleiades are nestles near…444 light years away…

So, guess what the symbol of the Subaru car is… you can find it right on the front… can you guess? It’s so divine….it’s a picture of the Pleiades… I did not know that fact until I was well into my 16+ year history with my 2 Subarus…I have traveled nearly 400,000 miles in these two Subaru foresters…one green and one blue… the 2008 blue one (I got pre-owned in 2011) helped me get over my mourning for my 12 + year 1999 green one (my first new car ever in the fall of 1998 – a gift to myself for graduating with my PhD and landing an awesome postdoc position) – the green one lasted 271,000 miles…. after it died I contemplated installing it in my yard just as a quiet thinking place….12 + years green ….  3 + years (so far) blue subaru…. always moving….16 + years….

One last mention about the LOVE of my Subarus and the connection to the Pleiades which UNITES all of these thoughts in this essay (an early valentine’s day)….   Do you know what the word Subaru means in Japanese? I only discovered that definition today – It means UNITE… Yes divine God-sightings continue….

Thank you God for using the Pleiades and my alma mater and all our extended church family to continue to UNITE us all…

Thank you God for using my Subaru in a Holy Way, with the help of my church family, and your Word to UNITE me to You Heavenly Father and to Your Son…

Thank you God for using the Heavenly stars to safely travel me approximately 400,000 + miles and 444 light years in YOUR TIME. I guess I always wanted to be a wiseman – wisewoman – I had been following the stars all this time – I will always follow the stars to YOU!

THANK YOU GOD FOR YOU! I LOVE YOU!

60

Emails with faith friends, 05FEB – 06FEB

60A – I just made praise pockets for work for heart health month and I will use the same stuff for church and get them put up this weekend – one big pocket for God and then smaller bag pockets for our church staff (to start) – and then we can decide if we want to continue with more church families…  I love it when I can do one task for two completely different places! On Thu, Feb 5, a friend wrote:

“Just made me think of an item that I bought years ago when our previous praise band leader was still at church. It was a porcelain bowl with a pitcher attached to it. It was set up to look like the pitcher was pouring something into the bowl. It came with a short pencil and small pieces of paper. The idea was that when you walked by the bowl, you would think of a blessing, write it down and then put it in the bowl. It was called a blessing bowl, and it was designed to show your blessings overflowing. Gonna have to find that bowl now.! 🙂

—————————–

60B – On Feb 6, I had an amazing email conversation between three of my women’s retreat friends with whom I shared my faith opening early – they were crucial in their support…

Two emailed me the link within 30 minutes of each other about this great contemporary praise song….  Third Day “Soul on Fire”  – and the third, to whom I forwarded it to,  bought that same album that same morning – wow – I am glad so many are running until their soul is on fire! And my aerobics this morning with my neighbor, who picks the dvd we use…was a FIRE theme, lol….And that day I was wearing red hot red for heart health too!

1^st friend wrote: “https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=i7lv9oMjv_0    The latest from one of my favorite contemporary Christian groups, Third Day – Soul on Fire, every time I hear it I think of you Debbie because you are a soul on fire right now!!!!”

2^nd friend wrote: “ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7lv9oMjv_0    Hope you like this.”

I wrote to all 3 friends: “whoa – when 2 people send you something that means i better watch it – cool – i mean HOT that was an awesome song… i am forwarding this to someone who prefers the hot to the cold – running a mile a minute is TOTALLY how I feel these days – maybe that is why i need the snow to cool me off!!!!!  I can go outside in my barefeet in this weather anyway!

thanks both of you!”

3^rd friend wrote: “HA!  Great minds think alike!  Also my fav Christian group.  Saw them last year & sat in the 2^nd row!  Just pre-ordered their new cd THIS MORNING!!! I am tapping my feet & dancing in my chair!!!”

2^nd friend wrote back: “she and I were on the same page, we both see you as “on fire”. 🙂 “

59

Had this short one done yesterday – with that nice snow squall while driving, I got three written (by speaking into my phone): the praise one I sent yesterday – one I am saving to release next week (about Subaru’s and valentines)…  and this one – which talks about 2nd Peter chapter 3 – God gives each person the time they need to come to repentance….God is patient…and it IS possible!

LET’S LEGO Again / It IS Possible, 05FEB

The praise song lyric: “one thing I am sure of … I was born, you were born, everything was made to worship Him!”

If I flip back in time to one of my first writings – Lego Christianity Piece, 18DEC – I find that it was a short time ago – that is in calendar days but YEARS in mental time.  – It is just like written in 2nd Peter 3:  “8 But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

I see my Lego Christianity piece as a confession…a mental work in progress… a piece of where I was… a realization I had to come to…I hadn’t fit my Lego pieces of belief into my brain the right way in order to let my heart sing His Praises… and WOW… how I have been snapping the pieces in now…building and building…

The praise song lyric: “I used to wonder… so many questions like… is it really possible?”  and the worship leader sings back  “IT IS POSSIBLE!” …   Yup it became real to me…building and building….

I just turned on the radio, and a Lego artist is going to be exhibiting his art work (over a hundred pieces) at the local museum starting this weekend. He creates art from Lego blocks…

…these beautiful LEGO creations are made with glue – he uses glue from day one, building life-sized masterpieces…  but sometimes he admitted that he has lost days of work when he made a mistake – and he had to get his chisel out and remove wrong LEGO pieces….  Yep that was me too, I had to unsnap some pieces of my Christianity and disbelief and find the right pieces to fit…  It’s not a masterpiece – yet – but I’m at the peace with the progress I have made and there are still more Legos to build.

I will make you a deal, God,  I’ll grab the Legos and You grab the Gold and we’ll ride together (in my Subaru and in my heart and in my brain) in this journey.  I made a new lyric for the praise song, so in addition to: “I was born to worship my Lord, that is why I sing…. “…. I now add:  “I was born to worship my Lord, that is why I think!!!”

58 – The Power of Praise, 05FEB

This praise theme keeps going on and on… came across a pocket of praise my son, that he got for being a “rockstar of the week”… he was never more excited to go to school than that week…

I think the best thing about praising and encouragement, is that it is presented as a preemptive strike… even when things are down in the dumps if you can find the small thing to praise, that will likely lift that person higher than they were… of course you have to commiserate with them to some extent, but when you can find something to praise it will lift your heart too… otherwise their issues will drag you down too… and to be honest they probably came to you to be encouraged…
Better to give than receive… and if you can praise in God’s name you have already received – big time…

57

Fun Yellow and Always Look on the Bright Side, 04FEB

Before the 9 am hour, the radio station plays a favorite Monty Python song “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from the “Life of Brian” movie which is both hilarious and religiously-interesting…  Brian (Jesus’ next door neighbor) is caught up in a sweeping messiah-searching plot – and one of my mentor-friends in college was so amazed that I loved the movie – and he was amazed that I wasn’t upset at it, being raised catholic… But seriously, how else do you end a film that shows mass crucifixion? Eric idle is a “happy go lucky” soul destined to die next to Brian…  he gets the whole crucified hillside singing…”always look on the bright side of death….”

The song was perfect on this sunny morning – after I had just finished re-painting touch up work in my kitchen – in “FUN YELLOW” color.  Yes, after 10 years and a great renovation removing the old air-conditioner, I had to re-paint and was so pleased that the paint store still make my kitchen color – Fun Yellow…  yes – I made a re-commitment to this fun and refreshing color which gets soaked in the sun in the morning from 4 huge windows – in the sun the room is warm and is inspiring to be cheery and upbeat…  Yes – with yellow paint specks still on my hand I type this  – and I also put on all the fun yellow clothes I could find – not many – but still fun to remember my re-commitment to FUN.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life: Eric Idle, Monty Python

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ECUtkv2qV8

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle
And this’ll help things turn out for the best…
And…

…always look on the bright side of life… (Whistle)

Always look on the light side of life… (Whistle)

If life seems jolly rotten
There’s something you’ve forgotten
And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you’re feeling in the dumps
Don’t be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle
– that’s the thing.
And…always look on the bright side of life… (Whistle)

Come on.

Always look on the right side of life… (Whistle)

For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin – give the audience a grin
Enjoy it – it’s your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death… (Whistle)

a-Just before you draw your terminal breath… (Whistle)

Life’s a piece of $%#%, when you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true
You’ll see its all a show, keep ’em laughin as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

And… Always look on the bright side of life… (Whistle)

Always look on the right side of life…

C’mon Brian, cheer up

Always look on the bright side of life…

Always look on the bright side of life…

Worse things happen at sea you know.

I mean – what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing – you’re going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing.

Always look on the right side (I mean) of life…

what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
– you’re going back to nothing.
What have you lost?

Always (Nothing.) look on the right side of life…

Nothing will come from nothing ya know what they say?
Cheer up ya old bugga c’mon give us a grin! There ya go, see!

Always look on the right side of life…
(Cheer up ya old bugga c’mon give us a grin! At same time)

There ya go, see!

56

An open letter of praise to the praise band, 04FEB

Praise – that’s what I am all about right now – I will praise my Lord – I will praise the awesomeness in the universe…. so if this sounds too gushy – don’t worry about it – ‘cause it is what it is…

So… I have to admit – I have binge-listened to praise band music – I admit I made a “mixed tape” of praise band music – because it spoke to me and I needed a continuous mental track of stabilizing, spirit-filled music…. I listen to lots of music – and the return to this song-track is very therapeutic…

See, I had some awesome corrective action by God on my heart and in my brain – I entered the time of “open enrollment of corporate Christmas benefits package” as a cynical questioner and I came out a sincere seeker…   I was able to solve some gaps in my brain – and let a Christmas flood carry me though the last couple of months with a new song-track in my heart…

So, Praise Band, I want to thank you for what you bring to the music – I want to thank that I can hear you as individuals in the mix – sometimes you blend and sometimes you don’t – sometimes an out of tune glitch snags things – but either way I hear it – I hear you….  to hear the people and know their stories – yup, it’s more than just the music…

Actually I hadn’t have been to a contemporary service in person in a while – and the Christmas Concert  was the only service I got to in December …  but I heard that one loud and clear – I got to hold a little baby during the wonderful song “Come to the Cradle, Come and Find Peace…” this was so moving…  I also copied the Christmas band concert CD – and the Praise Band version of that “Come to the Cradle” song was strong and loud – And the event host said afterwards:  “Well, I didn’t have any problem hearing that!”.  Well I didn’t have any problem hearing either!  BUT – it wasn’t just the song I heard, I actually heard the energized enthusiasm in his voice for this kicked up addition to the whole concert event – perhaps you remember the pain he and his wife had a few Christmas’s ago – the pain must have been tremendous and still must burn deeply… because they lost their daughter to a long illness at Christmastime…  the pain replaced (at least for the moment) with the music-led energy of spirit…  His wife mentioned to me recently that she misses it when the choir doesn’t sing at some weeks of the year – because she gets her worship in song… Yup doesn’t matter what song you are singing – the phrase holds true – “those who sing pray twice”. Music lifts us up – and I hope we all pray twice when we sing and play.

So – I urge you to keep singing – to keep feeling the music – to let it go sometimes and just pray it. One of my favorite songs (and I have many) ends with the praise band in giggles and mini cheers because you kicked it out so well – that is the joy I like to hear!

Praise you Praise Band!!!

55

Feel the Lightning, 03FEB

I wonder what people think of my journey – but I don’t worry too much because it is still between me and God of where I was and where I am…

I certainly benefited from preparing my fields for rain and I took some time to contemplate almost everything around me… sure – you could suggest I over analyze everything – but when exciting times are all around, you don’t want to miss out on ANYTHING!

…and yet I wonder if people think this journey was TOO easy – well it wasn’t – yeah sure it was a quiet journey and wasn’t filled with blockbuster movie scenes of tormented pain, tragic losses, marvelous car crashes, health hells… nope – wasn’t like that at all – and I don’t think your journey has to be the “movie of the week” material….  slow and steady wins the race – God’s time and patience – yes, that is my story…  quiet yet moving – filled with grace that was already given.  Before I took Jesus up into my heart, I was half way (well two thirds there – believing in God and the Holy Spirit – and always praising – but this last third, accepting Jesus, was a juggernaut in my disbelief system – a mountain which I have moved now – I feel I am still growing but so so there….

Sure – sometimes we think (I think) that coming to Jesus should have involved a momentous experience – me in the Dukes of Hazard car going airborne  – screaming at the top of my lungs and a miraculous appearance of a 60-foot snow drift – or tractor bed filled with soft hay – to catch us and return us safely back to earth…. and yeah,  I have certainly have heard those tales of awakening –  I was certainly held on the edge of my seat wanting to know more….

Perhaps you did or want to feel a lightning bolt – or maybe you fear feeling a lightning bolt because you don’t want to be changed… Ben Franklin supposedly felt a big lightning bolt during his kite and the key experiment – how brave – how stupid… But then, how did he utilize that info? Whom did he tell? How did he take what he learned into a movement towards the amazing age of electricity?

After we have felt a lightning bolt of faith growth,  what should we do with that lightning? that info? that feeling?  … I bet our friend Franklin did that experiment a few times again  (why wouldn’t he?) he experimented in the country and in the city – I have to think that he kept doing this experiment to have more data….

I can be assured that lighting strikes many times in your area – of course they do. But what do you do with a lightning strike to your faith? Would you make good use of it? Will lightening strike again and again if you need it to?

What if  Benjamin Franklin tied his kite string to a fence and what if he cautiously approached the key… I wonder if he wanted to know what the shock felt like. Some people probably approach the throne of God as they tantalize about the concept of Jesus but they are afraid to touch the key… perhaps they are afraid of the shock – and yet, little do they know, that they would be in for the most energizing boost of all their lives.

Have you felt lightning? I have… I was maybe 20 feet away from a strike – I was outside running between a pavilion and my car… yeah tempting fate and ended up getting too close to the lightning before I was safely in my car.  The heat was unbelievable! The flash hurt my eyes. And the sound was as loud as you could imagine God’s roar… I would not tempt that kind of fate again… well – maybe…

So I went on this unknown journey of faith – I don’t know if I was worried about being struck by lightning… Did I feel the energy in the air?  Yes most definitely!!!  Did the thunderous sound of God catch my attention? You better believe it did! Did it make my hair stand up on end? Oh yeah!!  In my faith journey I was tempted to touch the key… I got closer and closer and I then prayed for the key to touch…  and the key fit into my soul… the energy transferred… the Lord came to me in the most gentle of ways.  I will use my God lightning from here on out to serve God at to give Jesus the honor He is due.

Would you approach lighting?  Don’t let it get so bad that lightning has to kill you – don’t get so dead that lightning has to be used like a defibrillator to wake you up …… maybe you know people who need a jolt to wake up… maybe they or you just need to feel the energy and taste a little zap… you will want that zap again – trust me – you will ask for it everyday…

Would you dissipate all the gained electricity as heat – screaming? Maybe you should be an engineer and hook up the machines and capture that lightning for future use. Only a few are called by terrific heartbreaking jaw-dropping blockbuster-movie lightning strike… and only a few of those people are called to spread that lightning in the form of energy to others.

Nope, my journey was not a blockbuster movie…  there was no direct lightning strike…but yes, I did feel the electricity all around me – and I did approach the powerful energized key….  my excess energy emanates now – not as heat but now as writing and in praise… and in song…

PERHAPS (yes I know the answer to this) perhaps there are many many people who can relate to my story – a quiet story – maybe you are on your own journey to find your own key…

So many people still need to come to terms with their faith –  many people have hearts that need to crack open and yes, they need to feel the energy…

God is Good – feel His energy inside of you… long for that repeat lightning strike…

54

Email, 03FEB, (check out the “Rock Climbing” and “God sent ice” essays in Jan)

Holy Family Girl Scouts, 03FEB

This cross was in the background of my rock climbing buddies on that most moving of nights when I failed to learn to belay, and it was the ice storm that enabled me to stay there an extra hour and complete my training – guiding me was a most calm and consistent trainer – Keith is his name….  (see writings in Jan)

My Girl Scout Leader and my “Holy Family” fellow scout moms were both there for me and also gave me the space I needed to decompress that night…
——————–
Date: Feb 3,
To: GS leader

Now that I have shared that first set of 50 writings with you, I have to tell you… that the first thing I saw on this photo was the cross on the back wall…

I love my holy family girl scouts…
Thank you for your most amazing support that night…I truly needed it. thanks

53

The Rising, 01FEB

From: debbie
Date: Sun, Feb 1,
Subject: RE: thanks for great sermon
To: Pastor
Oh… I need to mention that I got a little lost on my way from the restaurant to my women’s retreat friend’s house… which brought me to road near the 911 garden of reflection… I had never stopped… but of course felt compelled to… I went and held onto the steel girder and prayed for those lost and for peace…I thought about the 3000 people Peter converted with one sermon all those years ago, and remembered it was 3000 people lost on 911… I prayed that they were found that day.

I picked up one of those plastic coins caught on the sculpture… turned it over… it was John 3:16… on Superbowl Sunday… my first time accepting 100%

Smiles…

---

On Feb 1, 2015 9:27 PM, “Pastor wrote:   Thanks!  The Spirit used you to inspire me.

—-

From: debbie Date: 02/01

To: Pastor

Subject: thanks for great sermon

that was a great sermon and “H” said she knew you were talking about me in the first service and I KNEW you were talking about me in the second service – I liked how you said something like – “just going to go with it…”  and I thought you were very strong in your message…   I was just smiling all the way through…     🙂

---

Post email note – I added these links after the email chain:

Sting, one of my favorite artists performed a tribute to Bruce Springsteen, with his song “The Rising” – here are the links to Sting’s song and the original and live versions by Bruce – it is a tribute to a firefighter rising to the sky to the world trade center fires and then rising to heaven in that tragic day…  was so on my mind the day I finally committed from 99.44% to 100% in my belief of Jesus that day at the 911 garden of reflection….

Sting:     https://youtu.be/tmWYg4W9CaY

Bruce:     https://youtu.be/6i-fiRgbpr4

“The Rising” Bruce Springsteen, Lyrics:

Can’t see nothin’ in front of me
Can’t see nothin’ coming up behind
Make my way through this darkness
I can’t feel nothing but this chain that binds me
Lost track of how far I’ve gone
How far I’ve gone, how high I’ve climbed
On my back’s a sixty pound stone
On my shoulder a half mile of line

Come on up for the rising
Come on up, lay your hands in mine
Come on up for the rising
Come on up for the rising tonight

Left the house this morning
Bells ringing filled the air
I was wearin’ the cross of my calling
On wheels of fire I come rollin’ down here

Come on up for the rising
Come on up, lay your hands in mine
Come on up for the rising
Come on up for the rising tonight

Li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li – li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li – li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li

There’s spirits above and behind me
Faces gone black, eyes burnin’ bright
May their precious blood bind me
Lord, as I stand before your fiery light

Li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li – li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li – li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li

I see you Mary in the garden
In the garden of a thousand sighs
There’s holy pictures of our children
Dancin’ in a sky filled with light
May I feel your arms around me
May I feel your blood mix with mine
A dream of life comes to me
Like a catfish dancin’ on the end of my line

Sky of blackness and sorrow (a dream of life)
Sky of love, sky of tears (a dream of life)
Sky of glory and sadness (a dream of life)
Sky of mercy, sky of fear (a dream of life)
Sky of memory and shadow (a dream of life)
Your burnin’ wind fills my arms tonight
Sky of longing and emptiness (a dream of life)
Sky of fullness, sky of blessed life

Come on up for the rising
Come on up, lay your hands in mine
Come on up for the rising
Come on up for the rising tonight

Li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li – li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li – li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li

52

Ripple from God not Man, 01FEB

My goal in this spiritual journey was to find peace for my conflicted brain and heart and then later on I thought that at least I would at least find my spiritual voice to lead the many church groups I am in charge of… but this ripple effect of seeing faith is the nicest present…

A great ripple of my faith journey is the hearing of the ripple effect into other people’s faith journeys – three directly told me today –  a couple yesterday – people who are being more dedicated to their own prayers – people who are reading into things and praising more… even our pastor alluded to it in both his sermons (didn’t hurt I was sitting smack dab in front of him in the second service 😉 haha).

Maybe even more felt this ripple effect – and I certainly got the direct eye contact of some people as I walked the halls of church today – I felt this ripple effect – and I didn’t feel it boastfully – but humbly…

(AND later in church I was running (yes running in church) in my new balance sneakers after a Sunday schooler – who decided he didn’t want to be there – he bolted all the way to fellowship hall… ugh… thankfully it was God’s timing for me to catch him – to rein him in. He was previously my kindergarten Sunday school student and that knowledge of  him, and people in general, is INVALUABLE – if you can read the clues you can intercept…. you have to have open eyes to the clues… just like you have to praise or else the rocks will praise.)

So I pause now to remember and reflect that our faith journeys have to be ours – ours alone with God – yes with the help of others – but everyone has a different road…  I pray my ripple effect is really to help people learn to praise –  I have to praise God for this journey and everyone has to praise on their own – you have to praise all the time – good or bad you praise!

The song “Ripples” struck me yesterday – not even knowing what the title was – I was perusing a new old Grateful Dead album ) – “Ripples” still resonates with me today – because I know God needs to make the ripples (with no pebble tossed by man) and I pray that God ripples into my friends’ faiths like he did into mine.

Lord, may our cups be filled…

“Reach out your hand if your cup be empty
If your cup is full may it be again
Let it be known there is a fountain
That was not made by the hands of men”

————-

“Ripple”   

Words by Robert Hunter; music by Jerry Garcia.

If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine
And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung
Would you hear my voice come through the music
Would you hold it near as it were your own?

It’s a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken
Perhaps they’re better left unsung
I don’t know, don’t really care
Let there be songs to fill the air

Ripple in still water
When there is no pebble tossed
Nor wind to blow

Reach out your hand if your cup be empty
If your cup is full may it be again
Let it be known there is a fountain
That was not made by the hands of men

There is a road, no simple highway
Between the dawn and the dark of night
And if you go no one may follow
That path is for your steps alone

Ripple in still water
When there is no pebble tossed
Nor wind to blow

You who choose to lead must follow
But if you fall you fall alone
If you should stand then who’s to guide you?
If I knew the way I would take you home

51

Email, Feb 1, morning:

Hi, Debbie,

PRAISE THE LORD!  HE and the angels in heaven are rejoicing in your new life in HIM!  God bless you richly; I look forward to reading your 89 pages. Love in Him,

——-

Email to Pastor, Feb 1

that was a great sermon and H said she knew you were talking about me in the first service and I KNEW you were talking about me in the second service – I liked how you said something like – “just going to go with it…”  and I thought you were very strong in your message…   I was just smiling all the way through…

🙂

—————

Email to a friend, Feb 1, evening:

was thinking of our conversation and was singing amazing grace  – thinking of how much the lyrics pertained and then it started snowing….  graceful snow …   🙂

smiles

——————-

Email from a friend, Feb 1

Still reading through your writings Debbie, loving the Lego one right now, after a brother, son and now grandson who all love Lego I can so relate to this.  One block at a time, wonder what God is building in me today.

 

 

 

50

email to women’s retreat organizing folks – to L.H. whom I wanted to share my journey with, 31JAN

OH L.H.!   I am so so sorry – I know it must be terrible to be in such pain and also to not be able to do all the things that you want to do – having thrown out my back a few times…

I have to tell you now – by email – writing – that I have been called by God to write out this whole last month of my experiences, so it totally doesn’t surprise me that I have to write this all out to you…  and it is likely the best thing for me to write this because my words are not there when I speak – but boy do they flow when I type…  so – you may want to have a tissue nearby 😉

Of course I want lunch together with everyone so badly – but honestly it was really my enthusiasm that I could not wait to tell you, personally, with my words of the most amazing journey that I have been on last year and acutely this past month…  I thought I would tell you directly first – but as I have been sharing more and more – this is coming out in God’s terms and in God’s time… which is pretty darn fast at the moment…

So – I knew/know that you will be happy – I wanted to tell you so much that I finally get it —-   I finally, finally, finally accept Jesus……

I have been so blessed – I have finally had this flood of emotions coupled with my brain getting in sync with my heart and whoosh – a journey I wouldn’t trade for anything – it took me 45 years – but I am here.

I wanted to tell you in person and then tell everyone else – and yet I know that writing is my method…  I probably couldn’t have gotten through the conversation anyway – without the tears – I just now finished a good 5 minutes of tears at my sorrow that I couldn’t give you the biggest hug – because Lord knows that you won’t want that for your bad back!!!!!,  I am so so happy now and humbled that I HAVE FOUND AND ACCEPTED JESUS TO BE REAL FOR ME!  yes I feel like SCREAMING it – but I so want to make sure my words are right – and I want the Holy Spirit to guide my words and not my Blarney-Stone-induced gift of gab…  and this has been the case – my opening of speaking it has been with people who already saw it in me – wow…

With our retreat women, I have been blessed to have real wonderful conversations – and the women’s retreat was so needed in my mental therapy for peace after a busy year each year and before a busy Christmas season each year…   the first one I attended was the 10th anniversary one and sure, I saw it as a chance to get out of the house of a one year old and four year old – who wouldn’t want the break – and I said  “If I sit on a rock all weekend, I will be happy”   and I didn’t do that  I was like “wow – I already know these women – they aren’t scary bible-thumping women that I feared – they are the most gently and God-loving and people-loving … and at the end of the retreat, I had such the best cry with Pastor S – when I was able to let down and release the bottled up stress of life….

LH – you have been the most gentle soul – my canoe partner – my roomie…  With you, I realized that one doesn’t have to be a bible thumper – excuse the term – but one can be the witness to the power of God and Jesus – to live the life – to walk the walk and not just talk the talk – you certainly have and live Jesus’s words everyday –  and to be human – i know you put that cockroach on wheels in my shoe in the bathroom which I proudly displayed afterwords on the shoe because it filled the crack and everyone took notice…  yup – fits with a sermon Pastor J preached (jan11) about filling cracked Japanese pottery with beautiful gold – Kintsukuroi – God fills in our broken cracks beautifully with golden repair so others can see where we were healed…well God has filled my cracks with gold and beautiful plastic cockroaches on wheels… smiles…

So – I have been sharing my story with writing – with first “A”, then “Pastor S” and my friend-counselor-ace-in-my-pocket “K”…  truly blessed to have this as a digital release valve for my thoughts and prayers…. then I was able to open up my pieces to a few more  and a few more – very specific pieces for very specific people… and that list now includes Pastor and a couple others just today… when GOD walks the person into my path I know it is time to tell of my journey…  I must tell you that it has been a LONG process in a short amount of time – easing into what is right to share – and I am getting there still – small openings, telling of where I am – rather than where I have been  – and I feel so blessed!

ah…..  so I will now send you some of my writing – again I have been writing to therapy-myself through this – I actually have over 40 pieces now – and I have been so blessed to have three initial and now about a dozen people on my journey with me…  I had not an eureka moment – but a snap in my brain (I wrote about this in the second essay that I will send you- my LEGO Christianity essay) I had this aha moment when I was teaching my sunday school class and made up my own lesson using a well know experiment using hydrogen peroxide, dish soap and yeast  – where yeast acts as a catalyst and brings about a change in the hydrogen peroxide – causing fun oozing warm bubbling of oxygen…  I called the yeast Jesus – acting as a catalyst to bring change to people more quickly than had been taking place – an “oooohhh  – maybe I can now see that is the reason for Jesus” and that became my mediation for my questioning – for about a year ?  maybe more? I can’t remember – but then my “Christmas Flood” came…

LOVE YOU – and thanks for letting me share like this 😉

I pray for your back – for others to come around you and for God’s hands and His breathe to blow that back back into place…  for others to pick up your heavy pans of life and lighten your load – and most of all for your continued health – for the doctors to do the right things to help you and I pray and sing this with words from a song that ring truer to me now than ever before: “Jesus, may you receive the honor that you are due” Amen

——–

On Sat, Jan 31,  at 6:01 PM, LH wrote:

Hi, all,

I am also looking forward to our lunch date, BUT if I don’t show up at church tomorrow it is because: On Tues. I fell in our big kitchen, wrenching my back.  On Friday morning, after a nearly sleepless night, I told my husband to take me to the emergency room.  Well, I have a compression fracture in my lower back, and am on pain meds.  My husband could drive me tomorrow, but I won’t know until morning if I feel up to the ride.  I am waiting for an appointment to see an orthopedist; hopefully they call with a time on Monday.  Pray for me.  This is a very busy time at our campus, with our new candidates in training, and the kitchen opening (only for two nights a week, as our volunteer cooks cancelled out the day they were to arrive.  sad.  I can do some supervisory work, but not lifting the pans, etc.

Love,   LH

On Sat, Jan 31,  at 6:22 AM, debbie wrote:

So looking forward to our lunch!!!!!

49

Smiles, 30JAN

yeah God is all around …I stumbled into this conversation today – from a fellow (younger) scientist…  we had a great talk about HER – not me… so good…   and God sent beautiful snowflakes here too, smiles….

—–

From:x

Sent: Friday, January 30,  4:05 PM

To: Debbie

Sometimes I definitely feel a bit alone in being a Christian around here. I’m encouraged in your faith being a scientist. I feel like so many I meet just can’t believe because of “science”. I feel like the beauty of science and how it works just supports my faith in God even more.

x

—–Original Message—–
From: Debbie
Sent: Friday, January 30,  4:04 PM
To: x

Sure! And anytime you want to come talk I would love to sit down with you!!!!
Debbie

—–Original Message—–
From: x
Sent: Friday, January 30,  3:59 PM
To: Debbie

Thanks .
I love the prayers included and look forward to using them to pray… It is so crazy. Here AND around the world! Thanks for the info, I like to be as informed as possible!

x

48 (follow up to #47)

Email to Pastor et al.., an early observation that God was bringing thoughts and people and direction to me to climb…

LOL, Pastor, you sent me a five minute video… And I sent it to my friend… now I have to read this huge tome from Sir Isaac Newton, sent to me by my friend, a trusted soul advisor… He is an amazing scientist and philosopher…he is a Thomas Jefferson-Ben Franklin-Isaac Newton and true God believer who uses science to prove God…he walks the fine line with teaching science and God philosophy…thank God he has tenure! His lab was immediately next door to my lab back many years ago, and he lives in one of the houses in the neighborhood that my great grandfather and grandfather built -I have carpenters in my blood 🙂

But actually I only had to read pages 544-555, that’s it, to get the gist… Of God creating the universe…I will read the rest later…

Such a blessing…
Thanks again

—Dear Debbie,

A bit of Isaac Newton that I have my students read. Thanks for your thoughts and the video.

Thanks,

47 email to Pastor et al, 30JAN

Subject: Re: VIDEO: Atheists Confounded as MIT Scientist Offers Proof that God Exists!

Thanks Pastor – you are a true blessing to me – always were but I realize it more now…

Yeah – good concise video – great explanation of the universe…although I always worry when a scientist says “proof” because in real science theory there is no proof – just an ability to “disprove” a null hypothesis –  but that really doesn’t matter here and the video is really is a good explanation of the universe – and it is so clear to me that the big bang theory, evolution and God are totally in sync…  “something from nothing”…  (where nothing is a really BIG something – GOD!)  and I do appreciate the video scientist discussion that God still works in everyday life – and not in an existentialist point of view that something came from nothing and that nothing is still nothing – that God is dead…  I shall have really good discussion with my atheist friends – because they are my friends first and atheists second…

“Something from nothing” …  and yes, now I have to tell you of a God sighting from this video. you sent… I listen to a radio station online with a good mix of old rock and my favorite morning show and my favorite dj – edgy I know, but funny and makes the commute zip by… (besides the DJ is an ordained minister too and always says “God Bless the Grateful Dead” LOL – but I digress…).  So, there is this new song – I have been hearing over and over again – and I really like it (even though I am not a foo fighters fan at all… a huge band, but I never listened to their songs). This new song was played on the radio over and over again – it was strong and spoke to me right away and it amplifies from mellow to stronger and stronger – and yes it grows like the universe – it is called “Something From Nothing”   So there you are – when the video scientist said that phrase “something from nothing” – God got a STRIKE – in bowling terms  – yet more proof that God exists BIG TIME and thinks about me and reminds me that he is taking care of me …

 

My music tastes connect me to God every day – over and over again… the best part about God is that we appreciate Him – that we notice Him – that we tune ourselves into him… those who don’t are lacking and I also just read tonight in a quick scan of a book  “The Reason for God”, the author states that Hell is:  “soul disintegration that self-centeredness creates” – and he related the story in Luke 16 – Lazarus and the Rich Man – hell for the rich man is spiritual blindness, denial and no identity of God… even when he is IN hell, he cannot see why Lazarus is in heaven…  I see that Hell could really be “Nothing from Something” – bitterness and spiritual denial takes all the good somethings away…

I really don’t need much more proof that God is alive – but it is reassuring to see –  I just look all around and it is so evident to me – those “rocks cry out” – I have to praise what I see… I always did – but now I feel like I am screaming it – which I have to find my quiet voice again to tell it more calmly…  that is why I write – – I can’t get the words just yet – it comes out in bursts – but writing just flows….  I send these writings to about 12 people now – whom I have shared my story with – trusted souls – and that number is growing – every day I think of someone else I could encourage and say ‘look God does exist in the little things and the big things and we don’t need just tragedies to turn us to God,  God is there all the time for you…..”  I don’t want to turn anyone off – or be boastful – but it feels so gosh darn good…. I didn’t know I could get MORE joyful than I was – but it’s a true gift from God – I am getting “something bigger from already having something” – an underlying music track of praise in my brain and a music track of love in my soul… it’s childlike I know – but hey – everyone seems to call me “kiddo” anyway… 😉

Today a small wisp of snow on the turnpike – it wasn’t snowing so where did this set of wispy drifts come from?  it must have failed from trucks – but snow is snow and God danced the wisps around for me – just like in my poem from a few weeks ago – He reminded me that He is there in everything…

Wispy, Jan

up early leave early
a Northerner awakened
wispy white wondrous
snowdrifts dance on the untreated Turnpike
dancing under the direction of the wind
occasionally caught in the imperfections of the road

the Subaru danced me all the way to work

 

On Thu, Jan 29,  at 9:03 PM, Pastor  wrote:

http://blessings.buzz//01/27/video-atheists-confounded-as-mit-scientist-offers-proof-that-god-exists/#.VMq1W8UnCjY.mailto

46 email

Ah….and the best therapeutic talk tonight with my best friend, academic is his atheism…we had a really good tear-filled talk…he is awesome and loves me so much.. he was so encouraging…sent me a Cat Stevens song… told me to just be me…

If You Want To Sing Out Sing Out – Cat Stevens – …: https://youtu.be/NDq36YD1ESM

45

Roll Easter Rollercoaster, 29JAN

God signed me up for an Easter rollercoaster…bought me the ticket, moved the coaster right to me…they say God can move mountains, but when he moves them deliberately INTO your path, you take notice…I noticed. It’s time for me to ride the ride and tackle the Easter mountain…and it is time for me to accept Jesus 100%, not just at 99.44%, where I am currently holding on. I got the Christmas part down now… Jesus is real to me now, been an awesome merry-go-round. Amen.

Easter is my rollercoaster… Hop on.

I also plan to try to pull in extra rollercoaster riders to travel with me. Actually, there are lots of people I want to ride with…

Do you LOVE old wooden rollercoasters??!!! The slow ascend, the bumpy bone jarring rattles, the click click click as you come to a screeching halt, glad it’s done. YOU LIVED! and so so ready to ride again…. It’s the closest thing to tempting death … with a thrill of escaping death to ride again. Got a wooden cross? I got a wooden rollercoaster. I realized that you take out the letters “rco” from “RollErcoASTER”, and you get “Roll Easter” (why or why do I notice these things at 2am, then get forced to take to my processing therapy writing?)…anyway…
Wouldn’t it be great to go ride an old coaster? Yup, the trip to nowhere which is somewhere…talkshow host Larry King used to say “Altoona, go ahead” to the phone callers…Well, there is something big near Altoona…MY rollercoaster…MY childhood rollercoaster…the Skyliner…dismantled from my childhood park…rebuilt in this little park in Altoona…..there are actually four coasters there, one being the oldest in the world. I rode the Skyliner with my cousin every summer, when we visited my Aunt and Uncle for a week. One time we rode like 23 times in one day…there was a huge rainstorm, but then cleared…and cleared out the park…talk about the best day ever as a kid (remind me to tell you about the rutabagas some other time)…

Once a friend and I rode a double coaster both times together…because you can never ride alone…you shouldn’t ride alone…you might slip out of the seat… I approach Easter this way too…with friends for help, ask them to pull on my seatbelt. I want to use this opportunity to seek out… I really want to be a fellow rider for so many now… to help them not slip out of their ride… to pull their seatbelt a little tighter into life… I don’t know if I can do this, if I can get thru to everyone who crosses my path… I will pray on this, pray for the right words, right opportunity to speak, pray that others continue to draw these folks in and engage them in life, pray that I might have any impact as an encourager… a seat belt tightener…

Well, I am in this Easter rollercoaster ride cue now…I’ve had a couple of months now to walk in my faith closer to the gate…I’ve got my ticket validated… I really am going to accept Jesus as my Lord and savior…I so want to drink that cup. I so want this rollercoaster ride.

I LOVE old wooden rollercoasters… and YES I want to see and feel this bumpy ride…feel that old wooden rugged cross… I want EASTER.

As I practice this new balance of spirituality I am practicing stretching… not to connect with my inner Zen, but to connect with my forgotten inner C-section muscles…

Breathe at all times, full deep breathes…

My neighbor (who works out 7am every morning) offered to help me, one week we did aerobics, one week stretching…very comfortable setting to reintroduce myself into exercise – which, until I stopped a couple of years ago, I really enjoyed and gave me greater energy…

I need that energy again…and I am afraid for my health…so many close folks with diabetes, heart issues… I wonder if I am next…

At my neighbors, I had rescue dogs who licked my feet, questioned my downward dog, and gave me the comic relief I needed, especially Bear, a giant puppy, a Burmese MOUNTAIN dog…who plunked down next to me ready to pray… I mean play…

I took the tape home, to practice more frequently than once a week… Here I bump into furniture… and at first had to endure the family members giggling…but I pushed thru that…slowly they just might accept…understand what/why this time and place makes it easier to practice…

Addition of the breath…that’s important.  That’s most important in sharing spirituality too…get the deep breathe in to push thru the conversation you know you want to have, and exhale and listen to how your message is received.

Sometimes you take warrior pose, sometimes child’s pose to come back to your breathe…
The instructor on the tape says “we want to be challenged, but never straining”… Yup, that’s Christianity too…just breathe and move…keep the movement fluid.

“The light in me salutes the light in you.”

43

Email from a friend, 27JAN

Thanks, I am all choked up…I know that I am only a product of HIS light shining through me

Thanks

On Jan 27,  10:42 AM, “L” wrote:
Thank you Debbie, this is a beautiful essay full of gratitude written by you (you have the writer’s talent here ) but felt by many I am sure.  We often do not thank those we take for granted, but that is a dangerous practice, I feel all of us should put more gratitude in our attitude.  That being said, I want to say a collective thank you from myself and many others( I am sure ) to you for all you do for our church.  Most of all I want to say thanks for the positive , encouraging and EXCITED optimism that you bring to everything you have a hand in, and that’s a lot!
There are many of us in the church who admire you and are thankful for you ~ some ( like me ) wish we had just a smidgen of your energy, but God has blessed us all differently and abundantly and you definitely use your talents for the greater good.

It is a blessing to know you and love you.  God Bless,

L.

 

42 God Decorated my Christmas Tree, 27JAN

Oh crud (not the word I used)…I just realized that this is nor’EASTER snow…not Christmas snow but Easter snow….guess Easter’s roller coaster is here for me to start my ride…  😉

I see God decorated my Christmas tree even more beautifully then I could have ever done…. Countless tiny decorations…Not the snow amounts I expected, but the snow I needed, and it’s still coming…and I thank God for SNOW and Christmas…

41

Weird Dreams, Snow and Jesus, 26JAN

I am so impatient – I am waiting for this snow – I want the fluffy snow that quiets life – makes things still – the snow I wrote about previously: “…waiting for the snow for those who enjoy the quiet – enjoy the sound-dampening air-pocket filled piles of big beautiful fluffy flakes covering the muddy-ucky ground – absorbing sounds – preventing hustle and bustle and causing peaceful quiet all around. no driving, no school, no work, no fuss, the world takes a rest. World peace exists. Perhaps you might hear God say “Be Still and Know that I am God”

Well – school is pre-cancelled – the boss already knows I am not coming into work and I have both my computer and enough vacation time to take… but on principle they promised a foot of snow and we have barely an inch… ugh
I am impatient with God too – I both want Him to speed up and to slow down… I am wishing that God would slow down and let me stay on my calm Christmas merry go round – where I FINALLY accepted Jesus (Praise the Lord) – I am telling God – slow down – I am not ready for Easter yet – THAT roller coaster – I have to wait in line for it – are you sure it is my time? I keep asking God… and yet God moved so quickly and moved my challenging mountain right in front of me – where I couldn’t go anywhere but up… he threw the ropes down and he gave me so many wonderful guides – and yet I hesitate – not trusting God fully… God says “GO!” So, yes – I know I am to climb THIS year – but THIS Easter – I thought it would take years but God said “GO!” …..

…….and so I want to go now – I want to just climb climb climb – I want the SNOW – I know that God never promised snow – I am impatient… I have all I need and yet I want more… God laughs – He won’t give me my snow until I deserve it.

But oh – to have that gentle fluffy white pristine snow…. NO! – I have wind – I have granular sticky slippery slope snow… God sent 50 mph gusts – going to blow me up that mountain if I keep pausing…

I became bold enough to speak yesterday about my spiritual growth and I didn’t even need my words – my Pastor could tell!! – he could tell that I had been changed by God – that I was so different – oh the joy we both felt was SO wonderful – He described Naaman to me – from Kings (and God-sightingly one of our VBS stories this year) – how Naaman had to not only dip himself into the river – he had to let himself go – he had to 100% completely let go – get himself out of the way -allow God to baptize him – and he had to BELIEVE 100% – well that is so much of the way I am feeling – I got myself out of the way by studying and finding where I lacked faith and found the faith – and yet my toes are just so barely touching the bottom of the river – I am so barely holding on – I am like ivory soap at only 99.44% pure – I am so so close – I WILL get there! I know it is God’s time – and I am to be patient… I just want to let myself GO – I feel I have to share my story and I know the people who are next to hear it – it is incremental – it is fast and slow – it is deliberate – it is in God’s time… with God’s words…

A crazy dream I had two nights ago – my unconscious dreaming finishes up random thoughts of mine – no I don’t think that God is speaking through angels in my dream – I think I am finishing thoughts – gluing them together – wrapping up loose ends…. a wacky dream and a profound dream back to back on Friday night – first wacky – I was being berated by the nicest person – randomness – about a rope hanging from a projector screen – no connection I can find with that – but the people and I have a connection – and the one yelling at me in that scene was the person being scolded a few weeks back for some misunderstanding by the other person in that scene – that seemed to be odd to me – and I spoke out to the one doing the scolding… and just a minute later everything was fine – laughter and no harm no foul – but that scolding – perhaps that populated my loose end random dream is what I accept and I move on…

THEN – the not so random dream came next – a VERY prophetic dream to me – I was hearing music – hearing Warren Zevon music and all of a sudden he was there – I think of Warren Zevon in his last days – his last album and “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” song rendition – knowing he had terminal illness – month to live at the most… how poignant … knowing you are going quickly to death. well – the music played and Warren Zevon was close to me – and the music played – there was a lyric about Jesus and I stopped to over-analyze – and somehow rewinded the music as if I had a cd player in my brain- and I listened to the song part over and over again – and oh how I wish I could remember the song when I woke up – the only stretch of the lyric I could remember was “come to Jesus – come and drink my cup”. and Jesus was walking towards me and holding the chalice and enticing me to drink from the cup. …. and then I woke up – UGH – I so wanted to just drink from that cup – UGH I now wish I had grabbed it and gulped – impatient!!!! Why did I wake up???? BUT – it was the most gentle beckoning in the dream – gently and “dreamy” – I was less than a foot away from Jesus when I woke up… so tried to repeat the dream – but it was gone…

No – I don’t believe it was any saintly vision – I feel it was ME wanting to draw closer – to “drink the kool-aid??” as they say??? I do feel it was me wanting to finish this journey and drink the cup – let go of that ledge with my toes in the river and just float – I so want that – I will get there – I am 99.44% – 99.44% is Ivory SNOW! UGH – “SNOW” – I just connected that in my brain – thanks God – you are ever present in my mind – and you pull it together when I try to unravel it… I need to be the one that “lets it happen” and doesn’t “make it happen”…. “Be still and know that I am God”

Christianity is a journey – ongoing – forever a trek – no promises for easy walks – sometimes a roller coaster – sometimes waiting impatiently until you accept – Maya Angelo wrote about Christianity: “It is in the search itself that one finds ecstasy”

My snow – God will bring it and float me in it – and make me 100% pure – I just have to let myself go…. snow…..

40 – VBS email #2, 25Jan

Everest – Vacation Bible School  –

Every year, one month prior to our summer vbs, we get to hear the reveal of the newest “easy vbs” kit from Group Publishing for the following year…when hearing “Everest”…Conquering Challenges with God Almighty Power…we got excited and knew that this was the perfect theme for us here at church!
Everest involves climbing, camping and snow (yes, you all know snow lovers even if you aren’t one), but Most Importantly it involves CONQUERING CHALLENGES…that is something so central to who we are as a church, who we are as Christians, and where we are going on our life-climbing journey. We can faithfully plug in anywhere here on this VBS journey.

Climbing and conquering challenges is not done alone. We have heard horror stories of those who go off the marked trails by themselves, of the avalanches-the catastrophies caused by snow, misguidedness and by life….we need help…we need a solid base camp (that’s YOU our whole church family) – we need YOU as our base camp to help us safely climb, to give us direction, to nourish us, to pray for us. We need YOU in our base camp for your experience and advice.

We all know we aren’t supposed to climb alone. Last year when calling out…so many were found… so many stepped up to the plate…These are our climbing buddies….This year we are all going on an expedition together, to not only climb the mountain, to conquer challenges with God’s power, but also to lead an expedition – it is our most important climb EVER – a mission to bring so many new people (young and not-so-young) with us to experience God’s Almighty Power and God’s Unfailing Love.

We are going to rely on our spiritual sherpas, our expedition guides, as well as our church base camp to collectively carry out this mission.

We hope you will join us! Look for more specifics in the months to follow. Please join us in this quest, whether as part of the base camp or as part of the expedition team. We are all in it together.
AMEN!

 

this is an email chain soon after I realized I was awakening and my pastor knew it without asking – he didnt’ know where I was – nor did I – but he noticed the spirit change in me…  cool…

39

Told my Pastor – rather he told ME!

—–Original Message—–

To: Pastor
From: debbie
Sent: Sun, Jan 25,

wow wow wow  I was still reeling from our conversation after the dinner tonight and how you said you noticed….  wow

smiling from ear to ear!

I even had to share after with our friends xxx – who were waiting with me for youth group to finish up  – so excited to tell my tale – one by one – individually – personally – because that is how I so connect with people…

I am so glad you shared some of your personal story in your sermon – like I said that is what reaches me…

I am going to send you some of my writings – not want to overwhelm you – and these are going to some day go into something bigger – but right now I am sharing them personally with certain people…

thanks!!!  love ya!

this was an email discussion where I was realizing that the Lord lined up a theology professor as one of my facebook and church friends – the right person at the right time to “show me the data” about who wrote the new testament – critical in my understanding of the “realness” of Jesus.

38

Future discussion planned with my professor

On Jan 25,  2:06 PM, Professor wrote:
These are the kinds of things I know a lot about. 🙂

—–Original Message—–
From: debbie
Sent: Sun, Jan 25,
Subject: Banned Bible

Oh boy, history channel… Random tv flipping while up home visiting…funny to come across this show, banned bible on the History Channel.. flipping between this and 80s videos on VH1 classic

They talked abot Marcion creating his own Bible…banning the old testament… “marcion’s eraser”

And in Oct 28, 312….conquering Constantine becomes Christian…looking for order and unity…to bring all people together… He summoned all the bishops, Nicea…Jesus was declared man and God.

Eucebius ???…church history, 18 books…which should be accepted… Which are heretical…

You know, my father would see the TV show “Happy Days” reruns that I would watch after school, and say ” that’s not accurate – that’s not how the fifties were”….one has to wonder about those types of discussions at Nicea, how romanticized the Bible writings were….1800 bishops invited, 200-300 showed….

Hmmm….

37

Climbing Mountains, VBS, 25Jan

Did you ever feel like you had a mountain-sized challenge in your life? Did you ever ask God why? Why do I have this struggle? health problem? issue? dark hour?
I ask this question, and you possibly do too…

And although a mountain can be right in front of you, God can give you the tools, put fellow climbers alongside you… He sends down the ropes, and say “It’s time to climb…the only way is up!”

Having been a child, I know our collective children have these challenges too – and they are just beginning their lives and hopefully realization of their journeys with God. They have miles ahead of them…and they need YOUR help! They need OUR help! Our church Vacation Bible School strives to put our collective children on the right path of discipleship, a life-long journey.

“Everest, Conquering Challenges with God’s Almighty Power!” will be an EPIC adventure. We will challenge the children and we will be challenged ourselves…we can share our mountain climbing experiences and success stories, and be their spiritual sherpas to guide their way.

We ask you to join us, as part of our church base camp, supporting the climb. Perhaps you would like to join us that week as a helper, mountain guide…we would love have you join our team!

Friends, please remember that God can move mountains…Mark 11:23 “I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. ”

 

36

Wifi, first-second Peter, and Sermons, 24JAN

Strange to find the tablet picking up somebody’s WIFI at 430am…it’s not in this house that we are visiting, perhaps a neighbor…  At 430am, everyone is sleeping, except me, no phone battery to connect you to the outside world…no flashlight for a book, well thought I could play a game on the kindle…. Ok…. WIFI? Well that was a surprise! Now what could I look up?  Ok, been meaning to actually read the Bible more, good time for that…Peter I thought, been thinking of Peter a lot, his imperfections, my imperfections…

Except for that tough to digest first Peter 3rd chapter about wives and husbands, the advice is good…especially second Peter, the seven traits – Christian life goals…

What speaks to me is not just the advice, but the way it is framed…Peter says “my dear friends,”…that makes all the difference in advice giving… a term of familiarity and comfort with your audience, a term that shows your concern for them…you are telling them for their good, not for your personal gain. Your audience may actually listen and take the advice to heart…

I am a thinker with a good memory but I connect the emotional content of conversations, meetings to my memories…both at work and at home…I can tell you the tone of voice, the reactions of the people… this is attached to the dialogs in my head. That’s just the way I am.

Just like a Bible study or sermon given from the heart, when the audience is in the right frame of mind, private conversations have tremendous impact when you connect on a personal level.  I have benefitted from sermons and advice which have spoke to me…came from a trusted source…and had emotion-backed truth that made it stick. So much of me wants to gush in overflow about my personal spiritual experience, as if I had won the lottery… like you want to release a huge bombshell, but no, that would fall flat or worse cause bombs to be lobbed back towards me. I shared just a little info that I learned about Biblical writing history with a friend and got the response of: “she’s just a scientist, she doesn’t know God”, well it could of hurt my feelings but I just laughed it off, but that taught me that you have to frame your message – know your audience…   I have to have the armor of God for both those who think they know him and for those who don’t.

The Serenity prayer prays for wisdom to know the difference between thing you can change and things you can’t. I want to urge other certain someones I know to speak more personally, share their emotional attachments to the scripture lessons… because that works for me… but that is tough to do for some…seems easier and easier for me…but only one on one… if I spoke to a wide audience I think I would have to pick out someone in the crowd as if I were speaking to them personally, as a friend.  I pray for the Holy Spirit to give me words…the Serenity prayer for wisdom… And not my Blarney Stone gift of gab to blow it… to look for the small cracks in conversation, like a gentle breeze… Peter found his voice in between first and second Peter, I should too… I will get there, I will keep writing for now… But some day, I will be able to be bold and say “My dear friends”…

35 an email to Pastor (a few days before I told him about my spiritual growth)
From: debbie
Date: Thu, Jan 22
Subject: Feeding our Church Family, 22 Jan
To: Pastor

Hi Pastor, I write allot these days…it is a good dumping of my brain on to “paper”..  Sometimes essays, sometimes random thoughts…

I hope to share some with you sometime..

This one I wanted to share today…with you, and perhaps I will share with council of ministries folks…either individually or collectively, to say thank you.

I have been thinking about the stewardship meeting I crashed earlier this week, the VBS meeting, and the council of ministries meeting next week… and how I wish to encourage our church and ministry leadership…as I have been blessed to have a supportive church family and wish all people could feel the closeness and love that I do.

So this essay is called:

Feeding our Church Family, 22 Jan

A friend of mine is struggling…  has no church family – lost/tossed away her religion years ago and has been shaken by multiple stressful situations lately, with very few people to turn to…  So, through all this, I am reminded how blessed I am that I have my immediate and extended family, my friends, and I ALSO have a wonderful church family.  I have amazing supportive friends at work – and the most loving supportive family and friends… but my church family is where I can freely speak of God’s amazing work in my life and where I see and call out God working in others’ lives. I know it is tough for churches to keep track of everyone – but a strong network of support is the backbone (the safety net) of the church – that is Christians living in communal care of each other.

A different friend recently said she didn’t believe in God but kinda believed in Heaven and Hell – well, hmmm… – I know she is a good person and always “thinks good thoughts” when others are praying…  it reminded me of a hypothetical depiction I once heard – where heaven and hell have the same things – there are tables heaping with plentiful food – and giant long chopsticks. In hell, the people are starving and hungry and can’t eat because they can’t get the long chopsticks filled with food to their own mouths.  BUT, in heaven, the people sit at the tables of nourishing food and use the same long chopsticks….  but these heaven-dwellers and are super happy and well fed – because they share the food with each other – they use their long chopsticks across the table to feed the others – and they themselves are fed by others’ generous outreach.

Surely this generous outreach found in Heaven also pertains to our churches – to the communities which grow due to the purposeful nourishment of each other – to the church families who are actively involved in knowing each other’s business – not in a pushy nosy way but in a caring considerate way.  This cross-table feeding of fellow churchgoers is not JUST exchanging pleasantries on a Sunday morning in collective worship – it includes partaking in the many opportunities to emotionally bond, nourish each other, and to explore living communally as Christians.

I am grateful for those in the church who are constantly sharing their God-given talents and spiritual gifts on both the small and large scale. I have witnessed and I appreciate when my family and I have been fed spiritually by our church family and I appreciate the opportunities we have had to use our God-given talents to share with others.   When one does not feel fed by their church experience, they slip away…  It is not a deliberate act of leaving – it is just a quiet slipping away… people get caught up in the hustle and bustle – they forget to come to the table to get fed – they think sometimes that they are all ready full and satisfied and forget that they should come back to the table anyway to talk, to pick up the chopsticks and feed others. So I praise and thank all of you church leaders, ministry leaders, and all those people in the middle who are feeding our church family members everyday – I appreciate both when the regular diners are fed and when our church family recognizes that occasional diner who is still hungry and intercedes before they leave the table and start to drift away…

A kitchen worker may set up the tables and then set out beautiful and scrumptious foods for dinner. The partakers in the feast will not only enjoy the meal but also appreciate that this wonderful dinner was available to them. They will tell their friends that they were fed at church not only on food but in friendship, kindness, and a sense of community – an outward sign of sharing God’s love.

A music leader sets out the tracks and the chords, the musicians follow the conductors lead – and when they come together and they feed off each other’s musical talents, the sound is harmonious and is bolstered by their mutual enthusiasm. Sometimes, there are subtle reminders by the music leader in between sections of the song – so that the musicians remember to keep on track or to move onto the next section… These quiet reminders are so important – and the end product is a beautiful song that holds together.  Subtle and not so subtle reminders are also needed to stay on track with our faith journey – so that we stay true and become the best we can be. It takes our ministry leaders to remind us to move and be challenged in our faith – to grow and encourage others to grow…  harmoniously…

Thank you, our community of church ministry leaders and workers alike. You set up the tables, and encourage the others to come eat…you provide opportunities for members to become effective as Christians and together we can be harmonious and spirit-led. You enable the continual growth of God’s love.  Thank you.

34

Mon, Jan 19 –
Ok we had ice, we had rain, can you pray for snow for me? Thanks. Someone said to me “this has been a terrible winter”, at the same time I thought-“when is winter actually going to come?” We all have our own takes on life, don’t we 😉

Rain, a Floating Rain, 18JAN

Been thinking (a lot) about rain today… pouring rain and God’s rain (and reign)… the rain washed away the ice from this morning’s ice storm, my section has a great flood plain built in so that no houses get flooded, the rain allowed me to check out my newly re-attached rain gutters (they work!), and I thought about my future rain barrel project.  The song at church was “let your mercy rain on me”. My friend from college posted a rain quote about digging drainage ditches for all God’s rain. And I had written a piece about my Christmas flood one month ago yesterday.

I have been thinking of how to explain my spiritual growth this past month. Today is one month and one day after that Christmas flood essay, where I explain how so much good “God rain” fell on me and how I hope I can make it last… I have been thinking about God, the Holy Spirit and figuring out my acceptance of Jesus in this spiritual growth NON -STOP for over a month, not one day goes by when I don’t think about this. Every thought when I am not thinking of something else…”what is wrong with me?” Or is it “what is right with me?”… Everything is reframed in my new balance of life.

How am I going to describe this new thought train? I did not ask for this, but I allowed it to happen. I thought it is like low hanging heavy gas which sinks down and permeates… Like poisonous gas? Like fog? No…it is NOT poison or cloudy… it is life-enriching and clear… it is like rain. Yup, rain into my brain… Ugh, why does brain have to have the word rain in it? Instantly I noticed that just now. After the letter “B”, as in “Be still and know that I am God”, comes R A I N. It’s nourishing rain, but not drowning rain… instead, the rain has floated me up…the rain water has blocked more negative, non-nutritive thoughts. The rain in my brain is washing me clean and floating me closer to God.

This rain from God, I hope others can understand how it has helped me, floated me…and filled those tiny crevices in my head. Time to take some thoughts out, and set then aside to dry. Time to plant new seeds. Time to share some of my rain with others… maybe my writings are like my future rain barrel… they give me something to pour out when rain is needed in a parched dried soul of one of my friends.

Yeah, rain… RAIN on me, REIGN in me, REIN me in.

Thanks, God, for all of it.

33

Last induction of the Christmas tree glow…  I am going to have to take this tree down soon – not taking it down until sunday 🙂 or maybe monday….

This is a piece has been in my head for years (25 yrs probably) – with the new additions – it is long but it flowed, it is a deliberate piece… I had to get it out – I brainstormed it a few days ago – and now it is written – nearly uninterrupted 2hrs writing last night, 2hrs editing/writing this morning – so good to get this one out of my soul!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!

this piece is about losing a religion – but retaining – gaining – regaining a spirituality – there is a very very very important difference!!!

How I Lost My Religion, 17JAN
If you sense any burning in my voice in some of these pieces, it’s because I feel the hot glue gun that God is dripping on me to force me to get some of these harder pieces together – to force me to get them out, set them on a shelf and move forward…  Sometimes it is like “throwing up on paper” – get it out and then clean it up – and you will feel MUCH better…

I have a few friends who appear to have never had a religion… never got a religious or even a spiritual upbringing.  I, on the other hand, have the religious upbringing but my spirituality is self taught, God has shown me beauty in all things…pretty easy for me to believe in God. One such friend, who doesn’t believe in God, says she can’t “pray” for people when she sees strife – but she does think good thoughts for them. Although she doesn’t believe in God, she thinks there is a heaven and a hell… Well, at least she has some structure in her lack of belief system, hmmm….

Being Catholic was not always easy (that’s not unique to me, I now realize) – it was all I knew for a while as a child – but growing up in a progressive, international and diverse community that was and is my hometown, it was inevitable that I would have access to people of many faiths.  My family on my Dad’s side was catholic by default – from Irish background – and my father and his 5 brothers all attended our school/church (their 8th grade graduation photos line the walls of the school)….  my mother had no religion – and I remember at my grandmother’s passing the discussion that they were pretty sure she was baptized – even though there was no religion – there was an underlying spirituality that I saw existed at funerals. My mom had to go through baptism, confirmation and pre-cana all in one to marry my dad.

At Catholic school and in church as a child, I was taught that to worship you had to sit on your hands. Yup, I can remember Father John instructing us to: stand, put our hands behind us, then sit down.  Father John was in the service club with my father and bridged both the worlds of being a regular-type person and a priest . Yes, I was grateful that I have the religious background and I would never trade most of my life trials for anything now – but sometimes I wonder if what I learned was truly good for me.  I was glad that my parents weren’t super religious about going to church – my father didn’t like the sermons, he said.  Since I went to catholic school, I didn’t have to go to CCD class.  As a school, we would walk two blocks to church on feast days. One week my brother pulled altar boy duty at 7am every morning for a week, so my mom said “This makes up for lots of the times we missed”.  I remember often the prevailing emotions in my life experiences- but not always the facts that surround those events. I have social awareness naturally and my book knowledge is self-taught.

My long hours in forced mass attendance did benefit me to this day – I learned to sit (on my hands) and do nothing – and to sit and not fall asleep and to sit and just let my mind go. It was a Godsend to learn how to sit still – an hour at a time – charting the time going by – making it easier to sit through college and grad school classes and boring seminars later on… let your mind go – but don’t move and don’t appear to be not paying attention… got that down – thanks catholic upbringing… don’t remember the sermons. I remember the rote memorized prayers and the tune of the most wonderful arrangement of the Lord’s Prayer… I remember my first communion – so special… sat right up in front – I remember my pink dress, my white gloves and carrying the tray… I remember the bells rung by the altar boys – their white robes and SAM’s instruction to look up before looking down in prayer.  I remember my favorite retelling of the Easter resurrection story told in different parts by the many priests – it must have been special if more than one priest showed up that mass!  I remember the faces of the priests – the young ones who came in the 70’s in their scruffy hippie style – as well as the demeanor of the older priests.

Father C was our pastor – he was there for over 25 years – very nice man – good with the financial and social aspects of running a church – he once ran a stamp club for us in school – I remember him teaching us the word “philately”. He also had us make unleavened bread for our class’s first communion. I remember the gift of a special rosary, reciting the Hail Mary like there was no tomorrow. I loved the school carnival – my mom ran the rummage sale – my father made  “Dandy Candy Apples”.  I remember spending my money on games, raffles, winning a pink and grey afghan and those old Italian ladies yelling “Hot pizza fritta’s ! – Get’em while they’re hot!”   And the bingo… the smoke-choking filled gym in which parents were forced to work – “shake’em up” the permanent fixture bingo ladies would yell. It’s not just attending Mass that defined my catholic upbringing.

Catholic church Masses at college weren’t the same – first off, it was too far across the main thoroughfare of our tiny town –they were held at the other school across the way  – a 70’s incarnation of a church – modern with no stained glass saints which you could study while sitting through that long hour mass – no families – just college kids – guilt brought Catholics to church  and I guess these kids were no exception – they had been guilted well.  A few times I attended – not really worth the trip….

Then a friend said – let’s try the local community church – for all denominations…  first and foremost, we ran into our professors – whoa! – my chemistry and biology advisors – their families – other professors – community members…  there was a WOMAN minister – with children’s time at the beginning of the service – when the stories were entertaining for the children and enriching for the adults. There was the coffee hour afterwords – say what???  My catholic upbringing had none of this – and you call yourselves Christians, lol?  Drinking coffee together?  Shaken – but happy to see that the people were happy… WAIT where’s the guilt?  HEY – didn’t you have to go to confession before you were allowed to have that communion???  Yes I was raised with tolerance, compassion for my fellow man and an open eye view of the people of the world – but coffee and talking after church with cookies?  where was this in my catholic upbringing?  Again I don’t remember the sermons but as an emotional learner – I remember Rev D – I remember the personal connections – her reassuring smile and the people’s faith in what was preached.

World Religions class in junior year was a pass/fail formality for me – some easy credits to accumulate –  it wasn’t part of my core classes, so my major professor, chemistry teacher and overall good egg, Dr B, let me take it pass/fail to reduce my stress levels, knowing that my energy had to be focused on P-Chem and Biochem and oh yeah – that new boyfriend of mine 😉 … World religions was an eye opener to my catholic apartment-mate – she never heard of half these religions  where as I luckily knew people in my hometown who practiced them  – diversity in your upbringing makes a HUGE difference… For some strange reason, the world religions professor loved my writing – that had never happened before – I whizzed through class – left after 20 minutes during the final exam to the horror looks of the other exam takers – “it’s ok” I said out loud to the exam takers and again to the professor, “It’s OK! I am only taking this pass/fail and I have to study for Chem….”  😉

Back to that boyfriend…  time for marriage… time to find a church back home… we had moved back to my hometown to start our grad school careers.   Well my beloved childhood fairytale wedding – in my home church – stained glass, was dripping with flying wood buttresses – and faithful Father C…  Fairytale wedding? not so fast…  our first or second meeting… there was  “the paper”… Guess what, my fiancée was Methodist (born Presbyterian and transferred to Methodism) – that’s not Catholic… hmmm…  There was/is one Christ right?  Hmmm… not catholic… Not just a formality to breeze over this oversight on my part, a few extra Hail Mary’s on his behalf – no, I had to sign a paper – had to promise to raise my kids catholic – WAIT!  KIDS? WHAT KIDS?  Yup, they were pre-calling me on the carpet… Where was my upbringing? Where was my faith? Where were the tenants of my religion? If I wasn’t true to my religion then how could I be true to anything??  Discouraged – looked down upon for my situation – no mercy from Father C.  I know others had been in the same boat – but worse – not able to get married in the catholic church.  My future husband was supposed to sign away his rights to raise our kids in his faith – he didn’t actually have to sign the paper, just verbally agree… hmmm…  My Dad said -“Eh, just sign it – whatever” with the thought that it really didn’t matter what I signed – it was a later decision… My Dad’s words of wisdom were – “Your Mother always wanted you to be married in a church – don’t disappoint your Mother” … there it is folks – was I to lie to God to make sure I get married in a church?… No, that was one thing I couldn’t do – lie to God – nope – so I didn’t sign it – I didn’t even call Father C back up – I just wrote a letter retracting my request to be married in my home church – I lost my fairytale wedding I thought – move on…

The REM song “Losing My Religion” – That’s Me in the Corner – That’s Me in the Spotlight – Losing My Religion – yes, that was my theme song for 1991-1992.  Profound and prophetic – coincidence or music therapy?  Let me be clear – it was not just my lack of willingness to sign the dotted line about my unknown unplanned kid’s religion – but it was truly a year’s long process of my disagreements with the tenants of the Catholic church – with the heresy disguised as traditions – with my opposing views on euthanasia and abortion – sure I liked the Pope (John Paul II), but I really had been losing faith in my Catholic religion for years….   The forced paper for the wedding was the last straw.  My biggest argument then and now is – ‘It doesn’t matter whether you go grocery shopping –  to X or Y (two local stores) – it is the same food, just different packaging. That is the difference in these Christian religions – same food – same take home message – but packaged different – repurposed rebranded for a particular store.’  It was so clear then and now that Catholicism had its stronghold on churches and people but Christianity was and is much bigger than an individual church and an individual religion.  It was a good effort on my part to harden my heart and to tell myself it didn’t matter – but with the  REM song in my head – IT HURT – it really hurt to lose my religion.

Methodism – yes – an opening at the Methodist church – same date – same Christ – beautiful church – and actually this was the same church where my Godfather’s wife – a Methodist – attended…  He did sign that paper – he took his kids to catholic church himself without his wife – she went to the Methodist church and he came to catholic mass – equal but different – a testament to the strength of faith in one’s own religion and the strength of marriage – they agreed to be separate to be together – she agreed to it – and he was and is a wonderful loving dad and godly man – and they are still amazing in their togetherness, and their kids are amazing too.

The Methodist church – a beautiful church for a wedding – and guess what? Recovering Catholic – guess what?  ALL the “pre-Cana”-like classes we had were filled with former Catholics – talk about an exodus…  nearly all couples had a former catholic – including one whom I went to catholic school with. The term “Recovering Catholic” was how my librarian friend and work study mentor described herself way before I became a “Recovering Catholic” – a term I still use today – when people ask my religion – I say I attend the Methodist church – we practice Methodism – I was raised on Bingo but now I am into covered dish suppers…

Methodism – just a year or so after we got married a new pastor came to town – a spitfire – the most powerful preacher I have ever met – and also a great mom and grandma and pastor too. She lit up a room when she preached and brought me to tears so many times – especially in my later years through horrid grad school experiences… I still want to re-hear her Christmas sermon with children about gold frankincense and mud – I can’t remember why the mud – but I remember the emotions – the power.  Her Baptist-raised, Southern-bred soulful fire brought personal heart-touching stories – ones I long to hear again.  Methodism is yes, methodical but it like any sermon can be personalized and the result is unmatched in my opinion.  My good high school friend, now a Pastor, happened to attend as well – a friend who herself is a preacher now in the cold north country.  Her dad passed away suddenly quite young and the most vivid words from Rev RD will always be with me – “It Sucks!”   Yup, there is no way around it – there are good words to give at funerals – but when it comes down to it – “IT SUCKS” to have a family member die – a Dad – with so much more spirited life to live. She was grieving with the whole church in addition to the family – she showed us that it is ok to grieve his loss – it is ok to cry – it is ok to trust God too while we mourn. Those sentiments echoed in my head a week or so ago at another friend’s 51 year old mother’s funeral – it sucked for the family – our current church’s Pastor was visibly moved by the emotion in the congregation at the service – it was a therapeutic cry for all.

…..

There are more verses for this essay which are not lived yet – more stories for people who believe and who don’t believe –

 

Why? I ask: Why do we cling to religions that provide structure but provide strife? Why are people forced into pigeon holes of beliefs when it was supposed to be one church! and yet, I have found that many people are not schooled in why there are different religions anyway – they just find a place that they like the people and the pastor and stick with it for a while – there are some people who are hardfast into one religion – but others are just floaters…

 

It was a good effort on my part to harden my heart 20-25 years ago and to tell myself it didn’t matter that I lost my religion – but with that REM song in my head – it really hurt to lose my religion – and it DOES matter that I lost my way.

See there are more verses – more dos-i-dos – more losses and regains to be found for me and for others…. this is a good time to stop this essay – regroup and them come back…

Religion is not a fairy tale – beliefs gets lost in the shuffle – religion is nice while it lasts.. but it just doesn’t sustain me like spirituality….  God’s Spirit in us is what really matters…

32 (make sure to read #31 before this)

This is an important follow up to last night’s post… It is not lost on me that while hot tea would be appropriate to drink here on the cozy couch by the Christmas tree (I wrote this after I got home from the ice storm) that instead the extra drink from my kids’ happy meal is (yes) ICE tea… I am drinking ICE tea…

And God Sent ICE, 18Jan

After my fails at belaying and trusting during rock climbing, I couldn’t wait to get back this morning to try again. Luckily we stayed overnight; I had good therapy of silly moms until 1am, a good solid five hours sleep. We had 2 hours to climb in the morning. but I knew I had to leave an hour early to get to church class… and because of Girl Scout falling ill with fever, I was leaving even earlier – which meant only half an hour of climbing for my daughter… she was not happy at the least because rock climbing appears to be her life calling now…

But then God sent ICE. Icy freezing rain covering everything… Church  at 8 o’clock cancelled 9 o’clock canceled… I zip through social media , phone calls, texts … will my 10 o’clock class be cancelled too?.. prayerfully hoping (not that we should have left anyway because the roads were the worst…  shut downs, many car pileups)… ICE…terrible to say, but the JOY as I knew they would cancel, and they did… I could tell my daughter that she could climb the whole two hours… and climb she did, wow she is amazing!

After the flurry of texting etc about church canceled, I turned my attention to myself… it was time to retrain, refocus, retest … it was time to belay again, this time I was so determined, practiced and said I will belay my own daughter… I will never take my eye off of her… I would give my whole hand to keep her from falling… not worry about a possible pinch like I got last night. Well, she was too exhausted, I asked for a volunteer… guess what?  The daughter of my friend who I left hanging last night when I pinched my hand… she is the one who volunteered… yes I would give my hand for this daughter too…
With steady, even-keeled serious Keith our trainer, by my side, we started the test… she climbed, I belayed, I gave her advice for foot holds… I had good technique Keith assured me… I didn’t take my eye off her… She was to randomly fall four times in my test… she did, I found the right position for my hands… I didn’t drop her or forget about her… I saw her safely back to the wall… and safely down when we were done. I passed. No, I didn’t make a fuss… quiet victory, humbled achievement.

Now that I am certified, and my daughter will be wanting to go to the climbing gym, I know there will be more pain and pinches ahead… but I have better technique, better focus… it is not just rock climbing I am talking about… it’s counseling, it’s reaching out to people, it’s LIFE. Focus on your technique, never lose sight of the climber, keep the faith, and pray for God’s guidance.

The ice gave me extra time to climb my personal mountain, made us slow down and not be over confident on our drive home… And on my ride home, one of my teenage passengers was named Grace. I drove home with Grace, the free and unmerited favor from God.

Thank God for the Ice and the Grace.

31 (make sure to read #32 after this one)

Rock Climbing and Life Lessons, 17Jan

Tonight I failed, twice. Everyone is fine, but rock climbing fails can be fatal. We are fine and having fun rock climbing with the girl scouts. But I failed my “belaying test”… was I over confident? Or just a beginner’s mistake? I got my hand caught in the mechanism and I was stuck and in pain… I was testing so the trainer had the rope too he had my back and the person wouldn’t have fallen (this time) but still I was in pain and I twice lifted my hand off… he failed me right there… says it happens all the time, he will retest me in the morning… I was and am  upset at myself, for over confidence, for not working thru the pain… for taking my eyes off the climber and my hands off the rope…now, I know this was a common mistake the first time doing it… but I hate to fail… and worse I interpret everything that happens these days as God trying to tell me something… and I relate this to my helping people… what if I extend my hand, my ear, my compassion, and then let go of the rope?… what if I take my eye off the climber… if I am going to stand for something and offer to help and be bold in what I do… how am I going to handle if the person falls?… I try to watch out for people… I feel pride sometimes in helping people whereas I should feel prayer not pride… I should feel humble that God showed me someone hurting… chose me to help…

I ask myself, what if I can’t stay consistent… I will so try try try! There is no easy answer… my tears… I had to remove myself from the fun scout event in this overwhelming sorrow and stress. I was so blessed to have my troop leader, my silly sister,  come up beside me… comfort me and tell me what I would tell anyone else… these things happen.,. and you can’t always prevent the crashes… you can’t always stop the pain…

Tomorrow I will take that test  again… I am going to put myself out there again… and I am going to pray and keep my eye steady and my hands moving, listen and watch… it’s too important to me to not help people, it’s too important for me to not trust God…

My second fail tonight was my lack of trust and my motions on the rope may have caused my belayer to slip with her hand too… she will be ok, but more painful than mine… her hand was stuck… I didn’t trust when I saw too much slack in the rope… I didn’t trust and she got hurt… I found I was next to a fenced wall and scaled it as fast as I could… Sometimes God closes a door but opens a window… I scaled myself to safety.

So how can I trust God unfailingly? I am weak and only God can help me learn how to trust Him 100%. I have to trust… I have to get out of the way and just put 100% of my trust in Him,… otherwise it is going to cause someone pain and I will come crashing down.

30

Another Poinsettia, Stress and God’s Healing 16JAN

Stress bring flowers – a last ditch effort for the plant who is struggling, stressing to do the one thing that is most important in carrying out the biological mission of reproduction  – of passing on ones genetic material…  not only do plants flower when the nourishment, timing is right for the best survival of offspring seeds.. but they also flower as the a last ditch effort – this often happens when the plant who is struggling, stressing to do the one thing that is most important in carrying out the biological mission of reproduction  – of passing on one’s genetic material…When a new tomato plant is transplanted, the gardener must pinch off the first few rounds of yellow flowers to encourage the plant to spend its energy into vegetative growth – to keep the plant growing until it is big and strong and then able to produce big juicy tomatoes…those first few yellow flowers are a stress phenomenon – while the plant is getting established, its roots damaged, it has no idea that the caring gardener will feed it, water it and nuture it…

I don’t have a green thumb but poinsettias and me seem to do well together – I have at least three rescued ones – people ask if I put them in the dark, starve them to make them flower – and no – I just keep continually caring for them…  the stress comes naturally to them (my bad green thumb) and I don’t have to force the stress…  

This past fall I dug out and brought inside a a giant poinsettia  (the big one in the top of the photo) which I had previously rescued  from being tossed out at work a year ago after its usefulness as a decoration at work was done… – I watered it and planted it outside later in the late spring and it thrived so much!  I brought in before the frost.   and damaged one section of it – but that section did recover and although the whole plant lost most of its beautiful green leaves – it has been re-growing the green leaves again over the last two months… but the only part of it that is red and flowering is the one third that I accidentally damaged in a big way when I dug it out of the ground – the roots were damaged and it had a hard time taking in water.  So, now two months later, the whole plant is doing fairly well – and only that damaged area, that I stressed by transplanting, is now growing the red beautiful leaves. The stress of the damage – the repair was new root growth to take in water… well now it is beautiful!

Does stress make us more beautiful? 
A broken person recovers and is more beautiful from the stress.
Is it God’s way to show us where we need to grow? Put some new roots down?  To stand in front of others and show our cracks and how we are healing? To reach out to other broken people? To let God use our secrets and our damages to be examples to others?

I think that when we are in need of healing – we can ask some friends to help hold up the pieces – to provide emergency nourishment… but God has to grow us new roots for life-giving water. We have to reach out to God for repair. Only then can we show our real beauty.

29  This is a lighter wispy piece that preceded my spiritual piece that I emailed earlier…

Carpentry, Friendship, Imperfect Snowballs and World Peace, 15JAN

My Subaru was dancing again – very briefly for a short flurry on the turnpike – those dancing swirly wispy snow drifts on the dark pavement – I have been praying for snow – not just for me – not just for those kids at heart who long to sled, play, and have snowball fights – but also for those who enjoy the quiet – enjoy the sound-dampening air-pocket filled piles of big beautiful fluffy flakes covering the muddy icky ground – absorbing sounds – preventing hustle and bustle and causing peaceful quiet all around.  no driving, no school, no work, no fuss, the world takes a rest. World peace exists. Perhaps you might hear God say “Be Still and Know that I am God” – if anytime you could, it is probably more likely when it is snowing….

I need snow for my beloved vacation bible school this year – snow balls are free – they are fun to make – they store well in the freezer and what a treat for the kids to have a snowball in the 100 degree heat the last week of July – big kids and little kids alike will be awe-struck.  so in order to do this – I need snow – I need packing snow – um…I bought discounted fake spray snow – to give that niveous snow look on the windows… but  where is the real snow?  I am from upstate – there is plenty of snow there, and worse to worse I will have to make a pilgrimage if needed – I will get my snow – but wouldn’t it be nice if snow came to me?

While waiting for the snow this winter, I am happy that a friend and contractor/carpenter – came to me yesterday.  I have so many little and big projects that they accumulate and then I am gifted the opportunity to get them all done as superfast speed – when he comes on occasion from a long distance away…  it is beneficial to not only be able to accomplish tasks, but his friendship allows for the honest open discussions of the attributes of different types of dishwashers – different grades of wood flooring – and open discussions of how much work and cost each level of repair will take.  You have to count your blessing when you can have an honest discussion on anything – and the trust factor is so key when you are talking about the improvements in life and house that will impact your day to day micro-world – home where you rest and where you draw your strength from to face each day with a fresh attitude – home for you and your family.

Well – an unexpected gift came with the expected arrival this contractor friend, the gift was the snow.  snow from far away – melted, refroze, cemented on the van – it was the first thing that caught my eye – I ran for a plastic bag  – I knew what I had to do – I had to have that snow. But sadly it was icy – it was hard to chip off – it was dirty and salty from the road… ice that used to be snow is imperfect… clumps of melted ooze – snow on cars gets melted, refroze, and cemented down. but chipped it I did and put it in a bag – still a snowball even if it was imperfect snow – it still evokes the images and feeling of snow – it still works…it wasn’t the snow I thought I was going to get when I prayed for it – it was imperfect but still it was snow – and it reassured me that more snow was going to come – at some point – in some golden silent time.

Then as I dashed off to work, snow flurries came down – while listening to a song sung my by daughters church choir – “Thank You Lord” – “he sends the snow in winter”.  Snow kisses while dreaming of snow, a cozy repaired nesting house, and world peace…  A nice gift from God just like a few weeks prior when I wrote the poem:

up early leave early.
a Northerner awakened.
wispy white wondrous
snowdrifts dance on the untreated Turnpike.
dancing under the direction of the wind.
occasionally caught in the imperfections of the road.
the Subaru danced me all the way to work.

28

actually I have four pieces flying out of my head today – but this piece came out the fastest at lunch and is likely the result of me brainstorming (and almost finish writing) the other three pieces… getting those brainstorm thoughts down on paper to get them cleared from my brain and getting me out of the way… that’s how I could get this piece out.

Speaking of a Carpenter…, 15JAN
As I gush over my recent great home improvements, accomplished by a contractor friend, progress in leaps and bounds, repairs of an accumulated list of both big and small projects… it is impossible not to address the elephant in the room – another contractor – a carpenter – at work every day… Jesus was a carpenter trained to be a carpenter in human form… actually I have heard (from a tv program on the history of biblical people and places) that in Jesus’ day, the carpenters were actually stone cutters, stone masons… They were building Roman Coliseum-like stone buildings – either way they were workers – they worked with their hands … and that is a very good mental link to think of Jesus as our personal stone mason, laying down the bricks for a good foundation upon which to build a church, working on our own personal temple.  Sometime we need to contract out the work for speedy work that we can’t do ourselves – asking God/Jesus to help us in times of need – helping us restore some sanity – helping our “nesting” and building a safe and comfortable place to exist.

They always say things happen in God’s time, not in our requested timeliness… well I guess that means that God’s work could also be super fast not only super slow… could be calculated but accelerated. I often remind my Sunday School students to marvel about the fact that it was only three short years of teaching during which Jesus performed so many miracles and connected with so many people. He laid the foundation for a church growth, a spiritual movement, and one of the most profound statements I have ever heard: that Jesus knew He had to die and go to heaven in order that the Holy Spirit could come to the apostles…He had to physically “get out of the way”, to allow the extremely-needed Holy Spirit to take over and enable the forward-reaching mission of spreading the word of God Love. Over and over I hear – once you “get out of the way” and let things happen – that is truly giving it up to God and the result is amazing. If you are going to ask the contractor to do the work – then you have to let him do his work – you have to get out of the way…  If you are a child of God – then let His Carpenter do His Holy work on you.

27

Oh the Tears, 13 Jan

So I wondered why I hadn’t gotten teary in this searching which is an emotion-driven new awakening, new thirst for knowledge and understanding, a most profound spiritual change for anyone… been questioning “why no tears?” My Mom will cry at anything and I was this way as well… but apparently seven hard years of grad school, plus the many trying times in my life, I have built walls…  not hardened my heart, but built retaining walls to withhold emotion when I choose, I learned how to keep the tears in.

Music therapy works for me…overplaying a song or album in a loop until I myself get out of that repeat loop situation…the Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers album “She’s the One” and songs “Walls” and “climb that hill” was my music therapy during the last couple years of grad school, still the most difficult process I have ever accomplished, getting done… getting out… in spite of the issues, and because of the people in my foster-home-like second lab, who saved me, cured my ailing projects and allowed me to grow and move forward. “Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks.”… Over and over again Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers would sing and I would listen… I would HOPE!

So the tears, some tears did finally come, when reciting the Lord’s Prayer at an emotional funeral for a friend’s 51 yr old Mom, who had a massive heart attack…I couldn’t finish the prayer, tears for sorrow, apologizing to God to Jesus for my doubts. Tears blend right in and come easy at a funeral…I said, ah yes… here are my tears…

Then the tears came again this morning – with good therapeutic release…  While getting ready to hit the shower before work, I overheard a video (the preacher was quite the character – bomb-blasting people with scripture trying to convert them… hmm…)…  Well, the video preacher was saying to some heckling doubting Thomas in the audience, that he didn’t agree with that audience members take on the non-existence of Jesus…  “History really did show Jesus was real”… ok .. but then the preacher actually said “You are just making yourself look like an idiot, for ignoring the history.”  WHEW! Maybe some people really do need to hear when they are off-base, BUT, those were NOT Christ-like nonjudgmental words to my ears coming from a preacher!  If that were the reaction to my open questioning (which I shared privately), well my walls would have gone right up, sealing me off from that person.  But thankfully I picked (or was led to) the right people to share my story with.. So now I heard that preacher chastise that doubter, ugh… Oh, the tears… Oh how I felt regret for that interaction – probably made that doubting person even more angry with bigger walls… oh how if I were in that preachers shoes could instead have said: “I know you’re doubting… I know where you’re coming from… I know because I’ve been there…” – or at least I could have said, “let’s talk”.   Being a non-judgmental preacher with a more Christ-like answer would have been better… An urging to that disbeliever to go back and look at the history… consult the scholars…. seek out the answers… don’t do it alone… find people who will help to answer your questions.

I have been blessed these days with some dear friends who have given me non-judgmental support and guidance; this is how I have been able to grow… I reached out so slowly at first but then openly and honestly to 5 people whom I felt could be non-judgmental, who knew me not as a heathen, but understood me as a sincere seeker who didn’t want my heart broken. I also was gifted right now with two Biblical scholars with sincere academic knowledge combined with faith.

My “Supernatural Radio” (another Tom Petty song) has been playing certain music in my car – this music has carried and flowed thru my thoughts, keeping me afloat. All these things have all helped me to continue to grow in my faith… slowly, nourishingly, on a seemingly laid out path paved with love.

The most powerful Christ-like behaviors we can have are to be non-judgmental and to love.

Walls have to come down sometime… oh the blessed therapeutic tears…  they finally came.

——————–

“Walls (circus)” was written by Petty, Tom.  video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfS6Nl962Qg

Some days are diamonds
Some days are rocks

Some doors are open
Some roads are blocked

Sundowns are golden
Then fade away
And if I never do nothing
I’ll get you back some day

‘Cause you got a heart so big
It could crush this town
And I can’t hold out forever
Even walls fall down

And all around your island
There’s a barricade
It keeps out the danger
It holds in the pain

Sometimes you’re happy
Sometimes you cry
Half of me is ocean
Half of me is sky

But you got a heart so big
It could crush this town
And I can’t hold out forever
Even walls fall down

Yes they do

And some things are over
Some things go on
And part of me you carry
Part of me is gone

But you got a heart so big
It could crush this town
And I can’t hold out forever
Even walls fall down

Baby you got a heart so big
Oh you could crush this town
And I can’t hold out forever
Even walls fall down
They fall down

Ah, yes they do
Yes they do
They fall down”

26

Strike, 10 Jan

If God were a bowler, he’s rolling a pretty good game right now. Not a perfect 300 score, but I think he might put in some extra frames on me, just because he can, he’s GOD for God’s sake…not a perfect score because I have successfully blocked many a shot, kept a pin or two standing (hot glued them to the lane), and maybe even fudged the score, which I knew He had actually earned….and yes, I took a couple of fallen pins and snuck them back up to standing position.

See the pins are my disbelief system, and lately God’s been rolling quite a few strikes…loud, smashing, pin-splintering strikes. A spare in there on occasion… but that awe-achieving sound of all the pins dispatched… all SMASHING with such force against the lane walls that even the people and pins in the lanes to my right and left are starting to notice.

Some of my pins were not really standing strong…I do have a tremendous belief in the Almighty Power of God… I know He is the maker, the mover and shaker, and he likes to tweak the system in this sandbox experiment He calls Earth….

And God has such a sense of humor… “God never gives you more then you can handle”, the saying goes… “well thanks God, but haven’t I had enough now?” is what many people probably say when they are in the grips of tragedies, uncertainties, and just plain bad luck. Do you believe in fate? Or is life a pop-up round of game show questions? Do we determine our own fate? I think so… God gives us freedom or does God give us just enough rope to…?…… Well, maybe for some people… but if so, then I see him loosening those ropes, cutting them from time to time, throwing an angel in there for corrective action and yes, rolling strikes in our disbelief systems all the time. Strike and collect the pins… bring you back to Godly ways. Maybe it isn’t rope that God has given me… perhaps it is elastic… let’s see how far you can go before I reel you back in… sew you down and correct your belief system….

So why have I kept some disbelief pins up? Why do I re-rack some of them intentionally or innocently? It is not my intention to taunt God. I just like to know things, I want to bring a checklist to heaven and say: “what about that healing? What about that meteor crashing into earth? What about that flood? How’s your angel count? And could you tell me all the rest of your secrets too?” Did you ever wonder what heaven looks like? The thought that it is seven or more layers…and is there a holding pen for babies who didn’t get baptized? Can you refute or prove those things my sixth grade nun teacher told me?… What is the real answer for those times I had to say “that seems like you are making that up”.?. Imperfect man trying to describe a perfect system… Yeah, I don’t buy it all… my shaken belief in man-made religions.

I accidentally, uninformed-ly, mixed up the terms religious and spiritual leader when introducing a now good friend at a women’s retreat… I get it now… and I am more and more a spiritual being too… lifting away from worldly religious trappings, not forgetting my foundations, but building on them, snapping in new spiritual Lego pieces.

Yes, your belief system has to start somewhere, you can’t learn about God in a vacuum. You need religious rigidity at times to click you in, obligate you, to surround yourself with believers and teachers. I am confident that some who disbelieve in religions still believe in God, because of their religious foundations. I felt compassion for one of my grad school advisors who stood strong against the belief in God. I think he might still be at the gates right now saying “oops”. I pray that God let’s him in anyway… a friend once told me that his religious training as a shaman included a belief that when you die, you have to wrap up loose ends and that is why you shouldn’t be cremated…that your soul is tied to your human body for as long as it takes to repent, repair… not exactly like Jacob Marley in Scrooge… but you might have some fixing up to do.  Whether that is true or not, it behooves us to make our peace with people now on earth, not wait to ask for forgiveness, not wait to repair old relationship rifts, etc… Either way I don’t want to be cremated (and I want balloons at my funeral too)… I will try to repair my rifts now. And I will let those people, who are God-sightings in my own life, know how much I appreciate them, right then and not wait. I will try to hug and kiss my parents and my kids physically or mentally each time I say goodbye just in case I or they meet an untimely death. I will try to live and love in the present.

Back to bowling… I don’t know God’s plan but I know it involves me… I don’t know why, when, where he will strike down disbelief or put up new pins for me to follow, to become pillars in my soul… I don’t know how many frames are in this game, how many more strikes I am going to see… either way, I am sure He will keep trying until He and I can faithfully record a perfect score when it’s my time to meet Him.

25

Emails with my professor, 09JAN
From: “R”   Date: Jan 9
Subject: Re: Fellow alumnus–he is a pastor

The NT canon was not finally established until the 4th century. Yet on the core of it, the gospels, and the letters of Paul, 1 John and 1 Peter, there was pretty much universal agreement by the mid 2nd century. In the 4th C, church was still debating whether Revelation, 2 Peter, and James were canonical, along with the canonicity of, such as the Shepherd of Hermas, 1 Clement, and a few others which ultimately did not make it. But the four gospels were accepted (and the other noncanonical gospels widely rejected) by the mid 2nd C.

 

—–Original Message
Sent: Fri, Jan 9

Holy S#$%!

 

I can’t believe that this fellow alumnus is a pastor (Pastor P) who wrote a 13 page paper that addresses one of my key issues – “how can a perfect book be written by imperfect humans?” … this is right up the alley of R’s sermons and research and right what I am just scratching the surface on – researching to teach this small but significant section in my “timeline of the bible curriculum” …  ok – I am going to say Holy S#$%! once again – excuse the french – but it was the first thing out of my mouth!  haha

 

His paper has an interesting take on the writer Marcion…  and people calling him a heretic – that’s a hot topic later many times – when people like Jan Hus were trying to translate the bible..and was burned at the stake…  People didn’t know who was a heretic and who was not… tough question!!!!!!

 

I am not sure if my journey will take me into all the ins and outs of who and when the new testament was written – I am certainly not looking to be a revisionist historian – but it’s cool to know that there are good discussions/debates for the origins of the bible – when and if I am ready to tackle that…  right now I am going to let sleeping dogs lie and focus on my Christmas merry go round for a little more…

 

but I think I will email this fellow alum anyway to introduce myself and say hi…

 

 

24

New Balance, 08JAN

I knew when I opened a box of my new sneakers this week, that this piece was next to get written. See, I change my sneakers every 6 months for proper support with my orthotics and the wear and tear on my knees.. I buy them two pairs at a time, once a year and instead of 2 pairs of Nike’s this time, I decided to switch up the rotation and try one pair of New Balance, which I had pre-determinedly slated for wearing 6 months in the future –  this week, the first week post Christmas…

Well, most all of my thoughts this week about God have been about finding balance.  I’ve been talking to myself and others about rebalancing my spiritual mind.  I’ve been praying to find balance and discernment between sharing Holy Spirit-given words and the gab from my blarney stone-generated words. I want to share so much about this awakening and yet not look foolish or blasphemous. I want to open when the time is right – to the right people. New Balance is allowing me to find my spiritual voice… the voice I knew I was lacking and that I longed for…a voice to faithfully share God’s Word with others, to share it in truth.

I’ve been really searching for balance for a whole month now…writing and writing, twenty pieces so far from Dec 10th to today Jan 8th, surprising myself – but that is how God chose to provide therapy to me.  How did God know when I bought sneakers over six months ago, planning the rotation for this first week of the year, that I would be rotating in New Balance shoes to match a new spiritual balance? Hmmm…

So I opened that box three days ago and acknowledged that I had been rebalanced – I had a new balance and I now have to step forward… new sneakers and a new mindset. of course I had to take a little time to break them in first – both the sneakers and the mindset.

See, I am sure God put me on this ride –  He didn’t rebalance me by taking off each of my tires,  spinning them fast and readjusting the weights like on a car…  But instead He put me on a Christmas merry-go-round  ride at a steady pace… sure, when you reach over the edges you will feel that you are going faster… and now I find myself reaching out grabbing for the brass ring allot and being determined to keep going around again and again on this Christmas ride… that’s because I am still in Christmas – inside of Christmas – still acknowledging that Jesus was born in me in a new way this year…  Someone at work even told me it was time to take the wreath off my car –  I said “no, it’s still Christmas!” I still play Christmas music, I still have my tree up, I still haven’t finished my Christmas cards…No, I don’t want to get off this merry go round!

I have steadied myself now – finding a way to keep working on normal life projects and still ride the ride (you can do things on a merry-go-round as it can be a very smooth ride but yes, there are ups and downs). Hopefully you choose the right horse – sometimes you’re up – sometimes you’re down – but none the less I keep riding and writing…

I have steadied myself on this merry go round by playing certain music – music has always been a therapy to me – I’ve been playing the same selection of contemporary Christmas carols, plus some philosophical and spiritual music from Sting (Last Ship, Soul Cages, Winters Tale) and a few regular music pieces that speak to me. I’ve been listening to steadying Bible sermons too. I’m trying to keep this ride going.  My favorite lines in the song, “Come to the Cradle” are: “Come and find peace” and “So you are chosen and called out for prayer…” which is exactly what I had to do this past month, this past week because my head was really spinning too fast – I was scared by this intensity (still am a bit scared) and yes, calling out for prayer helped immensely –  I find it has settled me down enough to keep riding and writing.

This week also was Epiphany, and I also called out to two of my most wisemen friends by email… two well-educated, thinker-er, twenty year plus mentors from my past… whom I know have balanced their facts with their faith. Both have been very generous to me with their time and their counseling… most importantly they listened so that I could talk it out and settle the dust in my brain… So it felt so right to reach out to them again, and yes again they helped me reaffirm this new balance of mine. I am so blessed to find the right people at the right time… dust is settling more now. I am getting ready to move forward.

I’ll probably get off this merry go round at some point… you know that I’ve got a few roller coasters to ride this year too… but I know I will return to this chosen Christmas merry go round… why not? It has been the best ride of my life!

Amen.

23

Originally for one new friend then sent again other dear friends on their birthdays:

Rock Age, 07JAN

There are only a few fossils for the abundance of life that existed – and only a few that have made their mark as distinct as these – perhaps the marks we make in life are not going to be permanent etched in stone like these fossils -but they are marks indeed – on the people around us.

When you feel your age – when you are feeling old, remember that you are not old – you are young. The fossils and the rocks are much older than you – an unimaginable number of years old – millions if not billions. You are young in the universe.

If God’s church was made out of a rock of people – an imperfect set of people, then this rock can remind us of how far we have personally come – how hard we are working on our imperfections – how God’s greatest joy is when the prodigal sons and daughters come home – and how far we still have to go. Blessedly, much more time lies ahead of us than was behind us.

From Amazing Grace: “When we’ve been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise Than when we’d first begun.”

22

07JAN – emails with a dear friend

Debbie –

It is always a journey and it is different for each of us.  I am glad you are finding a way that works for you.

T

From: debbie
Date: Wednesday, January 7
To: T
Subject: Re: Question of faith

oh yes – thanks – it helps immensely – it helps to talk my thoughts out (as you may remember from experience 😉 you gave me wisdom and I knew all those terrible things that happened to you and that helped me put my own thoughts into perspective – and you listened, the greatest gift).

I have been reaching out to other good friends like you who can help me – who are thinkers like me and who get it…. Something (well God of course) has been working inside me for the last year or so to force me to rebalance my knowledge and my faith.  I actually have started writing – it has allowed me to get these thoughts – some so deep – so some light – like a brain download of everything in my head – and after that initial download – I started writing what I am seeing – “God Sightings” is our vacation bible school term – God sightings in my life – and wow – in less than one month I have written 19 pieces…  it’s when God keeps you up at night and says – “now you have time to talk?” . I am also working on a curriculum which I taught twice in sunday school so far – it is a timeline of bible events and also up to current and addresses people who translated the bible – when the printing press was made – when they buried the book of kells – lots of fun activities for the kids and also thought-provoking issues for adults.  I start with Moses on the actual timeline – and of course have noah etc before that for the little kids – but then say “….a long time….” in between.

So – I totally feel this leading into a new balance for me – and a gift of finding my spiritual voice – I have written a piece that talks about my wish for discernment – to know what is the Holy Spirit leading me to say vs my Blarney Stone-generated gift of gab…  I would love to send you some of my writing – if you would like-most everyone has come out so fast that I can’t type fast enough to keep up with my brain- many I had to speak into my email to get them out while driving –  I am sharing them privately only with less than 10 people – they are written for me – to help me process – but this process will hopefully help me help others (other thinkers) find their belief systems…  maybe I will share some pieces publicly at some point – maybe not – what has helped was just writing them…  and I knew I needed to find a spiritual voice in my leadership roles at church (sunday school, running vacation bible school, running our women’s group) – I want to speak from the heart with my brain backing me up  – I know my heart is in it – just have to catchup my brain.

Thanks for being there for me – spiritually and literally – you have no idea how much you helped me out in my grad school days – I am sure I have told you before, many many times…  thanks….

I have found so many friends in my church family who are amazing – they rally for each other – it is truly wonderful and within that group I have found a few sermons from a former youth pastor – who is our contemporary praise band leader – someone who really has been and is moved by the Holy Spirit and who guest preaches from time to time… I got a copy of those sermons (I was rarely in the actual church service even though I am in the building for three hours every Sunday because I am teaching, I am doing whatever… but these CD sermons really spoke to me and I listened in the car to them – and both the true meaningful messages and the spirit-led contemporary music has really steadied me on this path of re-balancing – of new balance.

thanks and thanks for listening

Debbie

On Wed, Jan 7,  at 9:21 AM, T wrote:

Debbie –

Yes, “keep smiling” is something I have used for a long time.  It is particularly meaningful for those who have such a good smile – like you!

21

Wispy, 06JAN

up early leave early
a central New Yorker awakened
wispy white wondrous
snowdrifts dance on the untreated Turnpike
dancing under the direction of the wind
occasionally caught in the imperfections of the road
the Subaru danced me all the way to work

20

06JAN – duplicate heart swelling

I was reading the UMW devotional for this month – I found a duplicate match in this bible verse for my feelings in my Christmas flood piece…

Isaiah 60:5 “Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy”

From Christmas Flood: “delineate between your heart bursting with Christmas joy (think Dr Seuss’ Grinch’s heart growing “three sizes that day”)and your head saying ‘slowdown, wait, don’t get swept away with emotion’ ….either way, you need to prepare your fields for rain. today the rain came as glorious snow.

—————

Isaiah 60:1-6 New International Version (NIV)

The Glory of Zion

60 “Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
2 See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.
3 Nations will come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your dawn.

4 “Lift up your eyes and look about you:
All assemble and come to you;
your sons come from afar,
and your daughters are carried on the hip.
5 Then you will look and be radiant,
your heart will throb and swell with joy;
the wealth on the seas will be brought to you,
to you the riches of the nations will come.
6 Herds of camels will cover your land,
young camels of Midian and Ephah.
And all from Sheba will come,
bearing gold and incense
and proclaiming the praise of the Lord.

19

06JAN duplicate RE words – email with Pastor and a friend

So cool when I saw and read these “re-” words in Pastor’s sermon after I had just written some RE- words too a few days prior….I was thinking about vacation bible school – and thinking about outreach for our church – about how we need to reach out to others to retain them – and we have to continually do that…  repeat….

It’s not just that we do them but that we do them again and again!

REPEAT

———- Forwarded message ———-

From: debbie

Reduce Reuse Recycle
Redisciple
Retrain
Retain
Reach out
Reinforce
Repeat

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Pastor
Date: Tue, Jan 6,  at 9:54 AM
Subject: RE: Sunday’s sermon

Relationship – set apart time beyond the on Sunday to deepen your relationship with God.  Consider what sins are in your life and what Christ would rather have you choose to do.  Be honest with God.

Reverence – have a sincere respect of holy awe for God.

Reliance –  claim God’s covenant and rely upon His promises of giving you His grace and the strength you need to keep your promises.  Trust not in your strength.

Resolve (determine)-  to be faithful.  You have given the Lord your heart, you have opened your mouth to the Lord, and you have dedicated your life to God.  With God’s power, never go back to the old ways.

Renew – your covenant with the Lord.  Humble yourself before Go, lift your hands toward heaven and open your heart to Him and ask Him to fill you to overflowing with His Holy Spirit.

18

Email with a dear friend, 05JAN

On Jan 5, “debbie” wrote:

You know, like you said, people don’t want to be told about what to think about spirituality or religion…they only come to out by their own free will…now there are many seekers like me who appreciate resources, appreciate other’s descriptions of their processes and find God-higher power-a governing spirit. But if the time is not right for them to hear it, or it comes from an unusual source then it may fall on deaf ears, may sound like lecturing, or may even sound blasphemous…it’s all due to your audience….perhaps the best audience for moving someone spiritually is the people you know who trust you and where you are in life and know what you tell them is a gift to you and you want to let them in on a secret that you have had a revelation…

I wrote a piece couple weeks ago about my prayers for my discernment between the Holy Spirit and the Blarney Stone, as I have received both as gifts for communication, I just have to figure out which is coming out of my mouth, which I want to come out when I talk about my spiritual awakening, and which will sound genuine.

Prayers and hugs
Debbie

#17

I can see that this writing was strong mental processing when I jotted down ideas then had to write them out. I had written over the course of nearly one month and this was #17 – wow. I never asked to write these – but felt compelled – a new way of therapy for me and my questions..  16 items written – I printed, folded them and dated them and have them in a now special box – I don’t know what to do with them – but I know what they have done for me – so I am grateful… and I am gladly out of this vacuum – I only shared with a few to start thinking someday maybe I will find the right audience – one piece and one person a time.

An Epiphany, 05JAN

It’s epiphany, the three wise men are coming. It’s AN epiphany and THE epiphany. The three kings – the scholars – the astronomers – they see the star – not just any star – but THE star. History would say it might be a comet, but regardless it was something in the sky that they knew was new, it was different, it was a sign… The wisemen found a star to a new king – finding that king that has been a personal epiphany for many.  But by the time the kings arrived, this baby was perhaps three years old (that’s the trouble with history, we try to force our Hallmark-guided, rigid, mathematical calendars to describe a tremendous amount of unwritten history – that which was passed by word of mouth. We have to remember that if it wasn’t written down then who are we to say what exactly happened and what time it happened…).

I long to be one of the Kings,  well not exactly a king – and not exactly a queen – but I certainly would like to be a wiseman –  a wise woman that is (sometimes I’m even a wiseguy). I try to be very learnered, I try to seek the truth, to understand the science, to get it, to establish why and how. I try to bring the universe into my sphere of understanding.

After bestowing their gifts, the wisemen left the child to return home. An angel came to them, gave advice to return by another route to their homeland, skip King Herod – don’t tell him where the child was –  spare the child’s life. Wise as they were, they probably never saw an angel before… but this angel must have been beyond disbelief. unexplainable by science, divine intervention, the Word of God. Luckily the wise men were wise enough to listen… and traveled home in a new direction.

I wonder… Perhaps I am not wise but just full of factual info – without the wisdom to apply it.  Have I seen the star? maybe… but have I actually followed it? Am I still looking? Perhaps…

Perhaps I have seen the star and perhaps I have followed it.

Perhaps I am just not sure of the way home yet.

Perhaps I am not sure of the direction to take.

Perhaps I am still depending on my learnered state without applying the wisdom and perhaps I want the easy way out and am waiting for an angel to make it clear for me –  to show me the way.

Perhaps I am waiting for an epiphany – a “EUREKA” moment – perhaps I will not get that moment…

Perhaps I am waiting for an angel rather than simply taking in the spirit of Christmas here and now – I know I should not wait for this baby epiphany – but I should take heed of the child before the baby is grown.

Christmas is like an “open enrollment” for Christians – get in while there is a 12 day open window – get in to Christianity while it is easy to love and seek a baby – and there is a big ole star shining your way, you can’t miss it…  Perhaps it is not a problem for many Christians to get “into” Christmas – but perhaps it is harder for them to find their way home afterwards – they are waiting for that angel to tell them their path – when really they need to chart it for themselves.

As much as I want it to happen, it is not going to be an angel who is going to tell me how to act – where to go – or to tell me who to share my new found beliefs with – and who NOT to share them with… just as the wise man had to avoid telling King Herod, who would have done the baby harm, I have to pick and choose who is open to my tale of my spiritual Christmas gift – I have to discern what are the Holy Spirit’s words and what are just leftover words from this Christmas’ flood of emotions…

Yes I/we must discern how we share our faith, those blessings of God’s effects on our lives. we must find the right audience, must find the people who will believe us, who can consider us “genuine”.  We need to find the people who don’t think we’re spouting blasphemy – we need to find the people whom we already have a personal relationship with – and to whom we can connect.  When we are bold enough to speak, we pray the Holy Spirit will gives us the right words for the right audience at the right time.

So – it’s epiphany – its baby Jesus revelation to the world – hoping Christians will stop by, and be wise enough to find their way home with grown up Jesus in their hearts and in their minds. I hope for an epiphany that lasts – for the wisdom of the wise – for the wisdom to take the baby home.

16

Miracle on 34th Street – “I Believe, I Believe, it’s Silly but I Believe”, 04JAN

My favorite movie – not just Christmas movie – but all time movie – is Miracle on 34th Street.  Not the ’70’s version, not the colorized version but the original 1947 version – Edwin Gwynn as Kris Kringle – Maureen O’Hara, Natalie Wood as mom and daughter…  and Fred Gailey the lawyer (John Payne) who was an early believer.  Yes, my favorite movie of all time – ever since I was a teen…

Little Susie says “I believe, I believe, it’s silly but I believe”. She was talking about Santa Claus – but the movie goes much deeper than that – see Santa (Kris Kringle) was looking for belief in people – in everyone who didn’t believe – looking for hope to continue in his line of work – to continue hoping for the world.  Fred was asking Doris (Maureen O’Hara) to believe – to believe in him – to believe in anything – she swore off fairy tales, swore off any belief in what she wasn’t in control of.  she suffered from too much reality check – “should be realistic and completely truthful with our children and not have them growing up believing in a lot of legends and myths” … “And by filling them full of fairy tales they grow up considering life a fantasy instead of a reality.” Fred will work on Doris – Kris Kringle work on Susie too – together they can make this happen – it is a movie after all – together we will see how it all unfolds…

At the pinnacle of the movie – Doris is upset that Fred throws away his career by taking on the seemingly win-less case of proving that Kris Kringle is indeed Santa Claus – the one and only Santa Claus… Fred urges her “Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to. It’s not just Kris that’s on trial. It’s everything he stands for. It’s kindness, joy, love, and all other intangibles.” “Someday, you’re going to find out that your way of facing this realistic world just doesn’t work. And when you do, don’t overlook those lovely intangibles. You’ll discover they’re the only things that are worthwhile.”

Fast forward to Doris trying to reassure Susie that Mr Kringle will be ok – Doris is not sure she yet believes what she is telling her daughter – but Doris tells little Susie that she has to have faith – Doris even adds to Susie’s letter that “I believe in you too” – win – Kris Kringle gets the letter and all the other dead letters at the post office and Fred wins the case – Kris is recognized by the federal government to be the “One and Only Santa Claus” – WIN!

Susie has asked Mr Kringle for something big – bigger than a normal present – she asks for a house – one of those Long Island cape cod’s – similar to the suburb house that I live in today  quaint, quiet and family friendly… Susie expects Mr Kringle to deliver – big time – expects a miracle – expects that snap and she will have this house – puts it as a test to him…  No – she doesn’t get it at the Christmas morning party – Doris has to say – “You must believe in Mr. Kringle and keep right on doing it. You must have faith in him.” … “you’ve still got to believe in people. I found that out.”

“I believe. I believe. It’s silly but I believe” – Kris has orchestrated a car ride home with Fred – down a quaint quiet street – in a family neighborhood. “I believe. I believe. It’s silly but I believe” – Susie repeats and repeats – and then – oh snap! there it is – the house – on a quaint and quiet street – the perfect house – it’s for sale – it’s unlocked – with a swing in the back – WIN.

Fred learns from Susie that Doris told her “Mommy said if things don’t turn out right at first, you’ve still got to believe. You were right Mommy!”  – WIN – Doris to Fred “I never really doubted you. It was just my silly common sense.” WIN – BIG WIN. Kiss – realization that believing is seeing – believing came first – then seeing Kris Kringle’s cane in the house – hmmm….

Believe – it was and is that belief has to be there first – the rest follows – you have to believe  – to have faith when common sense tells you not to…  BELIEVE

15

God made me a thinker-er, 02 Jan

God made me a thinker-er.
I am not content at being.
God made me a do-er.
God made me a philosopher.
God made me a thinker-er.

I am not a doubter of God,
But a doubter of man,
Of man made realities,
Of twisted truths.

I am not a doubter who brushes aside the question at hand, “forget about that nonsense”.
No, I am a thinker-er. I am a tinkerer. I toy with ideas; I let them take root in my mind.

I am a teacher, a tinkerer who explores ways to teach, to expand concepts, to keep an open mind, to teach an open mind.

I am not just a thinker, I am a thinker-er, a rehash-er, a process-er. Its just who I am, It’s who God made me to be.

Now I have to think about why. Why can’t I just accept – hook, line and sinker.
God made me just the way I am, a thinker-er.
God gives me a purpose,
To teach the other thinker-ers and help them find God too.

God made me a thinker-er.
God made me.

 

14

Dec 31,
Ok, this one goes in the hallmark card category, not a deep piece, but I am sending it to you anyway… I didn’t intend to write anymore for now, but this popped out after last night’s good night sleep.

Christmas Bug, 31Dec

I caught a bug this Christmas
But NOT the viral kind
I caught a bug this Christmas
Of a LIGHT that always shines.

I assembled a manger scene,
one in my mind,
Filled with friends that fit the bill, of every shape and kind.

Here is my Joseph, adoptive loving Dad
who took pause, raised a very fine lad

Here is my Mary, labored a king.
but she will lose Him come 33 spring.

Angels came excitedly from all around,
flutteringly exclaiming: “go to the baby, He must be found”

Shepherds watched by night
And all day…they saw the LIGHT.

Kings, scholars all brought him gifts
Broken families healed their rifts.

Here came a woman sick with fear
A comfort healing we pray is near.

In my manger, my friends are near
So many I hold so dear.

Praying for such pain relief
Praying for superhero eternal peace.

That manger scene now moves on
Discipled masses soon caught on.

Temple scholars would find pause,
a young Savior tests His cause.

The fish, the loaves, water into wine.
fishing for men time after time.

Healing, teaching, demons quiver,
Sinners schooled – they’ve found favor.

So later came the mobs,
the mobs who tore him down,
Tried to rob him of his holy crown.

“Crucify him” they all would cry
Scoff at him, beat him
And watch him die.

Dark clouds overhead
A worldly dread.

How could they know
His death a GIFT.
A rainbow PROMISE fulfilled,
An Easter people thrilled.

That God gave his only Son,
so our sins would be undone.

Some praise Him, some shun Him, some cast him out
some witnesses still have doubt.

Disappearing sickness and strife, heaven-bound hearts set free…
But still we doubt,
we cannot see.

We ask, we pray – we wonder “Is He for me?”

13

Tuesday, December 30
Subject: God of Matter – The Holy Spirit, The Blarney Stone, and my namesake – the Song of Bernadette

again the glue finally came for this piece – this one took more industrial strength glue – and I had to set it down twice to set up  – but I knew I needed to finish it and send it off – I want to return to my “regularly scheduled programs” return to this new post-Christmas/pre-VBS state…get onto Girl Scout cookie season – and oh yes – regular sleep patterns, LOL – was my own fault for crashing at 7pm and turning in for the night – 4 hours of the most restful sleep – but up at midnight –  2am now and WIDE awake – luckily I only have a small chunk to finish – the piece of the Holy Spirit vs. the Blarney Stone….that piece can stand on its own  and I may send that to you separately….  and I have tomorrow off – so I don’t feel guilty for wrapping this up at this “Godly” hour… I am telling myself that this is the last writing for a while – I have a few more titles written down – but I want to let myself take a break.
God of Matter – The Holy Spirit, The Blarney Stone, and my namesake – the Song of Bernadette, 30DEC

 

Everything that matters in life is made of matter. Three parts: gas liquid solid, plus plasma too! All that matters comes from God. God was there at the Big Bang. God is the end all and be all. God got the ball rolling and exists to this day.

God as matter is un-definable and yet we as human are drawn to pigeon hole everything we see – we back God into a corner – we fail to understand that all things are possible – the scripture: “All things are possible for one who believes.”  – the colloquialism that I misquote would be: “if you believe in God nothing needs explanation- if you don’t believe in God – no explanation would suffice”

If God existed as the plasma state – then this state that started the big bang – the state before all other phases – the Greek word plasma stands for “anything formed”.  the quark-gluon plasma state is thought to have existed immediately after the Big Bang.  It is not a contradiction to have the Big Bang and God – I refute how the atheists would put it: “on the first day man created God and it was not good”. God is good and not to be pigeon holed –  those who shun the existence of evolution fail to see the goodness of God in an amazing flexible design that was either planned out or allowed to exist – that life was and is allowed to evolve – that it was and is allowed to play out and continue to play out on earth. If earth is God’s sandbox of the universe and that predates our understanding and OUR existence then who are WE to say that the beginnings of life can’t have the co-existence of simplicity and complexity. It’s not just the fossil record, the complexity of the genetic codes within every living creature but current daily alterations in the genetic makeup of our living beings that prove that God is so complex.  Evolution is not something that happened long ago – it is a continuous non-stop process – it has just played out over billions of years and continues every day. We cannot even hope to grasp the concept of billions of years – just as we cannot and should not pigeon hole what and who God is.

States of Matter – Yes we do try to break God as a whole down into parts – to help US explain what we see – and yet this is probably the wrong way to approach God – but sometimes it helps US to split of God into parts that we understand.

If God could be defined like we define matter – then one of these multiple phases would be the solid phase… This phase is also called God – but its “our God” – God in what we see, interpret…our personal internal TV or tablet screen – our interpretation – what we bring to the table – ourselves lighted by the non-extinguishable light.  often god is dimmed in people who shun this lights existence – covered by baggage – covered by deliberate cloths thrown over the light…  but God IS.  who and how we see God as solid – our teachings – our interactions – our delivery of our own making… What about those leprechauns and angels and ghosts – do they exist?  are they transitional states of matter? do they fill in the gaps that we don’t understand?  Do you believe in angels? Do you believe in miracles? I do.

I am not exactly my confirmation namesake, Bernadette Soubirous, who was canonized for her vision of the blessed virgin Mary – Our Lady of Lourdes in France..  I certainly loved the movie “the Song of Bernadette” and maybe I would have loved to be her  – to see a vision – to be the miracle – but I am not her, as she didn’t ask for these visions – she didn’t ask to be a vehicle for the masses to come closer to God. The peasant girl is portrayed in the movie as an uneducated sweet simple girl – one who never asked for the visions – one who suffered a great deal of pain quietly – one who died early never failing her belief in the vision. She didn’t know what she saw – but she knew most definitely saw this beautiful woman. this is the form that showed up on her TV screen in her mind.

No I am not her – she didn’t call out for this vision of the beautiful woman – I on the other hand have been on a recent quest to find meaning to the miracles I see – the small and the big – the ordinary and the unexplained. Are they miracles or every day coincidences – or is everyday a miracle? “So you were chosen and called out for prayer” – the movie Bernadette didn’t call out for prayer – she just was forced to share this vision because she didn’t know why the others didn’t see her too…  I am thankful for the miracles I have seen – and I feel I have seen many (those  brought on by good science, doctors who heal the critically ill, and the unexpected God-sightings which occur when you wake up and watch God all around us – and oh, that time I didn’t smash into that Fed Ex truck head on when I was texting while driving – thank you God for my life…got to see it real fast before my eyes that day). So are these visions? are they like those that Bernadette’s woman asked her to share with the world? Or are these everyday miracles that are shared with us? Because we all have them – they are shared with us when we “tune in” our internal TV screens…

I appreciated our pastor’s sermon message last sunday – that there are gaps in the bible – where we don’t know what Jesus was like between birth and 12 years, between 12 years and 30 –  and it was good to hear that – the gaps could be there intentionally – that we don’t really need to know… and that we need to focus on the other parts. I remarked to three different people that I enjoyed the message and I got three different interpretations – none of which were my own – everyone has their own TV screen – their own intake and processing – their own spin on God.

So – I am ignorant on much of the scholarly interpretations of the bible – essentially I am like Bernadette of the movie – in that I don’t know most of my catechism – and what I have learned affects what comes up on my internal TV screen. But one does not need catechism to know God –  I know God – and I see God in ways not written down.

—–

God as liquid would be Jesus – perhaps we are a desert – we cannot conceive of the life giving water that is so dried up and nonexistent in parts of the world and parts of our lives – this is a working piece and this piece of my state of matter is more dry than I would like.  probably too dry for many people – I can’t write fully about that living water yet – I know the stories  – maybe someday I will be able to fill this section out more with my personal experiences with Jesus….I think it is most difficult for me because I am hung up on small details – I will get there I pray – but this may take a whole lifetime.

—–

God as a gas would most totally be the Holy Spirit – I so 100% believe in the Holy Spirit – this is an easy one! Oh… but to know what is comes from the Holy Spirit and what does not – that is the problem…

What is the Holy Spirit?  Does it predate consciousness? What is the consciousness that dwells in us and allows us to transcend human physiology – why do we think? – Why do we communicate in the way we do?

Is the Holy Spirit flames, wind and power – is it the ability to speak in different languages – to speak in the native tongues of the masses – or is it the ability to speak to one person at a time?

Why do I want the Holy Spirit – or why do I want to understand whether it is the holy spirit is guiding me and when it is not just the Blarney Stone’s gift of gab…

I have kissed the Blarney Stone – kissed it twice actually – I needed a refresher kiss after using up all my first spell of blarney in graduate school…  this second dose of blarney has served me well – I do have the gift of gab – I love to talk – I notice when people listen – I hope I don’t overtalk – I then remember my shyness as a child and wonder if I am trying to make up for it now….  one old friend of my parents remarked when I was young at how fast I spoke – and they said – it was probably because my father spoke so much that I had to rush to get a word in edgewise….  my family is full of big talkers – big personalities –  we love life and love people – and want to share in all things exciting.

But the Blarney Stone and the Holy Spirit – they don’t always mix well… blarney gives a speech of boastfulness, of animation and engagement…  the Holy Spirit has to keep it real – has to inspire on a personal level – has to find the right timing for the right words…  the holy spirit is what I want…

It has never been so evident for me when the holy spirit has led my words – versus when it is just me that is trying to fill dead air time – only certain people have been privy to my private conversations with God – I don’t know why just some and not others – I know that my mind has decided who to trust – I have gone out on a ledge a couple of times – testing the waters and found – nope – time to hold you tongue…  its not like people want to hear me – its not like I want to hear the intimate conversations of others  between them and God – but I do want people to know that I do have these conversations –

The Blarney Stone and the fire in my soul will serve me well for my life – has helped me be a leader – has helped me rally the troops – but my Holy Spirit connection impacts people when I speak from the heart – when I quiet down – and share a small secret from my soul…

I don’t know if you could call it a miracle but certainly I appreciate when something falls into my hands at the right place at the same time – like two days ago when I pulled a loose piece of paper out of my purse – one that must have landed there sometime in the last few days spent at church – a paper that was not mine and I have no reason to own except I was probably cleaning something up and grabbed it to recycle it .. this paper was about the holy spirit.  I have mediated on the meaning of the holy spirit for the last month or more –  and only one day prior to accidentally finding that piece of paper I had already written the partial title of this piece – the blarney stone and the holy spirit… coincidence? God sighting? freaky!  let’s just call it god-incidence…

This except from a book chapter  titled “Forgotten God”; “Real Relationship” by Francis Chan, page 110-11, a xeroxed page hand marked up on oct 26  (my cousin’s birthday…my special cousin who had made me a cross necklace this year – God probably told him I needed help in that area). This paper was probably for a bible study – but I think I found it in a pew or in the choir loft…I had never heard of the author – but now see from the web that he has youtube videos and is about my age….

“Part of His [Christ’s] answer to how we are to have peace and be comforted is through the provision of the Holy Spirit, the other Counselor, who He promised would come once He left.” … in the xerox copy the words “the other Counselor” are squiggle underlined – someone really got some meaning out of this part.

“It makes sense that Jesus would say it’s to our advantage to have the ‘other counselor.’ After all, Jesus merely walked beside the disciples the Spirit would actually enter their human bodies. (John 14:17)” … the word “merely” was circled.

“The Spirit of God is in you; that is why Jesus said it was better for Him to go and the Sprint to come. Don’t walk away from this. Delve into it and let it impact you deeply, first internally and then outwardly.”

 

Boom – if God were bowling, I heard a strike in my head !

Those lines:   “Jesus said it was better for Him to go and the Spirit to come”  – “Jesus suffered a grueling death so that I could have the amazing gift of the Holy Spirit. How dare I take that for granted.”

….There is it – I closed my circle of matter – Holy Spirit (GOD) at the beginning predating the Big Bang – Jesus in the middle – Holy Spirit (GOD) here now.

….Don’t pigeon hole God anymore …

I am trying not to worry what form of matter He takes – that is really what matters.